*Author's Notes: Ok, originally, I had this down as a one shot, but I
decided to turn it into a short story, so I'm reposting it all again, but
this time I got the ending done. Anyways, This is all in Kaoru's point of
view, the person she is talking to is kenshin (of course), and the person
she that kenshin meets in college is Tomoe (of course). kenshin and kaoru
met in high school, so this is an AU and kenshin meets Tomoe in college.
Incurable Blindness
______________________________________________________________
You see me, but do you really see me? We were together almost every single day but have you ever thought to look further than the girl who befriended you? I wish you could see me....I wish you could tear down the inscrutable mask I had to construct when we first met. I can remember everything from that day, the memory burning like the scar on your cheek.
You were lost. Forlorn against the turnings of the world as you struggled to stand on the dizzying spin of reality. Without friends, you walked down that hallway as a lone figure, appearing as if you didn't have a care in the world.
But I knew better. I saw what hundreds of others could not see, a loneliness so sharp that it had pierced every part of your soul. I walked up to you with the bravery that had always been a part of me and held out a hand. My silent offer to be your anchor in the chaotic sea of life. You looked into my eyes, desperately searching for any hint of deceit but found only my harmless desire to help. Your hand was so warm as it clasped mine and I could feel your hesitance through the callused skin. The invisible promise was sealed at that moment. Mine was to give an unbreakable friendship that would last all the way to our later years. Yours was to be there for me without question, being the strength that I could not be.
We have been inseparable since then. You were there when I cried over the false love my ex-boyfriend had pledged to me. You were there when my father died, leaving me alone in my cold house. You were there as I struggled to become a stronger woman. You were always there to catch me when I fell and I held on to the unwavering faith that your arms would always be there. We embarked on the journey of adulthood together, going to the same college and attending the same classes.
But somewhere along the way, our promise began to break. You found her. The woman whom I have been dreading for the past five years, the woman who would slowly take you away. She was everything I was not. She was the graceful woman who always walked with her head held high, catching the attention of every person. She had hair so silky smooth that even the tiniest breeze could sway that beautiful mane of liquid black. She had eyes that pulled out your soul and viewed its contents with careful consideration. But most of all, she had the courage to walk up to you, a stranger, and ask for love. She didn't need words to show it, her endless eyes told it all. And I watched at the side as you slowly drifted away from my world. The hand that had clutched mine so tightly loosened its grip till it felt we weren't touching anymore. She was a good woman, refined and pure, and everybody saw why you would love her.
But once again, they didn't see. They didn't see that you loved her because she was the very image of yourself before your innocence had been ripped away. In her, you saw the person you could have been. But you, too, didn't see. Didn't see that you were enough in the view of the world and most of all, to me.
~~~~~~~~~~~
April 14, 2002. The day our promise shattered into irreplaceable shards. Another memory that will stab the depths of my mind till I finally die. The day itself reflected the events that happened and neither of us could ever be the same again.
It rained heavily, the sky crying so hard that the torrents of water blinded the eye. But you waited patiently in the rain, knowing that not even eternity could tear you away from where you were. I had known what you were going to do that day, you had told me a week before. I shouldn't have come. I should have stayed home, wrapped up in the warmth of soft blankets though it would have never melted the coldness in my heart. I didn't bother bringing an umbrella and only stood at my post, my eyes watching you as you waited for her.
She came, holding a large umbrella, with a quizzical look on her delicate face, wondering why you had asked her to come here during the storm. She held the umbrella over you but you smiled your smile, the very same smile you had given to me in the past. The smile that said everything would be alright and that I would never have to be afraid. You don't smile for me anymore and now fear has become my constant companion. You got down on one knee and a look of knowing flashed across her face but she kept her demeanor calm.
You reached into your soaked jacket and pulled out a tiny case, still dry despite the rain. An exchange of words and she knelt down to embrace you. You embraced her back, holding her as you have never held anybody in your life.
But you have, you held me, but you forgot. You slip the diamond ring onto her finger and she held her hand up to admire it. A rare smile lights up her face and she grabs your hand to pull you up, laughing out loud. She begins to run back and you follow her with the obedience only love can give. She couldn't see through the sky's tears and the crash that followed froze time. I saw your eyes slowly widen and you took off in a blur. I ran too, sprinting to the limp body that laid sprawled on the road. There was so much blood that it stained everything pink. You held her as gently as you could, muttering things in her ear but we both knew. Her last breath was not spent declaring undying love but on a request. Please love again. Her eyes sparkled one last time and she closed them forever. Your sobs racked my ears. But all throughout your sorrow I noticed two things. No tears fell from your eyes. And you didn't see me....again.
~~~~~~~~~~~
April 14, 2003. It's been a year now and I haven't seen your face in that time. You show it to the world but you did not think of coming to me. I've heard that your grief has swallowed you whole and that you ceased to be human, you ceased to live.
I know everything that runs through your head, I have known you that long and that well. But I wanted to hear it from you, I wanted to know how you felt. Your problems would always fall into my hands and I would hold them close to my heart, in the hopes that the fire of my emotions would heal them.
It used to be that you would tell me everything inside you, from your hopes to your failures, even though we both knew that I was already aware. But you shattered our promise and broke our bond, cutting away the bridge that had always been open before.
A deep chasm separates us now and you are the only one who can rebuild the bridge. Unfortunately, your guilt covers your eyes and paralyzes your hands so that you are crippled. It wasn't your fault, you didn't kill her, everybody says. But they didn't see. They didn't see that though you did not kill her, she had killed you. You died together, you and her. And you are now living in a place I cannot hope to reach. I want to give up but my heart still beats quickly whenever I think of you.
So here we are on this day, reunited, and the distant heat of your body sends shivers down my spine. You have come here only at my request, nothing more. You refuse to say anything and your body is tense, ready to leave the place that had carved another scar amongst your dozens. I don't ask you how you were, I already know. I don't give my apologies, you don't want to hear them. I don't ask why you haven't talked to me in a year, you won't have the answer.
Instead I ask you why you can't see. And my ears hear the last thing you will ever say to me, I had been blind from the start. With that said, you leave me again, only it feels final in my heart. You were suppose to be unshakable, always the hero that I looked up at and depended on. I never allowed myself the thought that you were weak. But I have grown and I have seen.
You allowed your grief and regret to overcome the iron will that had once thrived within. You gave up everything because you thought you had nothing. And now I have become a person that I never wanted to be, a person stronger than you. As you walk away from me for the last time I allowed myself the luxury of one tear before slamming the mask back on. It slides down my cheek and I do not wipe it away, letting it remain as a reminder of what we use to have. You've become blind. Yet, I still want to cling to the hope that one day you would truly see me.
If I was your anchor in the past, could I not be the cure for your future? I wish you could see through your pain, just enough to realize that for three long years I had been standing right before you with open arms, waiting for you to run into them again. But even hope can die, its life span the same as a mortal's own determination. My tear hangs by a moment, the very same as my own hope.... and it doesn't fall, stubbornly clinging to my skin. I guess it's a sign, maybe a premonition for the future, that I shouldn't give up. The only thing now is to wait and see if you will ever let go of the sorrow covering your eyes. But blindness is hard to heal and I don't know if my heart can last long enough to hold out. I don't know if I can wait for you any more.
____________________________________________________________
*This story shot really deals with the hard time Kaoru has after Kenshin meets Tomoe. She was, of course, in love with him but didn't want to throw away their friendship to start anything, she didn't want to be alone so she decided to remain quiet about how she felt, much the same in the anime. After Tomoe died, he just gave up, thinking it was his fault for asking her to come out in the rain. Oh, and for those who are confused on why they are out there, in the story (and in the anime, I believe) Kenshin meets Tomoe in the rain, and he wanted to propose to her at the same place.
Incurable Blindness
______________________________________________________________
You see me, but do you really see me? We were together almost every single day but have you ever thought to look further than the girl who befriended you? I wish you could see me....I wish you could tear down the inscrutable mask I had to construct when we first met. I can remember everything from that day, the memory burning like the scar on your cheek.
You were lost. Forlorn against the turnings of the world as you struggled to stand on the dizzying spin of reality. Without friends, you walked down that hallway as a lone figure, appearing as if you didn't have a care in the world.
But I knew better. I saw what hundreds of others could not see, a loneliness so sharp that it had pierced every part of your soul. I walked up to you with the bravery that had always been a part of me and held out a hand. My silent offer to be your anchor in the chaotic sea of life. You looked into my eyes, desperately searching for any hint of deceit but found only my harmless desire to help. Your hand was so warm as it clasped mine and I could feel your hesitance through the callused skin. The invisible promise was sealed at that moment. Mine was to give an unbreakable friendship that would last all the way to our later years. Yours was to be there for me without question, being the strength that I could not be.
We have been inseparable since then. You were there when I cried over the false love my ex-boyfriend had pledged to me. You were there when my father died, leaving me alone in my cold house. You were there as I struggled to become a stronger woman. You were always there to catch me when I fell and I held on to the unwavering faith that your arms would always be there. We embarked on the journey of adulthood together, going to the same college and attending the same classes.
But somewhere along the way, our promise began to break. You found her. The woman whom I have been dreading for the past five years, the woman who would slowly take you away. She was everything I was not. She was the graceful woman who always walked with her head held high, catching the attention of every person. She had hair so silky smooth that even the tiniest breeze could sway that beautiful mane of liquid black. She had eyes that pulled out your soul and viewed its contents with careful consideration. But most of all, she had the courage to walk up to you, a stranger, and ask for love. She didn't need words to show it, her endless eyes told it all. And I watched at the side as you slowly drifted away from my world. The hand that had clutched mine so tightly loosened its grip till it felt we weren't touching anymore. She was a good woman, refined and pure, and everybody saw why you would love her.
But once again, they didn't see. They didn't see that you loved her because she was the very image of yourself before your innocence had been ripped away. In her, you saw the person you could have been. But you, too, didn't see. Didn't see that you were enough in the view of the world and most of all, to me.
~~~~~~~~~~~
April 14, 2002. The day our promise shattered into irreplaceable shards. Another memory that will stab the depths of my mind till I finally die. The day itself reflected the events that happened and neither of us could ever be the same again.
It rained heavily, the sky crying so hard that the torrents of water blinded the eye. But you waited patiently in the rain, knowing that not even eternity could tear you away from where you were. I had known what you were going to do that day, you had told me a week before. I shouldn't have come. I should have stayed home, wrapped up in the warmth of soft blankets though it would have never melted the coldness in my heart. I didn't bother bringing an umbrella and only stood at my post, my eyes watching you as you waited for her.
She came, holding a large umbrella, with a quizzical look on her delicate face, wondering why you had asked her to come here during the storm. She held the umbrella over you but you smiled your smile, the very same smile you had given to me in the past. The smile that said everything would be alright and that I would never have to be afraid. You don't smile for me anymore and now fear has become my constant companion. You got down on one knee and a look of knowing flashed across her face but she kept her demeanor calm.
You reached into your soaked jacket and pulled out a tiny case, still dry despite the rain. An exchange of words and she knelt down to embrace you. You embraced her back, holding her as you have never held anybody in your life.
But you have, you held me, but you forgot. You slip the diamond ring onto her finger and she held her hand up to admire it. A rare smile lights up her face and she grabs your hand to pull you up, laughing out loud. She begins to run back and you follow her with the obedience only love can give. She couldn't see through the sky's tears and the crash that followed froze time. I saw your eyes slowly widen and you took off in a blur. I ran too, sprinting to the limp body that laid sprawled on the road. There was so much blood that it stained everything pink. You held her as gently as you could, muttering things in her ear but we both knew. Her last breath was not spent declaring undying love but on a request. Please love again. Her eyes sparkled one last time and she closed them forever. Your sobs racked my ears. But all throughout your sorrow I noticed two things. No tears fell from your eyes. And you didn't see me....again.
~~~~~~~~~~~
April 14, 2003. It's been a year now and I haven't seen your face in that time. You show it to the world but you did not think of coming to me. I've heard that your grief has swallowed you whole and that you ceased to be human, you ceased to live.
I know everything that runs through your head, I have known you that long and that well. But I wanted to hear it from you, I wanted to know how you felt. Your problems would always fall into my hands and I would hold them close to my heart, in the hopes that the fire of my emotions would heal them.
It used to be that you would tell me everything inside you, from your hopes to your failures, even though we both knew that I was already aware. But you shattered our promise and broke our bond, cutting away the bridge that had always been open before.
A deep chasm separates us now and you are the only one who can rebuild the bridge. Unfortunately, your guilt covers your eyes and paralyzes your hands so that you are crippled. It wasn't your fault, you didn't kill her, everybody says. But they didn't see. They didn't see that though you did not kill her, she had killed you. You died together, you and her. And you are now living in a place I cannot hope to reach. I want to give up but my heart still beats quickly whenever I think of you.
So here we are on this day, reunited, and the distant heat of your body sends shivers down my spine. You have come here only at my request, nothing more. You refuse to say anything and your body is tense, ready to leave the place that had carved another scar amongst your dozens. I don't ask you how you were, I already know. I don't give my apologies, you don't want to hear them. I don't ask why you haven't talked to me in a year, you won't have the answer.
Instead I ask you why you can't see. And my ears hear the last thing you will ever say to me, I had been blind from the start. With that said, you leave me again, only it feels final in my heart. You were suppose to be unshakable, always the hero that I looked up at and depended on. I never allowed myself the thought that you were weak. But I have grown and I have seen.
You allowed your grief and regret to overcome the iron will that had once thrived within. You gave up everything because you thought you had nothing. And now I have become a person that I never wanted to be, a person stronger than you. As you walk away from me for the last time I allowed myself the luxury of one tear before slamming the mask back on. It slides down my cheek and I do not wipe it away, letting it remain as a reminder of what we use to have. You've become blind. Yet, I still want to cling to the hope that one day you would truly see me.
If I was your anchor in the past, could I not be the cure for your future? I wish you could see through your pain, just enough to realize that for three long years I had been standing right before you with open arms, waiting for you to run into them again. But even hope can die, its life span the same as a mortal's own determination. My tear hangs by a moment, the very same as my own hope.... and it doesn't fall, stubbornly clinging to my skin. I guess it's a sign, maybe a premonition for the future, that I shouldn't give up. The only thing now is to wait and see if you will ever let go of the sorrow covering your eyes. But blindness is hard to heal and I don't know if my heart can last long enough to hold out. I don't know if I can wait for you any more.
____________________________________________________________
*This story shot really deals with the hard time Kaoru has after Kenshin meets Tomoe. She was, of course, in love with him but didn't want to throw away their friendship to start anything, she didn't want to be alone so she decided to remain quiet about how she felt, much the same in the anime. After Tomoe died, he just gave up, thinking it was his fault for asking her to come out in the rain. Oh, and for those who are confused on why they are out there, in the story (and in the anime, I believe) Kenshin meets Tomoe in the rain, and he wanted to propose to her at the same place.