Author note: *ahem* I'm one of the authors of this really nuts story. Errr
don't mind all the typos, we wrote this at three a.m. I'm not sure what we
had been smoking to be able to write something this weird, freaky and
perverted.(we don't actually smoke, at least I think we don't...)heh this is
gonna go on its own site soon, along with the comic version! Woohoo! The
comic version is so funny...getting off topic! Enjoy harry homicidal, and
please review!
Disclaimer: don't own harry potter
CHAPTER ONE
Harry Potter, the boy who lived, was currently gnawing his arms off with his bare teeth. Or he was, until he woke up. He had always had weird dreams.
He fell asleep again, this time dreaming that he was wearing a large, feathery hat, and a long green overcoat, a bunch of women in skimpy clothing were standing there, he waved a cane at them, yelling. He then woke up gasping, "shit..."
What the fuck's going on with my mother-fuckin' brain? First the oral sex with Draco, then the Snape-is-my-father (how clichéd, you damn fanfic bastards), then the Hermione having an affair with Ginny (whoa, that's new), now a pimp dream! How fucked-up am I? Harry only kept thinking to kill not Draco, but his ass-of-a-father.
Harry quickly entertained a thought of sending the news of his weird- ass dreams to Dumbledore, until he realized these weren't really those kinds of dreams...or were they? He shook his head and told himself he was being too paranoid. Why would Voldemorts plan of attack involve strange pairings or him as a pimp. He had to admit, though, an armless Harry would be less of a threat to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.
He was scared to fall asleep again. What was taking over his mind? Was he finally turning perverted like most of the boys at his school, Hogwarts? All of a sudden his owl lunged at his head, shrieking. A face was at the window and it was telling Hedwig to kill, KILL! Harry beat Hedwig against the wall until she was a bloody, unconscious mass. "What the fuck is your problem ass-bird?" he murmered kicking the bloody bundle. He looked to the window but the face was gone.
Who's the mother-fuckin ass? He couldn't help thinking that as he looked at the window. Strangely, the bed sharing the window was Dean's bed. Perhaps it was him? Hmmm......nah! Can't be! He has nothing against me.
Or maybe he does
"Who the fuck's saying that?"
Ron's jealously is very common among the male Gryffindors
"Who are you? Show ya ass like a man!"
I'm you, in a sexist, racist, and lust way.
"Ya not fuckin serious!"
Oh, I am, dear, and you know it.
"Whatever" he mumbled as he stumbled back.(ooo rhyming) He was always irritated right after he woke up. But instead of heading for his bed, he sat down in a convenient armchair and stared at the occupants of the dormitory. Who could have done it?? Well, besides Voldemort. Somehow owls didn't seem to be Voldemort's style. He would have sent in death eaters before gracing Harry with his presence and trying to kill him. No, voldemort wasn't likely.
Clean up the owl before you're found out.
"Shut up" Harry mumbled, he nudged Hedwig and she stirred and slowly sat up, one of her eyes popped out. "Eww, you are fuckin ugly, bitch." he slammed Hedwig against the wall three more times before her skull broke and she died, he threw her body out the window just as Ron woke up. He saw a quick flash of jealousy in Ron's eyes before Ron said good morning. Harry got dressed and waited for him. They went down to the common room and left through the portrait hole, they went down to breakfast.
Wow! Was Hedwig resurrected as Ron or something? Cuz all the sudden I get this huge-ass size of the ugly dead owl in Ron's clothing. Only one thing to do:
KILL!!!
"Harry?"
"DIE UGLY BITCH, DIE!!!!! WHY ARE YOU BACK?!?!? YOU WANT MORE CRAZY- ASS BITCH?!?!? I'LL BRING IT IN MORE BITCHY-OWL!!!!!! DIE FUCKING OWL- BITCH, DIE!!!!!
Unfortunately, Harry never knew he stabbed Ron with his pocket knife. His clothing was covered with blood. Harry hid the body in a nearby closet. Fortunately, it was Filch's closet. The teachers soon found the body, and sent Filch to Azkaban. So basically, it was a happy ending after all.
At least, that's what he thought.
Did you like? We think its funny(we being me, M and L)im the only one who's really working on this anymore, M and L are lazy bums, they don't even help with the comic T_T. I should sic Harry on them...but oh well. Review, or harry's comin after you.
Disclaimer: don't own harry potter
CHAPTER ONE
Harry Potter, the boy who lived, was currently gnawing his arms off with his bare teeth. Or he was, until he woke up. He had always had weird dreams.
He fell asleep again, this time dreaming that he was wearing a large, feathery hat, and a long green overcoat, a bunch of women in skimpy clothing were standing there, he waved a cane at them, yelling. He then woke up gasping, "shit..."
What the fuck's going on with my mother-fuckin' brain? First the oral sex with Draco, then the Snape-is-my-father (how clichéd, you damn fanfic bastards), then the Hermione having an affair with Ginny (whoa, that's new), now a pimp dream! How fucked-up am I? Harry only kept thinking to kill not Draco, but his ass-of-a-father.
Harry quickly entertained a thought of sending the news of his weird- ass dreams to Dumbledore, until he realized these weren't really those kinds of dreams...or were they? He shook his head and told himself he was being too paranoid. Why would Voldemorts plan of attack involve strange pairings or him as a pimp. He had to admit, though, an armless Harry would be less of a threat to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.
He was scared to fall asleep again. What was taking over his mind? Was he finally turning perverted like most of the boys at his school, Hogwarts? All of a sudden his owl lunged at his head, shrieking. A face was at the window and it was telling Hedwig to kill, KILL! Harry beat Hedwig against the wall until she was a bloody, unconscious mass. "What the fuck is your problem ass-bird?" he murmered kicking the bloody bundle. He looked to the window but the face was gone.
Who's the mother-fuckin ass? He couldn't help thinking that as he looked at the window. Strangely, the bed sharing the window was Dean's bed. Perhaps it was him? Hmmm......nah! Can't be! He has nothing against me.
Or maybe he does
"Who the fuck's saying that?"
Ron's jealously is very common among the male Gryffindors
"Who are you? Show ya ass like a man!"
I'm you, in a sexist, racist, and lust way.
"Ya not fuckin serious!"
Oh, I am, dear, and you know it.
"Whatever" he mumbled as he stumbled back.(ooo rhyming) He was always irritated right after he woke up. But instead of heading for his bed, he sat down in a convenient armchair and stared at the occupants of the dormitory. Who could have done it?? Well, besides Voldemort. Somehow owls didn't seem to be Voldemort's style. He would have sent in death eaters before gracing Harry with his presence and trying to kill him. No, voldemort wasn't likely.
Clean up the owl before you're found out.
"Shut up" Harry mumbled, he nudged Hedwig and she stirred and slowly sat up, one of her eyes popped out. "Eww, you are fuckin ugly, bitch." he slammed Hedwig against the wall three more times before her skull broke and she died, he threw her body out the window just as Ron woke up. He saw a quick flash of jealousy in Ron's eyes before Ron said good morning. Harry got dressed and waited for him. They went down to the common room and left through the portrait hole, they went down to breakfast.
Wow! Was Hedwig resurrected as Ron or something? Cuz all the sudden I get this huge-ass size of the ugly dead owl in Ron's clothing. Only one thing to do:
KILL!!!
"Harry?"
"DIE UGLY BITCH, DIE!!!!! WHY ARE YOU BACK?!?!? YOU WANT MORE CRAZY- ASS BITCH?!?!? I'LL BRING IT IN MORE BITCHY-OWL!!!!!! DIE FUCKING OWL- BITCH, DIE!!!!!
Unfortunately, Harry never knew he stabbed Ron with his pocket knife. His clothing was covered with blood. Harry hid the body in a nearby closet. Fortunately, it was Filch's closet. The teachers soon found the body, and sent Filch to Azkaban. So basically, it was a happy ending after all.
At least, that's what he thought.
Did you like? We think its funny(we being me, M and L)im the only one who's really working on this anymore, M and L are lazy bums, they don't even help with the comic T_T. I should sic Harry on them...but oh well. Review, or harry's comin after you.