Chapter 12 - Lost
He lost himself. Not to the passage of time or the usual abyss of solitude and despair. She had changed that. He sat alone at the top of lonely hill watching the morning rays of the sun creeping, spreading over the quiet plains as he absorbed the tranquility of his surroundings. Perhaps it would give him a clear mind as well. The tall, willowy grass swayed gently as per its usual ritual trying to shake off the unwanted dew that had magically accumulated overnight. Serenity claimed its territory across the landscape that seemed empty of life – most inhabitants were still asleep. As was Rinoa.
Squall remembered well the first time he watched Rinoa sleep. She was tucked away, safe in her house as the chills of winter howled and demanded in vain to be let in. Now she lay comfortably under Squall's cloak a few feet from him. He resisted the urge to just pull her into his arms, to never let her go, to make sure nothing would ever hurt her again – it just couldn't. It would mean he needed her. His senses cried out for her touch, reeled for her warmth – it was as if she was a requirement to breathe, to live and not merely exist. He had existed for more than a decade and he had never even considered there could be something more, that he needed more than mere existence. But now he had tasted life from her and wanted to live.
The ex-mercenary didn't want to be alone any longer. However, there were risks in filling the emptiness of his soul and he wasn't a gambler.
Squall could feel the peace within her, radiating from her aura. Rinoa's soft and slow breathing reassured him in a way he could not explain. Her mere presence was like a double-edged sword: soothing his pain yet reminding him of his dependence on another. Would she leave? Would fate take her away just like it had taken everything else from him?
The doubts lingered in his mind and he sighed. Only time could be the judge.
"Squall?" a soft voice called breaking the stillness of the morning.
"Here," he replied.
Rinoa rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and stretched, unknowingly catching Squall's attention. The angle at which he was sitting to her allowed him to see down her shirt when she stretched. His eyes ignored the chidings of his mind and continued to etch her beauty into his memories. The top of her simple white shirt had become unlaced.
He jerked his eyes to meet hers when he heard her call him a second time. "Squall?" She waved a hand in front of his eyes. "You there?" she asked amusedly. She hadn't noticed he had been staring at her chest.
"What?" he asked dumbly.
Rinoa looked at him quizzically. "What's on your mind?"
He didn't answer. He wouldn't lie to her unless absolutely necessary and he wasn't about to tell her the truth either. Being a coward was not something he was about to admit.
"Fine don't tell me," she laughed lightly. "How long have you been up?"
". . . Not long."
Rinoa sensed Squall had hidden himself, again – but for what reason? She could only guess it had something to do with Trabia being so close. What was he afraid of? How could she help him if he didn't tell her?
"Squall . . ." she began.
He sensed her intentions and immediately stiffened. "Breakfast?" he asked quickly, signaling that he would not allow her to delve into his feelings.
Rinoa shifted, nodding, and noticed for the first time Squall's cloak draped over her body. She smiled at the gesture but did not verbally acknowledge that she had taken note of the fact. It would only embarrass him.
He threw a pouch at her feet. "Eat first, and then we'll head out."
Rinoa gingerly picked up the leather bag and pulled the drawstrings open. It was filled with dried fruit. She began eating them one by one and dared to glance at Squall. He was still watching her and her curiosity got the better of her. "I don't suppose you'll tell me why you're clamming up the nearer we get to Trabia."
Squall gave her a weary look. "I don't want to lose you." Of course, he would never admit that to her – he was having a hard time accepting that fact himself. "You supposed correctly," he said coolly.
She crossed her arms and huffed at him, giving him her best agitated look.
It didn't work. Squall let out a small chuckle. A strand of hair fell into her eyes and Squall itched to tuck it behind her ear, but of course he didn't. She tried to blow it out of her face to maintain giving Squall a reprimanding, stern look. Instead of her desired intentions, she appeared cute. His eyes opened in surprise at himself. Squall didn't think he would ever use that word to describe anything, let alone a person.
"What's so funny?" she demanded, placing her hands on her hips. Apparently his thoughts had manifested themselves in his expression.
Squall hid away his smile. "You." Instead he replied: "Nothing."
"Tell me . . . please?" Rinoa begged.
". . . I never thought you could eat so much." He pointed to the empty pouch.
"Squall!" She became embarrassed.
"That was a week worth of rations."
She looked incredulously at him as her jaw dropped.
His facial expression remained absolutely serious, and then he added dryly. "Yes, I'm kidding."
At the reaction on her face, Squall couldn't help but let out a low chuckle. He rose to his feet and extended his hand to her.
"Not funny," she huffed. Rinoa grabbed the pouch and stuffed it back into his cloak, taking his offered hand while avoiding his gaze. When she managed to decently control the wildfire-like blush that had spread across her face she met his eyes. "Meanie."
"Remind me to buy you a vocabulary book."
Rinoa lightly slapped his shoulder. "Did I ever tell you how much of a gentleman you are?" she asked sarcastically.
"Must have slipped your mind."
"Must have," Rinoa responded, a little upset the mercenary had gotten the better of her in their verbal spar.
"Oh, and to prove how much of a gentleman I am," he paused for effect as they headed down the hill. "I will kindly inform your highness that the lace to your shirt is undone."
By this point he had turned away from her and she looked down to check the accuracy of his statement.
Squall was indeed correct in his assessment. How the hell had he seen that? Hastily retying the lace she mumbled her sentiments: "Pervert."
"Hey, I had to fight one guy over you. I don't feel like fighting a whole town full."
"I take the pervert comment back then," Rinoa said.
Squall looked pleased but Rinoa quickly amended her statement. "But you are not a gentleman."
"If I'm gone, who'll protect you?"
"If you're gone, then there wouldn't be voyeurs to need protection from," she quipped.
"Does that include yourself?"
"What are you talking about?" Rinoa feigned innocence. He couldn't have possibly known she had been watching . . . well more like drooling over him training shirtless that one afternoon could he?
"Oh, I don't know," he said sarcastically. "Although I do remember you were watching me practicing without an invitation." He didn't have to look at her to know she was flustered.
They continued tramping through the terrain, seemingly unaffected by winter. Perhaps the gods had decided to spare snow on Trabia this year. It would be their first streak of real luck in a while – the town had been through many hardships. Yet the citizens were still able to band together to form a resistance movement. Luck had never situated herself in Trabia, but perhaps now she may taken temporary residence.
She looked up after several minutes – their paces falling comfortably together – and saw Trabia. An immediate feeling of pain, loss, betrayal, and fear washed over her and she stumbled.
Squall steadied her and concern etched into his face. "What is it?"
The young woman grabbed her head as to ease the headache away. "There's something wrong. Can't you feel it?" She wondered if their tentative knight-sorceress bond was too weak for him to pick up the auras of the tortured souls. It was as if Death itself lingered near . . . and perhaps he did.
Squall focused on being more receptive and felt a cold prickling sensation shoot through his body. The hairs on the back of his neck immediately straightened up and he shivered from the eerie feeling. She was right; some terrible tragedy had occurred or was still in the process of occurring. "What is this sensation?" Squall murmured, shaking it off. His entire body felt numb.
The raven-haired sorceress snapped her attention towards the source emanating the signals she had so easily picked up on. Then she saw the faintest trace of smoke coming from the quaint town. "Trabia," she whispered in a trance. "Trabia has fallen."
Author's Notes: Lol, ok ok, so I haven't updated in a while. Apologies, but I don't get much of a break b/een summer school and (now) fall semester. And with the amount of classes I'm taking . . . well you get the idea. Seifer should be in the next chapter, I felt it was more important to concentrate on Rinoa/Squall and Trabia for this one. Thanks for the reviews/support guys =).
Now onto the questions/comments.
Optical Goddess: Your reviews always make me smile. You're a sharp lady for both stories you've reviewed recently of mine.
MagzDD: Yes it did mean "*ahem* *ahem*" =). Sorry if I've confused you later.
Lycan_bloodbank: Marriage isn't going to happen for a while. I didn't mean to rush it, but people do crazy things in crazy times. So Squall's back to being his old self: progressing slowly towards opening up Rinoa.
Dark Raion: I hope things are going better now. Hey don't you have a story to be updating? ;)
Keiry: I'm very flattered =). Hope I don't keep you from schoolwork though.