Chapter 11
Malik chuckled horribly as he read his spies' reports. "Oh, this is too perfect! Yugi and Kaiba, my two greatest opponents in Domino, have both been tremendously weakened! I knew I was right when I sensed that the Puzzle's powers had weakened! Soon I will…"
"Finally bake us those cookies you keep promising us?" One of the Rare Hunters asked.
"No! I never promised you cookies! I will…"
"Order some nice drapes to spruce this place up a bit?"
"NO! I am EVIL! I don't order DRAPES! Now, as I was saying…"
"You're going to knit us all mittens! Oh, thankee-doodles, sir Malik!"
"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" Malik roared. "How many times do I have to tell you not to interrupt my evil plotting?! Now what I was GOING to say is, I have to go to Domino and use my great powers to finally claim the Millenium Puzzle!"
The Rare Hunter (You know, the one whose only name is Rare Hunter) looked up. "I could do it, because I have EXODIA! Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe." He laughed, a strange, low-pitched, rapid giggle. "Oh, watch him obliterate! EXODIA! Hehehehehehehehehehehe."
Pandora said, "And for my next trick, I will turn this common table into a walrus!"
Everyone looked at him expectantly.
"Um, could you all turn around?" he asked nervously. When they had all done so, the Rare Hunter's resident magician ran off to get a walrus.
The doorbell rang, and the Hunter who had interrupted Malik's rant went to get it, saying, "Oh, I just bet that's the brand new tea set I ordered!" A few of the others went off to see if they'd gotten anything in the mail. Rare Hunter kept sitting in the corner babbling about Exodia.
Malik sighed loudly. "How is it, that I, the greatest evil the world has ever known, am reduced to this? It's so hard to find good minions nowadays…" He sighed again, then smirked evilly. "Well, at least I found YOU again," he said to Bandit Keith, who was hanging upside down, bound and gagged, over a flaming pit of spikes. "If I ever need an expendable dolt, I can use you!" his expression darkened. "Unfortunately, I can use ALL of my servants, because they're all dolts! No, I need to get out in the field myself! Soon, I will go to Domino and DESTROY Yugi utterly, claiming… "
The annoying hunter came back from the door. "Oh, sir Maliiiiiiiiiik! My tea set is here, but they need you to sign for it! Would you mind?"
"Absolutely NOT! I am a great and audacious evil, I don't sign for tea sets!"
"Well, all right, but in that case I'm going to have to throw out YOUR package…"
"What?! My porn shipment for the month is in?! Oh, all right, I'll sign for the damn tea set."
"Oh, thank-a-roonie, lord Malik! And just in time, too, 'cause 'The Little Mermaid' is about to come on the ABC family movie! Yippee!"
"Well, as long as I get my porn," The irritated Egyptian grated out.
"Actually, it's not here yet! I just needed your signature!"
Malik unhooked the knife from within the Millenium Rod. "You are just begging for a Rod treatment, aren't you?" He growled.
The hunter went back to the door. "Oh, I'd just LOVE a 'rod treatment' from you, sir!" he gushed.
Malik thought about that for a second.
"OH, THAT'S JUST DISGUSTING!" he protested, struggling not to vomit.
After getting his lunch back under control, Malik turned to Keith. "Um… what was I ranting about again?"
Keith mumbled something.
"Oh, thank you. I shall DESTROY Yugi utterly, and claim the Pharaoh's powers as my own! I shall rule the world in its entirety! MWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Indeed you shall, for you have me, and I have the UNSTOPPABLE EXODIA! Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe." Rare Hunter proclaimed.
Pandora finally got back, dragging a walrus. "All right, you can… HEY! You weren't supposed to turn around until I got back!"
That familiar, irritating voice echoed down the halls. "Oh, sir MALIIIIIIIK! Could you PLEEEEEEEASE keep it down, we're trying to watch the movie! Ariel is singing, and she has SUCH a lovely voice! 'Oh, I wanna be part of you world'…" He sang.
Malik got the Rod's knife back out. "All right, I shall conquer the world AFTER I 'fire' a few of the employees," he said as he set off to murder the hired help, a dark, evil fire in his eyes.
A fire that went out when Isis entered the room, looking at him critically. "Malik," she said calmly, "Have you been killing people again?"
"Um… no?" Malik asked, praying she hadn't looked into the future to find out. In all of the world, the only thing Malik was afraid of was his sister's wrath. Even his Yami, who was even eviller than he was, was horribly afraid of Isis Ishtar. They had even started thinking of the Millenium Items in terms of six instead of seven, understanding the only way they would get the Millenium Necklace off their sister was if she died of old age.
"Malik, I see the future. I know you're up to you're old black-market-card-stealing tricks, so I'm just here to warn you: stick to cards. If you try to steal the Millenium Items again, I will make you sorry our mother ever gave birth to you. And that goes double for your psychotic Yami!"
Malik smiled ingratiatingly. "I admit it. I was prepared to once more follow the path of evil! But you, my dear sister, have shown me the light! I have changed my destiny for the better! PRAISE THE LORD, FOR HE HAS SHOWN ME THE WAY!"
Isis looked doubtful, but she smiled a little. "Well, know that we've got that all straightened out, I've really got to get going. I've got a facial scheduled in an hour. See you around!"
Malik showed his sister to the door, keeping the knife hidden behind his back. Before she left, she turned back and said, "And remember, brother dear: NO KILLING!"
Once the door closed, Malik stalked off to the T.V. room. He had an employee to gut, and then it was off to Domino.
***