Stay With Me Chapter 2: My So Called Emotions, a csi fanfic

A/N: Thanks to Marita- You are the best beta ever, coo-coo-ka-choo! Karin- you're an s/g shipper who without doubts reads my c/g fanfics and enjoys them. Knowing that makes my day just a little bit brighter. Jennifer- your encouragement does worlds for my sometimes bruised ego. And thanks to all of you who read and reviewed this story when it first came out.

Chapter Two-

My So Called Emotions

Catherine awoke to an unfamiliar arm lying aimlessly across her chest. The sun was seeping through the slightly open curtains. It felt nice to wake up in someone's arms, well it did until she realized the arms she was wrapped in were in fact Gil Grissom's. Now wide-awake, she tried to recall the events of the previous night, cringing at the thought of them. He had managed to force down her barricades in ways no one else had been able to do. Now they lay crumbled at her feet. Scattered and discarded as if they were nothing.

Gently she placed Grissom's hand at his side and slipped out from under the covers. She had to get away, fast. She couldn't face this, not now. She could not shake the feeling of being so vulnerable, so open to Grissom. Swiftly but silently she searched for her keys and purse. Spotting them on the counter, she grabbed them only to realize moments later that her car was still parked back at CSI.

"Making a fast exit Catherine?" she turned to see Grissom standing in the bedroom doorway. Walking towards the stereo and turning it on, his eyes stayed fixed on hers.

"I…uh..well. I just…" Casting her eyes downward, she felt his gaze burning into her. Unsure of what to do next, she edged her way to the table attempting to put as much space between them as she could. Her tongue was thick with saliva, her palms sweaty. *Please Gris, don't do this, I can't handle this* she thought to herself. She was scared, cornered, her emotions bare to the world.

"Cath. We need to talk. About last night, about what happened between us."

"Gris…I need to get home. Eddie is picking Lindsey up from school today and I don't want her to come home to an empty house."

"Don't go. Stay, just for a minute. I promise I won't take up that much of your time. I can give you a ride back to CSI when we're done; your car's still parked there. Please, don't shut me out."

"Grissom. I…I just can't. Not now. Not ever." She saw him flinch when the words came out of her mouth. It hurt him somewhere deep down; she knew it would. Inwardly she cursed herself for saying such a comment to him.

~ Never doubt, never look back. That's how I live my life~

But she had doubts; she had regrets; and she knew she would regret this moment for the rest of her life. She tried to block it out, but it was there. She tried to take her mind off of the pain and guilt, listening to mellow sounds of the stereo, but it leered back her; the words searing her heart.

I let you down

Let me pick you up

Let me climb up you to the top

So I can see the view from up there

Tangled in you hair

I let you down

I have no lid upon my head

But if I did

You could look inside and see what's on my mind

I let you down, Oh, forgive me

You give me love

Let me walk with you, maybe I could say

Maybe talk with you, open up

And let me through

Don't walk away

I have no lid upon my head

But if I did

You could look inside and see what's on my mind

How could I be such a fool like me?

I let you down

Tail between my legs

I'm a puppy for your love

I have no lid upon my head
But if I did
You could look inside and see what's on my mind, oh it's you
I let you down
I'm a puppy for your love
I'm a puppy for your love

Forgive me
Forgive me
Forgive me
I let you down

"Griss...I…uh…I didn't realize you liked the Dave Matthews Band." It was a meager attempt to change the subject and lighten the ever present tension in the room. It was a safe topic, one that wouldn't lead to their talking about the events of the previous night. "I thought all you listened too was Bach and Beethoven."

"It's a good release for me." he replied bluntly. "In all truth, I like them because you like them." It was a simple statement. One tiny statement that spoke worlds about his feelings towards her. She couldn't help but feel guilty. He was bearing his soul to her in a very un-Grissom like fashion. Hot, stinging tears were forming in her eyes. She tried to hold them back but they flowed down her cheek in an endless sea of sorrow. A now concerned Grissom rushed over to her.

"Catherine, are you alright? What's wrong?"

"Nothing Grissom! I'm fine, ok?" her small tears now breaking out into full- blown sobs. " I can't do this Gris, don't make me do this. It's to hard." His hand was on her shoulder and she fiercely swatted it off as she backed away from him.

"Why are you pulling away from me Catherine?" he asked, his voice full of anger and concern.

"Because I have too." She replied in a child-like manner. For each step he took towards her, she took one step back.

"No, you don't. Just tell me, what's so hard?"

"Love." And she ran out the door; leaving a shell-shocked Grissom standing stupefied in his kitchen, sounds of Dave Matthews Band playing softly from the stereo.

To be continued….

Special note: Michmak- I read your story "VIDEO KILLED THE RADIO STAR" and it inspired me to keep this going. It sort of made me wonder about what if Catherine was put in Grissom's position, becoming sort of closed off from everyone else. And what if Grissom was the one who wanted to start the relationship…anyway thanks for keeping me inspired.

--I am not sure if you all were thinking this was the direction I was going to take but I hope you still enjoyed it. PS: the song is called "Let You Down" and it's off of Crash by Dave Matthews Band. It's an awesome song and a fantastic album, one of their best.