O'Neill wasn't brooding. Well, yes, he was brooding, but he wasn't brooding
about anything in particular. He was just... thinking. He wasn't ready to go
to bed, and lacking the roof of his house or his deck – which were his
normal favorite places to go and sit and think – he'd settled for the boat
dock. The cab of his truck was okay and all, but it was a little stuffy
after a while, and he wanted to be outside. He slid his gun under the seat,
and made sure the doors were locked, then slid his keys into his pocket and
walked down to the edge of the water.
The night was fairly nice, and Jack gathered a double handful of small rocks and carried them out to the boat dock. If he was going to stand next to water, and he wasn't holding a pole, he might as well throw rocks.
He thought about a lot of things as he stood there, occasionally throwing a stone into the still water, and watching the moon's reflection on the surface get wrinkled with the little ripples the rocks made. He thought about Charlie, mostly, and how much he missed him. Thought about how happy his boy had been. O'Neill was careful not to allow himself to dwell on the painful fact that his son wasn't ever coming back. Instead, he focused on how much fun he and Charlie had had together. The same kind of fun that he and Shawn had.
This naturally led his thoughts to Shawn, which caused a brief spark of irritation to run through O'Neill. Stupid kid! What had he done that for? Was he out of his mind? Playing with a gun like that, it was insane. Stupid. Dumb. Foolish. Of course, what had Daniel said? Kids do stupid things. That was true, and Jack knew it. He just hadn't been expecting something quite so foolish. Or extreme.
Next, Jack's thoughts went to Carter, and how he'd yelled at her. That hadn't been personal, and he wasn't sure how he was going to explain himself to her. He'd been incredibly short with her, and the change in their relationship was so new that Jack wasn't sure if it would survive him at his worst. He'd have to figure out a way to make it up to her, he knew. He couldn't lose what they had before they'd even had a chance to see if it would work out. He'd just have to hope that Sam was more understanding than he was.
The thoughts of their relationship turned Jack's mind to the SGC, and he purposely avoided trying to figure out how he and Sam would be able to carry on their relationship once they got back. They'd figure out something, that was all there was to it. His mind went off world for a while as he dwelled on the possibility that Jacob wouldn't approve of his daughter sleeping with Jack. Which was possible. Of course, they didn't have to tell Jacob. At least no time soon. He wasn't planning on telling anyone else anytime soon. Then the first to know would be General Hammond. Oh, wouldn't that be fun? As the night turned into late night, and then very early morning, and the stars changed their course in the clear sky above him, Jack dwelled on every possible scenario of every possible conversation that he could have with Hammond, eventually.
"J-Jack?"
Shawn had stayed in bed forever. Listening for a sound outside the door that told him O'Neill was back. Listening for the sound of a truck driving down the road that would tell him O'Neill was gone. Neither had happened. The rest of the boys slept on, oblivious to the fact that Shawn was about as miserable as he could be. And restless with fear and worry. Maybe Jack had already left and Daniel hadn't told him? That would explain why the he hadn't heard the truck. It was already gone! Maybe Daniel was just trying to keep him from being hurt. It didn't matter, Shawn knew. Nothing could hurt him any more than he already was. Finally, he'd slid silently out of his bed, and out the door. He had to know if Jack was gone. He had to.
Teal'c watched the boy leave the cabin. Nothing moved in the cabin at night without the big Jaffa knowing about it, and even as he slept he was listening for sounds that didn't belong. He'd known that Shawn was awake, and had almost been tempted to try and comfort him, but he hadn't. Carter and Daniel had both tried, and Teal'c knew that nothing he could add would alleviate the boy's worry. He'd been almost glad when the boy had finally decided to do something. If Shawn wanted to go and seek out O'Neill, then he needed to, and Teal'c didn't try to call him back.
Shawn had immediately broken into a run, and had sprinted barefoot and silently down to the parking lot, afraid that Jack's truck would be gone. He'd felt a huge relief when he saw the dark rig sitting there, and then stopped to catch his breath and tried to figure out what to do next. Jack wasn't gone. But he wasn't at the cabin, and he didn't want to see Shawn, anyways. Shawn NEEDED to see Jack, however. He needed to say he was sorry, man-to-man. He'd done wrong, and he wanted Jack to know that he wouldn't do it again. He started looking for his counselor, first in the cafeteria, which was dark and spooky, then in the gym, which was big, dark and spooky, then outside. The boat dock and the swimming dock had been his first thought, and Shawn hesitated once he saw that Jack was on the boat dock.
Suddenly saying he was sorry just wasn't enough. Jack wouldn't accept that. He was being stupid to think he and O'Neill were ever going to be friends again. And then there was the fear. The actual fear that Jack would turn on him, again. That he'd yell and curse, and send Shawn away. If he did, Shawn knew he deserved it. But it wouldn't hurt any less for that. The boy wasn't sure he could set himself up for that. Not willingly. But he did it anyways. Stepping quietly along the shore of the lake, he walked to the edge of the boat dock, and stood watching as his hero tossed a rock into the water, obviously deep in thought. It had taken everything Shawn had in him to call his name. And even then, he'd stuttered.
O'Neill turned his head at the sound of his name being called. He wasn't startled. He hadn't heard anyone approaching, but a full evening of contemplation will calm you out enough that nothing can startle you, and Jack was as mellowed out as he'd ever been. He looked and saw that Shawn was standing at the edge of the dock, dressed in pajamas and nothing else. Not even shoes. The moon was going down and losing its brightness, so Jack couldn't get a good look at the boy's face, but there was no missing the uncertainty in his voice.
"What are you doing out here?" He asked.
"L-looking for... for you." Shawn was so tense that Jack had to wonder if the boy was afraid he was going to hit him. The thought made Jack sick and angry. But only at himself.
"You should go to bed. It's late. Do Murray or Daniel know you're here?" Neither would have let him out this late – early? Jack was certain.
"I snuck out."
"You're good at that, I see." The words were spiteful, and Jack winced as soon as he said them. Shawn wasn't a devious kid and Jack knew it. He'd just made a mistake. Kids make mistakes. Right?
"I'm sorry." Shawn was near tears, and he hurried the words out before he could lose control once more. He'd come to tell Jack he was sorry, and he was going to. Even though it was obvious that Jack was still mad, and wasn't going to not be mad any time soon. "I just wanted you to know." He turned and started back to the cabin, defeated.
Jack knew. He sighed and rubbed his face tiredly, ignoring the aches from bruises that didn't matter as much as the hurt he'd just caused so cruelly. With words he didn't mean. Colonels made mistakes, too.
"Shawn?"
The boy turned his head.
"Come here for a minute, Shawn. We need to talk."
The night was fairly nice, and Jack gathered a double handful of small rocks and carried them out to the boat dock. If he was going to stand next to water, and he wasn't holding a pole, he might as well throw rocks.
He thought about a lot of things as he stood there, occasionally throwing a stone into the still water, and watching the moon's reflection on the surface get wrinkled with the little ripples the rocks made. He thought about Charlie, mostly, and how much he missed him. Thought about how happy his boy had been. O'Neill was careful not to allow himself to dwell on the painful fact that his son wasn't ever coming back. Instead, he focused on how much fun he and Charlie had had together. The same kind of fun that he and Shawn had.
This naturally led his thoughts to Shawn, which caused a brief spark of irritation to run through O'Neill. Stupid kid! What had he done that for? Was he out of his mind? Playing with a gun like that, it was insane. Stupid. Dumb. Foolish. Of course, what had Daniel said? Kids do stupid things. That was true, and Jack knew it. He just hadn't been expecting something quite so foolish. Or extreme.
Next, Jack's thoughts went to Carter, and how he'd yelled at her. That hadn't been personal, and he wasn't sure how he was going to explain himself to her. He'd been incredibly short with her, and the change in their relationship was so new that Jack wasn't sure if it would survive him at his worst. He'd have to figure out a way to make it up to her, he knew. He couldn't lose what they had before they'd even had a chance to see if it would work out. He'd just have to hope that Sam was more understanding than he was.
The thoughts of their relationship turned Jack's mind to the SGC, and he purposely avoided trying to figure out how he and Sam would be able to carry on their relationship once they got back. They'd figure out something, that was all there was to it. His mind went off world for a while as he dwelled on the possibility that Jacob wouldn't approve of his daughter sleeping with Jack. Which was possible. Of course, they didn't have to tell Jacob. At least no time soon. He wasn't planning on telling anyone else anytime soon. Then the first to know would be General Hammond. Oh, wouldn't that be fun? As the night turned into late night, and then very early morning, and the stars changed their course in the clear sky above him, Jack dwelled on every possible scenario of every possible conversation that he could have with Hammond, eventually.
"J-Jack?"
Shawn had stayed in bed forever. Listening for a sound outside the door that told him O'Neill was back. Listening for the sound of a truck driving down the road that would tell him O'Neill was gone. Neither had happened. The rest of the boys slept on, oblivious to the fact that Shawn was about as miserable as he could be. And restless with fear and worry. Maybe Jack had already left and Daniel hadn't told him? That would explain why the he hadn't heard the truck. It was already gone! Maybe Daniel was just trying to keep him from being hurt. It didn't matter, Shawn knew. Nothing could hurt him any more than he already was. Finally, he'd slid silently out of his bed, and out the door. He had to know if Jack was gone. He had to.
Teal'c watched the boy leave the cabin. Nothing moved in the cabin at night without the big Jaffa knowing about it, and even as he slept he was listening for sounds that didn't belong. He'd known that Shawn was awake, and had almost been tempted to try and comfort him, but he hadn't. Carter and Daniel had both tried, and Teal'c knew that nothing he could add would alleviate the boy's worry. He'd been almost glad when the boy had finally decided to do something. If Shawn wanted to go and seek out O'Neill, then he needed to, and Teal'c didn't try to call him back.
Shawn had immediately broken into a run, and had sprinted barefoot and silently down to the parking lot, afraid that Jack's truck would be gone. He'd felt a huge relief when he saw the dark rig sitting there, and then stopped to catch his breath and tried to figure out what to do next. Jack wasn't gone. But he wasn't at the cabin, and he didn't want to see Shawn, anyways. Shawn NEEDED to see Jack, however. He needed to say he was sorry, man-to-man. He'd done wrong, and he wanted Jack to know that he wouldn't do it again. He started looking for his counselor, first in the cafeteria, which was dark and spooky, then in the gym, which was big, dark and spooky, then outside. The boat dock and the swimming dock had been his first thought, and Shawn hesitated once he saw that Jack was on the boat dock.
Suddenly saying he was sorry just wasn't enough. Jack wouldn't accept that. He was being stupid to think he and O'Neill were ever going to be friends again. And then there was the fear. The actual fear that Jack would turn on him, again. That he'd yell and curse, and send Shawn away. If he did, Shawn knew he deserved it. But it wouldn't hurt any less for that. The boy wasn't sure he could set himself up for that. Not willingly. But he did it anyways. Stepping quietly along the shore of the lake, he walked to the edge of the boat dock, and stood watching as his hero tossed a rock into the water, obviously deep in thought. It had taken everything Shawn had in him to call his name. And even then, he'd stuttered.
O'Neill turned his head at the sound of his name being called. He wasn't startled. He hadn't heard anyone approaching, but a full evening of contemplation will calm you out enough that nothing can startle you, and Jack was as mellowed out as he'd ever been. He looked and saw that Shawn was standing at the edge of the dock, dressed in pajamas and nothing else. Not even shoes. The moon was going down and losing its brightness, so Jack couldn't get a good look at the boy's face, but there was no missing the uncertainty in his voice.
"What are you doing out here?" He asked.
"L-looking for... for you." Shawn was so tense that Jack had to wonder if the boy was afraid he was going to hit him. The thought made Jack sick and angry. But only at himself.
"You should go to bed. It's late. Do Murray or Daniel know you're here?" Neither would have let him out this late – early? Jack was certain.
"I snuck out."
"You're good at that, I see." The words were spiteful, and Jack winced as soon as he said them. Shawn wasn't a devious kid and Jack knew it. He'd just made a mistake. Kids make mistakes. Right?
"I'm sorry." Shawn was near tears, and he hurried the words out before he could lose control once more. He'd come to tell Jack he was sorry, and he was going to. Even though it was obvious that Jack was still mad, and wasn't going to not be mad any time soon. "I just wanted you to know." He turned and started back to the cabin, defeated.
Jack knew. He sighed and rubbed his face tiredly, ignoring the aches from bruises that didn't matter as much as the hurt he'd just caused so cruelly. With words he didn't mean. Colonels made mistakes, too.
"Shawn?"
The boy turned his head.
"Come here for a minute, Shawn. We need to talk."