"I was four years old." Grissom paused and took a breath that seemed as if
he was gathering all of the courage in his being to tell this story
Sara, during this pause, snapped into action. "Griss, I definitely didn't mean that you had to answer all of those questions."
"But you said if someone wanted you to know, they would tell you. And I want you to know. I've never told anyone because I've never felt completely comfortable telling this story. But with you, I don't know, with you it's different."
Sara was stunned to say the least. If just Grissom confessing that he was comfortable with her knowing his deepest, darkest secret was making her feel the way she did right then, then she could not even imagine how she would feel if he told her that he loved her. "Well," she said as soon as she had found her voice, "Only if you are totally sure about it."
Grissom just looked into her eyes and nodded. "I'm completely sure." He took another breath and began his story again.
"I was four years old when I first saw my father hit my mother. It had probably happened before that, but that was the first time I had ever witnessed the abuse. I was outside playing, probably out looking for bugs or something, and I heard my parents arguing in the kitchen. I went inside, and walked into the kitchen just in time to see my father smack my mother across her face." Grissom closed his eyes, and hung his head as he continued. "My mother had just found out she was pregnant with a second child, and apparently he wasn't too happy about it."
"I ran up to my mother to give her a hug, but before I could get to her, my father grabbed my arm and drug me to my bedroom. Well, my mother was right behind him, yelling at him for treating me the way he was. She didn't care what he had done to her, but the minute he laid a hand on me, she was not going to tolerate the abuse."
"I was locked in my bedroom, but I could hear every word of their argument because they were right outside my door in the hallway. And I will never forget what my father said that day." Grissom paused and raised his head to look into Sara's eyes.
Sara noticed the moisture building up in his eyes, and she reached over and rubbed his upper arm, showing him that she wanted him to tell her, and that she would be there to comfort him, no matter what. "What did he say, Gil?"
Grissom's eyes flickered confusion at her use of his first name, but flickered right back to sadness when he started talking again. "He asked how she could have let this happen, how she could get pregnant again, when he didn't even want 'that first one' to begin with."
Sara was stunned into silence. Grissom, the same Grissom that was so confident in his work, had just revealed to her why he was so unconfident when it came to personal relationships. One of the few people that was supposed to love him unconditionally, did not even want him to born. She did the only thing she could think of. She pulled him into an embrace, and held him for a few minutes.
Grissom felt oddly relieved. As Sara pulled him into her arms, he thought about how much his life had changed in the past hour. A simple cup of coffee between him and Sara had turned into probably the most pivotal moment of his life. A huge weight had been lifted off of his chest, and Sara had been there to help lift it. He could no longer deny to himself that he loved this woman. But before he could think about how he was going to tell her that, she spoke.
"What happened after that?" Sara whispered into his ear, as she still held him close.
He pulled back out of her arms, and stared at her. "They argued a little bit more, until my father left for a few days. He came back just to get the things he needed to survive, and by my fifth birthday, which was two weeks later, he was out of our lives for good."
Sara still had one last question, one that she was ninety percent sure she knew the answer to, but was still afraid to ask. Grissom could see the question in her eyes however, and answered it softly, "My mother miscarried at seven weeks. All the stress that my father put her under and the stresses of being a new single mother to a five year old caused her to miscarry. And on top of everything she was going deaf."
Sara's eyes widened. "Your mother was deaf," she stated simply, tears beginning to form in her eyes.
"Yes, and I know that this sounds horrible and selfish, but I'm glad that she did miscarry because it would have been so hard on her to raise two kids. I mean, I was hard enough to raise by myself, but to throw another child into the mix, I don't know if she could have done it."
"I think from what I've heard from you right now, she was strong enough to handle it. And if it makes you feel better, I think she did a wonderful job raising you." Sara smiled at him shyly before averting her eyes to the coffee table.
Grissom's smile was absent from his lips, but evident in his eyes as he reached over and touched Sara's cheek, moving it slightly to get her to look back at him. Once he could look into her eyes again, he said softly, his hand still cupping her cheek, "Thank you, Sara. And I mean for everything today." He paused and took a deep breath. "When the Mitchell case was assigned to me ten years ago, I had just started working here in Vegas, and I wasn't great friends with anyone. I would have done anything for someone to help me through that case. And that's all I'm trying to do here with you, trying to be here for you if you need someone to talk to. It's too hard to keep everything to yourself. Keeping that bottled inside was such a burden, and you make me comfortable enough to lift that burden. I have never been this comfortable around another human being, and I don't know how to place it."
"I know how you feel, Griss. I have never been this comfortable around anyone before either, and it's always been this way for me around you. I feel as though every secret is going to come flooding out, but I have always held them back because of what you may think of me."
"Sara, I could never think anything bad of you." At her shocked face, he rubbed his thumb on her cheek, and continued, "And I'm not just talking about if you tell me your secrets. You are one of the most remarkable, wonderful, caring people I have ever met, and it makes it hard for me not to fall in love with you."
Sara just stared at him, surprised at what he had just revealed. Grissom was just as surprised. 'That was not supposed to come out. I guess when you clear your conscience, everything gets cleared up."
After a few moments, Sara cupped her hand around Grissom's face and gently nudged him to look her in the eyes. When his eyes met hers, she shyly smiled and asked, "You love me?"
Grissom didn't answer for a few seconds, and Sara's emotions wavered, but soon stilled on hope when he spoke, "I think that I do."
Sara smiled for a short moment, but her face soon turned serious. 'If he loves me, he deserves to know,' she thought to herself before she began talking.
"When I was a sophomore in college."
Sara, during this pause, snapped into action. "Griss, I definitely didn't mean that you had to answer all of those questions."
"But you said if someone wanted you to know, they would tell you. And I want you to know. I've never told anyone because I've never felt completely comfortable telling this story. But with you, I don't know, with you it's different."
Sara was stunned to say the least. If just Grissom confessing that he was comfortable with her knowing his deepest, darkest secret was making her feel the way she did right then, then she could not even imagine how she would feel if he told her that he loved her. "Well," she said as soon as she had found her voice, "Only if you are totally sure about it."
Grissom just looked into her eyes and nodded. "I'm completely sure." He took another breath and began his story again.
"I was four years old when I first saw my father hit my mother. It had probably happened before that, but that was the first time I had ever witnessed the abuse. I was outside playing, probably out looking for bugs or something, and I heard my parents arguing in the kitchen. I went inside, and walked into the kitchen just in time to see my father smack my mother across her face." Grissom closed his eyes, and hung his head as he continued. "My mother had just found out she was pregnant with a second child, and apparently he wasn't too happy about it."
"I ran up to my mother to give her a hug, but before I could get to her, my father grabbed my arm and drug me to my bedroom. Well, my mother was right behind him, yelling at him for treating me the way he was. She didn't care what he had done to her, but the minute he laid a hand on me, she was not going to tolerate the abuse."
"I was locked in my bedroom, but I could hear every word of their argument because they were right outside my door in the hallway. And I will never forget what my father said that day." Grissom paused and raised his head to look into Sara's eyes.
Sara noticed the moisture building up in his eyes, and she reached over and rubbed his upper arm, showing him that she wanted him to tell her, and that she would be there to comfort him, no matter what. "What did he say, Gil?"
Grissom's eyes flickered confusion at her use of his first name, but flickered right back to sadness when he started talking again. "He asked how she could have let this happen, how she could get pregnant again, when he didn't even want 'that first one' to begin with."
Sara was stunned into silence. Grissom, the same Grissom that was so confident in his work, had just revealed to her why he was so unconfident when it came to personal relationships. One of the few people that was supposed to love him unconditionally, did not even want him to born. She did the only thing she could think of. She pulled him into an embrace, and held him for a few minutes.
Grissom felt oddly relieved. As Sara pulled him into her arms, he thought about how much his life had changed in the past hour. A simple cup of coffee between him and Sara had turned into probably the most pivotal moment of his life. A huge weight had been lifted off of his chest, and Sara had been there to help lift it. He could no longer deny to himself that he loved this woman. But before he could think about how he was going to tell her that, she spoke.
"What happened after that?" Sara whispered into his ear, as she still held him close.
He pulled back out of her arms, and stared at her. "They argued a little bit more, until my father left for a few days. He came back just to get the things he needed to survive, and by my fifth birthday, which was two weeks later, he was out of our lives for good."
Sara still had one last question, one that she was ninety percent sure she knew the answer to, but was still afraid to ask. Grissom could see the question in her eyes however, and answered it softly, "My mother miscarried at seven weeks. All the stress that my father put her under and the stresses of being a new single mother to a five year old caused her to miscarry. And on top of everything she was going deaf."
Sara's eyes widened. "Your mother was deaf," she stated simply, tears beginning to form in her eyes.
"Yes, and I know that this sounds horrible and selfish, but I'm glad that she did miscarry because it would have been so hard on her to raise two kids. I mean, I was hard enough to raise by myself, but to throw another child into the mix, I don't know if she could have done it."
"I think from what I've heard from you right now, she was strong enough to handle it. And if it makes you feel better, I think she did a wonderful job raising you." Sara smiled at him shyly before averting her eyes to the coffee table.
Grissom's smile was absent from his lips, but evident in his eyes as he reached over and touched Sara's cheek, moving it slightly to get her to look back at him. Once he could look into her eyes again, he said softly, his hand still cupping her cheek, "Thank you, Sara. And I mean for everything today." He paused and took a deep breath. "When the Mitchell case was assigned to me ten years ago, I had just started working here in Vegas, and I wasn't great friends with anyone. I would have done anything for someone to help me through that case. And that's all I'm trying to do here with you, trying to be here for you if you need someone to talk to. It's too hard to keep everything to yourself. Keeping that bottled inside was such a burden, and you make me comfortable enough to lift that burden. I have never been this comfortable around another human being, and I don't know how to place it."
"I know how you feel, Griss. I have never been this comfortable around anyone before either, and it's always been this way for me around you. I feel as though every secret is going to come flooding out, but I have always held them back because of what you may think of me."
"Sara, I could never think anything bad of you." At her shocked face, he rubbed his thumb on her cheek, and continued, "And I'm not just talking about if you tell me your secrets. You are one of the most remarkable, wonderful, caring people I have ever met, and it makes it hard for me not to fall in love with you."
Sara just stared at him, surprised at what he had just revealed. Grissom was just as surprised. 'That was not supposed to come out. I guess when you clear your conscience, everything gets cleared up."
After a few moments, Sara cupped her hand around Grissom's face and gently nudged him to look her in the eyes. When his eyes met hers, she shyly smiled and asked, "You love me?"
Grissom didn't answer for a few seconds, and Sara's emotions wavered, but soon stilled on hope when he spoke, "I think that I do."
Sara smiled for a short moment, but her face soon turned serious. 'If he loves me, he deserves to know,' she thought to herself before she began talking.
"When I was a sophomore in college."