SOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRYYYYY! This chapter took a little longer than expected; I'm sick and through sneezing, coughing and generally feeling icky, I seem to have lost the ability to a) Concentrate, and b) Spell. Moving on as I continue to look for this mysterious place called Tahoe, you can all send your birthday wishes to me, for I turn 18 on Friday – yay me. As I also seem to have lost the ability to be remotely funny (not to mention the fact that because of this cold I sound like a 15-stone Rugby player from Grimsby) I'll just stop babbling and let you read the damn chapter. Bah.

Chapter Thirteen: Tears and Reflections

Estel looked away, his cheeks burning. Climbing back to his feet, he wrapped his arms around his slim torso self-consciously and walked past him, his shoulder brushing against the other's arm. He froze. His stomach lurched at that single touch and a shudder ran down his spine. Glancing back momentarily, he trudged on a few more steps.

"Estel?" He heard his friend softly bid.

The dark haired youth paused, but didn't turn to meet his gaze.

"We should move on swiftly, the others probably heard me…" He trailed off uncomfortably.

Legolas watched him anxiously, his heart thumping hard in his chest. He was shaking, shoulders hunched, covered in dirt and blood that wasn't his. He'd spotted Carinyc's body as soon as he had come across his friend, and his heart had lifted. Not anymore. The fair elf could plainly see the scratches on his body, and that half his clothes had been ripped off him.

"Are you-"

"Come on, master elf, I am sick of the sight of these trees, let's go." Estel continued, taking a further step.

"Estel-" He began gently once more.

"Legolas, you are slowing us down."

"Stop, Estel."

"Come on!" He replied, his voice exasperated.

"Nay, you are-"

"Just… leave it, Legolas." The human turned to face him, but stared at the ground.

The elf gazed at him ruefully, a sense of dread swallowing his soul. He sighed, and trod tentatively toward the trembling figure, biting his lip awkwardly. They stood in silence for a moment and he watched the rise and fall of Estel's bloodstained chest, the visible quiver of his body and the flush in his cheeks. His eyes trailed down and he noticed his unbuttoned trousers and the deep vicious scratches that disappeared beneath his waistband.

"Don't look at me like that." Estel murmured.

"I am worried about you." He replied earnestly, trying to meet his eyes.

"It was an accident."

Legolas frowned. "What?"

"I-I didn't even realise it was even in my hand. I didn't mean to kill him."

"That is not what I am worried about." He spoke softly. "Did Carinyc… did he hurt you?"

"This is his blood, not mine."

"I can see that." The elf replied uncomfortably. "Please answer my question."

Estel didn't reply, his eyes welling up involuntarily. Rubbing his neck, he didn't spot Legolas move in front him. The elf placed his palm softly against his cheek. He snapped away from his thoughts and leapt out of Legolas' reach, his heart racing like never before. His reaction had shocked them both. The younger being felt the heat rise to his cheeks again and his hands shake more violently. He was ashamed and it scared him as much as it hurt Legolas. He felt his hand rest gently on his shoulder; the elf was shaking as much as he was. Estel closed his eyes, trying as hard as he could to stop his stomach lurching, to get Carinyc's face out his mind. His breathing quickened and he clamped his eyes tighter, biting his lip. Legolas looked down at him, his own lip trembling at the boy's reaction, and recoiled his hand.

Estel glanced up at him for a moment. "I'm sorry." He whispered apologetically. "I just can't."

"There is nothing to apologise for, little one. Do not be afraid to talk to me, I am always here." The elf replied softly, but his anger and disbelief at the men boiled inside him.

He nodded, flinching as Legolas placed his thick tunic over his shoulders, but welcomed the reprieve from the cold. Pulling it on, he glanced at his solemn faced friend, and felt a little less vulnerable now that his injuries were no longer visible.

"Why did you get another layer?" He asked quietly, but there was a slight humour in his voice.

"Shana insisted, it was on me before I even realised what had happened." Legolas replied with a small smile, desperate to raise his spirits as much as possible.

The elf looked down at the human's body, he was face down and a pool of blood had formed beneath him. He bit his lip; he had to do it, but knew Estel wouldn't react well. Leaning down, he turned Carinyc onto his back and unbuckled his belt.

"W-What are you doing?" He heard a shaky voice ask.

He paused, glancing at his wide-eyed companion, and sighed. "We need his weapons. To continue unarmed is suicide."

"I-I can't wield his sword. I just can't."

"You will not have to unless we have no other choice. But we must take them if we are to stand a chance." Legolas explained calmly.

The younger being nodded, but his silver eyes were reluctant and tearful. He froze, looking to the elf, who was equally still. Someone was nearby. He pulled the belt from the still corpse and followed Estel, who had bolted to the safety of the dense branches of a tall oak tree. They sat in a deadly silence and Legolas watched his friend as he rubbed his temples wearily, trying to clear his swimming mind. They listened as the footsteps grew louder and it was clear that whoever it was, was now where they had been seconds before.

"Oh, Carinyc, you fool." The voice said with a grim humour.

It was Donvan.

Legolas didn't flinch but continued to watch Estel, who was now resting his head on his knees with his hands on the back of his neck. He was tired of this; the elf could see it in his body language, weary of life. Legolas felt so helpless, so guilty. Even if they did manage to get back to Rivendell, he doubted Estel would ever really recover from this.

Donvan knelt beside the body, and traced his fingers over the splinters sticking out of his chest. He smirked and shook his head.

"Nice touch, Estel, nice touch." He laughed coldly. "I think we've underestimated this boy so far, don't you think? You just saw him as an easy target, a plaything." His dark eyes scanned the ground, spotting the signs of the struggle and the sodden tunic at the bottom of the shallow ditch. "It looks like your filthy lust is what cost you your life. Did you get what you craved?"

The fair elf's eyes flickered at his friend, watching as his drained face became stony and unreadable. The shutters had come down, but Legolas suspected it was only a matter of time before he cracked. He did the same himself; he guarded his emotions from everybody, but it was a very lonely world, and he doubted Estel could cope alone.

"My head tells me I should mourn for you, rue losing one of my companions, but my heart tells me you deserved it. It seems I underestimated him too, he escaped your clutches and he is in danger of escaping mine." He muttered lowly to himself.

They listened in the tree, and heard the human stalk off into the distance. Both visibly relaxed and Estel shifted from his uncomfortable sitting position and moved a little closer to his friend.

"What do we do now?" He asked quietly.

"They will search north, on the assumption that we will seek the direct route home." Legolas replied.

"And we mean not to?"

He shook his head. "We have some unfinished business."

"With Roi and his family? Legolas, they betrayed us but I wish no ill on them. Can we not just leave them and try and escape from this nightmare?" Estel pleaded anxiously.

The blonde elf smiled and couldn't help but feel warmed by the child's still gentle spirit. "Peace, little one. We are not going to hurt them, nor threaten them. I simply wish to claim the horse I was promised."

"You're going to steal their horse?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Borrow. We'll return him when get back to Rivendell."

"If."

"When." Legolas corrected firmly.

* * *      

They shifted in the undergrowth silently, their boots hanging over their shoulders to make their steps lighter. Mist was slowly building around the bases of the trees as dawn drew slowly nearer, and aided their cover. It was a quiet journey in all respects, the forest was silent and Legolas' calculations of their enemy's movements were seemingly correct. Estel was also quiet and simply followed the elf's instructions, nodding at his constant question about if he was alright. Reaching the edge of the woods, they stared up at the looming houses at the top of the hill warily. As Legolas had suspected, the soft glow of candles radiated from the windows; they were still awake. They stayed low and scurried up the slope quickly, their footprints from the hours before were still apparent in the soft earth. Carefully, they moved to the back of the house, and crept into the rickety stable. Legolas swiftly tended the large beast, stroking the silky brown mane tenderly, whispering Elvish soothingly into his ear as Estel readied that saddle.

The door creaked, and they turned to see Roi and Shana standing a few feet away. He wielded one of his long knives but immediately relaxed a little at the sight of the pair, though he was still clearly wary.

"I thought you were-" Roi began.

"Dead?" Estel cut him off sharply.

The blond human looked down ashamedly. "I am sorry for my son's actions, he can be beyond foolish at times. But that is no reason to steal from us now."

"We are simply taking you up on your offer. You said we could take him before, surely you owe us him now?" Legolas replied sternly, his distrust surfacing once more. "After all, you almost cost us our lives."

"Of course, Legolas, young Estel, we are truly sorry." Shana apologised solemnly. "Please, come into the house and recuperate, you both look exhausted."

"No, we must move swiftly and we would not risked drawing them close to your family again. But we are grateful of your offer." The elf smiled, soothed by her kindness.

"Actually," Estel spoke up. "Would you mind if I washed? My bandages are filthy and I should clean my wounds."

The red haired woman nodded, her face a picture of concern. "You poor lamb, you are injured further? Come, I will soon fix you up again." She knelt beside him and pushed a lock of ebony hair behind his ear.

He flinched out her reach as subtly as possible. "I thank you, but I would prefer to treat myself."

"You are just a child, how can you-"

"His father is a skilled healer." Legolas explained. "Go, Estel, we need to move quickly."

The grey-eyed human smiled in appreciation of the elf's intervention and disappeared from the stable. Legolas watched him leave ruefully, before meeting the couple's gaze.

"Has something happened to the lad?" Roi asked quietly. "He has always been jumpy, but he seems even more…"

"I don't know." The fair being replied truthfully. "Just give him some space, his spirit is fragile. He needs to be with his family."

"He threatened my son - one of the men who came; he spoke of Estel in a way that chilled my blood. Please do not tell me he has…" She trailed off sadly.

Legolas stared at them, his blue eyes tinged with fear and grief. "We were separated." He began softly. "When I found him again, the man who threatened Kaimin was dead and Estel was… he was there, shaking, bleeding… absolutely terrified. Half of his clothes were torn from his back, his trousers were undone and it was clear that he had been interfered with to some degree. How far it got, I don't know. But I am worried about him, he is bottling it up."

Estel stood in the candlelight, staring blankly at himself in the mirror. The dark wash of filth and mud was gone and he stood in the room naked, his hands moved down to his thighs and he winced. Bruises from where Carinyc had held him were already forming; a sore handprint marked his slim hips and his lip quivered. He hissed at the tender scratches below his bellybutton, grimacing at all the bruises. Leaning into the looking glass, he gazed at his gaunt face, his eyes were red-rimmed and lips swollen. He touched them and felt the revulsion grow inside. He washed his mouth out again and again, but could not get rid of the taste.

He could still feel Carinyc on him.

His tongue against his.

His hands caressing in his skin.

His rough groping.

There was a love bite on his neck. Running his quivering fingers over it, he cringed and rubbed it violently, desperately trying to make it disappear.

Pulling his trousers back on gingerly, he did up the button even though it scraped against the sickening scratches. He looked back in the mirror and the repulsion grew until he could no longer look at himself. His reflection disgusted him. His cheeks burnt with shame and he wrapped his arms around his body, trying to comfort himself. It wasn't working. Estel closed his eyes, tears rolling down his cheeks. He felt so humiliated. It ran through his head again and again, the fear, his touches, the feelings heightening each time.

The sudden grasp around his hips terrified him, his eyes launching open. He spun around and lashed out instinctively, his heart thrashing in his chest. He panted and looked to the ground, his eyes widening when he saw the small form of Yolanda crying on the floor. Staring at her in horror, he dropped to his knees beside her.

"Oh, by the Valar, I'm sorry." He gibbered. "You scared me. Yolanda, forgive me."

Kaimin burst in to see the scene before his eyes. Anger bubbled inside and he pulled Estel roughly away from her, shoving him to the floor.

"You think you can hurt my little sister?" He growled angrily, overpowering Estel, pinning down his arms.

"It was an accident!" He gasped apologetically. "I'm sorry, she startled me. Get off me!"

"What kind of person hits out at a child?" Kaimin asked.

Estel felt sick. He couldn't move. Kaimin was too strong. He kicked out and writhed under his grasp but couldn't break free. Panic rose within him. Not again. His heart thumped in his chest. Lungs screaming.

"Get off me!" He screamed anxiously.

The blond teenager looked down at him with alarm, but held him down tightly. The younger human closed his eyes, tears of horror streaming down his face. He began muttering under his breath, words firing so quickly that Kaimin didn't understand. Memories flashed before his eyes. This wasn't happening.

"Don't do this!"

The trio froze. Estel's terrified shrieks echoed through the house. Legolas tore up the stairs before the others could even blink. His feet pounded against the wooden steps as he heard another panicked squeal. Storming into the small room, he grabbed hold of Kaimin's collar and swung him backwards, slamming him into the wall. He pulled out Carinyc's small knife and held it close to the shocked boy's face, venom running through his veins, eyes glowering.

"If you ever do that again, I will cut your throat." He spat furiously.

Flicking the blade back into his belt, the elf let go of him and turned back to his friend. Estel lay on his side, trembling, trying to calm himself. Tears streaked across his face, his silver eyes squeezed tightly shut. Curled into a foetal position, his hands clamped over his eyes, his ragged breaths making his battered body shake even further.

"Don't do this. Don't do this. Don't do this." He muttered so quietly that only Legolas could hear him.

The elf watched him and knelt beside the hysterical youth. He didn't know what to do. He was afraid to touch him in case it scared him even more. The sight before him broke his heart. 

 "Don't do this. Don't do this. Don't do this. Don't do this." Estel continued to mumble, a cold sweat forming on his newly bandaged body.

Roi and Shana watched in dismay, and Legolas waved them out delicately. They both nodded and ushered their weeping daughter out of the room, shutting the door behind them. The fair being ran his hand through his hair, and took a deep breath. He ran his hand softly along his arm, thankful that Estel didn't seem to flinch at his touch.

Whispering soothingly in Elvish, he rested his hand on his friend's head, stroking his temples tenderly until he felt Estel relax a little.

"Peace, little one." He murmured. "You are safe. I won't let any harm come to you.  Calm down, you are safe. It is over."

The dark haired boy blinked his eyes open a little, tears still trickling down his cheeks. He sat up, but didn't move from Legolas' grasp. Staring at him, his eyes bloodshot and swollen. Estel wiped his face, ashamed of his reaction, but met the elf's gaze once more.

"I cannot take this." He whispered. "I cannot take feeling like this."

He rested his head against Legolas' chest, his action surprising the elf. He could tell how frightened his friend was, and he quickly snaked his arms around him, kissing the top of his head. The boy's shaky breaths were hot against the elf's pale skin, and his tears soaked into his thin shirt. Legolas closed his eyes, murmuring peacefully as Estel sobbed uncontrollably.

This had to end.        

TBC…

Look! No cliffie! I'm kidding, the rest of the chapter is below the review replies.

Anime Elvengirl – Oh, but that precisely why I put so much suspense in my stories – physical torture is apparently illegal, so I get my kicks this way. ;-)

Lily the Mad Scientist – Mwahahahaha! Together, we shall rule the world! Well… not together obviously, that would ruin the whole vicious dictator thing, but everyone needs a right hand (left hand, I will burn all the righties at the stake) man. Woo, I think I'm high on Vix cold medicine…

Amanda McDonald – Aaw, thank you. Elrond will pop by when I'm ready, but will Legolas do in the mean time? He's not a pretty as Elrond, but well, he's pretty enough.

Grumpy – Yeah, I thought it was divine justice that Estel killed him. It wasn't really the plan, but I just went with it. Hehe, I like my Aragorn, you should pop down to a local Odeon, they've got loads of LotR Pepsi stuff, I want a legless Legless to go with my legless Aragorn now!

Darkphoenix – Ah, my cliffies are doing the job then ;-) Thank you, this criminal lark is a bit of a giggle. I was contemplating nabbing a big Gandalf from Blockbuster, but it's a maze to get out so I'd have to leap through the window, and as tempting as it is, death by Gandalf doesn't really appeal…

Leggylover03 – Hey, looks like there is a God. *Scratches off one thing Alice is determined to prove true or false before she dies* There are about five chapters left, so perhaps possibly if I don't change this to AU (I'm sick and grumpy so it's a distinct possibility) Imladris may come into the equation, but I ain't promising nuffin.

Jadelyn Rashwe – If you're not American, then you should be ashamed of yourself for using the term 'Geez'!

Arayelle Lynn – Of course I like torturing you, it's a giggle. Trust me, you wouldn't wanna read my mind, it's a scary, and rather confusing place to be, although Orli and Mr J Depp are always on my mind, so you can stop off there for light refreshments. Help is always at hand, buy my straight jacket and think of sheep…

Lady Melime – Temper?! Me?! Why you little… breathe, count to ten Alice… 1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9…Aargh, it's not working! Kidding, I don't have a temper really, just a strange sense of humour, and well, yeah.

Alex, Mistress of Random Rabies-Carrying Rodents – Nope, only you. My friends in I-raq have grenades and whatnot, they can beat your little overgrown rats any day of the week, except Tuesday s, it's their day off.

Maranwe1 – Yes, I am mean, but I am also nice from time to time. Do you see Donvan? Nope. Cos Alice is a lovely lady. Do you see a cliffy? Nope. Cos Alice couldn't think of one at the time. Yup. Oh, wait, apparently I'm sadistic if I'm nice, I just can't win can I? Right, cliffies all the way and everyone's going to die because of YOU.

Dragonfly – Quite possibly. You only tore your hair out because you are in fact a drama queen. It's good for the soul, but just for you, I neglected to include one this week. Mainly because the though of hair being ripped from scalps gives me the willies.

Nilbrethiliel – Do you know it took me 5 minutes to spell your name correctly in my present state?! *Rubs brain uncomfortably* Aaw, your review was so lovely! I'm sorry (but also glad) to put you in that position, cos it did the same to me, it was so emotionally draining to write and at least I know it affected someone. Aaw, I like you. I also own you… ooh, what to do with you? Mmm, the possibilities (in a non-sexual way!) Your comment about the scene being a masterpiece made me so chuffed that I went round with this big grin all day and scared my family!

Simbelmyn – Happiness? What is this happiness you speak of? Never heard of it, mwahahahahahaha.

Tithen Min – Go on then, Nuke me, I dare ya! I stole a nuclear bunker and found the weapons of mass destruction underneath a Merry-Go-Round! You can't kill me, I'll outlive the cockroaches! I don't get Irish politics, but if you want Bertie strung up, then so be it. I'll stick Madonna and Ms Spears up there too. When I find Tahoe, I'll poke you repeatedly with a biro, that'll show you!  

Betcha looked didn't ya! Hehe, you'll have to wait til next week.