Those Dreams of Fairytales
By: Emily [Prevent the Dreams]
Summary: It was 1942, and my life was about to change forever.
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. I simply use them for enjoyment and in no way claim to own them. I also did not write the songs, "Be Here to Love Me" by Norah Jones, "Poisoned By Fairytales" by Don Henley, and "Your Secret Love" by Luther Vandross.
Rating: PG-13… won't get too much higher, because I really don't like writing any type of smut and wouldn't be good at it.
Author Notes: I know, I know. This took forever, but after vacation ended, school has made my life a living hell. So much homework, too many tests, and no life. Then after going back to swim practice, that has just made less time to go on the computer. I'm determined to finish this fic though, even though it's no where to even close to being done. –sigh- I will finish this by summer, I'm determined, or at this before I go to Italy in July. I know that seems like a long time away, but it's only in three months, woohoo! Once again, thank you to my reviewers, even though I only have a few. You guys are one of the few reasons I write!
*
Upon entering Susan's apartment, I found her listening to the radio. A grin was spread across my face a mile wide, and it was quite obvious. Practically jumping up when I came in, she immediately began to question what was going on.
"So tell me, what exactly are you up to??" she asked excited.
"Well, I saw Doug again."
"The guy from the USO dance?"
"Yeah." I paused for a moment, I hadn't exactly thought out the consequences of my actions yet, was I ready to tell Susan what I did?
Sure, it was just a kiss, but that was it, it wasn't just any kiss. It was the most incredible feeling I ever had in my life, and I knew that I couldn't ever get away from him now.
Was it possible that I was already in love? It was too easy, to cheesy, too predicable, these sorts of things weren't suppose to happen in real life. John Tagliari was real, that was how marriage and life was suppose to work out.
Not Doug Ross.
"So… is that all you're going to tell me?" asked Susan.
"I kissed him." I blurted out.
"WHAT? You kissed him??" She seemed excited, like it was something she wanted to happen to me. "Give me the details."
Considering we had been out of high school for over a year now, it seemed as if we were still those freshman girls who had just had their first kiss. Our friendship was something genuine, yet I knew that we could always count on each other for a good time.
"You promise you won't tell anyone? I'm revealing my darkest secrets here." I said, but I knew that it wasn't completely true, oddly enough, Doug probably knew my deepest secrets.
"Carol, of course not, now tell!"
"Well, things were just crumbling on top of me with the wedding and everything, so I called him up to see if he wanted to do dinner. It was something unusual I felt with him, this connection, I can't even explain, both of us had just completely opened up to each other the night before. I felt like I could tell him anything."
I looked at Susan's expectant face and continued, "So, we went out to dinner and it was just wonderful. I felt like I knew him, like I had known him forever, so right before we came near your apartment building, I kissed him."
I sighed, but not out of exasperation, "It was the most amazing kiss."
"Oh Carol! That's great…" Susan's voice began to decline in tone though, "What about John?" she asked quietly.
She rarely spoke of John, but when she did, it usually was something concerning the wedding or a double date we had set.
"It just made me realize, I don't love him. But I can't do anything now, the wedding and my mother. It's an obligation."
"Your wedding shouldn't be an obligation Carol."
"I know." Looking down at the floor, my eyes wandered. "I'm really tired, let's call it a night, okay?"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I want to meet this Doug." She said smiling.
Finally, I got an idea. "Hey, why don't you, Elizabeth, and I meet up with Doug, Mark, and Chuck for drinks tomorrow?"
"I don't know if I want to embarrass myself again." She said provoking a laugh from the both of us. "Sounds good to me. We'll figure it out tomorrow."
I walked into the spare bedroom and threw on the pajamas I had stuffed in my small bag before. I pulled back the covers on the bed and fell into a peaceful slumber with one thing occupying my mind, Doug.
*
Your eyes seek conclusion in,
all this confusion of mine.
Though you and I both know it's
only the warm glow of wine.
That's got you to feeling this way,
but I don't care,
I want you to stay.
Just hold me and tell me you'll be here to love me today.
*
I woke up early the next morning, it was the brunch I had been dreading for a few days now. John's parents insisted that we have a 'get together' with his fifty closest friends, or rather their fifty closest friends. I knew I was obligated to go and there was no way of getting out of it.
I changed into old clothes and wrote a note to Susan who was still sleeping. I had to get home and change.
Once I arrived home, I found my mother cleaning up the kitchen. She glared at me, "Carol, where were you last night?"
"Went to Susan's." I said.
I began to walk towards the bathroom when I heard, "You're spending an awful lot of time there lately."
"Well, it's the only place I don't hear about the damn wedding." I stated harshly.
"Excuse me for wanting to make this day perfect!"
"Ma, it's not that! This is my wedding, shouldn't I be planning it? I swear, I walk in this apartment every day and find a new thing added or another guest added to the list. This isn't the wedding I want, a small intimate ceremony, a quiet reception…"
"Carol, those are fairytale dreams. This is real life."
"But that's just it Ma, it can be a fairytale."
I walked into the bathroom and stripped off my dirty clothes. The hot steam felt good against my skin, I sighed as the water cascaded down my body. My mind was filled with thoughts of Doug; it can be a fairytale.
Stepping out, I dried off my body with a towel and wrapped my robe around myself. Taking another towel, I scrunched my hair to try to get out water. The ringlets quickly began to form once more. Looking in the mirror I stared at myself.
I sighed, and walked into my bedroom. Pulling out a black dress, I slipped it on. I grabbed the pearls sitting in my dresser drawer and slung them around my neck. I looked like I was from the 1920's, and I liked it. I remember very little from back then; we lived in a big house, and the sun bled through my windows every morning.
In our backyard there was a big a tree my sisters and I would take turns swinging on it.
I didn't remember much more. I applied some lipstick and pulled some of my hair back with a pearl barrette. Giving myself a passing grade, I opened up my bedroom and heard voices. Oh crap, please don't let it be John; I needed a little more time to prepare myself before I had to face him.
I couldn't help but feel a little guilt that I had betrayed him; I was human after all. I had never in my life lied about something, but with Doug it was different. I didn't feel like I was lying because I was being 'bad,' but for a reason much deeper. Walking into the living room, I realized it was Louisa Jenkins and her daughter, Marie.
I had met them a few months ago, after my mother and John introduced us. Most of the daughters of my mother's friends I could not even bare to be around, let alone have a conversation or listen to, but Marie was different.
She was kind of like me.
I gave her a smile, and greeted her mother. "Good morning Mrs. Jenkins." I said politely, while I liked Marie, her mother was a different story.
"Carol, my goodness you look gorgeous!" she said with that fake smile plastered on her face and lipstick all over her teeth. Louisa Jenkins was one of those distinct people you could never forget, her face stuck out in a crowd.
"Why, thank you."
We left the apartment, and arrived at the restaurant the Tagliari's were holding the brunch at. I was quite surprised it wasn't being held at their mansion. All of the upper class families loved to show off their gigantic homes and see who could out do each other.
I spotted John at the bar with a drink in his hand, but that wasn't what caught my attention. It was who was standing behind him serving the drinks at the bar.
Doug.
*
Remember when the days were long
And rolled beneath a deep blue sky
Didn't have a care in the world
With mommy and daddy standin' by
But "happily ever after" fails
And we've been poisoned by these fairy tales
The lawyers dwell on small details
Since daddy had to fly
*
John didn't notice me, but Doug did. He gave me a smile and I returned one. John finally popped his head up and came over and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
"Running late today?" he asked. What bothered me the most was he acted as if nothing had happened the day before, so I played along.
"Yeah, I think I'm going to get something to drink. I'll meet you back at the table."
I walked over and looked to see if anyone was around, but it looked as if everyone had begun to order food.
"So, make any good tips today?" I asked when his back was turned; he was organizing a bunch of drinks.
"Nah, you know these guys are cheapskates." He said.
He came closer and I whispered, "Meet me tonight by Susan's around seven, we're going out for drinks."
I walked away and felt his eyes on me, and smiled once more. I sat down at the table where John and his parents were, and my mother, and Marie were sitting at. I smiled at her gratefully.
The others were so engrossed in conversation they didn't even realize the two of us were talking. "Who's that?" she asked with her eyes pointing towards the bar.
"Just this guy." I said not wanting to state too much with everyone so close.
"Really?" she said not believing a word I was saying.
"I have to go freshen up." I stated.
Both of us got up and walked towards the bathroom.
"Okay, spill it." she said as soon as we reached the bathroom.
"You have to promise on your life you won't tell anyone."
"Fine, fine… tell me!" She reminded me of how Susan was the night before.
"I met him two days ago, and we just clicked. I have this attraction to him; I don't know what it is about him. And well, we kissed, and it was so amazing."
She grinned, "Welcome to my life, sneaking around and sleeping with more interesting guys than these rich assholes who think they know everything because they have money." She took a cigarette out of her bag and lit it.
"Want one?"
"Nah…" I smiled at Marie. She was gorgeous, she had long, silk blond hair that went down way past her shoulders. It shined and was perfectly straight, and I envied her with a passion. Her sparkling blue eyes could catch any man she wanted and her slim figure didn't hurt. She was only seventeen, but could easily pass for twenty-one if she wanted to, which gave her no problem getting men.
"So, when is your mother going to try to marry you off?"
"Who the hell knows, I can't stand these damn men she keeps hinting at." She put out her cigarette and opened the bathroom door, but little did I know, someone was in one of the stalls and heard every word of our conversation.
Brunch was over with and I saw Doug cleaning up the bar, and desperately to say good-bye, but knew I wouldn't be able to get over there.
"Lovely brunch, Mrs. Tagliari." I said.
"Thank you, but you can call me Mary." Smiling, she walked over to talk to a bunch of other people who I didn't have the slightest idea were. Marie walked over towards me, "Want to go out tonight?" she asked quietly,
"Actually, I already am." I paused for a moment, "Want to come? We're going to a bar I think for drinks."
A smile instantly spread across her face. "Of course!"
I wrote down Susan's address, "Meet me there."
*
Whether or not the world gets better
You and I and love will be together, together
Whether or not the world gets better
You and I will truly survive
And it's all because our love will never die
Never ever die
*
By the time we arrived home from the brunch, it was already 2:00. John insisted on coming over at 3:00 to talk more about the wedding, and my mother was going to make sure this time she was there to give her non-wanted opinion.
I changed into a skirt and shirt and pulled my hair back, I decided to save the dress I was wearing this morning for when we went out later that night.
I heard a knock at the door and my mother answered it.
"Susan… and Elizabeth"
"Hello Mrs. Hathaway, is Carol home?" Susan asked.
"Yes, but she's busy." I smiled; my mother never did like Susan.
I walked out of my bedroom, "Hey guys, what are you doing here?" My mother shot me a dirty look.
"Just wanted to see if you were busy."
I rolled my eyes, "Yeah, wedding stuff." Suddenly, I got an idea.
"Hey, Ma? Why don't Elizabeth and Susan take me dress shopping, see if we can find anything?" They shot me a grin; they had something up their sleeve.
She walked out of the kitchen area, and thought for a moment. "Fine, but you better have a dress picked out to buy for when I go with you."
It annoyed me how she treated me as if I was a six-year-old picking out a dress for a birthday party, I was an adult, I could pick out my own dress whenever I wanted. But, I wasn't in the mood for an argument, so I satisfied her, "Sounds good, let's go girls."
We walked out of the apartment building and began going towards the dress shop. "So, what's really going on?"
"We're still on for drinks, right?" asked Elizabeth.
"Ah, I see Susan hasn't wasted any time today." I said with a laugh while Susan smirked.
"Of course not, you know me. I talked to Chuck and ran into Mark when I went to pick up some bread… did you talk to Doug?" Susan asked.
"You guys are not going to believe this, he was the bartender at the brunch we were at this morning! I talked to him for a minute or two, but god knows if I talked to him any longer, my mother would have noticed and had a hissy fit. I swear, if I had the money, I'd get my own apartment in seconds!"
We arrived at the shop and I tried on some dresses. Then I found one, it was perfect, staring in the mirror; I knew this was the dress for my wedding. Elizabeth and Susan smiled. They knew that this was the dress too. Yet, I couldn't bring myself to hold this one. I couldn't wear it if I was marrying Tag.
He wasn't the one.
*
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Till I write again,
~Emily