Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the idea, so don't sue me.
A/N: Just enjoy!
Oh, and sorry about the many spelling mistakes. I hope I got rid of some of them- thanks to Steffi!
**
LIKE A BAD DREAM 2
**
Logan just sat there and stared at the closed door for a long time. He felt empty and drained. Why had he let her go?
Why did that have to happen to them?
What had they done to deserve all this?
But he knew the answer, this was part of the lives they had chosen to live. Max couldn't turn her back on who she was and where she came from. He had known right from the start what he was getting himself into and he had willingly taken the risk. Now he would just have to find a way to deal with the consequences. If only it wasn't so damn hard!
*
Finally he woke from his thoughts and realized that he still had his daughter sitting in his lap, quietly. She seemed to sense something was terribly wrong.
"Well, I guess it's just the two of us now. What do you say? We're gonna have a shower and then go for a walk?" He made sure Hope sat securely in his lap and wheeled himself to the bathroom.
Now he would have to improvise. Maybe he should delay the shower and just brush his teeth.
He forced himself to function, he couldn't allow himself to let go. For Hope's sake he had to continue.
He played the baby in the bathtub for a lack of alternatives, knowing how fast she could crawl already, and to his relief she didn't seem to mind. With big eyes she looked up at him and then tried to reach the faucet, but fortunately couldn't. He grinned and busied himself with his toothbrush, making odd sounds to keep Hope occupied. One look in the mirror and he decided against a shave. Max always preferred his stumble anyway…Max…he forcefully pushed back from the sink.
"Okay, I'm already done, sweetie. How about I'm gonna slip into the exoskeleton and we head down to the market?" He desperately needed something to occupy his mind. He didn't think he could deal with a single moment of leaning back and letting go and let the pain of Max's sudden departure surface. He was too scared his heart would break into a thousand pieces. The dull and constant ache in his stomach that threatened to leave him breathless was bad enough.
Fifteen minutes later he left the apartment with Hope in her stroller. She made happy sounds when she felt the sun shining on her face and the slight breeze caressing her dark hair.
For the moment her Mom was forgotten and Logan envied her for that. He still couldn't believe it, Max was going to fight Manticore already again – and no matter what she had promised, they had both been aware of the fact that there was no guarantee that she would make it back unharmed.
Deep in thoughts he made his way to the market and bough whatever he thought they might need, fruits, vegetables, meat. Later, he wouldn't even remember he had purchased those things.
**
Back in the apartment he decided to let Hope sleep right where she had fallen asleep in her stroller. He dropped the bags on the island counter in the kitchen and wheeled Hope into the living room. That was where the first spasm hit him, he barely managed to stay upright, only by clinging to the wall desperately he made it through the erratic movements of his legs.
The couch was only a few feet away so he eventually risked to push off the wall, but never made it over there. The spasms reached up to his upper back and made him sink to the floor with gritted teeth. He awkwardly twisted around until he managed to switch the exoskeleton off. 'When it rains it pours,' he thought through the pain and then looked around. There he was sitting on the floor of the living room, legs movelessly outstretched in front of him. 'You have nothing to be ashamed of, I know who you are.' The memories made it hard to breathe and he quickly blinked to get rid of them. His gaze fell on Hope who was still sound asleep in her stroller, unaware of her dad's pain.
With the exo switched off the spasms decreased immediately and two minutes later he shoved his body over to the couch and lifted himself up. Taking a deep breath he sat back.
When he opened his eyes again, he finally realized that he was trapped. From painful experience he knew that he could not risk switching on the exoskeleton again. And his chair was patiently waiting next to the workout table where he had slipped into the exo earlier.
"Damn it," he cursed, tears stinging in his eyes. His desperation threatened to overwhelm him when he heard the door to his apartment being unlocked. For a moment he dared to hope that things had turned out to be a false alarm and Max would be back.
But Bling's calm voice quickly destroyed that fantasy. "Logan?"
He felt too drained and tired to answer.
"Logan? Where are…hey, what happened to you?" Bling took in the sight of Hope sitting in her stroller, sound asleep, and Logan sitting on the couch, no wheelchair in reach, and the exoskeleton over his leather boots making no sounds. "Exo shorted out or spasms?"
"At least I made it back home," was Logan's answer, his face contorting in pain when he tried to sit up straighter.
Bling nodded in understanding. "I'll get your chair and you get out of that machine."
*
Bling waited patiently for Logan to undress and then transfer to the wheelchair, clad in his boxers and t-shirt.
"Could you watch Hope, I need to take a shower," he said shortly.
"Sure. Where's Max?"
Logan shrugged and wheeled past his friend.
"Logan?" Bling asked alarmed.
Logan stopped in his tracks and without turning to face the other man he explained, "She's gone." He swallowed. "Zack's been caught, they went to get him back."
"I'm sorry," Bling whispered, only slowly comprehending the full impact of his friend's elaboration. "When will she be back?"
"I don't know. Days, weeks…" he couldn't say out loud what he was really thinking. 'NEVER!' What if the right answer was never?
"Are you okay?"
Logan shook his head almost imperceptibly. "No, I'm not." Suddenly all his fear and panic seemed to overwhelm him. "God, I can't do this. I can't live without her. And Hope…I can't…without Max…how am I supposed to…to raise a child, me of all people! We both need her!"
Bling took a deep breath and walked around so he was facing his friend, then he kneeled down. "Listen to me now." He looked straight at his friend until he felt that Logan was really willing to listen. "I know you pretty well, and I know how your mind works. But this time you can't allow yourself to let go. You have somebody to take care of. Hope needs you more than ever before. Got it?"
Logan stared at him, doubt, sorrow and confusion still plainly visible in his features.
"Got it?"
Bling was right, he eventually decided. He would just have to be there for Hope now and trust Max that she would be back.
Bling saw the change in Logan's expression and read it correctly. "Good, and now you go have a shower to clear your mind and then you concentrate on your job, on what you are really good at. Maybe we can find a way to help Max. What do we know?"
Logan took a deep breath, glad that his friend was there to support him and open his eyes. "I'll be right back."
A/N: Just enjoy!
Oh, and sorry about the many spelling mistakes. I hope I got rid of some of them- thanks to Steffi!
**
LIKE A BAD DREAM 2
**
Logan just sat there and stared at the closed door for a long time. He felt empty and drained. Why had he let her go?
Why did that have to happen to them?
What had they done to deserve all this?
But he knew the answer, this was part of the lives they had chosen to live. Max couldn't turn her back on who she was and where she came from. He had known right from the start what he was getting himself into and he had willingly taken the risk. Now he would just have to find a way to deal with the consequences. If only it wasn't so damn hard!
*
Finally he woke from his thoughts and realized that he still had his daughter sitting in his lap, quietly. She seemed to sense something was terribly wrong.
"Well, I guess it's just the two of us now. What do you say? We're gonna have a shower and then go for a walk?" He made sure Hope sat securely in his lap and wheeled himself to the bathroom.
Now he would have to improvise. Maybe he should delay the shower and just brush his teeth.
He forced himself to function, he couldn't allow himself to let go. For Hope's sake he had to continue.
He played the baby in the bathtub for a lack of alternatives, knowing how fast she could crawl already, and to his relief she didn't seem to mind. With big eyes she looked up at him and then tried to reach the faucet, but fortunately couldn't. He grinned and busied himself with his toothbrush, making odd sounds to keep Hope occupied. One look in the mirror and he decided against a shave. Max always preferred his stumble anyway…Max…he forcefully pushed back from the sink.
"Okay, I'm already done, sweetie. How about I'm gonna slip into the exoskeleton and we head down to the market?" He desperately needed something to occupy his mind. He didn't think he could deal with a single moment of leaning back and letting go and let the pain of Max's sudden departure surface. He was too scared his heart would break into a thousand pieces. The dull and constant ache in his stomach that threatened to leave him breathless was bad enough.
Fifteen minutes later he left the apartment with Hope in her stroller. She made happy sounds when she felt the sun shining on her face and the slight breeze caressing her dark hair.
For the moment her Mom was forgotten and Logan envied her for that. He still couldn't believe it, Max was going to fight Manticore already again – and no matter what she had promised, they had both been aware of the fact that there was no guarantee that she would make it back unharmed.
Deep in thoughts he made his way to the market and bough whatever he thought they might need, fruits, vegetables, meat. Later, he wouldn't even remember he had purchased those things.
**
Back in the apartment he decided to let Hope sleep right where she had fallen asleep in her stroller. He dropped the bags on the island counter in the kitchen and wheeled Hope into the living room. That was where the first spasm hit him, he barely managed to stay upright, only by clinging to the wall desperately he made it through the erratic movements of his legs.
The couch was only a few feet away so he eventually risked to push off the wall, but never made it over there. The spasms reached up to his upper back and made him sink to the floor with gritted teeth. He awkwardly twisted around until he managed to switch the exoskeleton off. 'When it rains it pours,' he thought through the pain and then looked around. There he was sitting on the floor of the living room, legs movelessly outstretched in front of him. 'You have nothing to be ashamed of, I know who you are.' The memories made it hard to breathe and he quickly blinked to get rid of them. His gaze fell on Hope who was still sound asleep in her stroller, unaware of her dad's pain.
With the exo switched off the spasms decreased immediately and two minutes later he shoved his body over to the couch and lifted himself up. Taking a deep breath he sat back.
When he opened his eyes again, he finally realized that he was trapped. From painful experience he knew that he could not risk switching on the exoskeleton again. And his chair was patiently waiting next to the workout table where he had slipped into the exo earlier.
"Damn it," he cursed, tears stinging in his eyes. His desperation threatened to overwhelm him when he heard the door to his apartment being unlocked. For a moment he dared to hope that things had turned out to be a false alarm and Max would be back.
But Bling's calm voice quickly destroyed that fantasy. "Logan?"
He felt too drained and tired to answer.
"Logan? Where are…hey, what happened to you?" Bling took in the sight of Hope sitting in her stroller, sound asleep, and Logan sitting on the couch, no wheelchair in reach, and the exoskeleton over his leather boots making no sounds. "Exo shorted out or spasms?"
"At least I made it back home," was Logan's answer, his face contorting in pain when he tried to sit up straighter.
Bling nodded in understanding. "I'll get your chair and you get out of that machine."
*
Bling waited patiently for Logan to undress and then transfer to the wheelchair, clad in his boxers and t-shirt.
"Could you watch Hope, I need to take a shower," he said shortly.
"Sure. Where's Max?"
Logan shrugged and wheeled past his friend.
"Logan?" Bling asked alarmed.
Logan stopped in his tracks and without turning to face the other man he explained, "She's gone." He swallowed. "Zack's been caught, they went to get him back."
"I'm sorry," Bling whispered, only slowly comprehending the full impact of his friend's elaboration. "When will she be back?"
"I don't know. Days, weeks…" he couldn't say out loud what he was really thinking. 'NEVER!' What if the right answer was never?
"Are you okay?"
Logan shook his head almost imperceptibly. "No, I'm not." Suddenly all his fear and panic seemed to overwhelm him. "God, I can't do this. I can't live without her. And Hope…I can't…without Max…how am I supposed to…to raise a child, me of all people! We both need her!"
Bling took a deep breath and walked around so he was facing his friend, then he kneeled down. "Listen to me now." He looked straight at his friend until he felt that Logan was really willing to listen. "I know you pretty well, and I know how your mind works. But this time you can't allow yourself to let go. You have somebody to take care of. Hope needs you more than ever before. Got it?"
Logan stared at him, doubt, sorrow and confusion still plainly visible in his features.
"Got it?"
Bling was right, he eventually decided. He would just have to be there for Hope now and trust Max that she would be back.
Bling saw the change in Logan's expression and read it correctly. "Good, and now you go have a shower to clear your mind and then you concentrate on your job, on what you are really good at. Maybe we can find a way to help Max. What do we know?"
Logan took a deep breath, glad that his friend was there to support him and open his eyes. "I'll be right back."