Alaney was bored. She had spent all morning shadowing Greg in the lab but
now she'd had enough. Greg was o.k. company. In fact he could be a bit of a
laugh. They would often sing and dance, to some music, in the lab when
Grissom wasn't watching. But today Alaney was bored of Greg. She had spent
two straight shifts with him. And after a while his pathetic jokes were
quite annoying. So she left his lab, making some feeble excuse and went to
look for someone else to shadow. She searched everywhere. She couldn't find
Sara. She couldn't find Nick. She couldn't find Catherine. She couldn't
find Warwick. Finally, she tried Grissom. He was old, quiet, reserved and a
bit of the geeky type - but she reckoned she could squeeze some fun out of
him!. She could also pull out the dancing card if nothing else worked.
Everyone always eased up to her if she made them dance with her!.
"What ya up to?" Laney asked playfully.
Grissom looked up. He was surprised to see her.
"Well I'm - ummm - I'm studying a bug. I'm trying to find out which type it is" he replied conservatively.
Laney came over and sat down.
"Well!. Hey whatever turns you on!" she replied.
"Turns me on?" Grissom asked confused.
"You know. What you enjoy. I mean it in a strictly non-sexual sense!. That was soooo the wrong words to use - I'm sorry!. Though! - if you do get turned on by insects! - that's cool too!. We all deserve to be ourselves - accept ourselves - our quirky interests! - and others for who we are. But! - that doesn't mean we should be isolate others and live in our own world, Mr Grissom. That's not what I'm saying. We just have to work around each other - Find out what we have in common with each other - etcetera. Do know what I'm trying to say, Grissom?" Laney said.
"Haven't a clue" Grissom said confused as he tried to work out the English from that sentence. Alaney's babblings reminded him of Libby Sidle. Yet Sara was never as incomprehensible as Libby or Alaney!.
"Anyway, guess what?" Laney continued.
"What?" Grissom asked worried.
"I'm sooooo bored!. Sooooooo! - We're going to play 'let's get to know each other'!" Laney said.
"Oh. Well actually I'm quite busy here, Alaney" Grissom replied.
Laney took the bug pot off him and put it down.
"Your due a lunch break!. Now let's see!. Ummmm. You know a lot about me!. Probably more than I do!. So, let's talk about you!" Laney insisted.
"Let's not" Grissom suggested.
"What are you scared of?" Laney challenged Grissom.
He looked away and she got no reply. So she continued the conversation - but this time she had a serious tone and jumped into giving him a lecture,
"You know, Mr Grissom - you think you can hide your secrets. But some of them! - they're quite plain to see if you're an outsider!. For example! - I personally have noticed - that you're quite withdrawn from the world, Mr Grissom. I mean we're not talking agoraphobic!. But you don't really let people in! - not even Catherine from what I hear!. And that's not healthy, Grissom. You NEED people. We all do!. It's human nature!. You can't deny human nature!".
It was during this speech that Grissom noticed Alaney reminded him so much of Sara. He couldn't quite pinpoint what it was - but he knew part of it was the way they structured their lectures at him. But it couldn't have been camp cuckoo. Maybe it was their schooling.
"Did you go to a private school like Sara?" Grissom asked.
"What?" Laney responded annoyed that he appeared to be ignoring her.
"Maybe the same school even?" Grissom said.
"Ummm - yeah, we went to the some of the same schools. Can I carry on please?" Laney answered annoyed and confused.
"That would explain it" Grissom responded.
"Explain what?" Laney asked confused.
"You remind me of Sara. But it's because of your similar schooling. I knew it wasn't from growing up in your community!" Grissom said.
Laney was astounded.
"Have you been listening to a word I've been saying?. Do you realise how rude that is?. I'm going to assume it's because of your personality defect - a mislearning or what is rude or not! -and not hold it against you!" Laney responded.
She sighed and eventually spoke again. She went back to a serious and caring tone.
"I heard about how you kept your hearing problems from everyone!" Laney said.
"Oh" Grissom commented.
"They could have helped!. I also heard how you eventually told Catherine. But what I haven't heard - but can guess! - is about whether or not you felt relieved when Catherine came to the hospital to support you - before your operation" Laney said with care, concern and distinct worry.
Laney paused and looked at Grissom.
"Admit it!- You were glad when Catherine came!" Laney said in a caring tone.
It took Grissom a long time to answer.
"Maybe" He admitted ashamed.
"It's nothing to be ashamed about, Grissom!. You need social support!. It's good to feel that way! - it's makes you human!. There are these people around you who are willing and able to be there for you - and your just pushing them away!. And one day - when you decide you need them - they won't be there anymore!. Right now, all you need to do is tell them what's bothering you - and they'd came running in support. They are lovely people!" Laney pleaded with concern and care.
Laney took a long pause. Then she looked Grissom right in the eye and said,
"How can you help Sara if she won't tell you what she needs you to do?" Laney commented.
"What?. What do you mean?. Sara?. What DOES she need?" Grissom asked concerned and interested.
"It's not my place to say, Grissom. How would you feel if you told people what's bothering you and they went telling everyone. I respect the desire to keep secrets as that. Anyway, don't change the subject!- we're talking about you!. My point was that Sara is a give and take girl perhaps. I know you've shown concern for her. But if she were wanting to talk about something - how can you expect her to go to you when your so: a)Emotionally detached most of the time! - AND - b)So secretive about your own life and not willing to let people in!" Laney suggested.
"Are saying Sara will tell me 'what's up' - only if I tell her 'what's up' with me?" Grissom asked.
"No, of course not!. Sara's not petty!. I'm trying to make a point, Grissom. You're so eager to know about everyone else - but you're just as guarded about your own secrets. I can see where Sara's coming from" Laney said.
Laney then paused and got more serious,
"She reckons your fire her if she tells you" Laney said.
"Fire her?. Why earth would I fire her?. What's she done?" Grissom exclaimed.
"Nothing really. But I can see her point - you might. She should have handled work better. But anyway I've said too much. Sara's, just an example!" Laney said.
"Laney, please tell me! - I want to help her!" Grissom pleaded
"Right back at you, Grissy!. They all want to help you!. But, how would you feel if someone went telling everyone your personal." Laney said.
But Grissom interrupted her before she could finish,
"I know! I know!. What?. You don't think I feel that twinge of hypocrisy?. You think I don't know I'm a hypocrite?" Grissom insisted.
"It's not hypocrisy I'm worried about, Grissom. It's you!. Everyone's worried about you and Sara. Both of you indulge yourself into work and have little time or want for a life outside of it!" Laney commented.
"I have roller coasters!. I race beetles!. Sara has nothing!" Grissom insisted.
"But Grissom - do you have friends in the rollercoaster or insect racing world?. Any intimate human contact?. I'm guessing no!. No! - cos that would require letting people in!. You need human contact, Grissom!. Human comfort!. People to rely on!. People to run to with your problems!. Or your problems will eat you up!. Maybe you've been hurt - but - you've got to give trust a second chance. It doesn't matter how much you deny it, Grissom - you need social support!. Even if you don't have a problem - You need friends' full stop!. And frankly, I can't say I've noticed you let anyone be a friend in your life - at least in Las Vegas!. Your so lucky, Grissom!. Most people in your position are socially detached because they don't have friendship avenues. But you! - you've got all these great people around you who are screaming to be closer with you!. And I'm not talking about jumping into bed with Sara!" Laney said.
"You know about that!. Did Libby say something?. Oh how embarrassing!" Grissom said astounded.
"More embarrassing for Sara!. Yeah, Libby has mentioned it. But I have no opinion on the situation. Moving on!. My point is!. Well, does Catherine know your little secret?. You guys seem to have some kind of vague - and I mean VAGUE kind of real friendship going on!" Laney replied.
Grissom was reluctant to answer,
"Not enough. But - She knows parts of it!" Grissom admitted ashamed.
"Oh gees Grissom!. Well, are talking to a counsellor or anything?" Laney asked.
"I did" Grissom replied.
"You did?. Well, if it's still an issue why stop?" Laney asked.
"We were just going round in circles!. I just talked - they just listened - I got no where!" Grissom replied.
"Do you have friends outside Las Vegas?" Laney asked.
"I'm fine!" Grissom insisted.
"Just because you deny it, Grissom - doesn't make it fine!" Laney declared angrily frustrated.
Laney paused and took a deep breath. She then continued,
"Back in California, Sara has plenty of social support!. She even has friends!. So frankly, she's not the one I'm so worried about!. It's you!. Everyone's noticed you and Sara's problems - but no one appears to be kicking your asses into shape!. But I'm not going to stand by and let you destroy yourself!" Laney exclaimed
"I noticed!" Grissom laughed to hide the pain he felt.
"Grissom, this is serious!. Let's try this!. True or false? - when you were waiting to go into your operation, before Catherine came, your ass was scared and wished - wished so hard!!! - that you had someone to rely on - to care about you!. And true or false - when Catherine's ass did turn up you were relieved - you were as delighted as anything!. You WANTED her!. True or false?" Laney demanded.
Grissom paused and was reluctant to answer,
"True" he muttered ashamed.
"There's nothing wrong with wanting human contact, Grissom!. Telling Catherine - No in fact! - Wanting Catherine! - That was the smartest thing it sounds like you've ever done in a long long time. But don't stop!. Don't forget that feeling! - how relieved you were - how much easy it became!. You can have that 24/7. And my point is Grissom is that I'm not going to sit by and watch you - either! - a) drive yourself into the depths of depression and perhaps suicide - or! - b) die alone and have people find your rotten body a year after your death - cos you've driven away any form of friend or family member left in your life!. Your be like a cat lady - except your be insect man!. Neighbours will report a funny smell - and the police will find Gil Grissom's decomposed body being eaten by the insects he so dearly loved!" Laney declared.
Grissom laughed but Laney begun crying. Grissom immediately went over and comforted her.
"Hey hey!. Sweetheart what's wrong?. Why are crying?. Don't cry!. Are you crying over me?. I'm not worth it!" Grissom asked.
Laney nodded and laughed through the tears.
"Yeah!. Funnily enough Grissom people do care about you whether you like it or not!. I can't help but care. I just can't stand by and watch people destroy themselves!" Laney declared tearfully.
"I suppose I'm extra alert because. Well, I had this close friend. She killed herself - because she was depressed. Everyone noticed her life was a bit of a mess!. But no one wanted to say anything. They didn't realise how urgent it was!" Laney confessed.
Laney thought to herself and gave a laugh,
"It's a bit like my aunt!. No one wants to." Laney stopped mid sentence and didn't finish.
Grissom gave a small laughed and further comforted Laney.
"I'm not depressed and I'm not going to kill myself!" Grissom said sweetly.
Laney wiped her eyes and sighed.
"Look!. You don't need to tell me anything!. I'm not even saying you need to tell anyone today. I'm just saying talk to SOMEONE about it - sometime in the near future!. And let me give you some advice. One! - "No man is an island!" - John Donne. "Hell is yourself and the only redemption is when you put yourself aside to feel deeply for another person" - Tennessee Williams. And last but not least - "Without the correction, the reflection and the support of other presences, being is not merely unsafe - it is a horror!"
"George MacDonald" Grissom answered, deeply convinced.
"Just promise me talk to someone about whatever has made you shut people out!. And before I go - give me a hug!. Please!" Laney asked.
Grissom smiled and said,
"Who's the hug for?. Me or you?".
Then Grissom opened his arms for her to come over and tears began to run down his face. They hugged with meaning. When they had finished Laney looked Grissom right in the eye and said,
"Are you going to be alright?" Laney asked.
Grissom nodded.
"I'm going to call Catherine!" Grissom admitted.
Laney smiled. Then finally she blew Grissom a kiss and planted the hand on his forehead. Then she left. Leaving Grissom alone in floods of tears. As soon as Laney left Grissom went over and shut every blind and locked his door. Then he sat, thought to himself and eventually the tears escalated but were still silent. He cried and cried and cried. Then eventually after fifteen minutes. He picked up the phone and called Catherine.
"Hey Grissom. What's up?" Catherine asked.
"Catherine. Can we talk?. Like now!" Grissom asked tearfully.
"Grissom, what's wrong?. Sure we can talk" Catherine replied concerned.
"We can take a long lunch!" Grissom said.
"What will the boss say?!" Catherine joked.
"I'm the boss and I say we can!" Grissom laughed through the tears.
Grissom paused and sighed.
"Catherine. I'm serious. I really want to talk. I need to talk - I need to talk to you about Emily!.
"Oh my god!" Catherine replied.
"And. And more importantly - I need to introduce you to Laura" Grissom confessed bursting into more tears.
"Right - Ummm - wow!. Ummm. I'll be finished in ten minutes. I'll be right over" Catherine exclaimed.
"Thank you" Grissom replied.
"No sweat. Ummm Grissom? - are you sure you want to talk about this with me?" Catherine asked.
"Positive!" Grissom replied.
"What ya up to?" Laney asked playfully.
Grissom looked up. He was surprised to see her.
"Well I'm - ummm - I'm studying a bug. I'm trying to find out which type it is" he replied conservatively.
Laney came over and sat down.
"Well!. Hey whatever turns you on!" she replied.
"Turns me on?" Grissom asked confused.
"You know. What you enjoy. I mean it in a strictly non-sexual sense!. That was soooo the wrong words to use - I'm sorry!. Though! - if you do get turned on by insects! - that's cool too!. We all deserve to be ourselves - accept ourselves - our quirky interests! - and others for who we are. But! - that doesn't mean we should be isolate others and live in our own world, Mr Grissom. That's not what I'm saying. We just have to work around each other - Find out what we have in common with each other - etcetera. Do know what I'm trying to say, Grissom?" Laney said.
"Haven't a clue" Grissom said confused as he tried to work out the English from that sentence. Alaney's babblings reminded him of Libby Sidle. Yet Sara was never as incomprehensible as Libby or Alaney!.
"Anyway, guess what?" Laney continued.
"What?" Grissom asked worried.
"I'm sooooo bored!. Sooooooo! - We're going to play 'let's get to know each other'!" Laney said.
"Oh. Well actually I'm quite busy here, Alaney" Grissom replied.
Laney took the bug pot off him and put it down.
"Your due a lunch break!. Now let's see!. Ummmm. You know a lot about me!. Probably more than I do!. So, let's talk about you!" Laney insisted.
"Let's not" Grissom suggested.
"What are you scared of?" Laney challenged Grissom.
He looked away and she got no reply. So she continued the conversation - but this time she had a serious tone and jumped into giving him a lecture,
"You know, Mr Grissom - you think you can hide your secrets. But some of them! - they're quite plain to see if you're an outsider!. For example! - I personally have noticed - that you're quite withdrawn from the world, Mr Grissom. I mean we're not talking agoraphobic!. But you don't really let people in! - not even Catherine from what I hear!. And that's not healthy, Grissom. You NEED people. We all do!. It's human nature!. You can't deny human nature!".
It was during this speech that Grissom noticed Alaney reminded him so much of Sara. He couldn't quite pinpoint what it was - but he knew part of it was the way they structured their lectures at him. But it couldn't have been camp cuckoo. Maybe it was their schooling.
"Did you go to a private school like Sara?" Grissom asked.
"What?" Laney responded annoyed that he appeared to be ignoring her.
"Maybe the same school even?" Grissom said.
"Ummm - yeah, we went to the some of the same schools. Can I carry on please?" Laney answered annoyed and confused.
"That would explain it" Grissom responded.
"Explain what?" Laney asked confused.
"You remind me of Sara. But it's because of your similar schooling. I knew it wasn't from growing up in your community!" Grissom said.
Laney was astounded.
"Have you been listening to a word I've been saying?. Do you realise how rude that is?. I'm going to assume it's because of your personality defect - a mislearning or what is rude or not! -and not hold it against you!" Laney responded.
She sighed and eventually spoke again. She went back to a serious and caring tone.
"I heard about how you kept your hearing problems from everyone!" Laney said.
"Oh" Grissom commented.
"They could have helped!. I also heard how you eventually told Catherine. But what I haven't heard - but can guess! - is about whether or not you felt relieved when Catherine came to the hospital to support you - before your operation" Laney said with care, concern and distinct worry.
Laney paused and looked at Grissom.
"Admit it!- You were glad when Catherine came!" Laney said in a caring tone.
It took Grissom a long time to answer.
"Maybe" He admitted ashamed.
"It's nothing to be ashamed about, Grissom!. You need social support!. It's good to feel that way! - it's makes you human!. There are these people around you who are willing and able to be there for you - and your just pushing them away!. And one day - when you decide you need them - they won't be there anymore!. Right now, all you need to do is tell them what's bothering you - and they'd came running in support. They are lovely people!" Laney pleaded with concern and care.
Laney took a long pause. Then she looked Grissom right in the eye and said,
"How can you help Sara if she won't tell you what she needs you to do?" Laney commented.
"What?. What do you mean?. Sara?. What DOES she need?" Grissom asked concerned and interested.
"It's not my place to say, Grissom. How would you feel if you told people what's bothering you and they went telling everyone. I respect the desire to keep secrets as that. Anyway, don't change the subject!- we're talking about you!. My point was that Sara is a give and take girl perhaps. I know you've shown concern for her. But if she were wanting to talk about something - how can you expect her to go to you when your so: a)Emotionally detached most of the time! - AND - b)So secretive about your own life and not willing to let people in!" Laney suggested.
"Are saying Sara will tell me 'what's up' - only if I tell her 'what's up' with me?" Grissom asked.
"No, of course not!. Sara's not petty!. I'm trying to make a point, Grissom. You're so eager to know about everyone else - but you're just as guarded about your own secrets. I can see where Sara's coming from" Laney said.
Laney then paused and got more serious,
"She reckons your fire her if she tells you" Laney said.
"Fire her?. Why earth would I fire her?. What's she done?" Grissom exclaimed.
"Nothing really. But I can see her point - you might. She should have handled work better. But anyway I've said too much. Sara's, just an example!" Laney said.
"Laney, please tell me! - I want to help her!" Grissom pleaded
"Right back at you, Grissy!. They all want to help you!. But, how would you feel if someone went telling everyone your personal." Laney said.
But Grissom interrupted her before she could finish,
"I know! I know!. What?. You don't think I feel that twinge of hypocrisy?. You think I don't know I'm a hypocrite?" Grissom insisted.
"It's not hypocrisy I'm worried about, Grissom. It's you!. Everyone's worried about you and Sara. Both of you indulge yourself into work and have little time or want for a life outside of it!" Laney commented.
"I have roller coasters!. I race beetles!. Sara has nothing!" Grissom insisted.
"But Grissom - do you have friends in the rollercoaster or insect racing world?. Any intimate human contact?. I'm guessing no!. No! - cos that would require letting people in!. You need human contact, Grissom!. Human comfort!. People to rely on!. People to run to with your problems!. Or your problems will eat you up!. Maybe you've been hurt - but - you've got to give trust a second chance. It doesn't matter how much you deny it, Grissom - you need social support!. Even if you don't have a problem - You need friends' full stop!. And frankly, I can't say I've noticed you let anyone be a friend in your life - at least in Las Vegas!. Your so lucky, Grissom!. Most people in your position are socially detached because they don't have friendship avenues. But you! - you've got all these great people around you who are screaming to be closer with you!. And I'm not talking about jumping into bed with Sara!" Laney said.
"You know about that!. Did Libby say something?. Oh how embarrassing!" Grissom said astounded.
"More embarrassing for Sara!. Yeah, Libby has mentioned it. But I have no opinion on the situation. Moving on!. My point is!. Well, does Catherine know your little secret?. You guys seem to have some kind of vague - and I mean VAGUE kind of real friendship going on!" Laney replied.
Grissom was reluctant to answer,
"Not enough. But - She knows parts of it!" Grissom admitted ashamed.
"Oh gees Grissom!. Well, are talking to a counsellor or anything?" Laney asked.
"I did" Grissom replied.
"You did?. Well, if it's still an issue why stop?" Laney asked.
"We were just going round in circles!. I just talked - they just listened - I got no where!" Grissom replied.
"Do you have friends outside Las Vegas?" Laney asked.
"I'm fine!" Grissom insisted.
"Just because you deny it, Grissom - doesn't make it fine!" Laney declared angrily frustrated.
Laney paused and took a deep breath. She then continued,
"Back in California, Sara has plenty of social support!. She even has friends!. So frankly, she's not the one I'm so worried about!. It's you!. Everyone's noticed you and Sara's problems - but no one appears to be kicking your asses into shape!. But I'm not going to stand by and let you destroy yourself!" Laney exclaimed
"I noticed!" Grissom laughed to hide the pain he felt.
"Grissom, this is serious!. Let's try this!. True or false? - when you were waiting to go into your operation, before Catherine came, your ass was scared and wished - wished so hard!!! - that you had someone to rely on - to care about you!. And true or false - when Catherine's ass did turn up you were relieved - you were as delighted as anything!. You WANTED her!. True or false?" Laney demanded.
Grissom paused and was reluctant to answer,
"True" he muttered ashamed.
"There's nothing wrong with wanting human contact, Grissom!. Telling Catherine - No in fact! - Wanting Catherine! - That was the smartest thing it sounds like you've ever done in a long long time. But don't stop!. Don't forget that feeling! - how relieved you were - how much easy it became!. You can have that 24/7. And my point is Grissom is that I'm not going to sit by and watch you - either! - a) drive yourself into the depths of depression and perhaps suicide - or! - b) die alone and have people find your rotten body a year after your death - cos you've driven away any form of friend or family member left in your life!. Your be like a cat lady - except your be insect man!. Neighbours will report a funny smell - and the police will find Gil Grissom's decomposed body being eaten by the insects he so dearly loved!" Laney declared.
Grissom laughed but Laney begun crying. Grissom immediately went over and comforted her.
"Hey hey!. Sweetheart what's wrong?. Why are crying?. Don't cry!. Are you crying over me?. I'm not worth it!" Grissom asked.
Laney nodded and laughed through the tears.
"Yeah!. Funnily enough Grissom people do care about you whether you like it or not!. I can't help but care. I just can't stand by and watch people destroy themselves!" Laney declared tearfully.
"I suppose I'm extra alert because. Well, I had this close friend. She killed herself - because she was depressed. Everyone noticed her life was a bit of a mess!. But no one wanted to say anything. They didn't realise how urgent it was!" Laney confessed.
Laney thought to herself and gave a laugh,
"It's a bit like my aunt!. No one wants to." Laney stopped mid sentence and didn't finish.
Grissom gave a small laughed and further comforted Laney.
"I'm not depressed and I'm not going to kill myself!" Grissom said sweetly.
Laney wiped her eyes and sighed.
"Look!. You don't need to tell me anything!. I'm not even saying you need to tell anyone today. I'm just saying talk to SOMEONE about it - sometime in the near future!. And let me give you some advice. One! - "No man is an island!" - John Donne. "Hell is yourself and the only redemption is when you put yourself aside to feel deeply for another person" - Tennessee Williams. And last but not least - "Without the correction, the reflection and the support of other presences, being is not merely unsafe - it is a horror!"
"George MacDonald" Grissom answered, deeply convinced.
"Just promise me talk to someone about whatever has made you shut people out!. And before I go - give me a hug!. Please!" Laney asked.
Grissom smiled and said,
"Who's the hug for?. Me or you?".
Then Grissom opened his arms for her to come over and tears began to run down his face. They hugged with meaning. When they had finished Laney looked Grissom right in the eye and said,
"Are you going to be alright?" Laney asked.
Grissom nodded.
"I'm going to call Catherine!" Grissom admitted.
Laney smiled. Then finally she blew Grissom a kiss and planted the hand on his forehead. Then she left. Leaving Grissom alone in floods of tears. As soon as Laney left Grissom went over and shut every blind and locked his door. Then he sat, thought to himself and eventually the tears escalated but were still silent. He cried and cried and cried. Then eventually after fifteen minutes. He picked up the phone and called Catherine.
"Hey Grissom. What's up?" Catherine asked.
"Catherine. Can we talk?. Like now!" Grissom asked tearfully.
"Grissom, what's wrong?. Sure we can talk" Catherine replied concerned.
"We can take a long lunch!" Grissom said.
"What will the boss say?!" Catherine joked.
"I'm the boss and I say we can!" Grissom laughed through the tears.
Grissom paused and sighed.
"Catherine. I'm serious. I really want to talk. I need to talk - I need to talk to you about Emily!.
"Oh my god!" Catherine replied.
"And. And more importantly - I need to introduce you to Laura" Grissom confessed bursting into more tears.
"Right - Ummm - wow!. Ummm. I'll be finished in ten minutes. I'll be right over" Catherine exclaimed.
"Thank you" Grissom replied.
"No sweat. Ummm Grissom? - are you sure you want to talk about this with me?" Catherine asked.
"Positive!" Grissom replied.