Sara, Grissom, Nick, Warwick and Catherine were all working two dead but
identified bodies found on a deserted road out near the desert. When they
got there was a Catholic priest standing by the crime scene and the police
were talking to him. When Sara saw the priest she looked quite surprised.
When the priest saw Sara he looked quite curious too. They seemed to know
each other.
"Sara?. Is that o.k.?" Grissom asked.
"Sorry what?" Sara replied.
"I said can you analyse the blonde woman. I'll analyse the brunette man. While the other three analyse the surrounding scene" Grissom replied.
"Ummm. Sure" Sara replied.
Grissom and Sara walked over to Brass who was standing next to the dead bodies.
"Ah finally!. Two dead bodies. Married couple. Jennifer and Marcus Holman. Been married a year" Brass reported.
"How did you identify them?" Grissom asked.
"I.D. found in their pockets. Plus the priest over there identified them. They're regulars at his church. He's the one who called us. He's Father Thomas Linley. Apparently they called him saying they wanted to talk. He claims that when he got he found them already dead" Brass reported.
"Well, you know what they say about the first witness to a crime and all that!" Grissom said excitedly.
Brass took them over to the priest.
"Minister, This is Gil Grissom and Sara Sidle from the crime lab" Brass said.
"Sara Sidle!. I knew I knew you from somewhere!. You're the Sidles and the Lintons granddaughter aren't you?. We met last Christmas at the Linton's mansion" the priest said.
"Yeah. How are you Father Linley?. What are you doing in Nevada?" Sara asked uneasy.
"I've relocated here to Las Vegas!. Can you believe it? - 'sin city'!. How are you?. Which church are you at, dear?" Father Linley asked.
"I don't. Well, I don't go in for all that stuff!. Sorry" Sara replied.
"Oh. Sorry. I just thought - maybe. Then again! - I've heard about your parents - it makes sense. Well, if you ever want to visit us at St Catherine's - your very welcome. I know your grandparents would be delighted!" Father Linley said.
"St Catherine?. My grandparents gave me a St Catherine necklace. They were always going on about St Catherine!. She studied science and I'm a scientist. They've given me loads of saints jewellery!. Anyway, umm sorry but I don't believe in organised religion, Father!. Sorry!. No disrespect but yeah. Father Linley can you show us yours hands, please?. It's standard procedure - priest or not" Sara said.
"Of course" Father Linley said gladly co-operating.
Sara started to inspect his hands and then his clothing. She found no evidence. While she was inspecting him they continued to chat,
"How are your grandparents, dear?" Father Linley asked.
"Umm. Their pretty good. They're in good health for their age. I was in Tamales Bay a month ago and saw them then. They were good" Sara replied.
Once Sara and Grissom had finished analysing Father Linley they went on to analyse the bodies. The priest kept watching Sara as she worked. He wanted to watch out for her for her grandparents as they were his friends. He was worried because she looked really stressed. Her nails had been bitten down - but every other time he'd met her she had normal length nails. She looked like she'd had no sleep - but that could have been because of her job. But looking at her hair and face he could tell there was something worrying her - and he guessed it had nothing to do with work. He could tell a person troubled by a problem a mile off - it was part of his job and his natural born skill.
He couldn't help worrying about her all day. Finally he couldn't take it anymore and decided to go visit her at the police station. Sara was told someone had come to see her and came out.
"Father Linley!. What are you doing here?" Sara asked.
"I haven't been able to stop worrying about you all day!. What's wrong, my dear?" Father Linley enquired.
"Nothing. I'm fine. Thank you" Sara denied
Father Linley sat her down.
"Look, Miss Sidle. You don't know me very well and I know you're not too keen on Catholicism. But your grandparents are my friends and I know they'd want me to look after you. They go on about you and yours cousins so much that I feel I know you already!. But you see Miss Sidle, I can tell something is distressing you. I watched you today and you seemed pre occupied and stressed. I can tell a distressed person a mile off. And I just want you to know if Miss Sidle, that Catholic or not, if you want to come chat to me I'll be free from 6pm tonight or if your busy then 6pm tomorrow night instead. Or if you just call up we can arrange something. I won't bombard you with religious persuasion. I'm just a neutral sounding board - a pair of ears to listen!. I just care" Father Linley suggested.
"Thanks but no thanks, father. It's really not my kind of thing!" Sara said politely.
"O.k." the priest replied.
"Thank you though. For noticing and caring. I've, erm, I've got to be getting back to work now. But thank you" Sara claimed.
At that point, Grissom came along,
"Father! - what do we owe this pleasure?. Do you have any information to offer our investigation?" Grissom asked kindly.
"There is something actually!. I haven't seen Jennifer in over a week. But two days ago she had left me a note in my office at St Catherine's church. It said she had come by to speak but I wasn't there. The problem is - Looking at it now - Well I've realise! - it isn't her handwriting!. So I thought I'd give it to you lot in case - well in case it has something to do with their death" Father Linley said.
"Thank you! Thank you!. We better go analyse this!. Thank you again, Father" Grissom said before rushing off.
"I've got to go. But thank you again, Father" Sara said before beginning to leave.
"Nice to see you again, Miss Sidle. I'll see you tonight!" Father Linley called after her.
Sara froze and turned.
"Father Linley, I'm not coming. I told you it's not my thing!" Sara insisted.
"O.k. then. See you tonight, Miss Sidle!" Father Linley replied as he was beginning to walk off and leave.
"I'm really not coming!" Sara exclaimed to the hallway to him.
Father Linley just smiled.
"What a pig!" Sara said.
However, at 5.45pm that evening Sara was exactly where Father Linley had predicted. Sara found herself sitting in St Catherine's Catholic church of her own free will even though Father Linley had been so patronising. She wasn't entirely sure why she was there!. She certainly didn't want to prove Father Linley right. And she certainly didn't want him to think he could brainwash her with religion. But, she did want to talk. But more than that - she actually wanted God!. She had nothing else left to turn to. She'd tried human contact and it wasn't working. She didn't want to abuse drugs or alcohol - she had seen enough of the bad effects of that!. So the only thing she had left to rely on was the supernatural!. She did believe in a God after all. She didn't really know if she believed in Jesus . It was just she didn't believe in organised religion. And all her experiences of church as a child were boring and the congregation didn't seem much happier!. But she prayed sometimes and that's what she felt like doing now. So she prayed. But that was the only thing she wanted to do with God in that church. Other than that she needed to tell someone her problems before she exploded! - Father Linley seemed a nice person and would be a good listener (when he wasn't so smarmy!). So she came to his church. There was only her and another woman in the church. This other woman went into confession then came out. Confession wasn't over until 6pm. Sara thought might as well go. Her grandparents would be pleased.
"Father, forgive me for I have sinned. My last confession was 17 years ago" Sara said.
"What are your sins, my child?" Father Linley asked.
"Well, erm. Erm. I don't respect my parents - I actually hate my father! - and your meant to respect them aren't you - so I guess that's a sin!. And erm - God gave me a gift - I - erm - I rejected that gift!. I guess that's sin too!" Sara confessed.
"Are you sorry for these sins, my child?" Father Linley asked curious.
"Erm. Well, no" Sara confessed.
"That's Sara Sidle isn't it?" Father Linley letting the formality go.
"What happened to anonymity?!?" Sara commented
"Sara, you don't want to confess! - So, don't do this. It's good to see you!" he commented.
"Don't gloat!. I still don't want you to try and make me Catholic. I just need to chat" Sara confessed.
"For a start, I'm not trying to make you Catholic. Secondly, Confession is nearly over. So let's go check there's no one left to confess and we can go somewhere and chat face to face. O.k.?" Father Linley said.
Sara and Father Linley left the confession box. There was no one around so they went to Father Linley's office and Sara talked about her past, present and future problems. Afterwards Father Linley asked if he could pray with Sara and surprisingly for him she said yes. Then he suggested she get secular or even religious counselling and she said she'd think about it. Then they returned to the main body of the church.
"Hey, do you mind if I just stay here and pray? Reflect?" Sara asked.
"Of course you can. We're open till 11" Father Linley replied.
"Thank you for everything. It's. It's been really good talking to you - it's been a relief to get some of that off my chest!. You're a really nice man and thank you for not pushing the religious theme!. Thank you!" Sara said.
"Feel free to come back anytime you want. Our doors are usually open. And say hello to your grandparents for me!. Remember you're always welcome round my house for dinner anytime - just give me a ring. I might call you up soon if I don't get that call!. And if your grandparents visit be sure to bring them over too!. Just ring anytime if you need to chat" Father Linley commented.
"Thank you, father" Sara said reassured.
Father Linley left and Sara sat in a pew bowed her head and prayed. A minute or two later, a man walked into the church and took a pew bowed his head and prayed himself. Minutes later Sara decided to go. She was a bit hesitant because she felt so comfortable, warm and protected in that church. She didn't want to leave because she'd have to face up to life outside those doors. But she knew she'd have to face life at some point. So she got up and began to leave. But then she stopped because she suddenly recognised the man in the pews. She didn't know whether to say anything in case he wanted privacy - he was quite a private person. But, what if he had seen her?. She decided to acknowledge him,
"Grissom?" Sara said.
"Sara!" Grissom replied surprised.
"Sit down!. Come join me!" Grissom invited.
This invitation surprised Sara as she was so used to Grissom being a private man who only liked to discuss work.
"What are you doing here?" Grissom asked surprised.
"Umm. Well, Father Linley knows my grandparents from California" Sara replied.
"So I noticed" commented Grissom.
"He noticed I was worried about something and so he asked if I wanted to chat. I've been having a lot of problems lately - I don't really want to go into it at the moment. I figured that I may as well talk to someone - an outsider. And as for God - well! - Nothing else has worked - he's the only thing left!. I didn't know you were religious - You come here often?" Sara said.
"Umm. I used to be Catholic but then some things happened and eventually I gave up on Catholicism for good. Organised religion is far from God, I think - too much politics, too much hypocrisy and judgement" Grissom said.
Then he sighed reluctant to go on. He looked at Sara and decided to go into more detail. So he said,
"My family used to go to church regularly. Then my parents divorced. They just had to!. The reaction was horrendous!. We were shunned by the congregation, forced to leave by the priests and given dirty looks when we passed any of them in the street. No forgiveness, no reasoning and no admittance of their own wrongs. Then later in life I gave it a second chance. It was o.k. Until a close friend of mine in the congregation committed suicide. And a similar thing happened. The congregation started slagging this person off! - judging them! - condemning them!. People started to avoid me or gossip behind my back because I was close to the victim. Plus I was having a difficult time in my life. My friend's suicide had such an effect on me. I ended up leaving for the hypocrisy at least!. I vowed never to return!" Grissom said.
"St Catherine's isn't like that, Mr Grissom" a voice behind them surprised them.
It was Father Linley.
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to eavesdrop. I just happened to hear. I'm sorry you had to go through that. If you don't mind me asking, did your friend pass on long ago?" Father Linley asked.
"Twenty years ago" Grissom replied.
"Well, that's explains it hopefully. As I was telling Miss Sidle - It's unusual nowadays" Father Linley said.
Sara smiled.
"I'm glad to hear it!" Grissom said.
"I'll be in my office if you want to talk, Mr Grissom" Father Linley said.
Sara and Grissom waited till Father Linley left before speaking again.
"O.k. truthfully?. It wasn't just the attitude. Stuff happened in my life and it made me give on God a bit - I felt so far from him!. It took a long time to regain any type of faith" Grissom said.
"Why have you come today then?" Sara asked.
"I'm beginning to take huge steps in my life and I suppose I just need a little support. Like you I thought who's left to turn to? - God. Thought I might have a word with Father Linley. I'm having problems to deal with of my own." Grissom said.
"Past catching you up?. I know how you feel!" Sara said almost rhetorically
"Yeah" Grissom muttered in reply.
"He's very good anyway - Father Linley. Very nice. I was telling him about what my parents about Catholicism. They had a similar experience to you. So they turned their back on that" Sara said.
"I heard him talking to you earlier. He seemed to think you were Catholic!" Grissom said.
"My grandparents tried to make me Catholic. It was mainly my mother's parents. Took me to church sometimes, gave me Catholic books and jewellery, and gave me talks on Catholicism, read the bible to me for bedtime reading and etcetera. I lived with them for a year when I was fourteen. So I had to go to church every Sunday then. They made me go to confession every week!. But it just wasn't my kind of thing!. Plus they made sure I when to Catholic schools all my life!. So I learnt a lot about Catholicism as a child. I can quote huge chunks of the bible to you - but it means nothing to me!. I was bombarded with Catholicism but nothing really convinced me to become Catholic. Every Sunday, aged 14, I went to church. But it just wasn't my kind of thing. I don't whether it was my parent's influence or what it was. I wouldn't say I don't believe - I just don't know!. My parents were so anti because of their experiences. But now! - it sounds like that sort of politics isn't in the Catholic Church anymore. I don't know!. Maybe Father Linley just seems really nice. We had a frank discussion about the reputation Catholicism has. I suppose to be truthful - I never gave Catholicism a chance because - well, I was scared" Sara said.
"Scared?" Grissom asked.
"Of losing my life!. There seemed to be so many rules and regulations that I didn't let myself go there. I was scared I would be unhappy. I still am. I'm happy the way I am now - I'm not going to change!. If I don't think about it - I don't worry!. As for my parents - they chose to believe the politics ruled the faith instead of the religion" Sara admitted.
"Faith is not the religion, Sara - it is the state of mind!" Grissom contradicted her.
Sara looked confused. Grissom explained,
"Faith is the belief. Religion is the politics".
"All politics?!?" Sara challenged him.
Grissom laughed.
"Where was I?. You interrupted me!. So my parents rebelled - they become the worst nightmare for every Catholic parent - a hippy!" Sara admitted.
Grissom laughed.
"My grandparents and my parents are so different!. My grandparents are posh, rich and Catholic. And well, you've met my parents!. My parents think I'm too much like my grandparents and my grandparents think I'm too much like my parents!. My parents think I'm dressed straight laced and like my grandparents plus I'm too stuck up. My grandparents think I dress too much like my parents and I don't act like a 'lady'. I don't sit up straight!" Sara commented.
"I can understand what you mean. To a hippy you seem too smartly dressed, too reserved and rigid. But to the more refined person - even a white collar worker - you seem almost part smart and part almost hippy like!. Your grandparents are upper class, you look kind of middle class and your parents - well their in a class all of their own honey!" Grissom commented.
"They have this on going dispute over my name. When I was born my parents wanted to wanted to name me - well I'm not telling you!. Anyway, my grandparents paid them not to!. My grandparents wanted an ordinary and preferably religious name. So they all agreed on Sarah. The catch? - what my parents didn't tell them was that they were going to deliberately knock the 'H' off to be different - unconventional!. My grandparents to this day still write 'Sarah' as my name!" Sara reminisced.
"I'm both. What neither pair seems to get is that I'm neither of them - I'm in between!. Ironically, in a way they're also so similar!. Both are searching for happiness!. Both are searching for a truth!. My parents couldn't find it in Catholicism, so they tried the hippie and new age movement. They still haven't found happiness!. My mother's more unhappy than she was a teenager!. At least she's off the drugs and the sleeping around - that really screwed her up - she didn't even realise until it was pointed out to her!. Her life is terrible! - and I don't know how much is coincidence and how much of it is this so called 'happiness searching' lifestyle. I watched the unhappiness of religion and the hippy movement. Even now my parents are not so much hippies as 'new age' - and still no one in that place is happy. The kids go to school and they just can't fit in! - at least, not at first - because their so different from everyone else. Their outsiders because their so used to be brought up this way - and the parents do have every right to raise their children as they see fit!. But, it doesn't matter if they go to a private or a normal school! - Catholic or not! - they still don't fit in!. At first, I resented my parents because they made me different but I just don't know anymore!. Even if the residents are happy in camp cuckoo - they're not in the outside world!. And it's not just that - No one is happy when someone dies of a drug overdose or when they never come out of a drug induced bad trip and have to be taken to a mental institute!. I spent my whole life being torn between my parents and grandparents - both trying to turn me into them!. I'm not the Linton's only grandchild but I was their first. I was the first one they saved from the gutter!. My parents were at Berkley then they got pregnant and ran away. Didn't speak to their parents in five years. Then one day my grandparents tracked them down to this caravan trailer thing squatting somewhere. They feared for me and so they gave my parents the money to get a business together and bought them the house. Then their friends squatted nearby. My grandparents were aghast!. Eventually my grandparents bought the surrounding forest and paid for houses to be built so these people weren't camping there and making the place look a mess. Then my parents' brothers and sisters joined them as hippies, all except one. I have 5 aunts and uncles all together. Some already had children and some had them after becoming hippies. But I was the one they actually saved from the gutter!. The other children were always brought up in houses. They tried to clean my parents' lifestyle up so I would be protected from it. They made camp cuckoo - but they also made it kind of respectable!. Also I lived with my grandparents for a year when I was 14 - so they got a lot of input into my life then. Technically I was the one who most rebelled against the hippiness of my parents - the most straight laced one - the one with most potential! - worth the effort! - so they put so much more effort into me!. Everyone says it's also because I'm their favourite - but I don't know!. I'm the most straight laced but I'm still a disappointment to them!. Then again - people say I'm their favourite because Libby was their favourite!. Even though she ran away and disobeyed them - she never stopped being their subconscious favourite" Sara said.
Sara sighed.
"My grandparents didn't seem happy. But then my parents weren't happy either and neither were their fellow friends - a lot of the time they were just pretending to be happy or it was superficial because of the drugs!. Part of the unhappiness was caused by the pain and hurt of their lifestyle. Drugs have consequences and so does promiscuity!. So that wasn't the way to happiness either!. So I suppose, I tried to find my own happiness - I thought if I buried my head in books and school it would make me happy. The kids at school didn't like me because not only was I smart and hardworking but I was also weird coming from camp cuckoo!. So I wasn't happy there. My parents and my grandparents were never satisfied with me - it made me feel worthless and unhappy!. My mother always said "Be yourself" - but what she meant was "Be like us!". My grandparents always said "Don't let your parents try and change them into them - be yourself!" - but what they meant was "Be like us!". I don't think my mother did want me to be exactly like her, actually. She knew she was unhappy and she knew the hurt caused by their hippy lifestyle - they even changed tried to change their lifestyle!. I think she just wanted me to be more relaxed and less stressed. So she pushed me to be different from who I was. In the end, I just don't know who I am!. I never found the truth to happiness either. My whole life I just seemed to hide myself in my work to avoid facing up to who I am and I just avoided having an identity" Sara said.
Suddenly Sara brightened up,
"But I wouldn't say I'm particularly unhappy!. I'm not depressed or anything. I'm just not society's idea of a normal healthy person. I should go out more or be more social - but if I'm happy does it matter?. What people don't realise is that they make the person more unhappy by pointing it out. Can't a person decide if their happy or not?" Sara said.
Sara sighed again.
"Sorry, I've rattled on!. I better be going and leave you alone" Sara said getting up.
"It was nice to see you, Sara. It can be scary coming here. I'm glad you were here too. And it was good to hear you talk - it was reassuring!" Grissom gestured.
Sara smiled and rubbed Grissom's back lightly to comfort him.
"I hope you find what you're looking for Grissom. He's a really nice man. You'll like him. I don't think he's likely to judge people. Bye Grissom" Sara said as leaving.
Suddenly her phone rang,
"Oh my goodness!. I'm so sorry!. I forgot to turn it off!" Sara said.
Sara looked at the phone and saw,
"It's Catherine" Sara whispered to Grissom.
"She might be trying to get me too, then!" Grissom said.
"Hi Catherine" Sara said.
"What?!?. Oh my goodness!. What happened?. I'll be right there!" Sara reacted.
Sara turned the phone off. She looked pale and nearly fainted. Grissom came rushing over and sat her down. Sara began crying.
"What's happened?" Grissom asked.
"Laney's in intensive care!. She just collapsed suddenly!. She was out on the field apparently - assigned to shadow Ecklie's team. He was really good with her apparently actually - she didn't wake up, so he called an ambulance and got her off to hospital comfortably. They tried calling me but couldn't get me. They got Catherine though and she's with her now. She's unconscious!. What's wrong with her?. I've got to go!. I've got to go see her!" Sara said.
"I'll drive you!" Grissom said.
"What if she dies, Grissom?. I can't lose her!. What if I'm not there and Laney dies!" Sara said.
"It might not be life threatening!" Grissom said.
"I don't even know why she's collapsed!?!. What's wrong with her?!?" Sara said.
"Sara?. Is that o.k.?" Grissom asked.
"Sorry what?" Sara replied.
"I said can you analyse the blonde woman. I'll analyse the brunette man. While the other three analyse the surrounding scene" Grissom replied.
"Ummm. Sure" Sara replied.
Grissom and Sara walked over to Brass who was standing next to the dead bodies.
"Ah finally!. Two dead bodies. Married couple. Jennifer and Marcus Holman. Been married a year" Brass reported.
"How did you identify them?" Grissom asked.
"I.D. found in their pockets. Plus the priest over there identified them. They're regulars at his church. He's the one who called us. He's Father Thomas Linley. Apparently they called him saying they wanted to talk. He claims that when he got he found them already dead" Brass reported.
"Well, you know what they say about the first witness to a crime and all that!" Grissom said excitedly.
Brass took them over to the priest.
"Minister, This is Gil Grissom and Sara Sidle from the crime lab" Brass said.
"Sara Sidle!. I knew I knew you from somewhere!. You're the Sidles and the Lintons granddaughter aren't you?. We met last Christmas at the Linton's mansion" the priest said.
"Yeah. How are you Father Linley?. What are you doing in Nevada?" Sara asked uneasy.
"I've relocated here to Las Vegas!. Can you believe it? - 'sin city'!. How are you?. Which church are you at, dear?" Father Linley asked.
"I don't. Well, I don't go in for all that stuff!. Sorry" Sara replied.
"Oh. Sorry. I just thought - maybe. Then again! - I've heard about your parents - it makes sense. Well, if you ever want to visit us at St Catherine's - your very welcome. I know your grandparents would be delighted!" Father Linley said.
"St Catherine?. My grandparents gave me a St Catherine necklace. They were always going on about St Catherine!. She studied science and I'm a scientist. They've given me loads of saints jewellery!. Anyway, umm sorry but I don't believe in organised religion, Father!. Sorry!. No disrespect but yeah. Father Linley can you show us yours hands, please?. It's standard procedure - priest or not" Sara said.
"Of course" Father Linley said gladly co-operating.
Sara started to inspect his hands and then his clothing. She found no evidence. While she was inspecting him they continued to chat,
"How are your grandparents, dear?" Father Linley asked.
"Umm. Their pretty good. They're in good health for their age. I was in Tamales Bay a month ago and saw them then. They were good" Sara replied.
Once Sara and Grissom had finished analysing Father Linley they went on to analyse the bodies. The priest kept watching Sara as she worked. He wanted to watch out for her for her grandparents as they were his friends. He was worried because she looked really stressed. Her nails had been bitten down - but every other time he'd met her she had normal length nails. She looked like she'd had no sleep - but that could have been because of her job. But looking at her hair and face he could tell there was something worrying her - and he guessed it had nothing to do with work. He could tell a person troubled by a problem a mile off - it was part of his job and his natural born skill.
He couldn't help worrying about her all day. Finally he couldn't take it anymore and decided to go visit her at the police station. Sara was told someone had come to see her and came out.
"Father Linley!. What are you doing here?" Sara asked.
"I haven't been able to stop worrying about you all day!. What's wrong, my dear?" Father Linley enquired.
"Nothing. I'm fine. Thank you" Sara denied
Father Linley sat her down.
"Look, Miss Sidle. You don't know me very well and I know you're not too keen on Catholicism. But your grandparents are my friends and I know they'd want me to look after you. They go on about you and yours cousins so much that I feel I know you already!. But you see Miss Sidle, I can tell something is distressing you. I watched you today and you seemed pre occupied and stressed. I can tell a distressed person a mile off. And I just want you to know if Miss Sidle, that Catholic or not, if you want to come chat to me I'll be free from 6pm tonight or if your busy then 6pm tomorrow night instead. Or if you just call up we can arrange something. I won't bombard you with religious persuasion. I'm just a neutral sounding board - a pair of ears to listen!. I just care" Father Linley suggested.
"Thanks but no thanks, father. It's really not my kind of thing!" Sara said politely.
"O.k." the priest replied.
"Thank you though. For noticing and caring. I've, erm, I've got to be getting back to work now. But thank you" Sara claimed.
At that point, Grissom came along,
"Father! - what do we owe this pleasure?. Do you have any information to offer our investigation?" Grissom asked kindly.
"There is something actually!. I haven't seen Jennifer in over a week. But two days ago she had left me a note in my office at St Catherine's church. It said she had come by to speak but I wasn't there. The problem is - Looking at it now - Well I've realise! - it isn't her handwriting!. So I thought I'd give it to you lot in case - well in case it has something to do with their death" Father Linley said.
"Thank you! Thank you!. We better go analyse this!. Thank you again, Father" Grissom said before rushing off.
"I've got to go. But thank you again, Father" Sara said before beginning to leave.
"Nice to see you again, Miss Sidle. I'll see you tonight!" Father Linley called after her.
Sara froze and turned.
"Father Linley, I'm not coming. I told you it's not my thing!" Sara insisted.
"O.k. then. See you tonight, Miss Sidle!" Father Linley replied as he was beginning to walk off and leave.
"I'm really not coming!" Sara exclaimed to the hallway to him.
Father Linley just smiled.
"What a pig!" Sara said.
However, at 5.45pm that evening Sara was exactly where Father Linley had predicted. Sara found herself sitting in St Catherine's Catholic church of her own free will even though Father Linley had been so patronising. She wasn't entirely sure why she was there!. She certainly didn't want to prove Father Linley right. And she certainly didn't want him to think he could brainwash her with religion. But, she did want to talk. But more than that - she actually wanted God!. She had nothing else left to turn to. She'd tried human contact and it wasn't working. She didn't want to abuse drugs or alcohol - she had seen enough of the bad effects of that!. So the only thing she had left to rely on was the supernatural!. She did believe in a God after all. She didn't really know if she believed in Jesus . It was just she didn't believe in organised religion. And all her experiences of church as a child were boring and the congregation didn't seem much happier!. But she prayed sometimes and that's what she felt like doing now. So she prayed. But that was the only thing she wanted to do with God in that church. Other than that she needed to tell someone her problems before she exploded! - Father Linley seemed a nice person and would be a good listener (when he wasn't so smarmy!). So she came to his church. There was only her and another woman in the church. This other woman went into confession then came out. Confession wasn't over until 6pm. Sara thought might as well go. Her grandparents would be pleased.
"Father, forgive me for I have sinned. My last confession was 17 years ago" Sara said.
"What are your sins, my child?" Father Linley asked.
"Well, erm. Erm. I don't respect my parents - I actually hate my father! - and your meant to respect them aren't you - so I guess that's a sin!. And erm - God gave me a gift - I - erm - I rejected that gift!. I guess that's sin too!" Sara confessed.
"Are you sorry for these sins, my child?" Father Linley asked curious.
"Erm. Well, no" Sara confessed.
"That's Sara Sidle isn't it?" Father Linley letting the formality go.
"What happened to anonymity?!?" Sara commented
"Sara, you don't want to confess! - So, don't do this. It's good to see you!" he commented.
"Don't gloat!. I still don't want you to try and make me Catholic. I just need to chat" Sara confessed.
"For a start, I'm not trying to make you Catholic. Secondly, Confession is nearly over. So let's go check there's no one left to confess and we can go somewhere and chat face to face. O.k.?" Father Linley said.
Sara and Father Linley left the confession box. There was no one around so they went to Father Linley's office and Sara talked about her past, present and future problems. Afterwards Father Linley asked if he could pray with Sara and surprisingly for him she said yes. Then he suggested she get secular or even religious counselling and she said she'd think about it. Then they returned to the main body of the church.
"Hey, do you mind if I just stay here and pray? Reflect?" Sara asked.
"Of course you can. We're open till 11" Father Linley replied.
"Thank you for everything. It's. It's been really good talking to you - it's been a relief to get some of that off my chest!. You're a really nice man and thank you for not pushing the religious theme!. Thank you!" Sara said.
"Feel free to come back anytime you want. Our doors are usually open. And say hello to your grandparents for me!. Remember you're always welcome round my house for dinner anytime - just give me a ring. I might call you up soon if I don't get that call!. And if your grandparents visit be sure to bring them over too!. Just ring anytime if you need to chat" Father Linley commented.
"Thank you, father" Sara said reassured.
Father Linley left and Sara sat in a pew bowed her head and prayed. A minute or two later, a man walked into the church and took a pew bowed his head and prayed himself. Minutes later Sara decided to go. She was a bit hesitant because she felt so comfortable, warm and protected in that church. She didn't want to leave because she'd have to face up to life outside those doors. But she knew she'd have to face life at some point. So she got up and began to leave. But then she stopped because she suddenly recognised the man in the pews. She didn't know whether to say anything in case he wanted privacy - he was quite a private person. But, what if he had seen her?. She decided to acknowledge him,
"Grissom?" Sara said.
"Sara!" Grissom replied surprised.
"Sit down!. Come join me!" Grissom invited.
This invitation surprised Sara as she was so used to Grissom being a private man who only liked to discuss work.
"What are you doing here?" Grissom asked surprised.
"Umm. Well, Father Linley knows my grandparents from California" Sara replied.
"So I noticed" commented Grissom.
"He noticed I was worried about something and so he asked if I wanted to chat. I've been having a lot of problems lately - I don't really want to go into it at the moment. I figured that I may as well talk to someone - an outsider. And as for God - well! - Nothing else has worked - he's the only thing left!. I didn't know you were religious - You come here often?" Sara said.
"Umm. I used to be Catholic but then some things happened and eventually I gave up on Catholicism for good. Organised religion is far from God, I think - too much politics, too much hypocrisy and judgement" Grissom said.
Then he sighed reluctant to go on. He looked at Sara and decided to go into more detail. So he said,
"My family used to go to church regularly. Then my parents divorced. They just had to!. The reaction was horrendous!. We were shunned by the congregation, forced to leave by the priests and given dirty looks when we passed any of them in the street. No forgiveness, no reasoning and no admittance of their own wrongs. Then later in life I gave it a second chance. It was o.k. Until a close friend of mine in the congregation committed suicide. And a similar thing happened. The congregation started slagging this person off! - judging them! - condemning them!. People started to avoid me or gossip behind my back because I was close to the victim. Plus I was having a difficult time in my life. My friend's suicide had such an effect on me. I ended up leaving for the hypocrisy at least!. I vowed never to return!" Grissom said.
"St Catherine's isn't like that, Mr Grissom" a voice behind them surprised them.
It was Father Linley.
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to eavesdrop. I just happened to hear. I'm sorry you had to go through that. If you don't mind me asking, did your friend pass on long ago?" Father Linley asked.
"Twenty years ago" Grissom replied.
"Well, that's explains it hopefully. As I was telling Miss Sidle - It's unusual nowadays" Father Linley said.
Sara smiled.
"I'm glad to hear it!" Grissom said.
"I'll be in my office if you want to talk, Mr Grissom" Father Linley said.
Sara and Grissom waited till Father Linley left before speaking again.
"O.k. truthfully?. It wasn't just the attitude. Stuff happened in my life and it made me give on God a bit - I felt so far from him!. It took a long time to regain any type of faith" Grissom said.
"Why have you come today then?" Sara asked.
"I'm beginning to take huge steps in my life and I suppose I just need a little support. Like you I thought who's left to turn to? - God. Thought I might have a word with Father Linley. I'm having problems to deal with of my own." Grissom said.
"Past catching you up?. I know how you feel!" Sara said almost rhetorically
"Yeah" Grissom muttered in reply.
"He's very good anyway - Father Linley. Very nice. I was telling him about what my parents about Catholicism. They had a similar experience to you. So they turned their back on that" Sara said.
"I heard him talking to you earlier. He seemed to think you were Catholic!" Grissom said.
"My grandparents tried to make me Catholic. It was mainly my mother's parents. Took me to church sometimes, gave me Catholic books and jewellery, and gave me talks on Catholicism, read the bible to me for bedtime reading and etcetera. I lived with them for a year when I was fourteen. So I had to go to church every Sunday then. They made me go to confession every week!. But it just wasn't my kind of thing!. Plus they made sure I when to Catholic schools all my life!. So I learnt a lot about Catholicism as a child. I can quote huge chunks of the bible to you - but it means nothing to me!. I was bombarded with Catholicism but nothing really convinced me to become Catholic. Every Sunday, aged 14, I went to church. But it just wasn't my kind of thing. I don't whether it was my parent's influence or what it was. I wouldn't say I don't believe - I just don't know!. My parents were so anti because of their experiences. But now! - it sounds like that sort of politics isn't in the Catholic Church anymore. I don't know!. Maybe Father Linley just seems really nice. We had a frank discussion about the reputation Catholicism has. I suppose to be truthful - I never gave Catholicism a chance because - well, I was scared" Sara said.
"Scared?" Grissom asked.
"Of losing my life!. There seemed to be so many rules and regulations that I didn't let myself go there. I was scared I would be unhappy. I still am. I'm happy the way I am now - I'm not going to change!. If I don't think about it - I don't worry!. As for my parents - they chose to believe the politics ruled the faith instead of the religion" Sara admitted.
"Faith is not the religion, Sara - it is the state of mind!" Grissom contradicted her.
Sara looked confused. Grissom explained,
"Faith is the belief. Religion is the politics".
"All politics?!?" Sara challenged him.
Grissom laughed.
"Where was I?. You interrupted me!. So my parents rebelled - they become the worst nightmare for every Catholic parent - a hippy!" Sara admitted.
Grissom laughed.
"My grandparents and my parents are so different!. My grandparents are posh, rich and Catholic. And well, you've met my parents!. My parents think I'm too much like my grandparents and my grandparents think I'm too much like my parents!. My parents think I'm dressed straight laced and like my grandparents plus I'm too stuck up. My grandparents think I dress too much like my parents and I don't act like a 'lady'. I don't sit up straight!" Sara commented.
"I can understand what you mean. To a hippy you seem too smartly dressed, too reserved and rigid. But to the more refined person - even a white collar worker - you seem almost part smart and part almost hippy like!. Your grandparents are upper class, you look kind of middle class and your parents - well their in a class all of their own honey!" Grissom commented.
"They have this on going dispute over my name. When I was born my parents wanted to wanted to name me - well I'm not telling you!. Anyway, my grandparents paid them not to!. My grandparents wanted an ordinary and preferably religious name. So they all agreed on Sarah. The catch? - what my parents didn't tell them was that they were going to deliberately knock the 'H' off to be different - unconventional!. My grandparents to this day still write 'Sarah' as my name!" Sara reminisced.
"I'm both. What neither pair seems to get is that I'm neither of them - I'm in between!. Ironically, in a way they're also so similar!. Both are searching for happiness!. Both are searching for a truth!. My parents couldn't find it in Catholicism, so they tried the hippie and new age movement. They still haven't found happiness!. My mother's more unhappy than she was a teenager!. At least she's off the drugs and the sleeping around - that really screwed her up - she didn't even realise until it was pointed out to her!. Her life is terrible! - and I don't know how much is coincidence and how much of it is this so called 'happiness searching' lifestyle. I watched the unhappiness of religion and the hippy movement. Even now my parents are not so much hippies as 'new age' - and still no one in that place is happy. The kids go to school and they just can't fit in! - at least, not at first - because their so different from everyone else. Their outsiders because their so used to be brought up this way - and the parents do have every right to raise their children as they see fit!. But, it doesn't matter if they go to a private or a normal school! - Catholic or not! - they still don't fit in!. At first, I resented my parents because they made me different but I just don't know anymore!. Even if the residents are happy in camp cuckoo - they're not in the outside world!. And it's not just that - No one is happy when someone dies of a drug overdose or when they never come out of a drug induced bad trip and have to be taken to a mental institute!. I spent my whole life being torn between my parents and grandparents - both trying to turn me into them!. I'm not the Linton's only grandchild but I was their first. I was the first one they saved from the gutter!. My parents were at Berkley then they got pregnant and ran away. Didn't speak to their parents in five years. Then one day my grandparents tracked them down to this caravan trailer thing squatting somewhere. They feared for me and so they gave my parents the money to get a business together and bought them the house. Then their friends squatted nearby. My grandparents were aghast!. Eventually my grandparents bought the surrounding forest and paid for houses to be built so these people weren't camping there and making the place look a mess. Then my parents' brothers and sisters joined them as hippies, all except one. I have 5 aunts and uncles all together. Some already had children and some had them after becoming hippies. But I was the one they actually saved from the gutter!. The other children were always brought up in houses. They tried to clean my parents' lifestyle up so I would be protected from it. They made camp cuckoo - but they also made it kind of respectable!. Also I lived with my grandparents for a year when I was 14 - so they got a lot of input into my life then. Technically I was the one who most rebelled against the hippiness of my parents - the most straight laced one - the one with most potential! - worth the effort! - so they put so much more effort into me!. Everyone says it's also because I'm their favourite - but I don't know!. I'm the most straight laced but I'm still a disappointment to them!. Then again - people say I'm their favourite because Libby was their favourite!. Even though she ran away and disobeyed them - she never stopped being their subconscious favourite" Sara said.
Sara sighed.
"My grandparents didn't seem happy. But then my parents weren't happy either and neither were their fellow friends - a lot of the time they were just pretending to be happy or it was superficial because of the drugs!. Part of the unhappiness was caused by the pain and hurt of their lifestyle. Drugs have consequences and so does promiscuity!. So that wasn't the way to happiness either!. So I suppose, I tried to find my own happiness - I thought if I buried my head in books and school it would make me happy. The kids at school didn't like me because not only was I smart and hardworking but I was also weird coming from camp cuckoo!. So I wasn't happy there. My parents and my grandparents were never satisfied with me - it made me feel worthless and unhappy!. My mother always said "Be yourself" - but what she meant was "Be like us!". My grandparents always said "Don't let your parents try and change them into them - be yourself!" - but what they meant was "Be like us!". I don't think my mother did want me to be exactly like her, actually. She knew she was unhappy and she knew the hurt caused by their hippy lifestyle - they even changed tried to change their lifestyle!. I think she just wanted me to be more relaxed and less stressed. So she pushed me to be different from who I was. In the end, I just don't know who I am!. I never found the truth to happiness either. My whole life I just seemed to hide myself in my work to avoid facing up to who I am and I just avoided having an identity" Sara said.
Suddenly Sara brightened up,
"But I wouldn't say I'm particularly unhappy!. I'm not depressed or anything. I'm just not society's idea of a normal healthy person. I should go out more or be more social - but if I'm happy does it matter?. What people don't realise is that they make the person more unhappy by pointing it out. Can't a person decide if their happy or not?" Sara said.
Sara sighed again.
"Sorry, I've rattled on!. I better be going and leave you alone" Sara said getting up.
"It was nice to see you, Sara. It can be scary coming here. I'm glad you were here too. And it was good to hear you talk - it was reassuring!" Grissom gestured.
Sara smiled and rubbed Grissom's back lightly to comfort him.
"I hope you find what you're looking for Grissom. He's a really nice man. You'll like him. I don't think he's likely to judge people. Bye Grissom" Sara said as leaving.
Suddenly her phone rang,
"Oh my goodness!. I'm so sorry!. I forgot to turn it off!" Sara said.
Sara looked at the phone and saw,
"It's Catherine" Sara whispered to Grissom.
"She might be trying to get me too, then!" Grissom said.
"Hi Catherine" Sara said.
"What?!?. Oh my goodness!. What happened?. I'll be right there!" Sara reacted.
Sara turned the phone off. She looked pale and nearly fainted. Grissom came rushing over and sat her down. Sara began crying.
"What's happened?" Grissom asked.
"Laney's in intensive care!. She just collapsed suddenly!. She was out on the field apparently - assigned to shadow Ecklie's team. He was really good with her apparently actually - she didn't wake up, so he called an ambulance and got her off to hospital comfortably. They tried calling me but couldn't get me. They got Catherine though and she's with her now. She's unconscious!. What's wrong with her?. I've got to go!. I've got to go see her!" Sara said.
"I'll drive you!" Grissom said.
"What if she dies, Grissom?. I can't lose her!. What if I'm not there and Laney dies!" Sara said.
"It might not be life threatening!" Grissom said.
"I don't even know why she's collapsed!?!. What's wrong with her?!?" Sara said.