The game we play

by Hickok

Pretensious smut fic I tried to write. Shigure likes to play around with Ayame, but what if Ayame didn't see it as a game? R rating for final chapter.

2. Light beyond the door

The game we play.

DISCLAIMER: I would own Fruits Basket if I had thought of it first, but someone beat me to the punch. This someone is now rich and can afford to be sued if it turned out that they were stealing someone else's work. But they are not. And I am not gaining any money off of this so please do not sue me. I like the little bit of money I do have.

Note: Thankyou everyone for all the nice reviews I got! It was six more then I thought I would get and I was pleasantly surprised at the amount of Shigure/Ayame fans out there. Come on guys! Help me out! Release the smut!! I can't do this alone!

Well, hope you all enjoy the next chapter! If my readers are anything like me, you probably skip all the angst and scroll right down to the romantic scenes. I have to warn you, it's only a bit of innocent cuddling in this chappy. Chapter 5 is the dirty chapter so you'll just have to wait until then! Sorry! ^^

Each time I look at you

Is like the first time

Each time you're near me

The thrill is new

And there is nothing

That I wouldn't do for

The rare delight of the sight

Of you for

The more I see you,

The more I want you

Somehow this feeling

Just grows and grows

With every sigh

I become more mad about you

More lost without you and so it

goes.

Can you imagine how much I love

you?

The more I see you as years go by

I know the only one for me can

only be you

My arms won't free you, my heart

won't try.

I know the only one for me can

only be you

My arms won't free you, my heart

won't try. ~ Nat King Cole.

Darkness... a thousand fragments of past memories blurring into focus before fading back into the blackness again. Brief glimpses only, never lasting, unable to grasp a hold of them for any longer to even determine what they were. Short glances of the child he had been, all those years ago. As a teenager, frolicking about the halls of school with Hatori and Shigure at his side.

Darker days; the day he had turned Yuki away from him, not wanting to even acknowledge his little brothers existence. Lovers he had cheated on or who cheated on him. Long days spent living in the Sohma estate; gazing up at the surrounding walls and wondering what it was like to live outside of them, free from the eyes of the family. The family whose eyes were always watching him, waiting for the chance when he would slip their expectations of him.

It had happened once, once many years ago... the darkness blending seamlessly into the memory of a room, sealed from light. Behind a door, down one of the long hallways of the house had grown up in. A room he hated had never stopped hating.

It was a cold room... dark and cold. Even in his dream of memory, Ayame was unable to free himself from the feeling that permeated his tiny body all of sixteen years ago. Why his subconscious mind had allowed this memory to linger he did not know, but try as he might he was unable to writhe from it's grasp. He didn't want to see it again. He didn't want to be reminded...

"He cannot be trusted around the baby!" A woman's voice accused from outside the locked door. That child... that snake! We must have been fooling ourselves, to even think that he could be. We should have known better then to have taken chances with Yuki; a child of the rat..."

The ten-year-old Ayame inched up from his kneeled position beside the door, trying to peer out into the hallway beyond. Through the keyhole he caught glimpses of people moving past, a group of women fussing over a tightly wrapped bundle held in the arms of a man.

The baby within the bundle none other then his brother Yuki; the newest addition to the Sohma clan.

"Is it true that he dropped him?" Another woman asked, her eyes raking scathingly over the door as though trying to spy the cowering youth beyond. "It's strange though, whatever the case. The rat and the snake, born of the same mother? Peculiar. I would highly doubt the likeliness of the brothers to ever be close."

"Still... I'm sure Yuki will do us all very proud!" The Man declared cheerfully, running his hand over the crown of the baby's head. "I can't say just how happy his mother and I am; that we've been blessed with a child of the rat! He's bound to be as special as those who came before him. Even if Ayame is not."

Perhaps it had been those words that had really been the coldness he had felt that day. Locked in that room, watching the family he loved through the space of a rusty keyhole, as they celebrated the birth of his baby brother. He'd already been forgotten about so quickly.

He hadn't dropped Yuki on purpose; that had been an accident. But he had been locked away as punishment into the coldest room of the house, one that was prone to drafts, despite all his protests. He was not to be let out until dinnertime, six hours away.

Ayame felt cold jealousy rage in his gut, jealousy at the tiny infant he had only ever held once. The infant named Yuki Sohma, who now took up all his parents time and attention. A solitary yellow eye glistened through the keyhole, moist with tears before retreating back into darkness. As quickly as it had come, the feelings of envy evaporated and now more then anything, it was loneliness he felt. Was this how it was going to be from this day forth? Living in the smaller shadow of his wonderful baby brother, simply because he was the rat? Why should it have to be that way? Why-

Ayame sneezed, the sound echoing around the tiny room. It was so cold in there and his bare feet were freezing. What made it so much worse, was that the cold was enough to make him uncomfortable, but not enough to make him transform. He pulled his robes around his body, tucking his arms into the luxurious length of the sleeves trying to restore the feeling into his hands. He wanted to be warm.

"Aya?"

Golden eyes darted to the space beneath the door, where tiny fingers were attempting to probe through to reach the room beyond. Ayame bent his face down close to them, trying to see who the source of the voice was.

"Aya-Kun... they said that they locked you in here." The voice said, whilst the fingers brushed against his cheek. "I was worried about you... Are you cold? I can go find the key if you like...?"

Gure-San! Ayame let out a cry of recognition and pressed his own fingers to his friends, savoring the human contact.

"Shigure..." He whimpered, feeling tears lift into the corners of his eyes and hang there suspended. "You could get in trouble... I don't want you to get in trouble..."

'Could it have been his response that day, that had been the turning point for me?' Ayame wondered. Hatori had once said that in memory people tend to overly romanticize those that we care about... but even now, every day since then, Shigure's words had always held the exact same meaning to me. Nothing less, nothing more. In memory I hold them dear to me but they could not possibly have become dearer as the years passed. Perhaps it was only Shigure himself that became all the dearer. And it was so simplistic; so innocent and sweet those child-spoken words.

"I don't mind getting in trouble for you, Aya. Just as long as you're not cold. Not ever."

Ayame felt those tears return and gather on his lower eyelids, sliding up over them to glide down his plump cheeks, like a finger over fine glass. Tracing invisible patterns that no one could see. He didn't think anyone would care that he was to be locked away in darkness; not while Yuki was around anyway.

But Shigure had proved him wrong.

He had come to make sure that he was not suffering that he was not alone.

To put it simply it was... nice, that he worried about him. Though as a child, it was almost an automated response to seek out a lost friend if they did not turn up to play the games with them. And perhaps that was the entire point of it... that Shigure would always wait outside of that door, until Ayame was ready to step out from behind it and continue with the games they played. To extend that childhood of theirs beyond the passing of the years and continue to live it into a time when all innocence had passed.

Ayame pressed his head to the base of the door, allowing Shigure's fingers to touch his face as he sobbed openly, begging him not to leave.

And Shigure had listened. He had stayed. He would always stay, as long as that door stood between them, waiting for the day when Ayame would step out from behind it and leave that darkness once and for all.

(Obligatory little stars to signify the end of a dream sequence: * * * * * *) (They are nice, no?)

Ayame awoke with a fever. His skin felt hot and sweaty, prickling from beneath like he had lost the feeling all over his body. There was a sharp pain spearing mercilessly from behind his eyes, as though a red-hot skewer had been inserted through one ear and out the other. If this were not enough, he felt nauseous too; a sickening sliding sensation in his stomach.

A strangled groan escaped his lips as he blinked sleepily, adjusting to the dull light from the corner of his eyes. It was a bedside lamp; naturally concluding the fact that he was in a bed. Ayame rolled away from the light, only then acknowledging the feeling of the fabric against his feverish skin. The blankets were wound around him tightly, hindering his legs and restricting his movements. One by one, he slowly flexed each limb, wriggling his toes and finger's, that had been clenched tightly around the blanket's hem. Considering that he was able to do so, Ayame figured that he was now once again human. (Aww... isn't he smart?!) He must have transformed back whilst he had been sleeping.

'It's been a while since I thought about that night... I guess the cold brought it back to me...' Ayame thought, not stopping to realize that this line sounded remarkably like Hatori's in episode 8. Oh well, blame the author. Whimpering softly from the stabbing pain in his head, Ayame sat up, resting his weight back on the balls of his hands. His platinum hair fell in rivers across his bare back, (Readers: Perk up at the mention of 'Ayame' and 'bare' in the same paragraph.) caressing the skin down as far as the curvature of his buttocks. He was completely naked.

Right. Now I have the readers undivided attention... may we continue on with the chapter.

"Aah, so the sleeping beauty finally awakes."

Ayame snapped his head towards the door, regretting it almost instantly. A sharp whiplash (Akito: Whip?!) of pain struck his skull, making his head spin. His elbows buckled beneath his weight and he would have collapsed if not for the gentle arm that had braced his back at the last second. It remained there; holding him gently in a sitting position until Ayame was able to focus again.

"Hey, take it easy, huh?" The voice said from very close to his ear. "You've got a fever you stupid idiot. What do you think you were doing, bumbling around on the front lawn in this weather? You know you're sensitive to the cold you dumb snake." The hand gripped his shoulder tightly, demanding his full attention. "It's a good thing I was the only one around to see you transform, otherwise you'd have more things to worry about then a little chill."

Ayame sneezed as though to clarify this and looked into Shigure's soft brown eyes. They betrayed his stern tone as usual, showing his true nature to be that of a concerned one. Laced with worry over his closest friend. For some reason, this made Ayame feel even more guilty then it would have if he were just plain angry. Shigure was annoyed that Ayame had put himself in such a vulnerable situation, because of the consequences of his actions. That these consequences had resulted in this sickness and that it was causing him to suffer. It was all concern for him.

Ayame raked his fingers through his sweaty bangs and smiled apologetically. He felt awful, in so many more ways then his sickness could provide. Mostly, for how he had must have made Shigure worry. Not that he very much allowed himself the drama of worrying. It wasn't his style.

"I got K-Kyou angry..." He stammered, clenching his fingers around the blankets and pulling them up to his lower chest. His body remained completely exposed along the back, but he was in no mood now to be bashful. Let Shigure stare if he wanted. "He b-b-broke the door. I thought I sh-should clean it up as best I c-could..."

His body trembled from a cold his fever would not allow him to feel somewhere beneath the burning heat that cascaded beneath his ashen skin. Shigure sighed over dramatically (he's pretty good at that) and gave a little smile as he pulled Ayame roughly against his chest, arms tight around his back and shoulders. Ayame gasped despite himself. The feeling of Shigure's body against his bare skin was almost too much for him to handle, especially in a moment of weakness like this. Although if Shigure did decide to take advantage of him, he wouldn't mind.

"Of all the times for you to gain nobility..." The Inu muttered into his hair, sending an all new wave of shivers down the snakes spine. "You had me worried you know... and now look at you! You're sick, if you'll excuse the pun, as a dog!"

Ayame murmured a sound neither to the negative nor the affirmative. He was too distracted by the feeling of Shigure so close to him to worry about anything he was saying. It wasn't safe.

"D-Did you call H-Hari?" He asked finally finding his voice. Shigure smiled kind of half heartedly as he gently lowered Ayame back onto the bed, pulling the covers up to his chin.

"Of course. He said it might be best for you to stay here to recover, rather then moving you back to the main house..." The Inu replied, brushing his hand beneath Ayame's bangs to register his temperature. "Hari thinks you should be alright with some run of the mill medicine and a good nights sleep."

"What about some TLC?"

"If it wasn't taught in med school, Hari would have no idea what it was." Shigure said, chuckling openly as he stroked the crown of Ayame's head. "I suppose I could always put it into practice though. Just don't expect me to start dropping grapes into your mouth or plucking you chickens." (Kureno: *Screams*)

Ayame laughed softly as he relaxed back, enjoying Shigure's touch. If this was how he was doomed to spend a night, it didn't seem so bad!

"Could you plump my pillows for me, Gure-San?" He asked ever so sweetly, batting his eyelashes. Shigure rolled his eyes and made a big show of plumping the pillows up for him. When he had finished, he leaned close, smiling widely.

"Is that better your highness?" He cooed his breath hot on Ayame's cheek. The snake nodded cutely, hoping his fever would hide the blush he could feel creeping into his cheeks. It really wasn't safe to have him that close...

Shigure winked as he got to his feet, straightening out the various creases in his kimono as they shifted about his lean figure.

"Now, you wait right there, Aya! I'm going to get you a damp face cloth for your forehead and a cup of tea. Try to lie still and not get overexcited like you always do, hmm?"

"I just can't help myself when I'm around you, Gure-San." Ayame said truthfully, smiling a beatific smile at the dark haired Inu. Shigure bowed like an over the top actor accepting an Oscar before sweeping out the door, his kimono whipping after him like Batman's Cape. (Readers: WTF?)

Ayame rolled over and faced away from the door, curling his bare legs around one another beneath the sheets. It was only then that he really noticed that it was Shigure's bed he was in. He guessed it hadn't really come as a shock since he had slept in it so many times before. But never naked! At least, not on purpose. Did that mean Shigure was going to have to sleep elsewhere, or was he intending on sharing the same bed that night?

Blush.

Another thought made its appearance, pushing the other one into the background as it claimed the spotlight. Had he been in the bed the whole time, or only after he had made the change back to human form? The idea that Shigure had actually carried him to his bed naked, like a bride on her wedding night made him blush again. At this rate his cheeks were going to fall off. Sure they had been friends their entire lives, but it was not as though they had spent most of said lives romping about together in the nude, despite what weird fanfiction authors said. (Including this one.) Well... maybe when they were kids, but that was beside the point! Things had changed since then! Many things and not all of them physical either. Ayame's feelings had changed, for which he was glad to say. If he had looked at Shigure this way when he was a kid people might have thought he was weird or something.

Ayame also had to wonder why it was that Shigure hadn't dressed him when he had changed back. He had plenty of spare stuff, and while most of it admittedly was not to Ayame's taste he could have stomached wearing some of it for a night. To be honest, the whole situation seemed kind of shady to him... a fact he was enjoying quite well. Still, he felt it appropriate to mention it to Shigure when he entered the room a few minutes later with the tea, face cloth and pill packet. (Not to be confused with 'The Pill.')

"Your clothes were soaking wet by the time I got to you." Shigure explained as he helped Ayame sit up. "And from my own experience with fevers I used my awesome powers of deduction to deduce that from your hot and sweaty appearance that you were in fact – hot and sweaty!!" He raised a finger in the air and posed as though the universe was supposed to applaud his brilliance. When no clapping was detected (Though there was a funny cricket noise) he continued on. "Therefore I thought that if I dressed you, the clothing might make you even more agitated then you already are. You can at least cool down a bit first and if you feel cold later I can get you something to wear."

'At this rate, I'm never going to cool down...' Ayame thought, accepting the delicate china cup from Shigure. 'I'm more likely to go into meltdown then I am cool down.'

His explanation made a little too much sense though and Ayame couldn't help but grin at the Inu through the steam rising from his cup.

"Gure-San doth protest too much, methinks." He teased, taking a tentative sip of the tea. Shigure usually did an abysmal job of making it, but it actually tasted all right to the snake's surprise. He suspected Tohru had left instructions on a little place card before she had left that night. "If you wanted to see me naked Shigure, all you had to do was ask."

Shigure laughed gaily and waved his hand from the wrist. It was a campyish little motion that he was renowned for, that the author just had to add, for no justifiable reason. Only that she liked seeing him do it.

"I know that Aya! But where's the challenge in that? Oh, hey by the way, take these will you?"

He held out the pill packet, allowing two small white capsules to be deposited into Ayame's palm. He regarded them apprehensively.

"Hey, what's with the face? Geez, you'd think I was slipping you bloody narcotics or something. It's just some cold and flu tablets, nothing that exotic." Shigure assured, laying the facecloth down across the top of Ayame's head. "It won't make you gain any weight either. Ayame... your incredibly vain, you know that? I wouldn't give you anything that would endanger those slender little hips of yours, I swear!"

He looked undeniably delicious at that moment, saying those words. Ayame could even swear, he saw Shigure's eyes stray to the lip of the sheets that barely concealed his narrow hips and thighs from sight. But then again... it could just have been innocent... not that this was a word one usually attached Shigure with.

Ayame smiled, brushing a strand of hair from his face as he swallowed the pill. Despite how nauseous he felt, he couldn't deny that he was also enjoying the situation he was in. To the heights in which their flirting transcended. It was risky, almost... dangerous. But very sensually so.

"I can't believe you asked about Hari the moment you woke up."

Ayame glanced over in shock as Shigure teasingly shook his head, a huge grin marring his features. A playful expression it was one, which meant he was gearing up for a good round of tormenting.

"I feel like such a third wheel whenever Hatori comes into the equation. And you—" He chortled, poking Ayame in the shoulder as he smiled unmercifully. "You go to water every time he's around! Oh Hari ~!" He spoke the last line in a teasing Ayame like voice of admiration, how a teenage girl might speak about their favorite pop star. Ayame was flabbergasted.

"It's not like that Gure! It's because I admire him!" He wiggled down further into the blankets a pouty look on his pretty face. "You've always been bad at reading signals..."

"Would you just admit already that you have a crush on the guy?" Shigure flopped onto his back on the bed, flicking Ayame's straight nose with his finger. "It's better to get it out into the open ~!" He sang.

"I don't have a crush on Hari! Where did you get an idea like that?!" Ayame cried emotionally. "I don't look at him like that, you misread the whole thing!"

"You'll feel better once you admit it. It's not good to keep things bottled up inside, y'know?"

"That would imply I have feelings about Hari bottled up inside, which I do not! Jesus Christ Shigure, even if I did what would come of it? He's straight!"

"Okay, okay I'm sorry don't have a cry over it!" Shigure laughed, rolling over onto his side and resting his head on the palm of his hand. "You're not mad at me are you?"

Ayame grumbled something incoherent and sipped his tea. He wasn't in the mood to joke around about such personal issues about who his romantic feelings towards someone. Especially since the person who was teasing him about being in love with someone else was actually the one he was in love with.

"...No... I'm not mad at you, Gure..." He said finally. Shigure smiled and leaned up to ruffle his hair, knowing it was bound to annoy Ayame even more.

"Oh... by the way Aya, I should tell you... I spoke to Yuki when I called Hari..." Ayame glanced up, distracted from his thoughts by the look on Shigure's face. It seemed a tad too somber for his liking. "It seems he ran into Kyou whilst he was heading back and found out about you being here... So the, um, two of them are staying at the main house."

Ayame blinked, unable to comprehend what he was hearing. Nothing short of Armageddon could force Yuki to return to the main house; he had said as much himself. But could he have really wanted to avoid his brother so much that he would go back on his word? Was Ayame even scarier then the thought of a giant asteroid flying through space on a collision course with the earth? Was he?

"He... he went ba...?"

"Well 'they' said and I quote; "I'd risk molestation at the hands of Kagura any day then deal with that idiot for a night" and also "Even Akito would be better company then that snake." Shigure said tactfully, obviously so concerned about how this was going to make his friend feel.

His last comment had been too cutting. How could Yuki say that?! Of all the comparisons to make, why did it have to be that one? Why?! Akito was an evil bastard who got his jollies whipping people! How could Yuki prefer being around him, to his brother who loved him? It didn't make any sense!

Ayame lowered his teacup into his lap an expression on his face like someone had run over his dog. And considering who his dog is you just know the agony he must have been feeling.

"He... really said that?"

"Yes... but I get the feeling he won't actually be spending any time with Akito if that's what you're worried about. He came down with another fever and had to be isolated, so says Hatori. Anyway, Yuki will be spending the night in Haru's room. (Cue disturbing fanfic.) I think it's the kind of opportunity Haru's been waiting for since the moment he met Yuki!" Shigure chuckled lightly, an indication that Ayame was welcome to join in. When he didn't, the Inu allowed some concern to creep into his quirky voice. "Don't worry about what they said Aya. Yuki's just a kid and he's been under a lot of stress lately. It's just that, for whatever the reason, be it clashing personality traits, you just tend to stress him out even more. You're just two different people that's all."

"He didn't have to say it like that though..." Ayame grumbled, looking as though he couldn't figure out whether to cry, sulk or chuck a temper tantrum. He settled for a pouty expression as he sipped his tea. "Though I may deserve it for how I treated him in the past, my actions towards him do not compare to his treatment at the hands of Akito, not at all!" He lowered his head, his long hair falling across his face, disguising his eyes from sight. "Not... at all..."

Shigure watched him for a moment, wondering just what it was that could get his usually cheerful friend so melancholic. It just wasn't like him to get miserable so easily, to give up... The fever may have been part of the problem, but he sensed there was something a little more to it then that. Something Ayame wasn't saying, that he chose instead to hide. This also wasn't like him, to keep things to himself...

Sighing, Shigure sat on the edge of the bed, wrapping an arm around Ayame's shoulders and pulling him close so his head rested against his shoulder. He half expected his friend to burst into tears, like he had that time they watched Lassie. But he remained completely silent, apart from the occasional sniff and intake of breath.

"No. No he didn't." Shigure agreed, placing his other hand on the lump in the blanket created by the rise of Ayame's... knee. (You thought I was going to say something else didn't you? God you people are sick!) "But he's still only young, Aya. Young people tend to say things without thinking of the hurtful inflections of their words. Whatever Yuki's motive of staying at the main house, you can't blame that on yourself anymore. What's done is done and you are doing your very best to mend the damage you know you have caused in the past. Now Yuki has a responsibility to do the same, whether it be for himself or for you. Aya..." Shigure's fingers came up and teased through the loose tresses of the snake's hair that clung to his bare shoulders, each rising and falling in time with the inhalation of each breath. "You can't change who you are. (Note: This is an Oscar scene. Expect to see Shigure accepting the award at the next Academy Awards Ceremony.) And I wouldn't want you to. You spend too much of your time wishing to have the good qualities that you see in other people. So much, that you completely miss the fact that the ability to admit that, to look at other people like that is in itself an admirable quality. Ayame, you wouldn't be who you are, if you were any different to how you are. It's what makes the individual after all and what fun would it be if you were like Hari?" He said the name with that same teasing tone again. Ayame just grunted into his chest. "You're pretty good the way you are now Aya... just the way you are. I wouldn't want you to change to suit anyone else. I'd have no fun hanging out with two Hatori's! So... I guess what I mean is that... maybe you can just stay you, for me... you know?"

Ayame suddenly felt bashful, though it was kind of hard to define why. He'd been waiting years for someone to tell him that; that he was just fine the way he was. He'd always been confident, there was no doubt about that, but part of this egotism was merely a defense mechanism. It was his survival autopilot, to keep from getting depressed at how other people viewed him, no matter how he acted. From the day he had been born, Ayame had only always ever been the snake; the older brother of Yuki Sohma; the rat. He had discovered a long time ago, that being eccentric was the only way he would not be forgotten. If he jumped in everyone's faces 24/7; people would have no other choice but to acknowledge him. It had also been effective enough as a way to keep people at a distance.

Arrogant, egotistical Ayame... But the fact that Shigure had complimented his personality... it felt like for the first time he was really being reached. Like he'd finally been seen for who he was. It had been a while since someone had said something that charming to him. To be liked, often meant more to a person then being loved. After all, love could be considered unconditional and these days a little overrated. It took very little effort to 'love' someone, but to 'like' someone... It had been the first time that somebody had said they liked Ayame for who he was.

He felt his cheeks flush as he looked up into Shigure's eyes, wishing that all it would take was that one look to make him realize. But all he got in return was a smile, not the feeling of his lips on his own. Still, perhaps... it would come in time.

"Oh Gure! Stop it, you're embarrassing me!" He giggled, pushing the Inu's face away with the tips of his fingers. Shigure laughed and placed his hands underneath Ayame's, coaxing the teacup back to his lips.

"Drink up." He ordered as he climbed to his feet. "Are you hungry? Is there anything you'd like me to get you?"

Ayame considered a few inappropriate responses and decided they were better off staying inside of his head. However, there was one option that presented itself and it seemed a lovely way to pass the time.

"Gure! Why don't we have a look at some of our old albums? I don't think we got through them all last time I visited!"