Chapter Four — Who do you love?

Kai didn't say a word after his encounter with Tala. He stood leaning against a wall with his cold mask on once more. To the others, he appeared to be sulking slightly, to his teammates, he was annoyed and to Rei …

/Upset? Why would Kai be upset?/ Rei watched his captain and friend out of the corner of his eye while trying also to pay attention to something Mariah was saying. The other White Tigers were laughing, but when they noticed that Rei was not even smiling Mariah poked him worriedly. He turned his attention back to her and blinked.

"Sorry, Mariah, I zoned out a bit there."

The pink-haired girl looked over at Kai then back to Rei with a stony expression. "If you're so worried about him, why don't you go over there and talk to him instead of pretending you want to be here with us."

"Mariah, that's enough!" Lee growled at her, startling everyone. "Why can't you just leave it alone?"

"You expect me to pretend like there's nothing wrong, Lee? Pretend like I like him?"

"Yes, Mariah. I need you to respect the peace we have right now. Just let everything go for a night and enjoy being with your friends and teammates. Can you do that for me? Please?"

Mariah glared at him then sighed. "Sure. I should have thought of that earlier Lee. But you still shouldn't talk that way to me, even if you are —" Mariah's eyes widened and she cut off, clapping a hand to her mouth and glancing guiltily at Rei. Lee seemed to realise what she was going to say and blushed slightly and cleared his throat, he also avoided Rei's curious glance guiltily. Kevin and Gary turned their attention to the food to avoid being questioned.

Rei grew annoyed. "What's so bad that you have to keep something a secret from me?"

Lee looked towards Rei, but still couldn't meet Rei's eyes. "Well, it's not really a bad thing, but … uh … I wasn't sure how you'd take it."

"Take what?"

Mariah let her hands fall and she walked over to stand beside Lee. She held his hand in her own then looked up at Rei, happiness and slight wariness warring in her eyes. "We're betrothed, Rei."

Rei stared at his two oldest friends for the longest moment before breaking into a huge grin. "This is so great! You guys are really betrothed!" He let out a whoop that got everyone's attention then grabbed them in a huge hug. "I can't believe it, your getting married!"

Mariah and Lee looked shocked to say the least.

"You mean, you're all right with this?" Lee asked when Rei let go of them, looking at Rei intently.

"Sure, why wouldn't I be?" Rei was still grinning.

Mariah smiled and shook her head. "No reason, I guess, I just thought … well never mind, it was probably just an infatuation."

Rei looked a bit confused then shook it off when Mariah smiled at him again. "Wow, I can't believe it. We've got to celebrate and tell everyone!" Rei looked around and noticed, somewhat sheepishly, that everyone was looking at them and quite obviously already knew about the betrothal from Rei's exclamations. He laughed bashfully and scratched at the back of his head in a strange likeness of Takao. "Guess they figured it out all ready."

Everyone nearby laughed and moved in to congratulate the newly promised couple and the merriment rose quite a few levels.

Only one person didn't really join in one the fun, preferring to stand back and watch as events and emotions uncoiled with his stony crimson gaze steadily fixed on one figure.

***

"So you're okay with this?"

Rei smiled at his old friend. "Of course. How many times do I have to answer that question?"

Lee smiled. "As many times as I feel insecure." Lee looked over to where his pink betrothed was standing talking animatedly to Emily, Max and Kenny about the events of the past year. "Are you sure —"

"Lee, I'd be quiet if I were you." Rei sighed. "I think it was a childish infatuation, more on her part than mine. You saw that didn't you, and that's probably another reason why you felt so betrayed by me when I left. You always seemed to care more for her and she never saw that."

"She finally did." Lee's smile dissipated slightly. "Rei, my jealousy of you wore off a long time ago."

"I know, I'm just talking about how things were before. Mariah deserves to be with someone who loves her as much as you."

"And she wouldn't have had that with you?"

Rei looked down. "You love her in more ways than I ever could." He looked back up and smiled at Lee. "I'm really happy for you both. You deserve each other more than anyone I know."

Lee grinned, finally able to accept that Rei held no grudge against him. "Thank you, brother."

***

Leaning against a wall, eyes half-closed, Kai watched the scenes before him with apparent little interest.

It was in fact the opposite.

He took note of every vocal nuance and gesture in each conversation, storing away the information for later use. It was a habit of training he had picked up at the abbey. One of the more useful things he'd learned there.

Shuddering slightly, Kai turned his mind away from that train of thought and back to the original topic of his thoughts.

Rei.

Everyone thought they knew him, that they could read him, his emotions. To them Rei never hid anything.

But to someone who hid things himself, it was another story.

Kai could see Rei's distress, though obviously no one else did. They were completely oblivious to the inner turmoil of the one they considered a friend.

And that really bugged Kai.

Soon, it grew too much and Kai had to turn away.

Why couldn't they see it? Why couldn't they see how hurt and confused he was? Why couldn't they see what they were doing to him? Why was he staying there with them and letting them do this to him? Why couldn't he escape? Why was no one helping him?

Kai shook himself, his eyes slightly wide.

/What was that? Those were my memories. What were they? What happened to me? And why did Rei trigger them?/ Kai stared at the tiger once again with sad eyes. /Why does his pain affect me so much?/ Kai glared and turned away and exited the room.

/What the hell is going on with me?/

***

There wasn't much of a garden here, just a bunch of slowly dying plants. Still, it was peaceful and empty, though cold and dark. Kai couldn't help but feel at home while at the same time feel a desire for something more.

His breath steamed in the cold air, but he didn't notice, he was too busy thinking. Thinking about Tala and his words, thinking about himself and his past and most of all, thinking about …

Rei?

Kai looked up.

Sure enough, there was Rei exiting the huge warm and well-lit room inside the stadium. He looked as though he was freezing, but it didn't seem to matter. He wandered away from the door, perhaps looking for something, perhaps just thinking on something.

It broke Kai's heart.

The stoic blue-haired captain did care, really, he did, he just never showed it, he never thought it was necessary. He always thought it was a weakness. That was what he was taught to think, what he was trained to think at the abbey, at that screwed up torture asylum.

Screw the training.

"Rei?"

The neko-jin whirled around, golden eyes wide with shock and a hint of fear. Kai noticed that and more. He noticed the tear stains on his friend's cheeks, the redness in those golden orbs and the hint of pain hidden behind the shock.

"Kai? What are you doing out here?"

"Getting away from everything so I can think."

"Oh." Rei lowered his head and started to move away. "I'll get out of your way then." He was halted by Kai's light touch to his arm.

"Rei, you were one of the things I was pondering." Rei looked up at him in surprise. Kai looked at him in concern. "What's wrong?"

Rei was almost sure he couldn't be more shocked than right at that moment. Kai, his distant ice-cold captain, was concerned, about him. He was starting to melt a bit. And because Rei could see the ice melting and true feelings and care shining though, he broke down.

"Kai, I can't … I can't keep it up, I can't keep lying to them."

"Who?" Kai needn't have asked. The source of his teammate's pain was obvious. "You still love her."

Rei cried harder. Kai took the sobbing boy in his arms and lead him deeper into the barren garden to a small frozen water feature and a cold stone bench. Kai sat down and pulled Rei with him.

"Why don't you tell them?"

"Because it would be a lie."

Kai looked sharply at the quiet boy by his side. Rei was still crying, but he looked guilty now. "What do you mean?"

"It would be so much easier to tell them that I still love her — Lee thought that I did and so did Mariah, but I told them the truth, I don't love her any more and right now, I'm not sure if I ever did."

"Rei … what —"

"Kai, why am I so strange? Why is this happening? Why don't I love her? Can I just throw her away so easily, as if she meant nothing?" Rei curled up into Kai slightly and whispered the last part with his face turned away and tears choking his voice. "Am I a bad person for being like this?"

Kai closed his eyes hearing the pain and hurt in his friend's voice. "Rei, you're not a bad person."

"You wouldn't say that if you knew." It sounded almost like a threat.

"Knew what?" Kai was worried, this was very strange behaviour for Rei.

"Knew the truth."

"Why don't you tell me?" This was the wrong thing to say.

Rei freaked out. "No, I can't I can't tell you, you can never know!" Rei struggled to get away from Kai, but the older boy held onto the frantic neko-jin and pulled him closer. Rei started sobbing and hyperventilating. "No, let me go! I can't, you can't know, you'll leave, you'll leave me and I'll be alone and everyone will hate me and you'll be gone and I can't. I can't have you hate me, Kai." Rei gave in and clung to Kai's shirt. "Please Kai, don't leave me, don't hate me. I'm sorry."

Kai's crimson eyes were open wide. This was *Rei* he was holding, trying to calm down. Rei wasn't like this, he was strong and confidant, so what could have made him like this? What was he so afraid of telling people? "Rei, I'll never hate you, but I can only help if you let me. So will you?"

"Do you promise you won't hate me?" Rei asked with a small voice.

"I do. Why are you so afraid?"

"I was supposed to love her, she wanted me to, everyone did. But I couldn't. Am I a bad person? Is it wrong to feel like this?" Rei started to cry again.

Kai thought he was starting to understand. "Rei, it isn't wrong to not love someone, just as it isn't wrong to love someone. You can't chose who you love, and what you chose can never be wrong."

"But they all think it's wrong. It hurts Kai, because I can't love them the way I want, but I can't love the way they want." Tears ran down his cheeks. "So I can't love at all."

Kai rocked the sobbing boy gently in his arms and tried to soothe him, patting his hair, but not saying a word, letting Rei cry and let everything out.

/He must have been holding all this in for such a long time, and tonight must have been to much for him./ Kai looked down at the raven head leaning on his chest. /Can't anyone see what's wrong? Can't they hear him crying out?/

"Kai?" Rei's voice was quiet, as if he were afraid of Kai's reaction to everything that happened.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think I'm weak?"

"No. It takes a lot of strength to tell someone what you did."

"Thank you." Rei seemed comforted, but he didn't move from his perch leaning against Kai. "Kai?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry for dumping this all on you, but I am grateful for all you said."

"No problem. Taking care of my team is a captain's job." Rei stiffened slightly. /Is that all he thinks of me? As a teammate?/

Kai noticed Rei's sudden distance. "Rei, can I ask you something?"

"Yeah?"

"Do … do you consider me a friend?"

"Yes." There was no hesitation or change in tone, just complete honesty.

"Then you don't have to worry about thanking me or saying sorry any more, because you can always come to me if you want." Kai smiled at Rei and the golden-eyed boy seemed to glow with happiness.

"Sure. So Kai, who do you love?"

Kai smiled mysteriously and just looked out into the distance. "Someone who I already held close to my heart, but didn't realise it. Someone who others might not approve of, but someone I would do anything for."

Rei nodded, understanding all too well the lengths that someone would go to for love.

He snuggled in closer to Kai, sharing the older boy's warmth and sat with him in a companionable silence, feeling much better than he had knowing that there was someone he could turn to now if things got tough.