Part Sixteen-
On Monday, I woke up feeling like crap. I had the biggest migraine ever and my stomach felt cramped. Everything seemed to be against me today. I thought a nice shower would make me feel better, but my hot water heater was broken, so all that came out was ice cold water. I had forgotten to do my wash and ended up wearing one of Angel's silk shirts I had looted from him and a pair of Faith's tight jeans. My hair frizzed because I was out of hairspray, so I looked frumpy. And, mind you, this was all before I went downstairs.
To be blunt, I was a bitch when I got downstairs. I was already late for school and would be lucky if I made it in before the bell rang. I whined and pleaded for Angel to let me stay home, but he told me no.
"You can't keep missing school, because then social services will get on my ass about it." He explained as he fixed Connor's breakfast.
"I don't care!" I shouted. "I don't feel good."
Angel just eyed me. "Isn't that my shirt?" He asked me.
"I forgot to do wash." I grumbled.
He chuckled softly and shoved some Pop tarts in my face. I let out a disgusted sigh and nibbled on them. They were the Wild Berry kind. I didn't like Wild Berry. I liked S'mores.
I jumped when I heard a loud crash come from the lobby. I stood up to go see what it was. Faith was staggering around the room, laughing, and knocking into things. Her makeup was smeared, her hair was mussed, and her shirt was ripped down the front. I went to her to steady her and I had to hold my breath because she reeked of cheap booze. There were red welts going down her neck and I looked closer to see that they were hickies.
"Good God…" I muttered when she swayed forward.
Angel took her from me and asked her, "Faith, where have you been?"
She only laughed, her eyes glazed and unfocused.
"I went partying…" She slurred happily, as if it were the resolution of the century.
"I'll bet…" I muttered, trying to comprehend what I was seeing.
She stumbled over herself and went sprawling to the floor.
"Oh my God…" I murmured as Angel and I went to see if she was alright. She was perfectly fine, passed out, but fine. I had to back away because she reeked of heavy booze and cheap cologne. Angel lifted her up and carried her to her bedroom. I didn't follow.
I could feel the minutes ticking by and I noticed I was an hour and a half late for school. In the meantime, I played with Connor. He was toddling around the kitchen, babbling baby talk. I chased him around the room, growling as if I were a monster. He shrieked with fear and delight as he ran from me. I could see him hiding behind the couches, his tiny red sneakers sticking out.
"Where's Connor?" I asked playfully loud.
I could hear him giggle softly. I snuck upon his and lifted him up, throwing him up and catching him. He laughed as I did it again and again.
"Isn't that adorable?" A low voice cooed from the doorway.
I looked up, startled. Willow stood with a paper bag in her arms, glaring at me. I didn't like the vibe I felt coming off of her. I put Connor on the couch behind me, so if she should attack, Connor will be out of harms way.
"All babies are adorable." I remarked quietly.
"Yes, I suppose they are." Willow mused, smiling coldly.
"Do you ever plan on having children, Willow?" I asked her then, curious.
Her eyes grew cold and distant. "I have no time for children."
"You seem awful busy, for someone of your age. I mean, you're what? Twenty-five? Twenty-six? You should be enjoying life." I mused.
"Life is a sham!" She exclaimed, angry. "You fight, and fight, and keep fighting! But, it rewards you nothing, nothing except an ugly death." She paused. "Life can be given and taken at an instants notice."
"That really isn't your call." I said slowly, wondering what was going on in her head.
"It could be anyone's call. If you have enough power, enough wisdom…you could do anything." Willow argued.
"No!" I told her. "No, it isn't up to you. You could have enough power to destroy the world and it still wouldn't be up to you. You don't get to play God!"
"God?" She asked incredulously. "God is the work of a fearful imagination. If there was a God, He would show mercy to those who deserve to live! He wouldn't make life so hard and demanding that she would want to die! It wasn't her time, it wasn't her place! She deserved so much, more than that shamble of a life she had! I could have given her everything, but they wouldn't let me!"
She was screaming now. I understood. She had tried to bring Buffy back and it had backfired. The whole thing had blown up in her face and she hated it. Hated that she couldn't help her friend.
"You tried to bring Buffy back." I said.
Her eyes flew to meet mine. "I did bring her back! She was alive again!"
"But, she wasn't the same. Was she?"
"She was Buffy and that's all that mattered!" Willow cried.
"No!" I snapped. "She was at peace and you ripped her out of that and turned her into some flesh eating shell of what she was!"
"She wasn't at peace! She was in hell!"
"How do you know?" I asked her. "You don't. You assumed and it all blew up in your face. You still can't deal with it. Get over it. Buffy's dead. She's gone and she's never coming back."
"Bite your tongue!" Willow snapped, walking to me. "This coming from you. A nothing. You have no past, no link to real humanity. You're a fraud, a replacement." She sneered.
I didn't know what she was talking about. I assumed she was babbling madly. I said nothing to her and she smirked. "When you finally find it all out, I will be there." She taunted. "I will be there, laughing. As you fall apart, as you break down and crumble, I will be there. Count on it." She sneered.
She ran into me as she walked away. Purposely! I stumbled slightly and resisted the very strong urge to go over there and slap some sense into the obsessive girl. I didn't. I turned back to Connor and smiled wide. He was crawling all over the back of the couch, pushing around a toy truck. I sat down and watched him play.
"Sometimes, you just have to ignore her." A voice said from behind me.
I looked back and saw strange looking man in the lobby. I stood up.
"Who are you?"
He smiled. "Down, girl! I'm a friend."
"Of whom?" I asked.
"Angel."
"Well… Do you want me to get him?" I asked.
He shook his head. "No." He was silent for a moment. "Willow wasn't always like this."
"Crazy and obsessive?" I asked, sitting back down.
"Troubled and bitter." He corrected. "She changed after high school. Got more into magic. More into the darker side of it. It seemed to take her over at times, make her a totally different person."
"You knew her?" I asked the man.
"I was in love with her." He answered.
"Oh." I said quietly.
"When Buffy died, something inside of Will broke. Sunnydale's savior was gone. It never occurred to her that maybe, just maybe Buffy was supposed to die. That she wanted to die. All Willow could see was that she was alone and that she couldn't accept that Buffy was gone. None of them really understood her; Buffy. She was different from the rest of us. Her life was sealed. Fight until you die. Buffy accepted it. Knew it would happen sooner or later. Hell, she probably wanted it too."
I said nothing. What was there to say?
Connor 'vroom-vroomed' across the carpet, paying no heed to the man or me. He was content and happy, that was all that mattered.
The man sat on the couch across from me. "Though, my love for Willow, will most likely be the death of me, I still have to say this. Keep your guard up when you're with her. Don't underestimate what power she has within her. She can raise the dead, destroy a town, and she can kill." His voice was sad and forlorn.
"Who are you?" I asked him.
"Oz."
Fitting name, I thought. Two simple letters. His hair was red, his eyes a deep green color. He was somewhat short, but I could sense something about him. It almost made me stand on guard, but something stopped me.
Rubbing my palms together slowly, I said. "You're not human."
"Not quite." He said with a small smirk. "But then, neither are you. Or half of the people in this hotel for that matter."
"Why is she targeting me?" I asked him. "What does Willow have against me?"
"You remind her of what she failed to do." And that was all he said.
He stood up, looking towards the back offices. He nodded at me, the corner of his mouth lifting slightly. "I'll see you around, kid." He said as a parting.
He was more than halfway to the halls when I realized I had been a fool and hadn't given him my name.
"Name's Anne!" I called after him.
He looked over his shoulder and nodded.
"I know."
Then he was gone.
These people kept coming into my life. All full of advice, but no answers. Most of them were all fighting the good fight, if there was such a thing. Oz was one of them.
I hoped I would see him again someday.
Soon….
*
Angel was busy all day, after he came down from Faiths' room. Whenever I went to talk to him, he seemed irritable and bad-tempered. I tried to avoid him and keep Connor out of his way. Angel kept going back and forth from his office to his room. He carried papers and was on the phone. When Connor got hungry, I carried him to the kitchen. I peered into the refrigerator and saw nothing substantial to eat. There were packets of cheese in the drawer, butter, stale milk, and mustard.
That was all the fridge contained. I sighed disgustedly. I made grilled cheeses for the both of us and washed our dishes when we were done. We needed food. This place could be lethal at dinnertime, I knew from experience. And, frankly, I was sick of take-out.
Deciding that there was no one but me to do this, I got Connor's stroller out of the closet. I grabbed my jacket and bundled Connor up. It was colder than usual outside. I didn't want him to catch a cold. I went to the lobby desk and scribbled out a note to Angel.
-Went to the grocery store. Took Connor. Cell is on.—Anne
"Where we goin'?" Connor asked quietly from his seat.
"To the store, buddy. Your Daddy forgot to buy food." I answered him as I pushed him along the sidewalk.
We only had to walk a few blocks to the store. It wasn't very rowed, but the women who were there shopping gave me strange looks as I pushed Connor around. I ignored them. I picked up some hamburger, rice, bagels, and bread. That was all I was going to get. I didn't have enough money to stock the whole hotel.
Approaching the cashier, I looked over and saw a few people I recognized from school. I didn't know their names, but I didn't like how there were all whispering amongst themselves while they stared at me. It made me feel uneasy. I paid for my thing and hurried out of the store. I had a bad feeling growing in the pit of my stomach.
*
Angel hadn't even noticed us gone, which was strange because he was always breathing down my neck about everything. I put Connor to bed and stood outside Angel's office.
"Damn, why wasn't I told about this?" I heard Angel demand to whoever he was talking to on the phone. "You have to tell me these things when you receive them, don't you understand that? It is my job to watch over Anne. My obligation and if anything happens to her, I don't want it hanging over my head.
I stepped away. An obligation? His job? That's all I was to him? I could feel my heart lurching in disappointment. My head was clouded with a numb sort of anger. And, here I had thought Angel genuinely cared about me. I stomped away from his door and slammed around in the kitchen for awhile, venting my anger into cooking. I made Spanish rice and cooked some garlic bread I had found in the freezer. Eventually, Angel strolled in and had the nerve to smile at me.
"Something smells good."
My lips twisted into a sneer and my eyes burned with hate. "Your 'obligation' has made dinner for the house. One less thing you have to worry about, right? I mean, we wouldn't want the burden hanging over your head."
Angel was quiet, his smile slipping away. "You listened in on my conversation." He said.
"Interesting what people say each other when the other isn't there, huh Angel?" I mused, scooping some of what I had made onto a plate.
"Anne, you don't understand…" Angel sighed.
"You know, I think I do." I said to him, my back turned on him. "But, I don't want to hear some excuse. I don't have the interest to listen to you try to defend yourself." I said, whipping around to face him. "That isn't part of the job." With that, I slammed the pot on the stove and walked upstairs to my room. He was the one person I trusted completely.
That was gone….
I was just a responsibility to him….
And that's all….