A/N (From Fran Caulston and Katie Connor) We are terribly sorry Delphyne that you thought this was a H/D slash, the fact that the summary quite clearly states that this is NOT a H/D slash obviously escaped your attention. As for the Mary-Sue comment, we resent that since we are not Mary-Sues at all… more... Mary-Janes, you see we are not perfect, in fact we make quite a few major screw ups, we are not teacher's pets. Most of the teachers hate us cause we won't shut up!!
Neither of us are dating any of the core characters (Harry, Ron or Hermione) and we have absolutely no plans to beat Voldemort, we'll just leave that to Harry. And anyway, Mary-Sue is such a clichéd name; Mary Jane is so much more exotic… Exotic you ask, yes. Just listed to how the Brazilians say it "Marry- Juan" (pronounced Huan). Also we know that Cho is really OOC but BOO! DEAL WITH IT! We proclaim creative licence!!
Disclaimer: We're just borrowing the characters while JKR is busy working on the ext movie, we promise that they'll be returned in generally the same state that we borrowed them in.
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Chapter 14: YES ITS LADIES NIGHT AND I WANT SOME MORE MEAD!
Shortly after Katie's victorious defeat over Hagrid, and her passing out. Cho walked up to Franni and Katie, they appear to be leaning on each other for support, Cho also appears to be drunk, though a lot less so than our heroines. "So umm I know I haven't really spoken to you, seeing as well I'm like super busy but since you are friends of Harry's I was wondering if I had a chance with him"
Franni let out an insane giggle before replying to the overly Percy like girl, "NOPE" before promptly passing out. Cho looking terribly hurt replied hotly,
"Why not?"
Katie took this time to give in her two cents, I mean two Knuts. Pushing herself up, she teetered towards Cho and with a great surprise to Cho, Katie flicked Cho's nose and pointed an accusing finger at her.
"WE DONT LIKE YOU THAT'S WHY!! You're a big... POO POO MEANIE WHORE!"
It seemed that the entire room jumped and gave looks of shock and horror at the whole "whore" incident.
"I AM NOT A WHORE YOU MORONS!" Cho snapped back, her face fuming bright red and her eyes glaring daggers at Katie and Franni, who was still at this moment passed out sleeping happily.
"COULD'VE FOOL ME!" Katie yelled out, "SIDES WE LIKE HIIIM! At least I think it's a him... " Katie trailed off while pointing a wobbly finger towards Blaise, who at this moment of time was dancing the Nut Bush and stealing other patron's drinks.
Cho blinked in disbelief,
"HIM? HIM? WHY IN MERLIN'S NAME HIM?"
"He's much more laid back", Katie slurred, trying to explain, "at least we think it's a he. His hair's too long and I'm too drunk to tell. And Franni's passed out. Either way he/she or it's better than you. He/she or it is a surprise. Harry likes surprises. But you are too uptight for surprises coz you're too busy being a whore and flying around and stuff! Sides Harry and Blaise are already getting acquainted! SEE!"
Katie pointed towards the two boys in a booth in the corner. Blaise was passed out with a leg thrown over Harry's lapand an arm over his chest. Blaise's head was on Harry's shoulder. Harry was conveniently also passed out. Katie eyes widened in surprise, for while she was in her "Sex With A Shark" haze it seemed to her that Cho suddenly had a large blue pole sticking up her ass.
(A/N Sex with a Shark is a ripper of a drink containing 1 oz Jagermeister, 1 oz Rumplemintz, 1 oz Chambord, 1 oz grenadine. For those who don't know, that is a very strong mix)
"I KNOW WHY YOU'RE SO UPTIGHT!" Katie laughed manically at Cho, "It's cause of that large pole up your ass! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
Cho's face went even redder and swore so much and so badly that it could not even be written into this story. She huffed off grabbing her entourage of sheep with her while the whispered evil plans on revenge on Katie that would probably not work anyways . . . .
******
Harry: Hey guys you're babbling again.
The Crazy Ladies: Are we? Oops! We'll back to the story . . . .
******
Back with Fran she was happily dreaming dreams of baby lambs and moose (or is it meeses?) and monkeys doing strange tribal dances when she heard music in the background. Not just any music though,
But the really bad backing track that is used when karaoke is happening.
And when there was karaoke, Fran was there
For everyone knew that Fran Caulston was the Karaoke Queen.
Springing up and turning her head towards the makeshift stage that was towards the back, she saw that currently Dean and Lavender were currently doing a very off key version of "The One That I Want". Frustrated that she would have to wait another verse and two choruses she bolted over just as Lavender was singing;
"If you're filled
With affection
You're too shy to convey,
Meditate in my direction.
Feel your way"
The two finished their song a few minutes later and Fran bolted up the stairs and onto the stage. She grabbed the mike and yelled,
"GOOD EVENING HOGSMEADE!!"
The crowd roared in applause. Fran did a flippy thing with her mike before yelling back at them,
"ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?"
The crowd screamed some more.
"I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"
The crowd screamed some more again.
"I SAID, I CAN'T-"
"OH SHUT UP FRAN AND SING THE BLASTED SONG!" Hermione shouted back. Pouting for a minute Fran selected her song and began to sing.
"This is your night tonight
Everything's gonna be alright,
This is your night tonight
Come on girls!
Girls, we all got one,
A night that's special everywhere (everywhere)
From New York to Hollywood
It's ladies night and girl the feelings good"
Now no one knew if it was the smog of alcohol that intoxicated everyone's lungs or that everyone was probably too drunk to control their actions but soon everyone was acting very odd. Men had somehow obtained bras and were wearing them over their shirts, girls were dancing the conga line so enthusiastically that several bar stools and been smashed against the walls. Even Hagrid who had woken up some time before had somehow become the incarnant of Kylie Minogue and was shaking his rear with great force. Harry and Blaise were dancing with each other in a mixed up version of the Charleston and the Heel and Toe, Hermione was jumping off tables and chairs declaring that she was indeed Superwoman, and Ron somehow obtained an Australian accent and had chased and imaginary penguin named Edwin into the kitchen area. While all of this was happening Fran was singing and dancing up a storm on stage,
"Oh yes it's ladies night
And the feeling's right
Oh yes it's ladies night
Oh what a night (oh what a night)
Oh yes it's ladies night
And the feeling's right
Oh yes it's ladies night
Oh what a night (oh what a night)
This is your night tonight
Everything's gonna be alright
This is your night tonight
Everything's gonna be alright
Romantic lady, ooh yeah, single baby
Mmm sophisticated mama,
Come on you disco baby yeah yeah
Stay with me tonight"
"Look at her!" Pansy Parkinson jeered angrily on the other side of the room, "she's making an complete idiot of herself!"
"At least she's enjoying herself!" Draco snapped back at Pansy. Pansy gave Draco a shocked look.
"Are you defending that slimy Gryffindor Dray darling?"
"BOO GET A HAIR CUT! YOU'RE STUPID, STUPID LIKE A FOX!" Draco blurted out on impulse and before Pansy could react he ran away as far away from her as he could.
Franni had finished her song, the audience cheered, whistled and clapped and it was now Katie's turn, she meandered up to the stage and patted Franni on the back as she went past "Nice work lovely".
Walking up to the microphone "Hi, I'm gonna be singing 'Oops Oh My' By Tweet, Missy and Fabolous, I will be singing all the girl parts, the karaoke machine will do the guy bit."
The sexy music began, Katie's hips rotating to the music, upper body remaining motionless; she has a secretive smile on her face.
"Tell you what I did last night
I came home, say, around a quater to three
Still so high
Hypnotized
In a trance
From the start it, so butter and brown and tantalizing
You woulda thought I needed help from this feeling that I felt
So shook I had to catch my breath"
The guys are wolf whistling, Legolas is looking bemused, but that could of course just be the alcohol talking.
"Oops, there goes my shirt up over my head
Oh my
Oops, there goes my skirt droppin' to my feet
Oh my
Ooh, some kinda touch careesing my face
Oh my
Ooh I'm turning red
Who could this be?"
Katie slowly began unbuttoning her top to this first chorus.
"KATIE MYA CONNER! IF YOU TAKE OFF ANY ARTICLE OF CLOTHING, I WILL NEVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN"
It seems Franni wasn't quite as enthusiastic as Katie about the current song being deal music to strip to. The boys all booed.
"I tried and I tried to avoid
but this thing was happening
Swollow my pride
Let it ride and party
But this body felt just like mines
I got worried
I looked over to the left
A reflection of myself
That's why I couldn't catch my breath"
Katie bent over, put her hands on her knees and then let them trail up her body.
"Oops, there goes my shirt up over my head
Oh my
Oops, there goes my skirt dropin' to my feet
Oh my
Ooh, some kinda touch careesing my face
Oh my"
Katie is now doing her patented hip shimmy.
[Usually Fabolous (rap)]
Uh, yeah, yeah, Desert storm, yeah
Fabolous, yeah, Tweet, yeah
Shorty I strickly wanna spank you
The most I gotta do is spell my name to get your
Vickies to your ankles
I'm serious mami
You're fuckin wit the kid
aka William H period Bonnie
You know I'm the type
that be Crushin and merkin
Havin ladies touchin the herk
And blushin and smirkin
Early in the morning rushin for workin
Screaming Ooh My F-A-B-O-L-O-U-S
Each night I'm freakin
Ma, you ain't gonna talk me to death
cause you got free nights and weekends
Ghetto Fab's all over the place
Oops there goes my kids all over you face
Ooh My
While the Karaoke machine is doing Fabolous's part Katie is continuing to sexy dance, but she is seeming to sober up a little.
"(I looked over to the left)
Umm I was looking so good I couldn't reject myself
(I looked over to the left)
Umm I was feeling so good I had to touch myself
(I looked over to the left)
Umm I was eyein my thighs butter pecan brown
(I looked over to the left)
Umm comin outta my shirt and then the skirt came down"
Katie is singing again, hands on hips and swaying them.
"Oops, there goes my shirt up over my head
Oh my
Oops, there goes my skirt droppin' to my feet
Oh my
Ooh, some kinda touch caressing my face
Oh my
Ooh I'm turning red
Who could this be? "
Katie is now pole dancing with the mic stand.
"Oops, there goes my shirt up over my head
Oh my
Oops, there goes my skirt droppin' to my feet
Oh my
Ooh, some kinda touch caressing my face
Oh my
Ooh I'm turning red
Who could this be?
Ooh My"
For this last verse Katie is looking directly at Legolas as she dances to the remainder of the song.
The song trails off and for a moment there is silence, then the boys are wolf whistling and there is applause, Katie seems to come out of a daze.
"Oh crap, I forgot I had an audience" With that the now slightly flushed girl ran over to Legolas and ensorcelled herself in his lap.
"Rosemerta, some whiskey please" Hagrid's booming voice echoed through the room. Rosemerta did as he bid and brought him some Irish Fire-whiskey, he nodded his thanks and then made the universal 'Cheers' motion with his large glass before taking a swig, and then coughing "And you know what they say?? No??? Well they say 'Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust, If the Women don't get you, the Whiskey must.' and after that performance, and this here fine Irish Fire-whiskey, I tend to agree."
With this comment the room fell about laughing, and the party continued.
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TBC
Sorry about the long delay, Our damned muse took a summer holiday, and he got detained in New York by all those new stringent security measures, they didn't trust his green skin, blue hair and golden eyes… now I wonder why?