Thanks: I think I should thank Sarah McLachlan…the song was such an inspiration. Also thanks to Marita, Autumn, and Angie for beta-reading for me. And to Jennifer, Maud, and Karin for the wonderful feedback. Somehow the fic gods were with me on this one. So thank them too.
Special Thanks: To Ann for being so wonderfully inspirational and helpful. Many an idea were exchanged over IM about this chapter. We researched, we laughed, we compared chapter titles, we planned out the rest of the fic, we cried knowing it was going to have to end, and then we laughed some more. So all hail my newly acquired muse, Ann!
Stay With Me
Chapter Five- "On the Wings of a Prayer"
~ ~ ~ ~
A mirror blackened sky
Far beyond the glaring street lights
Sleeping on empty dreams
The vultures lie in wait
~ ~ ~ ~
Grissom didn't know what was worse; the argument he had had with Catherine, or the guilt he harbored for missing her phone call. She was going to talk to him and he had missed it. Somehow he felt as if he was completely responsible.
Squinting briefly in the direction of the Tahoe, he noticed the strange looks Warrick was giving him. Anxiously Grissom picked up his case and headed for the vehicle. Throwing it in the back seat and firing up the engine he made a hard left out onto the strip.
"Um…Gris, CSI is the other way." Warrick pointed as they made a hard right.
"We aren't going to CSI."
"Then where exactly are we going? I thought you wanted to get this stuff to Greg."
Grissom did not speak. Weaving through the traffic, he just drove, leaving Warrick's questions hanging in the air.
In the distance sirens could be heard. The blinking of ambulance lights grew steadily nearer. Brass was on the street corner speaking with a couple that looked to be distraught. Halting the car abruptly and jumping out, Grissom caught the tail end of what appeared to be an eye-witness account.
"-Barreling from the corner—over there." A woman, who looked to be about sixty, explained to Brass.
"Brass."
"Excuse me miss." Side-stepping the couple he made his way over to Grissom.
"Grissom. Where the hell have you been?"
"What happened? Is she alright?"
"I don't know."
"Wait! How is who?" a slightly out of breath Warrick joined them after having run after Grissom.
"Catherine."
"Catherine? I thought she was at home, sick?"
"She was." Grissom didn't know what to tell his two confused coworkers. He wanted to tell them but the isolated private part of his mind begged otherwise.
~ ~ ~ ~
You lay down beside me thenYou were with me, every waking hour
So close I could feel
Your breath…
~ ~ ~ ~
"Well if she was at home, then why was she driving? And how did she end up here?" The expression on Warrick's face had turned from angry to concerned in a half a second.
"We don't know yet. Hopefully Catherine will be awake to tell us that." Brass replied.
"Awake?" The world began to close in on Gil Grissom. The glitz of the Vegas lights now seemed dull; the sounds now seemed harsh and angry.
"Medics found her unconscious in her car. The suspect- one Jared Ardler, ran the red light over there-" Brass pointed across the four lane street. "and hit Catherine's car as she was going through the light- here. Impacting on the drivers' side."
"Maximum impact." Grissom speculated.
"Yea. And I can tell you one thing, that man's about as sober as I am pretty. Got within six feet of the guy and could practically taste the whiskey."
"Do Nick and Sara know what has happened?"
"They were at the lab processing the samples from their single homicide when I contacted them. Sara's meeting the ambulance at St. Joseph's Memorial and Nick is on his way here."
"Good, Warrick, tell Nick to get on those photos when he gets here. You check the Tahoe and then tow it to C.S.I."
"Got it boss, but what are you doing?" Warrick asked raising his eyebrow.
"I am going to the hospital. Someone has to talk to this Jared Adler. Finish processing and then call me." Grissom felt as if he was suffocating. He couldn't get away fast enough to go check on Catherine. In the car, for the first time since he was a boy, he prayed to God that she was all right.
~ ~ ~ ~
When all we wanted was the dream
To halve and to hold
That precious little thing
Like every generation yields
A new born hope unjaded by the years.
~ ~ ~ ~
She was sitting in the waiting room staring at the floor. Loudly her foot tapped against the side of the chair. Next to her was a small blonde haired girl of about seven whom Gil recognized immediately. Focusing on the two, it seemed as if time somehow moved slower around them. As if they, just like himself were standing still in a lifetime of mass confusion.
"Any news yet?"
"Geez! Grissom, you scared me!"
"Sara…."
" You know you shouldn't sneak up on a person like that. Right Lindsey?" Sara asked the little girl next to her.
"Uncle Grissom!"
"Hey Lindsey Binsy." She shrieked with joy as he hoisted her into his arms and smiled at her. A quick glance over to Sara and he knew she was distracting him from the original topic.
"I missed you!"
"Well, you know, I missed you too. But right now I need to talk with Sara in private…if that's all right with you."
"Can I get something from the vending machine?"
"Sure." He forked over a dollar to her and she headed off down the hall. "Sara. You never answered my question."
"And what question would that be?"
"You know what."
"They haven't told me much."
"Then tell me what you do know."
"Well they took her into surgery about an hour ago…they didn't even tell me what it was for. I…I saw her Grissom. They wheeled her in here and I saw her. She doesn't look good." Her voice was shaky as she spoke the words, as if she was unsure of how Grissom would react to the news.
"Is there a doctor here? One that I can speak with?"
"I haven't been able to flag one down yet. In fact most of them blow past me like I don't even exist… hey Grissom?"
"Yeah?"
"You know why Catherine was in that car don't you? I mean, I was under the impression that she was at home sick."
"She was."
"But that doesn't make any sense."
"A lot of things don't make sense. Such is the way of life." He replied, in a tone very similar to the one he used when rambling off some obscure haiku.
"I don't believe that."
"Believe what?"
"That. You. Your attitude. I don't believe you."
"Well what you think I believe and what I really do, have no bearing on this." He retorted angrily.
~ ~ ~ ~
Pressed up against the glass
I found myself wanting sympathy
But to be consumed again
I know would be the death of me.
~ ~ ~ ~
"You love her don't you?" She asked spontaneously.
"Sara. We're friends. We've been friends for 10 years."
"It's so obvious Grissom."
"Something that's not there can hardly be considered obvious." He could see her eyes watching his every move. He could feel them burning holes into his soul.
"You are saying, in the ten years you have known Catherine, you haven't had one sexual thought about her?"
"Sara, that's an unfair question." The wheels in his head began turning; thinking of any possible way he could get out of the situation.
" Wake up Grissom…see the big picture. Just admit it, you like her."
"Sara--- "
"Grissom, what's Catherine's favorite food?"
"Lasagna, and a glass of red wine."
"And do you not frequently go over to her house for breakfast?"
"Yes. I do. But why is this important?" His impatience was growing thin, as well as his will to keep his feelings a secret. A few more questions like this and Grissom might have to tell Sara what had happened.
"Just one more question- I promise. What does Catherine know about your past? About you?"
"You mean about my mother?"
"Yes."
"She met her once, a long time ago. At a dinner."
"Grissom. Now that you have told me all that, can you still possibly deny that you have feelings for her?"
"Sara…I do—"
"You're friends with me right? Do you really know that much about me? Have you ever bothered to learn? You couldn't even remember that I am a vegetarian!"
"Sara, I have known Catherine for a long time. Longer than I have known you. There are certain things that you just pick up."
"Fine Gris. Fine. Deny it all you like. But it is written all over you face."
"Stop analyzing so much."
"She wasn't sick was she?" Grissom started to reply but Sara waved her hand in his face to keep him quiet. "You two had a fight didn't you? I thought I saw her car in the parking lot…."
"She was upset, about the case. She wasn't in any shape to drive herself so I drove her home…" Glancing up from Sara's gaze, Grissom saw a doctor push open the surgery doors. "Stop…wait…"
~ ~ ~ ~
And there is a love that's inherently given
A kind of blindness offered to deceive
In the light of forbidden joy
Oh I know I won't receive it.
~ ~ ~ ~
Grissom stared at the doctor. Blood. Blood all over. It's not as if he hadn't seen it before, but this was different. This was Catherine's blood. And by the looks of it, it was a lot.
"Uncle Grissom! I am back!" Lindsey latched onto his leg tightly, candy bar in hand.
"Not now, go see Aunt Sara ok?" he motioned her in Sara's direction making sure she was out of ear shot before he spoke.
"Catherine Willows, how is she?"
"Stable for now at least. Are you family?"
"I am her bo…eh her friend. That's her family over there." Lindsey was swinging her legs back and forth while in the chair. Nervously she munched on her candy bar, as if she knew something was wrong.
"Oh, I see. Well, all I can say for now is that she's stable, but not out of the woods yet. We nearly lost her on the table. It seems your friend has an extraordinary will to live Mr…."
"Grissom. Gil Grissom."
"Mr. Grissom… Ms. Willows, as you probably know was unconscious when EMT's brought her in. We assessed the situation, and she underwent surgery an hour ago. My team stabilized her left leg, which was fractured in two places; she also suffured from three cracked ribs, a dislocated shoulder, and sustained some minor cuts and abrasions. But these problems are not my main concern." Cryptically the man spoke, masking his words in euphemisms.
"What is your main concern?"
"During impact Ms. Willows sustained a fairly severe blow to the left side of her head, damaging the left temporal and cerebellar regions. Mr. Grissom, she's in a coma."
~ ~ ~ ~
When all we wanted was the dream
To have and to hold
That precious little thing
Like every generation yields
The new born hope unjaded by the years
~ ~ ~ ~
Machine's everywhere. Beeping slowly, rhythmically. Tightly she gripped his hand, so hard it made his knuckles turn white. Under one arm was a small white teddy bear and in her hand was the remnants of a half eaten Hershey bar. So quiet. So still. It couldn't be her. No. This was not the mommy she knew. Not the mommy who took her to the park, or helped her with homework. This wasn't her.
~ ~ ~ ~
You know if I leave you now
It doesn't mean that I love you any less
It's just the state I'm in
I can't be good to anyone else like this.
~ ~ ~ ~
Lifelessness hung in the air. The sterile smell of the hospital dulling the world around it. Catherine appeared so tiny that the bed seemed to almost swallow her whole.
~~"Complications arise quite often in cases of head trauma Mr. Grissom. There is no way of knowing what the affects may be. Problems of this nature can range from difficulty understanding words and short term memory loss, to tremors and inability to walk." ~ ~
He knew the facts. The statistics. He was after all, a scientist. But at that moment he wanted to grab her and shake her until she woke up. Force her to open her crystal blue eyes. His first two steps were hesitant, controlled. He was afraid. Scared his touch would make her crumble before him.
~ ~ ~ "Can I see her? Can Lindsey see her?"
"Only for a moment."~ ~ ~
So fragile; so breakable; so unstable, shattered like broken crystal. His love. His life. Catherine.
~ ~ ~ ~
When all we wanted was the dream
To have and to hold
That precious little thing
Like every generation yields
The new born hope unjaded by the years
~ ~ ~ ~
To be continued…..
A/N: The song is "Wait" by Sara McLachlan. And to all concerning the segment about Grissom's mother. I am using my creative license on that. I was prior to TAIE under the assumption that Grissom's mother had died. Now I am not so sure. But the reference in the story is to a dinner years earlier, when his mother may have been alive. I just thought I would mention that to everyone.
Also chapter 6 is in the works so look for it soon!