Sara had been quite relieved after her talk with Grissom. Her calmness was
soon destroyed though. She returned home to find Alaney packing her bags.
"What are you doing?" Sara said disconcerted.
"I'm moving out. I'm gonna live alone" Laney said unhappily.
"Why?. Are you angry with me?. What have I done?" Sara enquired.
"No!. I just think it's best. I don't want to be any trouble anymore. I don't want to get you in trouble with your parents anymore" Laney explained.
"No, your not trouble!. I don't want you to go!. You can't live alone - we've already discussed this!. Your not ready to live alone!. Your not independent enough domestically!" Sara reasoned.
"Yes, I can! I'm eighteen years old!. It's scary but I need to do it!. Just dive in and I'll stumble through! - and succeed!. Look Sara! I can live alone! Everyone knows it!. I knew it! - but. I just.I just.I just wanted someone to look after me to love me!. But I've realised you could never be that. And it's not like you haven't tried!. It's just your too young and it's too complicated!. Your parents really don't want you to ruin your life. So! - your not available!. And let's face it your career doesn't make you available!" Laney said while gradually bursting into tears.
Laney sat down crying and Sara came over and put an arm on he back to comfort her.
"I love you" Sara said.
Laney looked surprised at Sara. But then Laney reconsidered, sighed and look Sara straight in the face saying,
"It doesn't matter! - it just can't work!".
"Yes, it can!" Sara insisted.
"How?. Why?" Laney insisted.
"Because..." Sara paused mid speech. "Because I can do it!. I'm not sure if I could do it before. But I can now!. I really think I can!" Sara insisted. Sara paused, "Laney come on - you can't live alone! - 18 or not!. I realise that now!. You can't even cook for yourself! You don't know how to use a washing machine!. You can't seem to do hardly anything for yourself!" Sara commented happier.
"Miranda did everything for me!...she never asked me to do any chores.or do anything for myself!...I think Miranda felt sorry for me!...anyway, she said she'd teach everything before I go to college.but when she dumped me!...but then again, I think towards the end she wanted it that way.she knew you were the only person I'd have to look after me.and seeing as I could do nothing for myself - I'd have to rely on you.then you would be forced to become maternal.and it seems to have worked!" Laney said happily.
Laney looked saddened though and thus continued this way,
"But I'm sure I'll learn.I'll work it out.maybe you could help me out.but I really feel I need to do this, Sara.I need to branch out and be independent!" Laney reasoned.
"Your not ready!...I know what you need and you haven't got it!...Look Laney!...you need someone to look after you.you've never seemed to have had that!.I don't know why - but Aunt Miranda didn't seem to give you the love you need.but I do!...no way I don't mean that!...I mean she loved you - but not as a mother!...but I do!...I love you like a mother would!...I can't quite believe it, but I do!...Don't take it personally Miranda just wasn't the maternal type!" Sara declared elated.
She had that elation and glow in her character that a girl who had just declared their love for their boyfriend had. Laney wasn't so excited. She was quite confused.
"But I thought you weren't the maternal type!...you were the one who was meant to be not the type!" Laney replied confused.
"It seems I am!...look don't worry about it.just know I am!...I love you!". "Have you finished yet?...Can I say something now?" Laney said peeved off.
Sara was quite hurt that Laney had been so rejecting when Sara had vulnerably worse her heart on her sleeve and opened her heart!.
"Look Sara.I'm glad you've realised these maternal feelings you have.but.explore them with some other kid.cos I'm not a kid.I need to grow up and your holding me back!...go adopt or fosse.or have some other kid!...I can't be your guinea pig anymore!...I have needs too!...I'm vulnerable too!...and I think it would be best if I go.go be independent.find a place and set up home.you could be like a big sister if you like.then if your worried you could come round help me if I needed help.be down the phone if I need help.I'd like that!" Laney said.
Laney paused for breath and Sara was about to speak when Laney stopped her and continued.
"You see I don't want you to be my mother figure.because.well maybe I didn't let Miranda be mine.I don't if I did!...but I know now certainly that I don't want one.if I have any form of parent in my life now I want it to be my natural parents.them only!" Laney said.
Sara immediately jumped in saying,
"They don't want you!".
"No Sara, you don't know that!...your just assuming!...I'm not asking you to tell me anymore.I actually.well, I've been thinking and.well, I think I might prefer to find them myself.I saw this programme and it was about teenagers finding their natural parents.and so many of these parents actually did want their children back.and said they regretted not knowing their child.and had tried to get into contact but couldn't find the child.or they didn't know the child existed.or the child was kidnapped.I could have been kidnapped!...or my mother may not want me but my father might!...he might not know I exist and if he found out he may want to know me.and in this programme those who started up a relationship.and the majority did!...well most of the relationships weren't just a phone call here or there - they had an actual parent/child relationship.some even moved in together!....and this programme had these hotlines and websites you could use to track your parents.I can do this!...I just want to feel like I'm doing something.and if I come to a dead end then.well then I'll either be fine alone.or if the offer's still open we could give it a go!...but I want to try my natural parents first.I want to actually find them and see what they say.even if it's a no.I just want to know!" Laney explained.
"Well, let me save you some trouble.I DO know who your parents are!...and I know they don't want you to know who they are!...and I know that for a fact, Laney!" Sara claimed.
"Maybe back then, Sara, but what about now?...do you really know this?" Laney reasoned with her.
"What?. You don't think I spoke to them as soon as you arrived.you don't think I told them how much you wanted to know them?...their still not interested Laney!...they want you to stay well clear!...I know for a fact they don't want you to try and find them and contact them.I swear I'm telling the truth!...I know all this for a fact - I'm not guessing this!...they still don't want you and they never will.they don't want you to be their daughter.they have no room for a daughter in either of their lives!...you weren't kidnapped!...you father has always known about you!...and they still don't want you!" Sara answered.
Laney looked stunned and eventually broke down into tears.
"Great!...That's just great!...if your telling the truth it's over!...all my hopes of ever!..." Laney eventually was too upset to finish her sentence and so Sara comforted her. Laney was in hysterical tears. Sara couldn't bare Laney's pain, but Sara knew she couldn't tell her who her parents were. After a while Sara interrupted.
"Laney! It isn't over!...you have me!...I'll be like a mother to you!".
Alaney was not unsure.
"You really want to try?" Alaney reliterated.
Sara grabbed Laney's hand and with a huge smile on her face declared "Yes!".
"But what are you meant to be to me? . I'm not saying I want to call you 'mom'. But, are you meant to be my mother figure?. Or a big sister?. Or an aunt?. What?" Alaney asked.
"I don't know!. Let's just go with it and see what happens!. A mixture of all those things I'd say. But there is one thing - never call me 'mom'. That's the only condition" Sara replied.
"Sara, there's only fourteen years between us. I could never really think of you as my mom properly!" Alaney exclaimed.
"So there's the answer to your question. I'm your big sister figure!" Sara delighted. Alaney put on a fixed smile. There was something about that sentence that didn't make her entirely happy - and Sara could tell. Sara placed an arm round Alaney, to comfort her, and said
"Look Laney. I know you need a mother figure. But I'm all you've got and we both know I can be that. The best I can offer is big sister".
Alaney turned and smiled at Sara, but was still a little low. Alaney commented,
"I'm not asking you to be, Sara. But I'm just let down I'll never know a parent. I have to let go, I know - but I can't help wanting my natural parents".
Sara opened her arms signalling a hug and they had one their best one ever.
"We're going to do so much together when we have free time in the next few weeks. Shopping, clubbing, ice skating." Sara exclaimed.
"No! I don't like ice skating!. Please no! Not ice skating!" Alaney begged.
"Whatever you want to do or don't want to do is fine!. I'm not particulary into ice skating or clubbing - I just thought they might be your thing!. We can cook together! - make cakes and meals!. We already work together!. Go to the cinema together, watch movies at home, etcetcra!. Hey! - We can go to a health spa someday. Relax & recuperate!" Sara exclaimed.
"No Sara!. Don't be silly!. I know you don't like those places!. I can't say no to ice skating and then force you to do what you don't like" Laney insisted.
"No!. It's not the germs!. It was just-" Sara explained.
Laney realised why and interrupted before causing Sara anymore pain. Laney took her hand and said,
"I know why you don't like health spas. It's because you don't have any female friends to go with. You get so used to telling yourself that you don't go because of germs - that you turned me down. Before you say it - Yes! - they are germ infested! - but you don't really care that much!. But there's nothing to be ashamed of Sara!. You work every waking minute - the only people you could be friends with are those you work with therefore. And they are lovely people - but I've met them and - well! They've lived here ages so they have their own friends! - Or their Grissom!. You shouldn't feel bad because you don't have opportunities to meet people".
"But you've been here two seconds and your already out and about making friends but the second. Look! I can't believe I'm saying this. How embarrassing!. Look I'm happy with my life. I don't know why everyone's got to be so rude and pick on it. Just because I'm not the norm doesn't mean I'm unhappy. And it's not like I don't date!. And I go out with work sometimes - we socialize sometimes!" Sara explained.
"Hardly!. Look Sara!. You don't need to explain to me!. I love you. You're my family - whether we're related or not!. I love you and I can never be ashamed of you. I'm not going to dwell on it. You know why? - because I care about you!. And if you care about someone you don't dwell on their inadequacy - they do everything in their power to sort them!. And that is what I'm going to do!. Listen!. I only have made friends because I got a part time job and I join dance classes. If you go out you meet more people. But often you need friends to go places. And often a lot of friends are made when friends introduce friends - like the domino effect!. But anyway - I'm here for you now. I know your not my age but I will get you out that lab and this apartment if it kills me!. Baby - don't be ashamed!. Look to the future not the past!. You need me and I need you!. We both have what the other needs. Neither of us are losers though!" Laney said. Sara took a deep breath and nodded.
"I'd really like it if we could spent some time together at a health spa, Laney" Sara said.
"I'd like that too" Laney replied.
They hugged one last time.
"What are you doing?" Sara said disconcerted.
"I'm moving out. I'm gonna live alone" Laney said unhappily.
"Why?. Are you angry with me?. What have I done?" Sara enquired.
"No!. I just think it's best. I don't want to be any trouble anymore. I don't want to get you in trouble with your parents anymore" Laney explained.
"No, your not trouble!. I don't want you to go!. You can't live alone - we've already discussed this!. Your not ready to live alone!. Your not independent enough domestically!" Sara reasoned.
"Yes, I can! I'm eighteen years old!. It's scary but I need to do it!. Just dive in and I'll stumble through! - and succeed!. Look Sara! I can live alone! Everyone knows it!. I knew it! - but. I just.I just.I just wanted someone to look after me to love me!. But I've realised you could never be that. And it's not like you haven't tried!. It's just your too young and it's too complicated!. Your parents really don't want you to ruin your life. So! - your not available!. And let's face it your career doesn't make you available!" Laney said while gradually bursting into tears.
Laney sat down crying and Sara came over and put an arm on he back to comfort her.
"I love you" Sara said.
Laney looked surprised at Sara. But then Laney reconsidered, sighed and look Sara straight in the face saying,
"It doesn't matter! - it just can't work!".
"Yes, it can!" Sara insisted.
"How?. Why?" Laney insisted.
"Because..." Sara paused mid speech. "Because I can do it!. I'm not sure if I could do it before. But I can now!. I really think I can!" Sara insisted. Sara paused, "Laney come on - you can't live alone! - 18 or not!. I realise that now!. You can't even cook for yourself! You don't know how to use a washing machine!. You can't seem to do hardly anything for yourself!" Sara commented happier.
"Miranda did everything for me!...she never asked me to do any chores.or do anything for myself!...I think Miranda felt sorry for me!...anyway, she said she'd teach everything before I go to college.but when she dumped me!...but then again, I think towards the end she wanted it that way.she knew you were the only person I'd have to look after me.and seeing as I could do nothing for myself - I'd have to rely on you.then you would be forced to become maternal.and it seems to have worked!" Laney said happily.
Laney looked saddened though and thus continued this way,
"But I'm sure I'll learn.I'll work it out.maybe you could help me out.but I really feel I need to do this, Sara.I need to branch out and be independent!" Laney reasoned.
"Your not ready!...I know what you need and you haven't got it!...Look Laney!...you need someone to look after you.you've never seemed to have had that!.I don't know why - but Aunt Miranda didn't seem to give you the love you need.but I do!...no way I don't mean that!...I mean she loved you - but not as a mother!...but I do!...I love you like a mother would!...I can't quite believe it, but I do!...Don't take it personally Miranda just wasn't the maternal type!" Sara declared elated.
She had that elation and glow in her character that a girl who had just declared their love for their boyfriend had. Laney wasn't so excited. She was quite confused.
"But I thought you weren't the maternal type!...you were the one who was meant to be not the type!" Laney replied confused.
"It seems I am!...look don't worry about it.just know I am!...I love you!". "Have you finished yet?...Can I say something now?" Laney said peeved off.
Sara was quite hurt that Laney had been so rejecting when Sara had vulnerably worse her heart on her sleeve and opened her heart!.
"Look Sara.I'm glad you've realised these maternal feelings you have.but.explore them with some other kid.cos I'm not a kid.I need to grow up and your holding me back!...go adopt or fosse.or have some other kid!...I can't be your guinea pig anymore!...I have needs too!...I'm vulnerable too!...and I think it would be best if I go.go be independent.find a place and set up home.you could be like a big sister if you like.then if your worried you could come round help me if I needed help.be down the phone if I need help.I'd like that!" Laney said.
Laney paused for breath and Sara was about to speak when Laney stopped her and continued.
"You see I don't want you to be my mother figure.because.well maybe I didn't let Miranda be mine.I don't if I did!...but I know now certainly that I don't want one.if I have any form of parent in my life now I want it to be my natural parents.them only!" Laney said.
Sara immediately jumped in saying,
"They don't want you!".
"No Sara, you don't know that!...your just assuming!...I'm not asking you to tell me anymore.I actually.well, I've been thinking and.well, I think I might prefer to find them myself.I saw this programme and it was about teenagers finding their natural parents.and so many of these parents actually did want their children back.and said they regretted not knowing their child.and had tried to get into contact but couldn't find the child.or they didn't know the child existed.or the child was kidnapped.I could have been kidnapped!...or my mother may not want me but my father might!...he might not know I exist and if he found out he may want to know me.and in this programme those who started up a relationship.and the majority did!...well most of the relationships weren't just a phone call here or there - they had an actual parent/child relationship.some even moved in together!....and this programme had these hotlines and websites you could use to track your parents.I can do this!...I just want to feel like I'm doing something.and if I come to a dead end then.well then I'll either be fine alone.or if the offer's still open we could give it a go!...but I want to try my natural parents first.I want to actually find them and see what they say.even if it's a no.I just want to know!" Laney explained.
"Well, let me save you some trouble.I DO know who your parents are!...and I know they don't want you to know who they are!...and I know that for a fact, Laney!" Sara claimed.
"Maybe back then, Sara, but what about now?...do you really know this?" Laney reasoned with her.
"What?. You don't think I spoke to them as soon as you arrived.you don't think I told them how much you wanted to know them?...their still not interested Laney!...they want you to stay well clear!...I know for a fact they don't want you to try and find them and contact them.I swear I'm telling the truth!...I know all this for a fact - I'm not guessing this!...they still don't want you and they never will.they don't want you to be their daughter.they have no room for a daughter in either of their lives!...you weren't kidnapped!...you father has always known about you!...and they still don't want you!" Sara answered.
Laney looked stunned and eventually broke down into tears.
"Great!...That's just great!...if your telling the truth it's over!...all my hopes of ever!..." Laney eventually was too upset to finish her sentence and so Sara comforted her. Laney was in hysterical tears. Sara couldn't bare Laney's pain, but Sara knew she couldn't tell her who her parents were. After a while Sara interrupted.
"Laney! It isn't over!...you have me!...I'll be like a mother to you!".
Alaney was not unsure.
"You really want to try?" Alaney reliterated.
Sara grabbed Laney's hand and with a huge smile on her face declared "Yes!".
"But what are you meant to be to me? . I'm not saying I want to call you 'mom'. But, are you meant to be my mother figure?. Or a big sister?. Or an aunt?. What?" Alaney asked.
"I don't know!. Let's just go with it and see what happens!. A mixture of all those things I'd say. But there is one thing - never call me 'mom'. That's the only condition" Sara replied.
"Sara, there's only fourteen years between us. I could never really think of you as my mom properly!" Alaney exclaimed.
"So there's the answer to your question. I'm your big sister figure!" Sara delighted. Alaney put on a fixed smile. There was something about that sentence that didn't make her entirely happy - and Sara could tell. Sara placed an arm round Alaney, to comfort her, and said
"Look Laney. I know you need a mother figure. But I'm all you've got and we both know I can be that. The best I can offer is big sister".
Alaney turned and smiled at Sara, but was still a little low. Alaney commented,
"I'm not asking you to be, Sara. But I'm just let down I'll never know a parent. I have to let go, I know - but I can't help wanting my natural parents".
Sara opened her arms signalling a hug and they had one their best one ever.
"We're going to do so much together when we have free time in the next few weeks. Shopping, clubbing, ice skating." Sara exclaimed.
"No! I don't like ice skating!. Please no! Not ice skating!" Alaney begged.
"Whatever you want to do or don't want to do is fine!. I'm not particulary into ice skating or clubbing - I just thought they might be your thing!. We can cook together! - make cakes and meals!. We already work together!. Go to the cinema together, watch movies at home, etcetcra!. Hey! - We can go to a health spa someday. Relax & recuperate!" Sara exclaimed.
"No Sara!. Don't be silly!. I know you don't like those places!. I can't say no to ice skating and then force you to do what you don't like" Laney insisted.
"No!. It's not the germs!. It was just-" Sara explained.
Laney realised why and interrupted before causing Sara anymore pain. Laney took her hand and said,
"I know why you don't like health spas. It's because you don't have any female friends to go with. You get so used to telling yourself that you don't go because of germs - that you turned me down. Before you say it - Yes! - they are germ infested! - but you don't really care that much!. But there's nothing to be ashamed of Sara!. You work every waking minute - the only people you could be friends with are those you work with therefore. And they are lovely people - but I've met them and - well! They've lived here ages so they have their own friends! - Or their Grissom!. You shouldn't feel bad because you don't have opportunities to meet people".
"But you've been here two seconds and your already out and about making friends but the second. Look! I can't believe I'm saying this. How embarrassing!. Look I'm happy with my life. I don't know why everyone's got to be so rude and pick on it. Just because I'm not the norm doesn't mean I'm unhappy. And it's not like I don't date!. And I go out with work sometimes - we socialize sometimes!" Sara explained.
"Hardly!. Look Sara!. You don't need to explain to me!. I love you. You're my family - whether we're related or not!. I love you and I can never be ashamed of you. I'm not going to dwell on it. You know why? - because I care about you!. And if you care about someone you don't dwell on their inadequacy - they do everything in their power to sort them!. And that is what I'm going to do!. Listen!. I only have made friends because I got a part time job and I join dance classes. If you go out you meet more people. But often you need friends to go places. And often a lot of friends are made when friends introduce friends - like the domino effect!. But anyway - I'm here for you now. I know your not my age but I will get you out that lab and this apartment if it kills me!. Baby - don't be ashamed!. Look to the future not the past!. You need me and I need you!. We both have what the other needs. Neither of us are losers though!" Laney said. Sara took a deep breath and nodded.
"I'd really like it if we could spent some time together at a health spa, Laney" Sara said.
"I'd like that too" Laney replied.
They hugged one last time.