Stay With Me

Chapter 8:  Cause I will Come for You

A/N: Thanks to the GraveShift Group for all the wonderful encouragement. And to Angie and Marita for betaing this chapter. The song is called "Sell my Soul" by Our Lady Peace.

~

How do you feel?

How do you hate?

How do you wake up

with that smile on your face?

~                     

No one knew she was awake, listening to the deeply private conversation. It hadn't been on purpose; they had woken her up. Now, she could hear them, whispering harshly; words her mother had told her never to say.

"Grissom, go see her damnit. She needs you to be there. You….you have something the rest of us can't offer… She wants to open her eyes knowing that you spent the night waiting by her side. You've got the years behind you Grissom, of knowing her and her life, of not judging her because of it. Be there now when she needs you most."

It wasn't yelling, no, nothing like the shouting matches between her mommy and daddy. 'He must be really mad' Lindsey thought to herself, knowing that her Uncle Grissom rarely ever raised his voice.

* "You should apologize."

"You think you know everything huh?" *

            The last time she had heard her mommy's voice echoed in her ears. He felt guilty; she knew that. But, he didn't know that it wasn't his fault. Not once had he gone with her to see her mommy. And Lindsey desperately wanted him too.

~

Out on the moon

If was an astronaut,

could I get back to you?

~

            Climbing out of bed and quietly moving through the hall, she came behind him and tugged the back of his shirt. Startled, he swung his body around to face her, unable to speak.

            "Uncle Grissom, it's not your fault. It really isn't."

            "Lindsey…you're up? Couldn't you sleep?"

            "I heard voices… whispers; yours and Sara's."

            "I am sorry we woke you, but it's late….do you need anything before you go back to bed? A glass of water maybe?" He wasn't exactly sure what to offer the small child, other than a glass of water and a hug before she went back to sleep. She needed so much more, so much that he couldn't give.

            "I'm not tired." She replied, climbing onto the couch, and into the spot Grissom had occupied earlier. Her eyes were bright, and riddled with the concern of someone much wiser than her years. At that moment, he saw Catherine flash before him, in all her flawed yet beautiful wonder.

            "Lindsey, you have school tomorrow."

            "It is tomorrow, Uncle Grissom." Her innocent face returned, a bright smile appearing on her face as she giggled and pointed towards the large grandfather clock across the room, " It's two a.m.!"

            Sara couldn't help but let a small chuckle escape her lips. Lindsey was not unlike other girls of her age, twisting Grissom's words to suit her desire to stay up and listen to an adult conversation; one Sara was pretty sure the girl had already partially overheard. "She has a point, Gris."

~

I'm out of my head

I'm out of excuses,

So I'm staring at the bed.

~

            Sending a cold glare Sara's direction, he sat down next to Lindsey noticing her nose wrinkle up slightly as he did so. This hadn't been the way he had wanted the child to see him; smelling the same way her real father often did.

            "Why won't you go see mommy?" The question came, in all its fury, as devastating as the fiercest storm. "I want to go see her with you…not daddy. He…he doesn't like her the way you do. They fight a lot. You never fight with her, and she smiles more when you're around. She hardly ever smiles. Besides, daddy's out of town, so you have to go with me. Please?"

Somehow, Grissom knew the little girl was right; in more ways than she could even imagine.

~

And it's you, its you

I hold on, I hold on

I can't let go

And you don't know how I feel

Hold on, I hold on

I would sell my soul

And you don't know how I feel

~

*    *    *    *   *

            An hour later, Grissom had Lindsey dressed and in the car, Sara agreeing to drop the two off at the hospital on her way back to the lab. Grissom knew she didn't trust him behind the wheel of his own Tahoe; he didn't even trust himself. The empty bottle of bourbon still lie on the floor in his living room, ever a reminder to him of his stupidity.

            Never had he been forced to consider how his actions affected Lindsey, until now. He was her 'uncle', there to shower her with gifts, among other things. At the end of the day, she was always Catherine's child, and Catherine had done a wonderful job with her. Better than she would ever probably admit to.

But Grissom hadn't. His first attempt at taking care of the child, and he'd drunk himself into a stupor. Crumbling underneath the weight of his problems. Lindsey had held such a brave face through it all, and for that he could have never been more proud. She truly was Catherine's daughter. There was no doubt about it. He on the other hand, in truly his own fashion, had retreated inward, seeking solace within himself, and finding none.

"She knows you're hurting Grissom, Lindsey knows." Sara whispered to him, not wanting to wake the sleeping form in the backseat.

"I know Sara, she's like her mother in that respect." He replied, seeing the bright lights of the hospital ahead. "Always seems to know exactly what I am thinking."

~

I'm losing my heart

Losing my pride

I'd burn our initials in the sun if it would shine.

~

"Sir….sir, visiting hours don't start until nine a.m."

"Please, may I see her just for a moment?" Grissom flashed the nurse at the desk a pleading expression. In his gut he needed to see Catherine, he wasn't exactly sure why. Something just told him that he needed to be there.

"Just once," she whispered to them, a mischievous smile on her face. She led them down the bright, white halls toward the ICU ward.

"She hasn't been moved yet?"

"Mr. Grissom, your wife's in a coma.  She'll be moved to a private room when she wakes up."

"She's not—" he started to correct her, but stopped himself. Grissom had walked in, Lindsey clutching his hand; the nurse was obviously allowing them to see Catherine because she thought they were her husband and child. "I'm just worried…that's all."

"This way." She waved them on, until they reached a room Grissom had become familiar with over a week ago. Room 230. "Talk to her, I'm sure she's been waiting to hear your voice…"

~

I need a fresh start

I was in heaven until this world fell apart

Out on the run

Out on this empty space

Since all of this began

I try, I try.

~

'A porcelain doll', he thought as he sat down. That's what she reminded him of. A face so thin and pale that it might break upon his touch. Beauty marred only by the ugly faded bruises on her face. Even now, he couldn't help but find her beautiful.

One beep, and then another, the monitor slow yet constant. Nervously he slipped his hand into hers, careful of the tubes that snaked from the I.V bag to her arm. With his free hand, he swept a few errant hairs from her face, kissing her forehead lightly.

*     *     *     *    *

Voices. Foggy. Muffled voices, penetrated the cloudiness in her head, many of which she could not distinguish. There was only one she needed to hear. One she had been waiting for, the one that gave her strength. But it never came.

*     *      *     *    *

Her hand was cold, and trembling; starting at a twitch, growing more and more violent by the second, arms jerking back and forth. Lindsey's eyes were filled with fear, tears spilling down her cheeks.

"Mommy!"

"Nurse! I need a nurse!"

~

Nothing seems to help and nothing seems to work

Nothing is as beautiful

I'm old enough to take all the blame

~

An endless stream of doctors rushed into the commotion, as Grissom looked onward, hand still firmly clasped in Catherine's, numb and unable to move. Masses of swirling confusion, blurred his vision, his only focus being the woman in front of him.

"Sir! Sir! Could you step back please? Sir!"

He felt himself rising from the chair and leaning towards her. "Fight Catherine. Fight… I need you." She was slipping away from him, spiraling farther down, as he released his fingers from hers.

~

For all the mistakes, and all the games

All the faces

I'm bleeding by myself

~

"Wake up Catherine…I love you too much for you to die." He whispered, his body pushing through the barrage of doctors and nurses, and out the door, Lindsey right behind him.

"Don't die," he whispered again. Maybe somewhere, someone above had heard his plea…all he could do now was wait and see.

~

I hold on, I hold on

I can't let go

And you don't know how I feel

I hold on, I hold on

I'd sell my soul

And you don't know how I feel

~

TBC.