Part Twenty-One-

My eyes snapped open and I let out a short gasp. I blinked and looked around my room. I had fallen asleep around an hour ago and my heart was pounding heavily in my chest.

"Damn it." I breathed sourly, wrapping the blanket tightly around my shoulders.

I coughed and sniffled, my throat burning like I had swallowed hot coals. I had come down with the flu that was going around, and a bitch of a one that it was. I had had it for a week and it had shown no signs of letting up. I felt hot and clammy, my hair sticking to the back of my neck. I sat up, trying to ignore the dizziness that seemed to engulf me. I had been bedridden for two days now and I was pretty sick of it.

I couldn't tell what had woken me up, but I was awake and knew I wouldn't be falling back asleep anytime soon. I got out of bed, trailing my hand against the wall for support. I stuffed my feet into my new fluffy bunny slippers that I had gotten for Christmas, which had come and gone weeks ago. I shuffled into the kitchen and looked in my refrigerator. I had nothing to eat, unless I wanted to dine on some baking soda or soy sauce.

"How about not?" I croaked to myself.

I groaned and shut the door. I was starving! For the past few days, I could hold nothing down, but damn it, that was over and I wanted food!

"Anne?" A shaking voice whimpered from my doorway.

I looked over and saw Faith leaning against the doorjamb. She looked pale and was visibly shaking.

"You shouldn't come in, I'm sick." I said dumbly, then shook my head. "Faith, what is it?"

She held something in her hands, but I couldn't make out what it was.

"Faith?" I asked again, walking over to her. I took her arm and guided her inside, softly closing my door.

"I-I've been sick, ya know?" Faith started to ramble. "I didn't think it was anything. The damn flu's been goin' around. For Christ's sakes, you've got it!" She cried out, looking scared and desperate.

"Sit down." I said, taking her hand. "Take a breath. Tell me what's wrong." I said softly.

"I've been puking every morning and every night. I've felt sick to my stomach, I didn't think it was anything…" She looked at me. "I'm late.

"What?" I asked stupidly, then got it. "Oh. Ohhh… Are you…?"

She held out the object she held in her hand. It was a pregnancy test. I looked the small box at the end of the stick and saw a tiny pink plus.

"Does that mean you are?" I asked her gently.

She nodded and hiccupped. Her hands were shaking as she covered her face.

I didn't know what to do, how to help her. I rubbed her shoulder comfortingly. She felt cold and I assumed she was in shock.

"Faith, do you know who the father is?" I asked her gently.

She looked up at me. "That day, the day that I stayed out late, remember? It was a few months ago, right before you took off, before you tried to run away…"

"I remember." I said shortly, not wanting to remember that horrible night when I had briefly lost my mind.

"I went crazy that night. I was so torn up about Spike, I wanted to hurt him the way he hurt me. I wanted to get him back." Faith sneered, before deflating before my eyes. "I met an old friend at the club. I got way too drunk and I wanted the pain to stop." She paused and sighed tiredly. "I had sex with him. Unprotected and unrestricted."

"What's his name?" I asked her.

"Bryan Andrews. I met him a few years ago, we became close, but then Spike and I…" She sighed again. "What am I going to do?"

"Do you want the baby?" I asked her, trying to help.

"I don't believe in abortion." She said looking at me. "And, I don't think I have the strength for adoption." Her eyes were sad, yet she had this glow about her, something I had not noticed until now.

"You'd be a great mother, Faith." I smiled at her. "And, I'm sure Connor would love a cousin."

A slow, happy smile spread across her face and she wrapped her arms around her stomach. "I'm gonna have a baby…" She said in realization. "I'm gonna be a 'Mom'…"

I smiled at her, grabbing her hand. "You're gonna be a Mommy!" I squealed.

She nodded, her eyes happily tearing. We were silent for a few minutes, each lost in our own thoughts. She looked at me then, her eyes holding shadows of doubt.

"Can you not say anything to the others?" She asked. "I mean, not yet. I don't want anyone else to know yet. I think I need to get used to this before I worry about telling Angel…and Spike."

I nodded. "Of course. It's not my news to tell." I shrugged and patted her hand. "It's our secret until you want to tell." I smiled at her.

She nodded, getting up off of the chair and tossing the pregnancy test in the trash. "Thank you, Anne." She said without turning around. I could hear tears in her voice. "You don't know how you being here helps me." She paused. "It gives me another chance."

"Another chance?" I questioned, an inquisitive smile on my face, "What are you talking about?

She turned my way and rolled her eyes. "Nothing. Gotta be the hormones talking or something, right?" She shrugged her shoulders and walked out.

I shook my head and sighed, too emotionally drained o question anything any further. I fell back into the chair and closed my eyes.

I was tired…

*

//In front of me stands a tall, gloomy mansion. The sky behind it is a deep purple, telling me sunrise is near. Somebody walks next to me as I walk through the doorway, but I can't tell whom. My steps are brisk and my heart is pounding as I walk the length of the Great Hall.

I run into a room adjoining the courtyard and immediately sense vampires. I draw my stake from the belt of my jeans and start fighting. I stake one and behead another from the sword I didn't even know I was carrying. I see movement from the corner of my eye, but I don't know what. The vampire I am fighting is tough and I'm struggling to fight him.

I block a kick from his and turn around, punching him square in the jaw. I'm able to punch him again and he falls on his back. I straddle the vamp and slam my stake into his chest.

He's dust.

A bright light illuminates everything from behind me. I whip around and see a man pulling a sword from a statue. The man turns around, twirling the sword around in his hand before looking at it almost lovingly.

It's Angel…

No, not Angel.

Angelus.

I scramble to my feet and grab my own sword. I take a fighting stance, facing Angel, and he follows my lead.

A dark, slick smirk stretches his lips. "You almost made it, Buff." His eyes are dark, there's no light in them.

I grip my sword tighter, tilting my head. "It's not over yet."

Angel chuckled. "My boy Acathla is about to wake up. You're going to hell."

I exhale and breathe softly, gritting my teeth. "Save me a seat." I thrust my sword at his chest and he blocks it turning like a dancer and shoving his at me. I easily block it, my heart racing.

The blades of our swords clash almost musically and I duck from his arching swing at me. He's facing me again and our swords swish through the air as we take turns attacking and evading at each other. Angel tries to catch me by whipping his sword at me. I spin to the side, narrowly escaping the glittering blade. I jump onto the table and swing the blade at his head, but he ducks and tries to slash at my legs. I jump over him, tucking and rolling as I land on the cold, stone floor.

I climb to my feet, my breathing labored as we trade swing after swing, the blades meeting with harmonious clangs. Again, Angel tries the arching swing, but I manage to roll away and he catch my arm with the tip of the blade.

"Ahh-h!" I cry out, feeling the skin tear and the blood trickle.

He takes my pain as a distraction and holds his sword up high. He brings it down and I roll, again, out of the way and onto the floor, wincing inwardly as he smashes a ceramic bowl. I kick at the back of his knees and he buckles to the floor.

I don't want to kill him…

Angel climbs to his knees and swings at me, his blade blurring with his speed. I'm able to knock his sword into the table and it embeds into the wood. Angel comes at me, backhanding me fiercely. I stagger away as he pulls out his sword, whipping it at me. I block it and kick him in the abdomen. Angel doubles over and I jump over him, raising my sword. He kicks out from the floor, hitting my arm, the sword clattering to the ground as I stumble back.

I stagger out into the terrace, the sunlight filtering through the dead leaves. Angel follows me as I fall to my knees and get back up again. I find my sword and block as he thrusts his toward me. I spin, my sword slicing the cold air and he blocks it once again. The jarring motion makes my hand fall limp, the sword clattering away. I scramble to get it, but Angel stands on it, kicking my hands away. We stand there, facing one another for one silent moment before he spins like a ballot dancer and smashes his elbow into my jaw.

"Ugh!" I whimper as I land on a stone bench, the force of my frail weight making it crumble beneath me.

I fall back into the wall and my head slaps up against it. My vision blurred as I look up at Angel. He's toying with me, twirling the blade near my face, grinning all the while.

I can hear reverberating noises coming from the hideous statue.

"Now, that's everything, huh?" Angel asks, with mocking concern. "No weapons… No friends… No hope." He ticks off, his eyes boring into mine.

My eyes slid close and I stiffen, ready for whatever comes next.

"Take all that away…" He murmurs softly. "And what's left?" He draws his sword back.

I can feel the shift in the air and clap my hands together, catching the blade between my hands, only mere inches from my face. My eyes open and I look up at him.

"Me."

I thrust the sword back at him, hitting him in the face with the hilt of the sword. Angel stumbles away from me and I jump after him, kicking him in the chest. Taking his distraction for granted, I find my own sword and swing at him. He blocks and falls to his knees again. I jump up and spin a roundhouse kick to his chest and he collapses.

His sword is now nowhere to be found, he's defenseless. I slam my knee into his chin and his head whips back, hitting the statue. I raise my sword, ready to decapitate him.

I don't want to hurt him!

I stop in mid-swing as Angel gasps loudly, his head jerking upwards. He groans in pain as his eyes glow red to gold from within. He then looks up at me, but then falls to his hands and knees, crying. My heart flutters in my chest as he looks up at me again, his eyes shining with tears.

"Buffy?" He murmurs, his words slurring. "What's going on?" He asks in a daze as he chokes back a sob.

I am on the guard. He just tried to kill me…he wasn't the Angel I knew. But now…his eyes aren't so dark and are fill with…light. He looks around and lurches to his feet.

"Where are we?" He asks. "I-I don't remember." He stammers.

It's Angel, oh my God, it's Angel…

I lower my sword and hear it fall to the ground. I hesitantly step toward him. "Angel?"

"You're hurt." He murmurs, pulling me to him and looking at my arm. He embraces me tightly, his arms strong and his breath in my hair. "Oh Buffy… God…"He murmurs into my neck. "I-I feel like I haven't seen you in months."

I let out a deep sigh and collapse in his arms.

"Oh my God, everything's so muddled. I…"Angel trails off. "Oh." He mutters, kissing my neck. "Oh, Buffy."

I start to cry, burying my head into his shoulder. I hold him tight to me and just cry. I hear something strange and open my teary eyes. I stare into the stone eyes of the stone demon. Its' face shifts, its' eyes widening and its' jaws opening. A swirling portal comes out of the monsters mouth. As it swirls in deep red colors, it widens. I let go of Angel and look into his eyes.

"What's going on?" He asks, confused and baffled.

I smile wearily. "Shh-hh. Don't worry about it." I trail my fingers across his lips and up his cheek. I lean forward and kiss him gently.

He kisses me back and the sparks between us grow. I pull away and look into his eyes.

His blood… His blood closes the portal.

"I love you."

He looks happy and confused. "I love you."

Tears grow in my eyes and I try to smile. "Close you eyes." I whisper as I nod and brush my fingers to his lips.

He closes his eyes. He listens to me.

I try not to cry, oh God I try. I kiss him again and then I step back. I find my sword and step back, rearing the sword as I go. I thrust it forward and plunge it into his chest, hearing his skin tear and his breath leave his lungs. His eyes open in pain and he just stares at me.

Don't look at me!

I stagger back, my eyes drawn to the sword in his skin. He just stares at me, so confused.

"Buffy…" He murmurs as he reaches out to me, his eyes pleading.

The portal grows and then shrinks a crackling sound filling the air. He still holds his hand out to me as the portal swallows him up, closing forever and leaving the statue behind. I stare at the spot where Angel stood.

Unbidden tears escape my burning eyes and I realize what I have just done.

Oh God, no…

He's gone.

No!

Angel's gone and I killed him…

NO!!!//

*

"NO-O-O-O!!!"

I awake with a scream spilling from my lips. Tears wet my cheeks and still I scream. All I can see his the horrendous statue in front of me. The portal, the clash of swords, Angel's betrayed gaze boring into my mind. It's all in my head and that's all I still see.

Somebody grabs me from behind and I whip around in their arms.

It's…

It can't be…

Angel!

I throw my arms around him, sobbing and mumbling incoherently. He holds me tight and my shoulders heave as I cry.

"I killed you, I killed you, I killed you…" I sobbed into his neck.

I can feel him panicking as he holds me. His hands rub my back and he holds me close.

"Shh, I'm here. I'm here." He murmurs to me.

"I killed you!" I gasped as I pulled back to look at him. My hands trailed down his face. "I killed you."

"Anne, no. I'm here." He said, shaking me slightly to break me out of my trace.

Thoughts race in my head, jumbling together as scene after scene of that terrible dream flash through my mind.

//Close your eyes…I love you…Acathla…Save me a seat…//

I shake my head and bury my face into his shoulder. Angel continues to rub my back and whisper in my ear. I sit like that, curled around him until the dream seemed to fade and I became aware again. I pushed him away softly and got up, shoving my hair from my face.

"I'm sorry." I muttered, my voice raspy, walking into my kitchen and filling a glass with water.

I rubbed my tear-swollen eyes and gulped the water down. Angel walked into the room and leaned against the wall. We looked at each other and I remembered his eyes, so dark, so empty. I shut my eyes and exhaled harshly.

"Are you alright?" Angel asked gently.

I shook my head. "No, no. I'm not alright." I felt antsy, I needed to do…something.

I set the empty glass down and strode into my room. I put a sweatshirt over my tank top and slid on a pair of jeans, not caring whether or not Angel got a flash of leg.

"What are you doing?" Angel asked, becoming protective.

"I need to move. I need to stop thinking. I'm going out to slay for a little while." I said, grabbing a stake from my drawer.

"Let me come with you." Angel offered.

"No." I shook my head. "I can't be with you…the dream…" My voice started to crack. "I need to be alone. I'll be fine." I said, impulsively running my hand down his cheek before I ran out of the room.

When I get to the bottom of the stairs, I shove my feet into my sneakers and ran out the door.

The city outside is quiet and dark. Most are asleep and for that I am angry. I need to move! I need to forget that horrible dream. Unwanted thoughts and images run through my mind.

//AngelusAngelBuffyCloseYourEyesILoveYou//

"Stop!" I grit out, trying my damnedest to clear my mind.

I start to run, the cold air hitting my face. I can hear my footfalls echoing on the empty streets. I can feel the vein in my neck throbbing, my lungs expanding with air. My injured leg starts to throb and I dimly remembering I'm not supposed to be running.

//"You still don't understand your part in all of this, do you? You are not the hunter…you are the lamb."//

The wind streamed through my hair as it whipped each and every way. The moon wasn't close to being fill, but still its' sliver light shined down on me, making me appear as if a ghost. My breath formed little clouds with every gasp.

Run, run, run. Don't think, don't think, don't remember. Don't analyze it, don't question it, and don't think about it!

//"I want to do the same thing you do. To kill them. To kill them all."//

Voices, images, memories that were not my own. It was happening again. Just like when Angel had kissed me. A flood of tastes, smells, flashes, and recollections that I had never had before. Voices I had never heard—an old, raspy voice filled with death. Another voice, so suspiciously like Angel's, but he had never said those words to me: never.

"God, I'm going crazy…" I murmured to myself, leaning against a cold brick wall.

"Kid, insanity is that last thing you've gotta be worryin' about." A familiar, sarcastic voice barked out to me.

I looked to across the sidewalk and felt my lips curl into a sneer. "You."

"And, you." It was Whistler. "You're lookin' a bit worn 'round the edges, kid."

"Really? How can you tell?" I rolled my eyes.

"Hey, put down the hackles. I'm here to help." He said.

I snorted. "Like last time, when you took me to that brothel? Do you know how pissed off Angel was?"

"That man is much too overprotective." Whistler sauntered on over. "What's goin' on?"

I rubbed my temples and sighed. "If I had a clue…I wouldn't be standing here, ready for a nervous breakdown."

"You're remembering?" He asked me.

"Remembering what?"

"Memories that ain't yours. Things you know, but have never lied through." Whistler asked, taking my arm and walking with me.

"Yes." I nodded. "They're getting so intense. At first, it was just a tiny flash, now it's full blown conversations and recollections." I paused. "I hate this. I hate that this is happening to me. God, I hate it!" I yelled.

"I know ya do, kid, I know ya do." Whistler said, putting his arm around me.

"Can you tell me anything? Can you tell me what I'm remembering? And, why?" I asked, almost desperately.

Whistler shook his head and looked genuinely apologetic. "You know I can't. We never can. It's up to you, Anne. You just gotta get through them. I promise everything will work out."

"When? When will I know?" I asked him.

I had spent my whole life in the dark. I was so close to discovering the truth, so close…

"Soon." Was all he said as he led me home.

*

The Hotel was still dark when I entered it. Everyone was still asleep and I was alone. I trudged up the stairs, trailing my fingers along the wall as I walked. My head felt heavy and my eyes burned. A single phrase kept echoing in my ears.

//"Close your eyes."//

I kept picturing Angel's tortured face, his hand reaching toward me, his eyes pleading, begging me to save him.

"God…!" I gasped, a sob choking in my throat.

I leaned again the wall and slid down, sitting in the middle of the stairway. Tears ran down my face and I started to cry. I don't know why this dream—memory—hurt me so much. But it did, it tore right at the depths of my soul.

I put my hands over my face and leaned into my knees. I couldn't breathe; I couldn't feel anything except this soul wrenching pain.

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry…" I gasped out to no one.

Sobs wracked my body and I silently cried.

I hated this, God, I hated this!

I sat there for a long time, even after my tears ran dry, watching Angel die over and over again in my mind.

//"I love you."//

"I'm sorry Angel."

//"Close your eyes."//

"God, I' so sorry…"

And, still I sat, torturing myself with this memory of a dream. A dream more realistic that my own memories. A dream that hurt me to no end and made me want to just lay down and die in midst of the pain.

And…still I sat.

To Be Continued...