Stay With Me
Chapter 6
A/N: Well another couple weeks have passed and that brings us to chapter 6. I had originally intended for this to be a lot longer, but then decided to hold a lot of it off to chapter 7. Thanks to everyone. Angie, Ann, and Marita- for beta'ing/ pre-reading. Angie you do wonderful job. Ann, without your pestering I wouldn't get anything done. Marita, you're the most awesome person ever, and I am honored that you enjoyed this chapter as much as you did. GraveShift Group—I get so much inspiration from you guys. It's nice to be a part of a group that is so vocal, and involved. I love you guys.
Note: There are a few thoughts in this chapter. They are marked with italics. And the song is "Miss Blue" by Filter.
~ ~ ~ ~
Could you, stay long enough, for me to say goodbye
You can be free, as long as you're with me
If you, could see, the real me you'd bleed
If you, could see, the real me I'd breathe
~ ~ ~ ~
He hardly knew the two visitors that had walked into room 230, and yet somehow he could feel their pain. So soft was Mr. Grissom's voice as they spoke, so caring. On the outer surface he showed only a genuine concern; his words neither calm, nor frantic. But somewhere underneath it lay a mass of guilt and confusion. His eyes reflecting clear blue, near to tears. The doctor could not help but be moved.
It was a curious gesture, his watching them from the window. Taking the small child in his lap, Mr. Grissom sat down next to Ms. Willows, but did not dare touch. His troubles seemed to weigh heavily on him, his head hanging low in guilt.
Down the hall, the woman that Mr. Grissom was speaking to walked towards him- followed by three others. His eyes moving from Mr. Grissom's tired figure, and back to the small group, he could only assume they knew each other. Beyond that, his insight into their odd group was minimal.
~ ~ ~ ~
Could you, still breathe, long enough for me
Could you, still be, long enough for me.
~ ~ ~ ~
Warrick, Nick, and Brass had finally arrived to meet a distraught Sara pacing the hallway. Relieved that her co-workers had finally arrived; she stopped pacing and greeted them.
"You guys finished?" she asked anxiously.
"For now…. you seen Grissom?" Nick scanned the room with his eyes as he spoke. Even he was showing signs of wear.
"He and Lindsey are with Catherine; down the hall in ICU. I thought it was only fair I let him take her in first."
"ICU? Cath's in the intensive care unit?"
"She hasn't woken up yet. That's all I know for sure. Grissom was the one who spoke to the doctor. He would know more than I do."
"Do you think they would let us see her?" Nicks' eyes held a concerned expression deep within them, the normally vibrant happiness gone.
"Not sure."
"Well, I don't know about you guys, but we are going to get in to see her, even if I have to shoot that doc in the knee to do it." Brass' steps were large, loping strides as he navigated down the hall to where the doctor was standing. The remaining CSI's shrugged and fell in line behind him.
As they stopped in front of the room Sara, gazed at the three still forms present there, oblivious to the conversation taking place around her.
"Hello Dr.-?"
"Jameson."
" Dr. Jameson…Captain Jim Brass. Nice to meet you."
"I only wish it were under better circumstances."
His shoulders were slumped, his gaze transfixed upon Catherine's small unmoving form.
"Yes, I feel the same way. Your patient, Catherine Willows, she's a co-worker of ours, a friend."
"I figured as much."
His grief seemed to flow through him. His feelings released in a vast tidal wave.
"May we see her?"
"Normally we don't allow more than two visitors at a time."
But he didn't know she was watching, observing his every movement, analyzing and categorizing it.
"Are you sure?"
"I might be able to make an exception. Just this once."
Trapped inside his own silent reverie. Holding the small child in his arms, comforting her but still somehow comforting himself. It was as if Sara knew what he was thinking and yet at the same time she didn't.
"Thank you doctor. We appreciate this."
Sara felt someone nudging her arm sharply. Standing next to her, Nick gave her a small smile and nodded in the direction of the room. Blushing slightly she entered last, still trapped in her thoughts.
~ ~ ~ ~
When do you think, I'll be okay.
When do you think, I'll be okay.
~ ~ ~ ~
"Hey Gris."
His shoulders tensed as she spoke the words, acknowledging their presence in the room. It was as if in an instant his grief was buried deep within himself. Turning around, Lindsey still in his lap, he faced them, his face expressionless.
"Have you talked to the driver yet?"
"No."
"I'll go then."
"No Brass, I can handle it. Sara can you watch Lindsey for a bit? I will be back to take her home in a little while."
"I can stay with you Uncle Grissom?"
"I wouldn't have it any other way kiddo." He replied caressing her cheek. Her arms flung around his neck as she gave him a big hug, and soon Grissom had followed suite, wrapping her within his warm embrace.
"I didn't wanna stay with daddy," she whispered softly in his ear as they broke up their hug.
Not quite understanding what she had meant, he gave her a quizzical look. Was there something Lindsey knew that he didn't? She continued to look at him innocently; her smile a little bit bigger than it was before.
"Lindsey, stay here with Sara and Uncle Warrick…I'll be back soon ok?" Lindsey just nodded and slid dutifully off of his lap, her face still holding that semi-strained smile, the one that reminded him so much of Catherine's.
A hand landed softly on his shoulder as he began to exit the room. Sara's eyes were fixed upon his as he swiveled his form back in her direction.
"Sara."
"Are you sure you want to do this? Someone could go with you."
"I have to go by myself." He brushed her hand off of his shoulder, heading for the door. She didn't understand. He would have done anything to get out of there—their eyes bearing down on him, wondering what he would do; how he would react. If only they could see beyond his stone cold exterior, if only they could peer into his soul; they would see what he was trying so desperately to hide from them. From her.
~ ~ ~ ~
If I should stay, when do I pray?
If I should stay, where do I begin?
Do you think I should watch you die?
Should we close our eyes, and say goodbye?
~ ~ ~ ~
The nurse situated at the nurses' station had told Grissom he was to go up two floors to room 423 and there he would find the man he was looking for, Jason Adler. Now, his hand on the door, he stood unsure of what he should do next. His pulse quickened as he remembered why he was standing there. Somehow, someway he had to stay objective.
"Grissom, you know I can't let you go in there."
"Brass."
"Grissom, the last thing I need is for you to beat the crap out of that guy and lose your job."
"It wasn't something I had planned on doing."
"Gil, you may be able to fool everyone else, but I have known you too long for you to start playing these games."
~ ~ ~ ~
Hey you Miss Blue, You
think that I'm well to do
Hey you Miss Blue, I fell in love with you
Hey you Miss Blue, I think about you as true
Hey you Miss Blue, I hate it when you cry
Hey you Miss Blue, I hate it when you say goodbye
Hey you Miss Blue, I hate it when you say goodbye
~ ~ ~ ~
Grissom was shell-shocked. Had he
been that obvious that that many people had seen what he tried so hard to cover
up?
"You and I, Gil, we aren't really all that different. We would both give our lives for that woman lying down there in that ICU room. So if you're feeling what I am feeling; even an inkling of it…then I would know better than anyone else what you would do."
"Yea." Grissom could only nod, previously unaware of Brass' deep friendship and concern for Catherine it hit him now how many family ties she had created with those around her. She had made them into a family, dysfunctional at times--- yes, but a family nonetheless.
~ ~ ~ ~
When do you think I'll be okay?
When do you think I'll be okay?
Hey you, Miss Blue, you think that I'm well to do
Hey you, Miss Blue, I fell in love with you
Hey you, Miss Blue, I think about you as true
~ ~ ~ ~
"O' Riley is on his way. Mobley thought it best if he took over, though I don't know why… I'll stay here until he arrives. You go. Get Lindsey home. Get some sleep or something, we'll call you if there's any news."
As if to protest Grissom pushed the heavy door open slightly. The smell of alcohol and vomit hit his nose instantly, his subconscious only now understanding how far from in check his emotions really were.
"It's not worth it Gil. Scum like that is never worth it."
Grissom knew his friend was right. Letting his hand slack from the handle he let go, feeling somewhat as if he had lost his grip on himself.
~ ~ ~ ~
Hey you, Miss Blue, I hate it when you cry
Hey you, Miss Blue, I hate it when you say goodbye
I hate it when you say goodbye
You say goodbye
You say goodbye, yeah
Don't say goodbye
Say goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye…
~ ~ ~ ~
To be continued….