Well, this long wait was fun for everyone wasn't it? Pssh. See, you write nearly 4000 words, and then you make up things like pssh because that helps the world. How is everyone? Did you all watch the superbowl thingy? Thought so. Well done to whatever team won whatever sport it was. Oh, and who the hell is suing for damages for the whole JT/Janet Jackson boob thing? Damages? What, did the excessively bad outfit Janet was wearing damage you, or the totally mundane dullness that is American sport cause mental damage through lack of stimulation? No offence, but Baseball and your "Football" is about as enthralling as watching Tony Blair playing chess with himself. Pfft. Oh, and talking of JT and Janet, what is with the banning Janet and only letting Justin collect his awards if he publicly apologised? Fuck that, Justin. Stick two fingers up at them and come to Britain where we can handle a brief flash of nudity and the only thing you have to apologise for is speaking against the 'all knowing, all powerful Oz' that is apparently Tony Blair and his joke of a government. God, I've just coughed up a big hairball of malice and discontent, haven't I? Oh well, I didn't get to rant in the last chapter, so it's built up. I went to see RotK again last week and some woman tried to attack me at the end. Hee. Well it is South London, what do you expect? This is the place where there's a sign outside a church that says: "Jesus, the Lord of the Kings: The Coming of the King" to entice the young folk in, and those watching the film sit there looking at Gimli, thinking 'Damn, Gandalf's put on weight.' Nuff said. There you go, I've insulted Americans, the Prime Minister and my own people. Wow, that's impressive, even for me.
Chapter Twenty: Family Ties
Elladan stared at him with a look that made the elf's heart ache. There was hurt and anger in his blue eyes, confusion, pain, and fury. Legolas knew that look; he'd seen it in Lord Elrond's eyes and his own.
"I must speak with you and my family immediately." He said sternly, passing the reins to one of the guards.
Legolas walked alongside him, struggling to keep his friend's blistering pace, Elladan's travelling cloak flapping behind him.
"What troubles you, my friend? What news is there?" The fair being asked, but he suspected he knew the answer to both questions.
"I found the family that helped you. They were relieved to know of your safety, the man, Roiderick, was even kind enough to help me bury the one who threatened his son, the one who hurt Estel." He turned to look at Legolas, eyes burning.
The elf paused, his blond locks fluttering as they stood at the doorway. "It was more than one man who inflicted those injuries." He said meekly.
"You know what I mean." Elladan said softly, his voice quivering a little.
"Oh." Legolas said uncomfortably, unable to think of something of any use to tell him.
"It is true then? I rode home, begging the Valar that he was mistaken, that he had misunderstood you."
There was an uncomfortable hush, and both elves stood a couple of feet apart, lips pursed and eyes averted.
"He had not."
The dark haired elf fell silent, clenching his jaw, biting back his tears. His grip on the door so tight, his knuckles were white.
"I'll kill him." Elladan growled. "I don't care if that Raenir man had nothing to do it, I'll squeeze the life from his veins anyway. Why didn't you tell me?"
"Estel was not ready for you to know and we respected his wishes."
They held one another's pained gazes, before the twin turned away abruptly and walked swiftly into the halls. Legolas followed behind, jogging to catch up. The warmth of the fires and the inviting aroma of the evening feast being prepared were lost on the two troubled elves.
"Find my brother and father, we need to talk." He ordered as they strode into the Hall of Fire, where the Gondorian party were gathered.
"They are over there, my friend, please, stay calm." The Mirkwood elf murmured. "Losing your temper will aid nothing."
Elladan didn't reply, and stood rooted to the spot, watching his little brother as he spoke with Gandalf. Sensing his presence, Estel glanced over and spotted the elf, a wide grin spreading across his face. Legolas smiled. There was genuine joy in the human's eyes.
The youngster ran toward them, his gaze firmly fixed on his newly returned brother. "Elladan! It is so good to see you!"
His foster brother said nothing, a faint smile, not of pleasure but rather badly concealed anguish. He knelt, so that he was shorter than the bruised boy, and placed his palm on Estel's cheek softly, before pulling him into a tight hug. Legolas watched them a little uneasily; remembering the human's earlier words, and noticed that his eyes were firmly shut. The elf broke away a little and rested his forehead against the boy's, his hands trembling with anger.
"He will pay." He whispered.
Estel tensed, his breath catching in his throat. His heart thudded anxiously, eyes widening. Glancing up at the fair elf nervously, he studied his features, unable to catch Legolas' averted gaze. That act alone told him what he feared. Rage boiled within him, anger at Legolas, mortified that another knew of his shame. Shrugging out of his brother's embrace, he backed a couple of steps away silently.
Elladan watched him sadly. "Why do you recoil? I am your brother, you need feel no embarrassment or hide your feelings from me." He murmured.
The hall fell a little quieter, a few heads had turned to watch the hushed scene, but most hadn't noticed.
"I hide nothing."
"Don't do this."
"You are mistaken, Elladan." He hissed irritably, his stomach tightening.
"Roiderick told me, Shana too." The taller being replied, raising his voice a little.
Estel held his gaze for a few seconds, his heart sinking. He felt tears welling in his eyes and heat rising in his cheeks. He willed his brother to stop talking. Stop humiliating him. Stop revealing his shame to everyone in Rivendell. This wasn't helping anyone. Elladan was angry. He could see it in his eyes.
"Leave it." The young human growled, his rage growing. "It is not your business, it is no ones but mine. You were not there; you trust the words of some stranger from the south but seek to disgrace your own brother. Only I know what happened, only I need to know."
"I want to know, nay, I deserve to know what happened for the precise fact that you are my brother!" The twin's voice was now almost a shout, and had drawn the attention of the whole room.
Estel scowled, and turned away, heading for the nearest way out. He didn't want to stay for a public argument, nor allow his sibling to say anything else. His cheeks burnt and he knew that they were pink like ripening cherries; his cheeks always went this colour at the slightest embarrassment. They were probably crimson now.
"Estel!" Elladan cried out, his voice pleading and helpless but still loud enough for everyone to hear. "Why do you turn your back on me? Can you not understand why I am so hurt? That man. the man I found in a ditch with a broken arrow in the heart. had his filthy hands on my little brother, my dear Estel, touching what didn't belong to him!"
Estel froze.
Eyes wide, he looked around the room. The Gondorians stood equally still, staring at him open mouthed, shocked. If his cheeks were not a deeper red than the blood that ran from his veins before, they certainly were now. He felt sick. Everyone was looking at him, trapped like a caged animal in their stomach-churning gazes. If ever he wanted to disappear, it was now. He wanted to run but his legs weren't listening. The silence was almost as humiliating as everyone watching him. Estel turned to look at his brother; his tall slim frame standing in front of him, unmoving like the elegant statues that stood around the halls. His face was solemn, regretful even, but his eyes still burned with questions.
"Elladan," Legolas hissed, switching to his native language to preserve some degree of discretion. "You have said enough, do you not also owe it to him now to hold your tongue until a more appropriate moment? You are not helping anything."
The ebony haired elf flinched as if he had suddenly remembered where he was. His youthful face was creased with an uneasy frown, eyes dark, flickering to the side to meet Legolas' scathing gaze. He nodded slightly though it was barely noticeable; his gaze trailed around the room and felt all the eyes on him. He stiffened, and turned back to face his young human brother, who stood motionless a few feet away. Estel was blushing, his shoulders hunched, hands trembling. Their eyes connected for a moment but the smaller being quickly looked away, ashamed, stunned or furious. It was impossible to tell, Elladan noted. Perhaps it was all three. Regret surged through the twin and he rushed forward to embrace him once more.
"Amin hiraetha." [I'm sorry] He murmured.
Before he could wrap his long arms around the boy, Estel shoved him away roughly, sending Elladan sprawling backwards.
"Speak not to me." He spat, tears rolling down his cheeks, before scampering out of the room.
The elven twin, startled at his reaction, moved to follow him, but a hand on his shoulder stopped him.
"I will go." Legolas said softly but icily. "You have done enough."
He disappeared in the same direction as Estel had, giving his friend a lingering glance to cement his current disdain toward him.
* * *
The silence was hard to bear. He knew the longer his father didn't utter a word, the angrier he was. The elven lord paced in front of him, looking to the stone floor, deep in thought until he sank into his leather chair. Elrond rubbed his temples with his pale fingers, closing his eyes. He looked weary, older even, his frown lines more pronounced than before. Elladan stood impatiently in front of him, full of regret and worry for Estel, but also with the need to know more. His twin entered the study; quietly shutting the door behind him and Elladan instantly felt his stare burning into him.
"Gandalf is kindly tending to our guests, though he would rather be here." Elrohir's voice was muted and a little shaky. "Legolas is with Estel in his bed chamber, he thought it best he spoke with him alone."
"I should be with him." Elladan muttered.
The sudden crash of Lord Elrond's fist on the desk made both of them jump.
"Do you realise what you have done?" His voice was calm, but his eyes told them he was far from that.
"I didn't mean to-"
"You humiliated him in front of strangers, but more importantly you humiliated him in front of his family and friends."
"He should feel no shame, it is not his fault." His son tried to reason.
"What he should and should not feel is irrelevant, you know this, do not try to feign ignorance on this matter, Elladan, it is tasteless and misplaced in these dark times. Estel is a child trying to understand the wrong inflicted upon him, trying to move on and escape the nightmare he has endured these past weeks." He scolded. "He should not feel ashamed but he does. Help him, do not hinder him."
Silence fell between them once more, thick and as uneasy as before. A few moments passed, though it felt like an age and eventually Elrohir broke the hush, clearing his throat loudly.
"Perhaps somebody would be kind enough to tell me what is going on?" He asked gently.
* * *
Legolas stood on the balcony beside him, gripping the elegant spindly rails tightly, words did not come freely to him and he remained silent, letting the evening sounds echo around them. The bluish grey haze of dusk settled upon the valley, and dark storm clouds loomed over the Misty Mountains, threatening to creep closer. A swift breeze bristled through the trees, forcing the yellowing leaves to depart from their branches and flutter purposelessly into the distance. It was a crisp evening; strangely calm between each gust of wind, subdued like many a day had become in these parts of late, but especially so tonight.
News had travelled fast. Whispers and hushed conversation flooded around them faster than a bolt of lightning in a storm, and the elf cringed.
"You don't have to stay." Estel said simply, voice composed. "I'm not going to throw myself off or anything." There was a pause, and the human moved from his friend's side, sitting on the timber bench at the left of the large balcony. "Even the dead have memories."
Legolas turned to look at Estel; his manner was calm and there was a bitter smirk on his face but it didn't disguise the anguish in his eyes. His eyes. They had emotion in them, and he hadn't seen that in a while, but he did not rejoice as he thought he would. The sadness in those big pools of silver sliced through the elf like a dagger in the heart.
"I knew this would happen." He muttered. "He hates me."
"Elladan does not hate you." The fair elf replied quickly.
"Then why did he do it?"
Legolas held his gaze, sitting beside him as the breeze sent his blond locks swirling in all directions.
"He was afraid, Estel. Receiving that news by himself from two strangers hurt him."
The dark haired boy shifted irritably. "And he thought he would repay me by humiliating me in front of everyone? Did you see them, Legolas? All staring at me, pitying me, laughing, gossiping. A good story to take back home for them, I bet."
"No one thinks that."
He snorted. "No? I am no elf, but I can hear them. Hushed discussion among those who probably cannot even remember my name, my father regaling those who I prayed would never know with all the sordid poison that Raenir tells him."
"It isn't like that, little one." He spoke softly, his blue eyes twinkling with the rising moon.
"Don't call me that, and do not treat me like a fool! I am neither and you know it!" Estel cried angrily, rising to his feet.
"There's no need to get angry. If you wish me not to call you that, then I won't, but I am not treating you like a fool." He remained sitting, watching the young human in the dwindling light.
"Stop it, Legolas!" He snarled, returning to the spot where the elf had found him. "I know Ada speaks to him everyday and I somehow doubt it is about the hospitality of elven imprisonment. You are the only one who I can trust to be honest with me, please do not turn your back on me now." His last words were barely a whisper. "What does he say about me?"
The fair elf remained silent, his heart thudding. Night had invaded the dell rapidly, the sun now a lingering red glow in the west that seemed to had taken the soothing mildness of autumn with it, leaving behind the bitter edge of winter to attack the last comfort left for the troubled child. He watched the stars emerge from their daytime hideaways, toying over whether he should speak the truth or try and soften Raenir's harsh words. He owed it to Estel to be honest, but once again, he could find no words to speak.
"Please."
Legolas looked to the boy he had once hated, but now felt the brotherly bond that he shared with Lord Elrond's other sons. His heart grew heavier, though he could not see his eyes; he knew the distressed pleading that was in them. It was probably the same look Carinyc had disregarded in the forest that night. Or found pleasure in. The elf turned away, his stomach lurching at the thought.
"What satisfaction could you find in that man's words?" He eventually managed to ask; though his voice was so quiet he wasn't sure he'd spoken at all.
"None probably." Estel admitted quietly. "But at least I'd know what my father thinks."
"What Raenir says and what Lord Elrond thinks are two very different things. Your father believes you."
"How can he believe me? I have told him nothing."
"Then he believes me."
"And what have you said? I have barely spoken a word to you either."
"I know enough. I remember Carinyc; I remember how he looked at you and the sickening worry I felt every time he even glanced in your direction. I remember finding you; I remember you in my arms that day, crying and scared. I do not need you to tell me the finer details to believe you and neither does your father or your brothers or Gandalf. or anyone." He replied sincerely.
Silence fell between them once more, the nightly noises of the elven refuge filling the void once more.
"Maybe I do not need to know for those reasons, but I still ask for you to tell me anyway."
"Why?"
"Because I need to know."
Legolas stared at him, unwilling to relay the barrage of lecherous claims they had been subjected to already. He had to do it. Closing his blue eyes, he nodded sadly.
"I will not inflict all the details upon you, and I cannot be swayed on that." He muttered. "Essentially, he says you got nothing you didn't agree to, that you-"
Estel smirked unexpectedly, a wry smile that couldn't disguise the hurt. "Were asking for it?" He paused. "He said the same to me." He continued, turning around to force Legolas to meet his gaze. "And you don't believe that?"
His tone was light, but transparent, his tightly clenched fists giving it away.
"No."
"Good." The young boy murmured, glancing away momentarily. "Do you go to him often?"
"Not really. I find it hard to keep my temper around him."
"And my father doesn't?" His voice was suddenly meek, anxious.
"Lord Elrond has more composure than I but it doesn't make it any easier."
* * *
A month passed, and an early winter had set in, the mornings frosty and air icy. Gandalf had left as he intended, the farewell uncomfortable in Estel's absence. He had said goodbye privately just before dawn, though that too was more than awkward and of little words. Rivendell was quieter than usual, and despite taking meals, although admittedly little else, together; Estel had not spoken a word to Elladan since their confrontation. It was not entirely out of hate, or anger, but the pair's inability to express regret. The elven twin could not find the words to apologise the way he wanted to, and the human simply couldn't find any at all.
Estel had become more distant, and was rarely seen between meals. He spent most of his time wandering the forests of Rivendell listening to the soft crunch of the leaves beneath his feet, or the twittering of the birds, disappearing into the dreamer he used to be. On occasion, he had found himself slipping out of the borders of the valley on the old paths he had taken. It wasn't the same. The childlike arrogance had deserted him and the painful vulnerability of being alone gnawed at him, disturbing the peace he had once found there. He had found a cave high in the side of the valley that allowed him to look down on the halls and shielded him from the icy northerly wind. It wasn't special, but it gave him the solitude he searched for and made his father's argument that he would catch a chill groundless.
It was another cold and windswept night, the rain battering against the windows miserably. Estel watched the trees sway and bend in the strong gusts, remembering how afraid he had been of nights like these. The candlelight flickered in the draught, the glow dancing over his features that had almost fully healed, and he heard the soft knock on his bedchamber door and the slight creak of it opening. He didn't need to turn around. It was Legolas. He always came an hour after dinner. His steps were silent and Estel didn't speak at first; he never did.
"I didn't see you at breakfast." The elf said quietly.
He always began with small talk, which usually bothered the human, but not tonight. He didn't want to talk about Raenir tonight.
"I was up at dawn, I couldn't sleep." Estel replied.
"Your studies are going well, I hope?"
"Yes, Ada lets me study privately now. I prefer that."
"You spend too much time alone." Legolas had said that for the past two weeks.
"I've always been a loner, my own company is sufficient." He always said that. It wasn't completely true but neither was it a lie.
"Your father misses you."
"I know."
Legolas nodded, used to that answer, and sat in the armchair opposite the window. "Have you spoken to Elladan?"
"Has he spoken to me?" He answered in the same casual manner as he did every night.
The fair elf didn't laugh like he usually did, and Estel turned around. Legolas' face was grim. Normally he smiled and made the young human smile before they talked seriously. It was an unusual routine, but being treated like an adult kept Estel sane.
"You are merry tonight." He smirked. "That cheer is infectious."
"Sorry."
He watched the distracted elf for a moment, frowning and moving to his usual seat on the bed.
"What has he said?" Estel asked softly.
Legolas looked up at him. "Nothing new. His constant lies and sniping are draining that's all. Elrohir joined me today for the first time and it really hurt him. I've never seen him so angry and so distraught at the same time. I just wish we could decide what to do with him."
Estel got up and returned to the window, pressing his forehead against the cool pane of glass. The strain had really begun to show on the Mirkwood elf, and now that he thought of it, everyone seemed more down than usual. He didn't like to see his family suffer over his problem. In the past fortnight, one idea had begun to dominate, and he had been gradually plucking up the courage to do it. He had to. To confront the last obstacle in his path. He didn't know what he would do when he was there, whether he'd speak or just listen.
"I want to see him."
The blond elf's eyes shot up.
"No."
"It's the only way."
"To hurt you further? I've watched some of the old Estel returning, the sarcastic comments squeezing back into conversation, emotion that was lost in your eyes reappearing. I don't want to lose that." Legolas hissed fervently.
"To stop this. To bring an end this ridiculous stream of venom that's slowly infecting us all." The dark haired human replied calmly.
"And how will you seeing him do that exactly?" His voice harsh and angry.
"I don't know." Estel admitted. "But he wants to see me so I'll give him what he wants and see what happens."
The taller being stared at him incredulously. "No."
"I can handle him."
"The same way you could the night his words almost killed you?"
"I'm stronger now."
"How do you know that?"
"Because you tell me everything he says every night and I am not dead, am I?" He growled irritably. "Please, Legolas, I need to do this whether it helps or destroys me."
"And if it destroys you?"
"Then it destroys me in one quick swoop rather than slowly driving me mad." Estel said softly but firmly.
Legolas felt silent, rubbing his temples tiredly before running his fingers though his long mane. "Please tell me you don't mean that."
"Five minutes alone, that's all I need."
"I can't. I will not expose you to him again."
"It is different now, I have the power, and I can walk away."
"You say that, but I've been down there with him, you stay and listen to his spiteful taunts even though you want to leave. I don't want the same to happen to you." He pleaded, moving so that he stood just inches behind him.
Another hush fell between them, as often did now; a flourish of words and rattled conversation followed by an awkward pause. Estel hadn't moved, his eyes were closed and he still rested against the window. Silently, Legolas' hands slid onto the human's hips and turned him around to face him. They stared at one another, faces inches apart, grey fading into blue.
"Please." Estel whispered, clasping the elf's face gently. "I want my life back."
Legolas clenched his jaw, and nodded reluctantly.
TBC.
Okay, this was meant to be longer and include the meeting, but that would have probably run to 6000 words+ and taken me another week to write, so I left a kind of cliff-hanger to wet your appetites once more. final chapter next week! Oh crap, I just read through the chapter. It's utter bollocks. Fuck it, I don't care anymore it's nearly midnight and I'm tired.
Tmelange - Hah, if I've done something remotely useful in this story, it's awakening a dormant emotion in someone. Thank you, you're very sweet! Let's ride the roller coaster one last time for the big dip. is it a dip? I don't know, I haven't been on a roller coaster since I was 10, this is my only excitement.
Dragonfly32 - Oh, I do apologise, the disturbing news wasn't as bigger a twist you'd hoped. I thought it was obvious what it was but maybe I'm wrong.or you're dense. Oh, that helps Alice; insult your reviewers, that'll make you popular. It's an undiagnosed form of Tourettes. honest
Leggylover03 - Yeah, I've kinda got into the habit of not much action and too much emotion.whatever. Emotions/fights, same thing in the end isn't it?
Girl with too longer a name - Oh, that's a shorter version of your name isn't it? Damn, Alice, you suck on kinds of levels tonight, don't you? This is slight schizophrenia. I don't if there is a healthy amount of sick pleasure but I'll do my best. And that's not a hint. (Honest)
Christul - Umm.here's the thing, I'm British and happy endings really aren't programmed into my system. I'll try, but healing takes a long time so can you do me a favour and imagine the next seven years of healing until my next story?!
Grumpy - Yes, I'm back, I've tended to disappear more times than Afghans in caves. ooh bad joke.
Tigerlily713 - Aaw, and you're lovely as ever. Can you tell I'm tired, I couldn't even think of a wisecrack in the last review. Aargh!
Hallagurthial - Wow. You say that a lot. Not that it's a bad thing, in fact it's quite good in this circumstance, isn't it? Oh god, I'm mentally ill!
Rae George - *sob* you like me, you really like me *sob* or not. it's hard to tell. ;)