Chapter 16

Yugi wandered about the city.

It was still really dark, what with how early it was.  Yugi couldn't see any of the street signs, couldn't really tell where he was at all.  It hardly mattered.

He had only a few short hours to live.

So it was that Yugi decided to simply wander.  There was no point in saying goodbye to his friends, because they'd all be going the same place he was.  No, Yugi wanted to say goodbye to all the things that he wouldn't be seeing anymore.

"::SIGH::.  Goodbye, bench.  Goodbye, parked car.  Goodbye, bus stop.  Goodbye, mysterious cloaked figure walking toward me not really looking where he's going about to run into meOUCH!" Yugi said.

The mysterious cloaked figure swore and picked up the Millenium Rod it had dropped.

"What the… Malik, what are you doing?"
"SHUT UP!  She might hear you!" Malik hissed.

Yugi looked around.  There was nobody in sight.  "… … who?"

"HER!"

"Her who?"

"WHAT 'HER' WOULD I BE TALKING ABOUT, YOU IDIOT?!"

"Oh.  That her."

"Yes, THAT her.  Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to get to the airport.  I've got a flight to catch.  Scotland, here I come!"

~Well, it's nice to know we're not the only ones suffering this morning.~ Yami said cheerfully.

I had no idea you were so sadistic.

~I'm not sadistic.  It's just that the unhappiness of others amuses me.~

Um… yeah.  Well.  That's just peachy.  Let's just keep OUCH! 

While involved in this mental dialogue, Yugi had failed to notice another person walking up behind him.  This figure had grabbed Yugi around the neck… and then slammed his face into the top of Yugi's head.

"Ow!  Damn, I was hoping dream Yugi's hair would be hard, so I could impale my face on it and kill my dream self, thus awakening.  Well, maybe I can find a truck to throw myself under." Kaiba said to no one in particular.

"Um… Kaiba?  Have you lost what little sanity you had remaining in your twisted, vile psyche?"

"What?  Oh, sorry, Dream Yugi, but I don't have time to talk now.  You see I just figured out that if I manage to kill myself in this dream, I'll wake up in the real world.  It goes against most scientific research and makes little to no sense, but I'm pretty sure it will work.  In any case, maybe it will just kill me, and that will be fine too.  I'd rather be dead than live on in this hellish dream dimension." Kaiba said.  Despite the content, perhaps the most disturbing thing about the speech was Kaiba's cheerful attitude.  He spoke with the tone of a kid going to an amusement park.

            "Kaiba, I hate to break it to you, but you're not dreaming."

            Kaiba's grin turned into a horrific snarl of rage.  "I AM DREAMING!  I DON'T NEED SOME LITTLE DREAM-BITCH LIKE YOU TO TELL ME I'M NOT DREAMING WHEN I CLEARLY AM!"  Kaiba grabbed Yugi and began to throttle him.  "THIS HAS TO BE A DREAM!  IT CAN'T BE THE REAL WORLD, BECAUSE IN THE REAL WORLD I'M THE DUEL MONSTERS CHAMP, AND I'M RICH, AND I HAVE A DECK AND A COMPANY!  IN THE REAL WORLD THERE IS NO MISSING DECK!  IN THE REAL WORLD THERE IS NO IDIOT SQUAD OF DECK-WRAITHS IRRITATING ME EVERY FIVE SECONDS!  IN THE REAL WORLD THERE IS NO GODDAMN TRISTANCORP.!  THIS MUST BE A DREAM, BECAUSE MY REAL LIFE IS ABSO-#(%*&#(%-LUTELY PERFECT!" Kaiba roared, by far the loudest Yugi had ever heard him speak.  He then wandered off, muttering to himself.

            A few minutes later, the S.S.S.S.S.S trotted up, carrying a horrified-looking Weevil.  "YUGI!" He screeched.  "Please, you have to help me!  I pretended to be dead, so the orcs in the Company Municipal Torture Facilitation Center threw me down the garbage chute, but when I clawed my way back to the surface these guys kidnapped me!  Help me, pleeeeease!"

            The two S.S.S.S.S.S members carrying him punched him into unconsciousness.  One of them screeched horribly.  Their horses whinnied.  The leader looked down at Yugi.  "You ssssssssseen Lord Kaiba?"

            "Um, yeah… why are you bringing him Weevil?"

            The leader pointed at Weevil's face.  "Glassssssssses."

            "What's that got to do with anything?"

            "Glasssssssses."

            "… … … yeah.  Sure.  I just saw Kaiba."

            "Where?"

            "He went down that way a few minutes ago.  Hurry, and you should catch him." Yugi said.

            "Thankssssssssssss." The S.S.S.S.S.S let out an unearthly shriek, then galloped off after Kaiba.

            ~I was under the impression that when you wandered the streets early in the morning to search your soul for answers, there was supposed to be some actual soul-searching done.~

            Well, I'm confused.  Does that count as soul-searching?

            ~I'm not really sure.  I always thought that soul-searching would feel a little more… profound.~

            Well, it's a pretty profound confusion.  I think I am soul-searching.  I mean, in looking at my current state of being, I almost consider myself lucky!

~LUCKY?!  Where'd you get that from?~
Just take a look at the other people out here. 

~True.~

            Just then, a voice floated to them on the morning air:  "I know that, Yami.  Yes, I am aware we've been down this street before.  I KNOW THAT!  Look, it's your own fault for promising me a trip to Dairy Queen when you had no idea how to find Dairy Queen from our current location.  It's not my fault we're lost!  What do you mean I'm the one navigating!  You are taking me, you're navigating.  Wasn't it your idea turn down the alleyway with all the dogs?  And didn't it turn out to be a dead end anyway?  WHAT?!  How dare you imply… NOW THAT WAS MOST DEFINITELY YOUR FAULT!  I did NOT blackmail you… oh, that.  Well, I guess I did blackmail you.  But that was your fault too.  You should have just kept your Dairy Queen promise in the first place."

            Straining his eyes a little, Yugi was able to make out the figure of Bakura standing in the street arguing with himself.  For anyone but Bakura, that might have looked a little disturbing.  But this was Bakura, and for him it seemed almost sane.

            "Hey, Bakura!" Yugi shouted.

            "Hm?  Oh, hi Yugi.  You wouldn't by any chance know how to reach the local Dairy Queen from here?"

            "Um… we don't really have a 'local' one.  The nearest Dairy Queen is over twenty miles from here."

            ~WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!~ Evil Bakura thought.  ~TWENTY MILES?!  I SWEAR BY RA, IF I DIDN'T NEED YOUR PHSYICAL FORM TO ACT AS MY HOST, I WOULD CUT YOUR HEART OUT AND MAKE YOU EAT IT YOU STUPID DAIRY QUEEN BRAT!~

            Bakura winced.  "Yami's not taking the news very well."

            "Is that why you're out here?  You're looking for a Dairy Queen?"

            "Yep."

            "… … … … It's five thirty in the morning."

            "And your point is?"

            "Dairy Queen is probably closed."

            "WHAT?!" Evil Bakura roared, taking over.  "No.  No.  Bakura, we're going home.  I REFUSE to walk twenty miles for some ice cream store that isn't even open!"

            "Ice Cream?" Yami said, coming out himself.  "You mean that vile cold stuff?  Why would you want that?"

            "Hell if I know.  Bakura's obsessed with the stuff, despite the fact that it's a complete abomination to food world."

            "Oh, I know!  I mean, come on, food that's intentionally cold?  It's just wrong!"

            "We didn't have anything like that in Egypt, and we got by juuuuuuust fine, thank you very much."

            "Oh, did we ever get by!  Ancient Egyptian cakes, Ancient Egyptian wild camel burgers, Ancient Egyptian roast desert locusts… now THAT was food!"

            "You can say that again.  The closest thing I can find today are those, snack cakes; the ho-ho's and such."

            "True, true, they're quite good, but a pale imitation overall."

            "I agree completely.  Say, we ought to start up a camel burger stand, show these people some real food."

            "I don't know.  If there's one thing I've learned in my time here, it's that the people in this era are all complete morons."

            Hey! Yugi thought indignantly.

            Evil Bakura shrugged.  "You've got a point.  People today just can't appreciate the subtleties of a camel burger."

            "It takes truly refined tastes to evaluate the delicious nuances of Ancient Egyptian cuisine." Yami agreed.

            "I'd like to try a camel burger." A feminine voice said.  The two ancient Egyptian spirits turned to look at the exchange student, Laryssa.  Their soulmates immediately took back control.

            ~Yugi, Ra has sent us another chance!  We can kill her, now!  Come on, let's do it!  It's our only hope!~ Yami implored from the spirit room where Yugi had shoved him.

            "Hi, Laryssa!" Yugi said cheerfully.  "Oh, Bakura, this is Laryssa, our new foreign exchange student from England.  Laryssa, this is my friend Bakura."

            "Hello, Bakura." Laryssa said.

            Bakura's eyes widened.  "Yugi?  Can I talk to you in private for a moment?" He grabbed Yugi's arm and dragged him off.  Laryssa started fiddling with her shoelaces. 

"Wow.  Isn't she great, Bakura?"

"Yugi, she's been lying to you." Bakura said urgently.

"What do you mean?"

"SHE'S NOT BRITISH!"

"… Don't be ridiculous."

"Oh, miss?" Bakura yelled.  "Would you mind saying 'Oh dear!'?"

"Oh dear." Laryssa said.  It was then that Yugi noticed what Bakura was trying to tell him.  She didn't sound a thing like Bakura.

She didn't have a British accent.

            Yugi marched back over to her.  "Bakura here says you aren't British."

            "He does?" She asked innocently.

            "Tell her, Bakura."

            "You aren't British!" Bakura told her.

            "Oh.  Well, he's right." She said cheerfully.

            No.  No way.  Yugi thought.  Yami can't be right… 

            ~And why not?~

            Yami, just shut up.  Yugi cleared his throat and said,  "Um… another friend of mine says you're… um… evil?"

            "Oh, you mean Yami?  Well, he's right too." She said, and smiled beatifically.

            ~HA!~ Yami thought triumphantly.

            "Wh-what?  But, this is a FanFic!  In a FanFic, the mysterious new character is always a goddess or a warrior for justice or someone who holds the key to saving the world!  They aren't evil!"

            She thought about that.  "Well, I guess I'm the exception, because I'm evil."

            "… … Ah-HA!  You must be one of those characters who's evil at first, but only because of bad circumstances!  You can be redeemed!"

            "No, I'd have to say I'm irredeemable.  Evil to the core."

            "Just how evil are you?"

            "Pretty tremendously evil."

            Yugi considered that.  "On a scale from one to ten, one being Tea surrounded by hamsters, and ten being Yami Malik with a chainsaw on a killing spree, how evil are you?"

            Laryssa thought for a  second.  "Maybe… a fifty-two?"

            "Wow, she really is evil." Bakura commented.

            "Yeah, but… she doesn't LOOK evil." Yugi said.

            "Oh that's because I'm disguised.  I'm REALLY…" Black light ran over her body.  She grew to be six and a half feet tall, and her school uniform turned into an evil-looking black gown.  Her hair grew out, and her eyes turned an evil, demonic red.  A staff mounted with a human skull appeared in her hand.  "The Dark, Foul, Evil Sorceress of Chaos and Destruction™!  Mwahahah ::Hack:: ::Cough::."  The Dark, Foul, Evil Sorceress of Chaos and Destruction™ gave what was apparently meant to be an evil laugh, but quickly degenerated into a coughing fit.  "I really need to work on that." She commented.  "After I have MY REVENGE! Hahahahahaha ::HACK!::".

            Yugi was silent.  Well, this sucks. He thought.

            ~I hate to say I told you so, but…~