Part Nine-
+Afraid+
Angel had not slept well in nearly two days. He felt slightly agitated, his nerve raw. He was fidgety, anxious to get something—anything—done. He kept looking toward the clock by the stairs. They were down to only mere hours until Buffy was expected to come.
The Hotel was as crowded as ever. The incessant talking was giving Angel a headache, something he didn't need. Angel turned his back on everyone and crept up the service stairs. He was tired…
Each step seemed larger than life and the he was in his room. He leaned against the door and sighed heavily. He needed sleep. He needed to be ready. God, he needed to know what to do!
"I'm sorry, Buffy…" He whispered, not for the first time.
With his head down, he walked further into the room. He avoided the window, for it was a sunny day. He looked and saw the adjoining-room door was open. He walked to the doorway and stopped, staring. This room was unlike his in almost every way. It was painted a power blue color, tiny little suns painted into it. A tiny crib stood in the middle, the wood a shining oak color. Toys cluttered one side of the room, stuffed animals sat on shelves.
A small smile tugged at Angel's mouth as he watched. Lorne was singing a sweet song, one Angel didn't recognize. He watched silently before stepping further into the room. Lorne looked up and smiled.
"Angel-cakes." He greeted.
"Lorne." Angel nodded. "How is he?" Angel asked, bending over the crib.
"Peachy keen. I feed the little man a little while ago." Lorne answered.
"Good." Angel said, reaching down and picking up his child. "Hi sweetheart." He cooed, holding the baby close to him.
Oh, it was moment like this when Angel felt free. He felt better than he had in awhile. For a moment, he forgot about all that was dire and just basked in his little boy. Angel bent his head and inhaled Connor's scent. He smelled of baby-powder and innocence. Connor gurgled happily in his daddy's arms.
"How's it going down there, Angel?" Lorne asked him.
Angel closed his eyes, reality hitting him full force.
"Bad." He sighed. "Buffy's Watcher and her friends arrived a little while ago. They're expecting her in a few hours."
"Has anyone been able to reach her?" Lorne asked gently.
"No." Angel answered. "No one has seen, much less heard, from her in hours. That worries me."
"Angel, you can help her. If anyone, it will be you." Lorne told him.
Angel shook his head. "I should have been there. I should have known. I told her I would always look out for her. I haven't talked to her since…" Angel trailed off slightly. "Since she came back."
"Angel, baby, your life has been hectic, as I'm sure hers has been. I'm not sure how ex's rate on your list of priorities." Lorne said gently.
"We're more than ex's." Angel said softly. "We were more than that."
"Damn right, you were. You two were in the history books, doll. A Vampire Slayer falling in love with a Vampire? You two have been prophesied." Lorne agreed. "But, life happened. She was a kid. You turned bad, she killed you, and you went to hell. You came back and you left. She grew up, you both did." Lorne sighed. "Angel, you grew apart. You both had your own lives. Don't blame yourself, you couldn't have known."
"But, I should have!" Angel hissed, keeping his voice light to keep Connor calm. "Spike is not good and he never was. He had a damned chip in his head and he was playing good for as long as it suited him. He didn't fall in love wither. He can't know what love is, because he doesn't have a soul! I've seen what he's done to those he 'loved'. Hell, I taught him everything he knows. Buffy turned into his obsession. She would never love him and he hated that. He had to have her." Angel hung his head. "He had to break her, because she loves me."
Connor's happy, soft coos filled the silence.
"It will all turn out alright." Lorne said firmly. "You'll find her, you'll help her, and you'll bring her home."
Angel nodded, his eyes darkening as he spoke. "And I will kill Spike. I will make him pay for what he did to her…"
Lorne nodded and looked toward the darkening sky outside. "You and everybody else down there."
"No." Angel spoke. "Just me."
*
"Look at the clouds." Fred drawled softly, staring up at the skylights.
Willow looked up and saw the black clouds blurring across the sun. Thunder rumbled so loud, the glass windows shook in their panes. Lightening flashed menacingly across the heavens.
"God, she's close, if not already in the city." Cordelia murmured slowly, her eyes struck with fear.
"Oh, she's in the city." Anya murmured, closing her eyes. "I think she's driving because she's coming really close, really fast."
"She won't come here first." Giles spoke up his eyes pained. "She's hurting, she's raging, and she wants the world to pay. We'll be the last stop she comes to."
"So, we're just waiting for her? We're going to let her wreak havoc on the city while we sit like freaking ducks?!" Xander exploded.
"What else can we do?" Willow retaliated, coming to life. "What do you suppose we do, Zeppo?" She mocked. "How about we give you a sword and tell you to kick her ass?"
Xander looked stricken and started to sputter something.
"Oh, sound familiar?" Willow asked, stalking closer. "It's always been you to put her down. It's always been you to flaunt her faults, God forbid we mention yours!"
Xander's eyes narrowed. "This is not the same."
"Isn't it?" Willow asked. "You didn't want to come here, even though you know that Angel is one of the only people who can help her. You hate that is isn't you. You still hate that it will never be you." Willow was silent for one deadly moment. "In some ways, you're no better than Spike."
Xander seemed to lose himself for a moment. His face twisted into something vicious and ugly as he raised his hand and swung toward Willow's face. He was stopped only inches from striking Willow's face. A pearly white hand gripped Xander's wrist with bone breaking strength. Xander let out something between a whimper and a grunt.
One of the Power's held Xander like a lifeless doll. The humiliating thing for Xander was, it was one of the female Powers'.
"Dear boy…" She murmured, her sapphire eyes glistening. "Dear, stupid boy. The Witch is right. For as long as I have watched you, you have been consumed with jealousy, with anger, and resentment. I've watched you take it out on that poor golden haired girl. You have missed much that is good in your life because of that hatred. You owe that girl your life, yet you still shame her."
"I love Buffy." Xander spit out angrily.
"Love is not odium." The beautiful Power hummed. "Love is pure and love is chaste and many people do not have familiarity of it. Love is not what you have in your heart." She let him go and glided back to her groups, her silk dress whispering across the floor.
The whole Hotel was quiet and no one knew what to do. Xander stood there, his features hard and his face pale. Willow looked at him with silent contempt. Fred and Gunn stared out the lobby doors, for it had started to rain. Wesley and Giles stood over musty books and tried not to think. Each group of Powers stood off to the side, watching, waiting, and congregating to themselves.
Cordelia was watching the skylight with her gaze was slightly unfocused. She was shaking, so viably that the ends of her long raven hair weaved back and forth.
"N-no…" She whimpered, her hands moving up to cover her face.
"Cordelia?" Wesley questioned, moving closer to her.
"STO-O-OP!" A scream broke free from the former May Queen's throat, so shrill, so loud that most everyone in the room winced and covered their ears instinctively.
Cordelia eyes were wide as they rolled into the back of her head. Her hands fell from her face and her skin was revealed to be the color of eggshells. Her lips, once deep crimson, were now a tinted blue color as she crumpled to the floor, twitching and writhing. Her hands turned to fists as she thrashed around, whimpering, screaming, and crying.
"Cordelia!" Wesley exclaimed, rushing to her side.
"She's having a vision?" Giles asked, kneeling to the girls' side.
"Yes, damn it, another one." Wesley cursed.
"Here!" Fred said, thrusting a small hand towel into Wesley's hand.
Wesley shoved the towel into the seer's mouth then turned an angry gaze to the two groups of Powers.
"Why do you keep doing this to her?" He demanded.
"It is not we who are sending the girl the visions." Vara defended her clan.
"And, not us." Geneva stated, looking slightly bored. "You would very well know if we were sending her a message, which deceives the purpose since we are standing right over here."
"Then who?" Wesley asked, angrily.
Vara and Geneva shared a long, long look.
"We don't know."
*
Angel and Lorne looked to the floor when they heard shouts and screamed.
"Damn it." Angel cursed, handing his son over to Lorne. "I want you to place barriers all around this room. Nobody comes in here until you read them."
"No problem-o Angel-cakes." Lorne assured him. "Get your booty down there, I'll take care of the little mini-you."
Angel kissed his son's forehead, caressed his cheek, and ran out the door.
Only after Lorne put down Connor and closed the door, he murmured. "Heaven help us."
*
Buffy's eyes opened blearily. She moaned as she lifted her head from the steering wheel. She could feel the stickiness of her own blood matting in her hair and drying to her face. She blinked and tried to focus out of the cracked windshield. A brick wall was close enough to her, that if she wanted too, she could touch it.
Buffy looked around her and saw the dashboard had collapsed and the rest of the car had folded around her. Buffy wiped her hand across her face and groaned in pain. Her hand came back smeared with blood. Buffy whimpered and pounded on the crumbled door. She pushed and shoved at the jagged door until it broke apart from the wreck. She crawled out of the debris and fell to the cold ground. Buffy lay there for a moment, staring up into the clouded sky. Everything in her entire being hurt. She didn't remember crashing into the wall. She didn't remember much of anything anymore…
"Miss, are you ok?" A voice asked from nowhere.
Buffy jerked painfully to her feet and glared at the owner of the voice. An attractive man in a suit was standing a few feet away, watching her with concerned eyes.
"Miss?" He asked again.
"G-get…away from me." Buffy murmured, her words slurring together.
"Miss, you're hurt. Please, let me call someone." The man said, gently taking her arm.
"You can't hurt me anymore!" Buffy yelled, stumbling away. "P-please, just go…" She begged him.
The man's brow furrowed as he looked from Buffy to the smashed car. "Miss, you're hurt."
Buffy looked up at the sky again. It had grown darker. She blinked to clear her eyes. She was dizzy and confused. She looked back at the man again. Wearing a navy blue suit with his hair perfectly coifed, he looked decent. He didn't look sly or devious. He looked like he genuinely wanted to help her.
Maybe…
"Somebody's following me…" Buffy mumbled, trying to concentrate. "He wants to hurt me."
The man reached for his cell phone, nodding reassuringly to her. "Let me just call someone."
"No!" Buffy cried out. "No, no one."
"Ok…" The man look unsure now, maybe resenting that fact he tried to help her.
Buffy kept looking around, as if expecting something to jump out at her.
//His rings scratch and cut her smooth flesh.//
Buffy's hands ran up the side of her head and into her hair. She blinked rapidly and grabbed the long, blood matted strands of golden tresses. She desperately tried to block it all out.
//"You love me, I know you do. You love me, you love me!"//
His voice rang in her ears and she could picture him hovering above her, breaking her, hurting her, leaving her helpless.
"No-o-o…" A long, deep moan escaped her lips.
"Miss?" The man was concerned now, bravely stepping forward. "Miss?" He asked again, taking her arm.
Buffy snapped at the feel of skin against skin. "No!" She screamed, pulling her arm away wildly. "No, you can't hurt me! You can't help him hurt me, I WON'T LET YOU!"
She pushed him away from her, lost in her rage. She searched for a weapon, but couldn't seem to find any. They were in the back of the car. But, there was no time to grab them. She had to get rid of him.
"You'll be sorry!" Buffy screamed as the man's face blurred from Spike's to Warren's. "You'll be sorry for hurting us!"
She stalked toward him and the man looked panicked. "Ma'am, wait, please. Just calm down."
Though, those weren't the words she heard him say. Instead, she heard, "Your sister is dead, she's dead. You couldn't save her…it was your fault. Your weak, helpless, nothing but a little pathetic bitch!"
In reality, the man was begging. "Please, I was just trying to help you. Miss, you are hurt, your injuries…" He trailed off, unable to finish his sentence, for Buffy had grabbed him by his neck.
Her eyes were murderous and wild as she stared into him. Her bruised, blood stained lips curled into a sneer as she squeezed, watching his face turn white to blue as he struggled for air.
"You can't hurt me anymore."
Buffy's words rang into the cold, stormy air as the light dimmed out of the man's eyes.
"Not anymore."
*
The winds grew as she moved across the city. As if in tune to her mood, to her state of mind, the storm brewed. Thunder clashed and lightening burst from the sky, sometimes hitting touching down to the ground. Strong winds blew her hair across her face and smeared the tears that ran down her dirty face.
Pain, sorrow, and rage were etched in the very depths pf her soul. Every telepath, every mind reader, every soul gazer within city limits could sense that. Such pain, such fury radiated from this tiny girl. No one in his or her right mind would cross her path; except for the pitiful humans. The piteous humanitarians who wanted to help this hurt girl and found themselves dead in her path in her trail.
Of course, it wasn't her fault. Her body and her strength were there, but her spirit wasn't. All that she had left in midst of her pain was the Slayer. A coldhearted, unmerciful killer that would stop at nothing to make everyone pay was all that was left.
Lightened struck down from the clouds and illuminated her face for an instant. A pale, wane face with blurry, vacant eyes, and bruised lips. Even in this state, this appearance of ruin, she was beautiful. She radiated power and corruption at the same time. She drew those nearest to her to take a second look.
This was a girl with nothing left.
This was a Slayer with no more morality.
This was a girl broken, shattered, and devastated.
The City of Los Angeles trembled in fear of her wrath.
Trembled in fear of her vengeance.
*
"She's here." Cordelia murmured, groggy and dazed from her recent vision. "She's killing again."
"Should we go and stop this chick?" Gunn asked.
"Yes, of course. We'll just waltz right up to her and politely ask her to stop terrorizing the city. Brilliant plan." Giles snorted impatiently.
"Yeah? And, what do you suppose we do, old man?" Gunn shot back.
"Listen here, you little—"
"Stop!" Angel's voice rang out from the din. He looked dead-tired and angry. "Bickering is not going to solve anything. It's sure as hell not going to help Buffy." He said, casting a glance toward Giles.
"Yes, I-I'm sorry. I suppose we all are a little bit high strung." Giles said blankly.
"Cordy, what did you see?" Angel asked tenderly to his friend.
Cordelia looked up, her eyes bleak. "She's losing herself. People want to help her and she wants them to help her, but she thinks everyone is trying to hurt her. Like Spike did. Like Warren did."
"But she killed Warren." Xander spoke up.
Cordelia looked at him sharply. "Not in her mind. She thinks they are still out there and she wants them to pay for what they did to Dawn."
"What if we can't stop her?"
Willow's question hung in the air like the stench of death. No one knew the answer to that. No one wanted to answer that. None of them could bear the thought of losing Buffy--forever.
"We have too." Angel said seriously, tiredly. "We will."
"This whole thing is around Dawn." Anya spoke up quietly. "She worked so hard to keep her safe from Glory. Buffy died to keep her sister safe. Do any of you know what that means?" Anya asked, her eyes wide. "Buffy gave up everything for that girl only to have her ripped away from her. Buffy could have stopped Warren from killing Dawn, under another set of circumstances. But Dawn died and Buffy has to live with that forever." Anya paused. "And, then she was raped by Spike. She trusted him, God knows why, but she did. He insinuated himself into her life, he made himself a vital part in keeping herself strong. But, he wanted more than she was willing to give. He wanted all of her, not just the sex, he wanted it all and he took it."
Angel looked up sharply at the Vengeance Demon. "Sex?" He echoed his voice faint. "Buffy was sleeping with Spike?"
Anya blinked, realizing that she had just let the proverbial cat out of the bag. "Oh, crap." She shook her head. "I forgot you didn't know."
In less than three days, Angel had learned that the monster he had sired had raped the woman he still loved. He had learned that petty humans had killed Dawn right before Buffy's own eyes. His best friend was suffering because she was mentally linked to the distressed Slayer. He had been told that Buffy had been reverted to a cold-blooded killer, thinking everything and everyone was the cause of her pain.
Pain he should have been able to stop.
Both sets of Powers That Be had invaded his home, not helping in the least. And now, he was being told that Spike, the good-for-nothing bastard of a vampire, had been sleeping with Buffy. Spike had been taking advantage of her pain, of her confusion at being ripped from Heaven.
Spike had been sleeping with Buffy.
Spike had been having sex with Buffy.
His Buffy.
As he was a demon, he could take a lot of things and deal with them. But, there was a man there, too. A man that, at this moment, was jealous, possessive, and filled with pain. Angel could only take so much and he had been shoved right over his limit.
He felt his fists clenching, his muscles becoming stiff and rigid. He felt the demon within his flutter restlessly, angrily. Angel had been trying to deny it, he had been pushpin the truth deep into the corners of his mind and living in denial. Realization hit him like a ton of bricks, making him reel in the aftermath.
//"He raped her, Angel. Spike raped her."//
Cordelia's broken and tear filled voice echoed in his mind. Angel took a deep breath and looked at everybody.
"Stay here. Research…whatever. Find some way to help her." Angel's voice shook with emotion. "I don't care what it takes. Just do it." He ordered, turning to leave.
"Angel, wait!" Cordelia cried out, jumping off of the chair and throwing her blanket to the ground.
Angel stopped, but didn't turn around.
"Don't go after her, not yet." Cordelia said. "Not yet."
"It's not her I'm going after." Angel said, his voice hard. "Not her."
He clenched his fists again and left hurriedly, face in vampire form.
No, he wasn't going to find Buffy, not yet.
He was going to locate Spike.
And, then he was going to kill him.
Slowly, mercilessly, and maliciously.
The bastard would pay.
Dearly.
To Be Continued...
(I just want to thank everyone for the WONDERFUL feedback I'm getting! I love that all of you think I'm doing good on this fic. Feel free to send me anything at RougeVixen8705@aol.com or XxAngelicVixenxX@yahoo.com. Thanks again, everyone! ~Stacie)