Searching for a New Heart
By: Sissi
Disclaimer : MKR is not mine.
Chapter Seven
I prepare myself for school, packing my books inside my schoolbag. I watch the clock hanging on the wall and notice that I've still got some minutes. Better hurry up than be late and listen to some teacher reproaching you.
I walk on the streets, barely noticing the other passers-by; I had thought a lot yesterday, and now, I am firm on my decision. I like Fuu and, well, I know she's with Eagle and all, but I can't give up. Of course, it doesn't mean I will try to separate them, I am just saying that, if they ever break up, I'll be there to help her and consolate her. Second intentions? Why, you guys don't believe me? I am crushed.
Anyway, I arrive quickly at school. Other students are already in their classes, talking about some mundane subject. I shrug. I place my bag near my desk and sit down. Somehow, after you start to wonder about your feelings, everything sounds a little hollow, as if nothing else mattered but you. I know, sounds egocentric but it is true. I guess I am starting to understand what the romantic poets felt, like Keats, when they talked about themselves and their emotions.
After school, I intend on visiting her again, with the excuse of going there to see my sister, not that it is entirely a lie. Emeraude is still there, but she is doing fine, for her sickness is merely a hormonal issue, not something as serious as Fuu's. One only needs to take an injection , and I know it hurts, but if one compares it to a transplant, it is so much safer.
I get a pen from my pencilbox and start drawing pictures on my notebook, whilst my classmates and I wait for the sensei to arrive. Who is going to lecture us today, I wonder. I have a terrible memory, mind you. I sigh as I keep making strange forms on my notebook, drawing an egg that was supposed to be a perfect cincunference. Oh well, I guess drawing isn't my cup of tea.
I place the pen down and rest my back against the chair, staring at the ceiling. I push some bangs out of my face, my body in a relaxed manner, savouring the moment. Someone taps on my shoulder, and I turn around.
"Hey, Ascot, what's up?" I ask him, noticing the way his shoulder were slumped and the dark bags under his eyes.
"Are you okay?" I try again, since he hasn't answered me. He sighs and takes a seat beside me, placing his bag beside the desk. He straightens his uniform and when he finally lifts his face, I notice his eyes are a little duller than usual. He's scaring me.
"I've been studying," he says, and I almost fall from my chair. Almost. All my worry suddenly evaporates like water, and I stare at him in disbelief. He looked like shit when all the matter was due to his studies? Man, he's too brainy for my liking, not that I don't consider him a friend. My best friend, as a matter of fact.
"Hey, chill out, we've still got some more weeks until the finals," I tell him the truth. He shrugs but he smiles back at me. I shake my head, this is my best friend, people. The nerd Ascot, who has a crush on a teacher who already has a boyfriend. Oh well, at least it is only a crush, neh? What if it were love? I don't even want to think about it.
"So, what's up with you, Ferio? What about that guy from the other day?" Man, sometimes, I could swear Ascot has sixth sense or something, I mean, c'mon, how can he manage to ask exactly what's been disturbing me lately? Either he is very perceptive, which is not the case for he's tired and almost dead of fatigue, or he's been researching about my life just like a spy. Hmmm, interesting point, I guess I will take the second option.
"Ferio?" He waves a hand in front of me, and I roll my eyes, throwing my head back. Running a free hand over my hair, I sigh in defeat and tell him what happened to me last night and the small epiphany I had on the road.
He listens patiently to me, exclaiming at the right moments, nodding his head in understanding, and laughing out loud at my awckward moments with Sakura. Patting my shoulder in sympathy, I watch as his eyes melt away and smile at me good-naturedly.
"Man, you've got a lot of problem at the moment," he replies, and I roll my eyes once more. Well, I already knew that, no need to keep reminding me of my misery, though it is good to feel your friend caring for you.
The bell rings and I say goodbye to Ascot, preparing my desk for one more boring class. I turn my head to the window and stare at the greenery scene presented to me. The trees are so beautiful... it is still the beginning of spring, yet they have already gained back their lives and now, their branches are full of flowers and leaves.
"Good morning. Please, hand me your homework first, and then we shall begin our class." I turn my head and watch Shinomori-san walk past the students' desks, collecting notebooks from my classmates. The girls have dreamy eyes and cheesy smiles plastered on their faces, and I chuckle to myself. Shinomori-san avoids looking at them, walking quickly through the aisles, not being impolite but neither being warm towards them.
Math is not my cup of tea either, but I don't think I will die of boredom today. If only Takani-sensei were here...then things would heat up quickly. Oh well, a boy can only dream, neh?
* * * * *
I close the book with finality and collect my things, throwing my pensilcase inside my schoolbag. I stand up and head to the door, a huge smile forming on my face. Why am I so happy? Well, I've finally come up with a decision.
I am going to the hospital and see Fuu.
Okay, call me nuts, call me crazy, heck, call me anything you want, but I decided that, if I can't have her, at least, I want to be near her. Just watching her will be fine so leave me alone. I know, this is so pathetic that you can't help but pat my head and apology to me for the harsh words you have been forming in your mind. I don't blame you, I totally agree with you, but sometimes, when you have nothing else to do, the only choice is to let it take you to wherever it wants to.
Do I make any sense? No? Well, don't take me seriously, I have a lot in my mind right now, I guess my head is so full of thoughts and doubts I can't even think straight at the moment. And no, I don't need to see a psychiatrist, I am fine, thank you very much. Fuu is all I need at the moment.
The street lamps are still off, and I lift my head to watch the darkening sky. I've been very pensive lately, which is very odd. I shrug, and keep walking, aware of the lowing temperature and the sound of strangers lurking in the dark corners. I pull my shirt closer to me, blaming myself for not wearing warmer clothes.
I stop in front of a flower shop, the same one I had bought flowers for Emeraude in. I hesitate for a second, but I move my legs and enter the establishment. The sound of bells ringing on top of me greets my ears, and I gaze at the myriad of colours presented to me in orange and black vases.
A tiny woman appears from a hidden door, the entrance obscured by a heavy dark curtain. She smiles in my direction, and when she sees my green hair, her smile broadens. She still remembers me.
"Hello, my boy, how have you been lately?" she asks me behind the counter. I ponder over her question. Not very well, I am tempted to say, but I smile to her and reply with a pretty good. Why should I worry this happy old woman?
However, I don't think she took my words for granted, because she frowns momentarily, a shaky hand scrutching her chin throughtfully. I avert her eyes, walking in the store, choosing silently the flowers I would buy.
"Well, you don't look very well, but I won't press you. Which flower do you want to buy today?" she asks me, cleaning her hands with a towel paper. I point to some zinnies.
"Zinnies this time? Good choice, but I wonder... Still not roses?"
I close my eyes, calming my speeding heart. Damn, this old woman and Ascot must be related! I shake my head, trying to smile at the same time. Somehow, it is much harder than it used to be, and I can only wonder why.
She takes some zinnies from the vase I had pointed and wraps them with a red paper with golden diagonal striped, and with one white lace securing them as one, she hands the bouquet to me. I open my bag and take out my wallet, and after selecting the right notes, I hand them to her and she takes them from me, still frowning slightly.
"Thanks," I murmur, opening the door with one hand, whilst the other is busy holding the flowers.
"You're welcome, and don't remember to buy some roses the next time," she advises me. I have this huge urge to bang my head against the wooden door, and see my blood flood from my head like a red rivulet.
Don't worry, I am not that insane to do that. Also, I am not a huge sucker for pain, and this reminds me why I am always so shocked to know that there are still so many women who have children without pain killers. I remember Takani-sensei telling us that women were much more resistent than men because of the labour pain, the worst one known among the doctors. Not even the one you feel when your back is being broken can compare to it.
Well, enough of Biology for now, I'm not too thrilled to discuss about this subject at the moment. In fact, I have already arrived at the hospital. I lift my left wrist and look at my wristwatch. Wow, it is a record! It took me only twenty minutes to arrive here!
The nurses already know me, I notice. Some of them wave to me, and I wave back with my free hand. I walk to my sister's room and open the door. She's asleep on her bed, her long hair spread around her head, her rosy lips pouting slightly, and her pale skin glowing as the sun hasn't set completely.
She's beautiful.
I place the flowers on the nearest table and look around. I spot a vase near her bed and take it to the bathroom, filling it with cold water and placing the flowers in it. I look around the room once again, and after some minutes, I decide that the table is just fine.
I walk to her bed and sit on the edge, watching my sister with caring eyes. It's not everyday you notice how special your sister is to you, and I can only wonder why I have never thought of this before. I trace her cheek bones softly, mesmerized that she's my sister. She has the same blood as me.
I don't mean we have the same blood like what Biology and Genetics say, I know that our cells have different genetic codes. What I mean is that she's my sister, born from the same parents, saw me grow up and played with me when we were little. I pat her head, and stand up, not before touching her cheeks with my lips.
I close the door behind me and leave the room. She must have been tired for she rarely sleeps in the afternoon. Should I ask the nurses about this? I slap myself; Ferio, stop acting like the caring big brother. First of all, you are younger than her, and second, you're a man and shouldn't show your emotions so freely. It's not that big of a deal, really, but I have a reputation to protect. Ferio equals tough guy.
Okay, so it's time to visit Fuu. I am not nervous. I am not nervous, why should I be? She's with another guy, I know I can't have her to myself, I am quite realistic about this, so why am I babbling around like this?! And why am I fidgeting, my fingers playing and touching the hem of my clothes like crazy?!
I sigh. They are not very good signs, I guess. I stop in front of Fuu's bedroom, and I lift my arm to knock on the door, Just some quick taps and that's all. Yup, not a big deal. Remember, Ferio: you're the tough guy. You can do anything, right?
Right.
Okay, let's go.
...
Erm, does anyone care to tell my why my hands feel like jelly? They are shaking, for God's sake!! Argh!! I think I'll have a heart attack.
I rest my forehead against the door, cooling my high body temperature. This shouldn't be happening to me, I had the epiphany yesterday, I should know what to do and what to feel!
"Is anyone out there?" a sweet voice asks. I freeze, my muscles tensing and paralysing right at the spot. I gulp, suddenly feeling my lips dry and my head light, almost spinning around as if I had butterflies in my head, instead of in my stomach. I gulp again.
"It's me, Ferio. C-can I co-come in?" Oh great, now you're stammering. Sometimes, it is hard to believe that something that is already bad can get worse. This is a great example as how to prove that that statement is correct.
I am one such lucky guy. Oh yeah, I truly am. Drop a lot of sarcasm here, please. I feel like my life is a complete joke to someone right above me, sitting on His throne and watching me as miserable as ever.
I open the door and smile at her. The wave of pessimism that had been engulfing me suddenly lifts away, and I feel like a blue and clear sky is right above me. How can she do that to me? Maybe she should become a doctor once she gets better, so she can help others just like me. Sometimes, no, let me correct this, I always wonder whether she's real or not. It's impossible to have someone as perfect as her. She's too damn perfect.
I am not overreacting, she's really perfect! She's beautiful, caring and she looks like the girl who understands and cares deeply for her friends. I don't know if we are friends are not, I can only wish we are. And, above all, she isn't afraid of her disease, nor of the fact that she can die. Her friends and me are the ones who are scared to death that she may never find a new heart to replace hers. Her only flaw is her sick heart. Her physical heart.
"Umi gave me this new CD to cheer me up," she says from her spot, her eyes shining with contentment. I sit by her side and look at the object, reading the singer's name. Celine Dion.
"She has a beautiful voice," I comment, smiling at her. She smiles back, placing the CD on her lap. She gazes at the table and points at it.
"My CD player is over there. Could you bring it to me?" she asks, and she doesn't have to ask twice for me to get it to her. I stand up, grab it and give it to her in a swift movement. She smiles shily to me, her cheeks gaining a pink colour. I wonder...
She opens it and put the CD inside it. Placing one headphone in her right ear, she offers me the second one, and I take it from her, my fingers touching hers briefly. She gasps, and I look at her. She shakes her head.
"It was nothing," she says, and I shrug. She presses the 'play' button and the music starts:
Every night in my dreams I see you I feel you
That is how I know you go on
Far across the distance and spaces between us
You have come to show you go on
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you opened the door
And you're here in my heart and my heart will go on and on
Loce can touch us one time and last for lifetime
Ánd never let go till we're one
Love was when I loved you one true time I hold to
In my life we'll always go on
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you opened the door
And you'r here in my heart and my heart will go on and on
You're here there's nothing I fear
And I know that my heart will go on
We'll stay forever this way
You're safe in my heart and my heart will go and on
She presses the 'stop' button and takes off her headphone. I do the same, and give it back to her. We stay in silence for some minutes, which seems like eternity.
Tic-tac, tic-tac, tic-tac...
"It's from that movie, Titanic, isn't it?" I ask. She nods, and I feel like talking to her, to make her notice my presence. "It was okay, I guess, though I can still remember the girls crying when the hero died."
"I cried as well," she replies, and I feel jealous of that man. I try to squash this feeling, though I know it will stay for some time. "I just didn't understand the finale. Did the woman die?" I ask. This time, I am not asking just to hear her voice, I am truly interested and curious. It had been one of the major questions that had intrigued me, and in a way, I know that Fuu has the answers.
"Well, in my opinion, she died in the end," she tells me. "First, the scene was different from all the ones in her memory, and I guess she would have told us about that one if it had been real. She wouldn't have lied to us, for she even told us about her love affair. So, yes, I believe she dies in the end that yound woman was actually her spirit which returned to the place she belonged. Beside him." And she stops.
I am breathless. Her logical words and her serene face rendered me. Oh yes, she can tell me that the planet is flat and I would have believed her. Oh yes, I would have. I nod to her and she blushes. I frown.
"Fuu! How are– " A cheerful voice stops in mid sentence. Long blue hair and blue eyes stare at both of us, first at Fuu and then at me. I gulp. It's Umi.
"Hello, Ferio. Hey, Fuu. So, what are you two doing alone?" she asks, and her voice is accusatory. I glare at her. Is she trying to say that we...? Oh no, she can't, can she?
I stand up, and kiss Fuu's cheek, receiving another blush. "Well, I've got to go. See you girls some other day." With firm steps, I leave the room, not turning back.
So I was kind of rough. Well, sue me, I am angry! What were I supposed to do? Reply sweetly and tell her that yes, I like her friend, but unfortunately, we had done nothing in that room. Yeah, right.
Someone taps my shoulder and I turn around, my lips turned downward and a frown marring my face. I scowl when I see Umi. She glares back at me.
"May I talk to you?"
I cross my arms over my chest. "No, you may not," I reply smugly. She clenches her fists beside her and closes her eyes, inhaling and exhaling deeply. Yup, I have angered her. I don't know if what I did was good or not, for I don't know how she will react. Should I wait and see?
"Well, okay, so I'll make this clear to you: don't approach Fuu. She's with Eagle and she's happy with him. We don't need you to mess with her life. Understood?"
"And who are you? Her mother?"
"I am her best friend and I care a lot about her!"
"Well, it should be her decision whether she wants to see me or not, and I don't see or hear her telling me that she wants to be alone."
"You aren't good for her health," she says to me, and I clench my teeth. I am bad for her health? Now, she's stretched too thin! I am not a threat to her health! I like her, I even daresay I love her!
Before I can reply with harsh words, she turns on her heels and leaves me alone with my mouth wide open, ready to strike her. Not physically, only...mentally. Okay, verbally.
I turn as well and start walking to the door, a headache spreading through my brain. That girl... how dare she?! Yet, her words strike something in me, her words ringing an alarm bell inside my system. What is it?
You're bad to her health. She's with Eagle and she's happy with him. Don't mess with her life. I am her best friend...
Wait... She's happy with Eagle and don't mess with her life. A smile starts to spread on my face, and I can't help a goofy smile. Yup, she said that. I am sure she said that, which can only mean I affect Fuu's life.
I leave the hospital with a light heart. I lift my face to the sky and watch the clouds flying around, forming strange and known figures. I see one resembling a bird. Wait! Does it have four wings?
I lift my arms and stretch my sore limbs. My mind returns to my previous thoughts. Maybe, just maybe, Fuu likes me as well. Could it be?
TBC...
Response to Reviews:
Kyaa Kyaff: Hy, girl. Thanks for beta-reading this again, I loved your comments! By the way, you weren't the only girl who wanted to be in Sakura's place, so don't worry. I'd die to be her, though I don't have brown hair and green eyes. -.-;; Yup, Hayao Miyazaki is the best, isn't he? Anyway, anyone who thought this chapter was great was due to Kyaa Kyaff! Everybody, let's clap loudly! ^_^
Momentum: Yup, that was Sakura from Card Captors. It wasn't my original intention at first, but when I noticed how I had described Ferio's date, I knew it was Sakura. ^_^ Thanks for your words!
Dr@gon Princess; Thank you for the compliments, and *grins sheepishly*, thanks for correcting me. Did you see that I wrote her name correctly this time? ^_^ Also, I can't say whether this story will have a happy or sad ending. I can only say that there'll be lots of action. Does this make sense?
Hikaru_29: Thanks, girl, and I hope you'll enjoy this new chapter. Thanks for the compliments!
Mashpotatobunny: Lol, yeah, that was Sakura from CCS, and c'mon, don't get sad, it's great to have brown hair and brown eyes! I am oriental, so you can guess what I look like. ^_^ Anyway, yup, Haku is hot, isn't he?
Kodachi: Well, sorry to disappoint you, but Eagle and Fuu are indeed boyfriend and girlfriend, but don't worry, this is a Fuu/Ferio fic, and they will end up together. I just can't promise how. Thanks for your words!
Repori: Lo, yes, I do think the dialogues between you and your muses are funny. Hehe...well, you wanna see some F/f? Hmm, I'll see what I can, though I can't promise when. We've still got to get rid of Eagle, neh? ( what am I saying??!? I love Eagle!! ). Hmm, so you look like Sakura? Cool! Well, I think all of us think we look like her, especially because there's a certain person who was sitting beside her in the movies. *Drools* Thanks for the review!
Snow_Fairy: Thanks girl, and here's chapter seven. They are not together yet, but we finally discover that Fuu may like Ferio. Does she truly likes him? Or maybe he's just seeing too many things? Lol.
Sprout: Thanks hun, and I am so sorry for making you review twice just so I could start and finish this chapter as soon as possible. Anyway, keep reading to know how they will end up together, though I have no idea. Okay, I do, but I can't tell. Yet. ^_^
Sweety: Thanks girl for your kind words, and well, here's chapter seven for you. By the way, I have noticed that your e-mail has a 'br' in the end. Does this mean you're a brazilian as well? Cool!!!! ß I am assuming that you're a brazilian ^_^
Alimoe =0D: Thanks girl, and here it is. It didn't take so long, did it? Okay, it did, but well, school, tests... and I am conscious of the fact that I making up excuses. ^_^ Anyway, you will forgive me, right? And don't worry about not reviewing before, just the fact that you read it and enjoyed it is enough to me.
Thank you all!
Sissi