Author's Note: AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! My first fic update in about three months!
This fic was inspired by the JKR March chat, in which The Genius gave us
some lovely tidbits on our favourite characters' middle names. Doesn't seem
like much, but it means more nonsensical fun for us fanfic writers. I'm
very sorry that I haven't uploaded a fic in such a long time; I've been so
busy with schoolwork and extra-curricular activities and whatnot that I
haven't had the time to write (at least, not a complete fic). The March
holidays, which last for about a week, have just begun, so I'm planning to
go on a writing/uploading spree. Let's hope it lasts!
Dialogue
By like a falling star
"Really, Ron, I don't see why it matters so much to you."
"... It doesn't!"
"Then why won't you tell me?"
"It's not that I don't want to tell you, it's just... forget it, all right? It's not something I want to be reminded of."
"I told you mine; Hermione Jane W- I mean, Hermione Jane Granger. "
"I know your middle name's Jane, Hermione, now will you go? My pieces are getting impatient, and I want to win this game so I can go and play Quidditch with Harry."
"Give me a moment; I'm thinking, and how can you be certain you're going to win this—and don't change the subject, Ron, what's your middle name?"
"Why don't you go and make some Spew badges? I heard that some first-years are interested."
"For the last time, Ron, it's S.P.E.W., I have more than enough badges to go around the whole of Hogwarts, and stop changing the subject!"
"If you move your bishop there my queen's going to take it."
"Oh... Sure, I knew that. I thought you wanted to win and end the game quickly?"
"I bloody well do, but you're never going to learn anything if I keep winning."
"Language, Ron. But thanks anyway. How about if I move my pawn instead? There, I think I might win this one. How about this, if I win do you promise to tell me your middle name?"
"Over-confident, are we? We'll see about that."
"... No need to look so smug, Ron. That was only one piece; it's not going to decide the fate of the whole game."
"Ha. Check."
"What? You can't win; that's the fourth game in a row!"
"I'm the king of Wizard's Chess, in case you've forgotten."
"You're not. Wait, maybe it's still salvageable. Let me just think for a bit... and while I'm on that, Ron, what is your middle name?"
"I said, I'm not going to tell you."
"Fine. Be that way."
"I reckon I will."
"..."
"..."
"Oh, for Merlin's sake, it can't be all that bad."
"Of course not, to you; your middle name isn't B—"
"What was that?"
"Nothing."
"No, you said something. Baxter? Boris? Bob? Brutus? Is it Brutus?"
"...!!!"
"There's no need to look so disgusted, Ron; I was only suggesting names I thought you'd hate. So is it Brutus? I happen to like Shakespearean names a lot."
"Merlin, will you give it up?"
"... I didn't think you'd keep your name from your best friend."
"Oh, come on, I'm not keeping it from you or anything, it's just—"
"No, no, it's all right if you don't want to tell me, I shouldn't have asked—"
"Bilius."
"Huh?"
"My middle name is Bilius, all right?"
"... Oh."
"You hate it, don't you?"
"I didn't say that!"
"You meant it. I was named after my uncle Bilius. Dad's brother."
"Well, that's nothing to be ashamed of, lots of people get named after their relatives—"
"He saw the Grim and died less than 24 hours later."
"Oh, well—"
"And he sold cow bells for a living."
"... Well! That's not so bad, really, he could have turned out worse; at least he wasn't a Death Eater."
"You don't know what it was like to be five and have Fred and George going 'Bilius was a boy who lived in an igloo, he had so many warts, he didn't know what to do...' And stop laughing, it isn't funny. At least, it wasn't funny then."
"It's funny now. Don't worry, I promise I won't tell anyone. Ron Bilius Weasley. Ron Bilius Weasley. Honestly, Ron, it sounds perfectly fine to me."
"Y' know, I-I reckon it doesn't sound too bad when you say it."
"Does it? Well, there you go. I told you so."
"Hermione?"
"What?"
"Checkmate."
*
Dialogue
By like a falling star
"Really, Ron, I don't see why it matters so much to you."
"... It doesn't!"
"Then why won't you tell me?"
"It's not that I don't want to tell you, it's just... forget it, all right? It's not something I want to be reminded of."
"I told you mine; Hermione Jane W- I mean, Hermione Jane Granger. "
"I know your middle name's Jane, Hermione, now will you go? My pieces are getting impatient, and I want to win this game so I can go and play Quidditch with Harry."
"Give me a moment; I'm thinking, and how can you be certain you're going to win this—and don't change the subject, Ron, what's your middle name?"
"Why don't you go and make some Spew badges? I heard that some first-years are interested."
"For the last time, Ron, it's S.P.E.W., I have more than enough badges to go around the whole of Hogwarts, and stop changing the subject!"
"If you move your bishop there my queen's going to take it."
"Oh... Sure, I knew that. I thought you wanted to win and end the game quickly?"
"I bloody well do, but you're never going to learn anything if I keep winning."
"Language, Ron. But thanks anyway. How about if I move my pawn instead? There, I think I might win this one. How about this, if I win do you promise to tell me your middle name?"
"Over-confident, are we? We'll see about that."
"... No need to look so smug, Ron. That was only one piece; it's not going to decide the fate of the whole game."
"Ha. Check."
"What? You can't win; that's the fourth game in a row!"
"I'm the king of Wizard's Chess, in case you've forgotten."
"You're not. Wait, maybe it's still salvageable. Let me just think for a bit... and while I'm on that, Ron, what is your middle name?"
"I said, I'm not going to tell you."
"Fine. Be that way."
"I reckon I will."
"..."
"..."
"Oh, for Merlin's sake, it can't be all that bad."
"Of course not, to you; your middle name isn't B—"
"What was that?"
"Nothing."
"No, you said something. Baxter? Boris? Bob? Brutus? Is it Brutus?"
"...!!!"
"There's no need to look so disgusted, Ron; I was only suggesting names I thought you'd hate. So is it Brutus? I happen to like Shakespearean names a lot."
"Merlin, will you give it up?"
"... I didn't think you'd keep your name from your best friend."
"Oh, come on, I'm not keeping it from you or anything, it's just—"
"No, no, it's all right if you don't want to tell me, I shouldn't have asked—"
"Bilius."
"Huh?"
"My middle name is Bilius, all right?"
"... Oh."
"You hate it, don't you?"
"I didn't say that!"
"You meant it. I was named after my uncle Bilius. Dad's brother."
"Well, that's nothing to be ashamed of, lots of people get named after their relatives—"
"He saw the Grim and died less than 24 hours later."
"Oh, well—"
"And he sold cow bells for a living."
"... Well! That's not so bad, really, he could have turned out worse; at least he wasn't a Death Eater."
"You don't know what it was like to be five and have Fred and George going 'Bilius was a boy who lived in an igloo, he had so many warts, he didn't know what to do...' And stop laughing, it isn't funny. At least, it wasn't funny then."
"It's funny now. Don't worry, I promise I won't tell anyone. Ron Bilius Weasley. Ron Bilius Weasley. Honestly, Ron, it sounds perfectly fine to me."
"Y' know, I-I reckon it doesn't sound too bad when you say it."
"Does it? Well, there you go. I told you so."
"Hermione?"
"What?"
"Checkmate."
*