The night before the donor results, Sara had stayed up all night consumed
with worry. At two am she finally threw up. What if there was no match?.
What if she had to be on dialysis for the rest of her life? - it was so
painful!. What if dialysis didn't even work?. Sara couldn't lose Laney now
when she'd only just got her!. Even if dialysis worked then what kind of
life would that be for Laney!. What if there was a match but Laney's body
rejected it?. What if they tried to find a non-relative match and Laney
died while they were searching?. Suddenly her optimism was giving way to
pessimism.
All the possible donors sat round waiting for the doctor to tell them the results. Sara was prepared to be called 'the mother'. After all, Sara had only asked relatives to be donors if they had known she was the mother. Sara made sure Catherine didn't come at all, even to wait outside. Sara didn't want Catherine to ever have to see her father again. Sara found herself partly wishing that Boby was a match and part of her was wishing so hard he wasn't. Sara wasn't even sure if he would still donate to Alaney. The doctor finally announced to the eager ears the results,
"We have a match" the doctor told them.
A rush of relief came over Sara, as indeed most of them. Sara just hoped it wasn't Boby.
"In fact we have two matches" the doctor told them.
Even better. 'Yes! Yes!' Sara thought.
"The matches are Alaney's mother, Sara Sidle" the doctor told them.
Sara was over the moon. She didn't need Boby's donor.
"And her grandfather, Robert Sidle" the doctor continued.
Boby was a match. Sara didn't mind though. She had been prepared for him to be. It didn't matter because Sara was a match and that was all that matters.
"However" the doctor began.
Sara heart sank. However was usually bad news. What could it be?. What was wrong?.
"I would strongly recommend that granddad donates rather than mom" the doctor suggested.
"What?!?!?. Why?. No I am!!!" Sara exclaimed at the doctor distressed.
"Miss Sidle. Please. When we did test your suitability we found some minor - not serious but just minor - kidney damage in you yourself. Your health is in no risk at the moment. It's not an issue. It's just your on the borderline. If you gave Laney your healthy kidney then you could be put at risk. As I said your kidney is borderline. We wouldn't recommend risking it when there's a healthy kidney waiting in your father" the doctor explained.
Sara was devastated . Thoughts rushed through her head like a whirlpool. What was going to happen?. What should she do?. Sara could only think of one thing to do now. She ran out on the verge of tears. Libby got up to follow her and then Boby was about to too, but the doctor stopped them.
"I'll go find her, have a private chat and explain it medically. How about you come in a minute, yeah?. She'll need you" the doctor suggested.
The doctor guessed Sara would be outside getting fresh air next to the nearest exit. Indeed that's where he found her. He found her sitting on a bench looking zombified. Floods of tears were running down her face. He went over and sat next to her.
"I'm sorry", he told her, "I just want to make sure your both safe".
"I know. I'm not angry with you. I just wish it didn't have to be this way" Sara responded.
"You want me to explain why it's best you don't donate?" the doctor asked.
Sara shook her head.
"No, I understand. I do. I just wish it wasn't true" Sara replied.
Sara paused.
"Except - is it serious?. I don't have a duplex kidney do I?" Sara asked.
"No. Nothing mildly serious. It's just" the doctor responded.
"The eating disorder. It is isn't it" Sara added.
"Maybe. Probably" the doctor replied.
The doctor noticed Libby standing nearby wanting to come over.
"Your mom's been wanting to speak to you for ages. I better go and leave you guys alone. As long as you're alright" the doctor said getting up.
Sara stopped him though, by putting a hand on his arm.
"Wait doctor!. Thank you. Not just for coming and talking to me. But also. Thank you for not saying anything. You easily could have. Thank you" Sara gestured.
"It's not my place to say" the doctor replied, smiled and left.
Libby came over. As soon as Sara saw her mom approaching she burst into tears again. She was so relieved to have her mother's arms to cry into. As soon as Libby sat down she put her arms round Sara.
"Oh baby girl!" Libby soothed her.
"Everyone's going to guess, Mom!. It's so obvious!" Sara whined.
"No, they won't darling. They won't!. It's good news. At least there's a suitable match. Yeah?" Libby reassured her.
"The chances were good. I had a gut feeling she'd be fine" Sara responded.
"But why can't it be me, mom?. Why?" Sara whined.
"Sara!. Don't reject help from him!. Use him for all he offers you!. He owes you and Laney. He took that kid away from you and ruined your life" Libby told her.
"Oh yeah and you were fighting my corner weren't you, mom?. You were pleading him to let us keep Laney, weren't you mom?" Sara replied sarcastically.
"It wasn't a good idea to keep her. I did what I thought best, Sara. If I made a mistake I'm sorry. But you've got to remember I was only your age when Laney came along!. What would you do?" Libby defended.
Sara didn't answer. She just sat feeling sorry for herself.
"Do you know if he's still willing to donate?" Sara asked after a while.
"He better!. If not, I'll give him a kick up the back side and a blackmailing session! - that will do it!" Libby responded.
"I just wish he would donate out the kindness of his heart!. Like he cared about her!. He's her granddaughter at the very least!" Sara expressed.
Sara turned and looked at her mom and broke into tears. She fell down on her mother's chest sobbing. Libby rubbed Sara's back to comfort her and tears began to quietly run down her cheeks too.
"We all do, sweetie. We all do!" Libby sobbed quietly.
The pair noticed Boby come over.
"We need to talk" Boby told Sara.
Boby hesitated and then said,
"I'm going to donate, you know. So I don't know why you're all getting so upset. Of course, I'm going to donate!. I'm not that blooming stupid!. I know what will happen if I don't" Boby told them.
"She'll die?" Sara asked hopefully.
"I meant to me" Boby replied.
"So will you stop blubbering" Boby said angrily.
"It's not that easy" Sara replied.
"Boby stop being so insensitive!. We've talked about this!. You have to be more sensitive with her" Libby demanded.
"Oh shut up you stupid cow. Look just get lost, Libby!. Sara and I need to talk in private. Donor to donor. It's confidential and it's private!" Boby sneered.
"No, mom! Please stay!. Don't leave me with him" Sara pleaded.
"I'm not going anywhere" Libby insisted.
"Oh please, Sara you're a big girl now!. I'm sure you can sit next to me in the open where it's safe. Now get lost Elizabeth!. It's private" Boby sneered.
Libby looked over to Sara. Sara nodded and Libby left.
"Yeah that's it Elizabeth. Keep walking away! Keep going!" Boby shouted.
"Don't talk to her like that" Sara snapped.
"Oh yeah, what you going to do about it?" Boby asked.
Sara said nothing. She just turned her head in disgust and Boby sat next to her.
For the first few minutes they both sat in an awkward silence. Boby finally broke it,
"I'll give her a kidney on one condition" Boby proposed.
"Oh yeah. Here we go!" Sara responded.
"Once she's better. We give her a huge lump of money and send her abroad so no one finds out" Boby suggested.
"What?!?. No!. No way!. Listen I make the rules now - not you!" Sara informed him.
"You wouldn't go to the police!. You've got just as much to lose as me!" Boby replied confidentially.
"No I don't!" Sara replied.
"Everyone will gossip about you. Your that one with that dad in jail. Everyone will talk about you behind your back and laugh at you. They'll think your the same. If your lucky, they'll just tip toe around you and avoid you because they don't know what to say. Poor little Sara everyone will think. They'll think you're a freak. They'll call you a freak. You don't want all that and you know it!. Your all talk and no action, Sara!. Your never go to the police and you know it!. You don't scare me!" Boby reminded her.
"So if you believe I won't go to the police then why are you having a risky operation for a kid you don't care about?. Either you do care about her or you think I will go to the police" Sara asked sarcastically.
Boby just looked at Sara unimpressed.
"You really need to stop getting so emotional about that kid, Sara. Your not her mother. A mother and father are just sex. Just biology!. A parent is about raising a child. No, you're not her mother - You're just the silly cow who gave birth to her!" Boby informed her.
Sara was unimpressed and internally upset he'd said this. But she tried not to show him how much it upset her.
"I wish I was like you, dad. I wish I didn't care. But I can't help it - I love her even if you don't. Even mom's beginning to act like her grandmother. I just wish you'd act like her granddad. That's all I ask. I'd never have a go at you again. I'd forgive you of all you've ever done to anyone I know. All I want is to see that you can feel some kind of love for her because she's your relative. Just treat her like any other grandfather would" Sara explained.
"That's never going to happen, sweetheart. Get over it!" Boby replied uncaringly.
He got up and walked off leaving Sara to start crying alone again.
Sara's heart was beating heavily, and her palms were sweating, as she and Daven walked over to Alaney in the hospital corridor. Alaney was sitting there anxiously waiting. She stood up as soon as Sara walked towards her.
"Well? Is there a donor?" Alaney exclaimed.
Sara and Daven looked pale and worried.
"Laney sit down, we need to talk" Sara said in a serious tone.
Alaney sat down.
"There isn't is there?!?" Laney asked as she went pale and was on the verge of tears.
"No, there was a suitable donor" Daven replied.
Sara sighed.
"It was your father" Sara told her.
"Oh! Right. Umm. O.k." Laney took it in.
Sara took a deep breath.
"We've decided to you who your father is" Sara told her.
"Really?" Alaney asked excitedly.
"Wow!. Umm, wait a second. Just let me prepare myself" Laney decided.
"Your father has agreed you can know on the condition you don't ever expect a father/daughter relationship with him" Daven explained.
"I don't think your going to like it" Sara told her.
Laney looked really worried.
Laney sighed. She looked on the verge of tears.
"It's Boby isn't it?" Laney asked Sara worriedly.
Sara took a deep breath and nodded.
Alaney was devastated. She began crying, which surprised Sara. Daven sort of understood and put a hand on Laney's back to comfort her.
"Are you o.k.?" Sara asked.
"Of all the people in the world!. It had to be that pig!. He was one of the last people I wanted to be my father! - and it's him!" Laney exclaimed tearfully.
Daven tried to think of something to say to comfort her.
"It's not all bad. The good news is you get us as brother and sister" Daven gestured.
Laney smiled through her tears.
"You two are my top choices for brother and sister!" Laney smiled through the tears.
"And without Boby that wouldn't be" Daven commented.
"Irony is a funny thing!" Alaney laughed tearfully.
Daven got down his knees next Alaney and took her hand.
"You're my sister and I've wanted to say that for so long!. Can I have a hug, sis?" Daven asked.
Laney smiled and they hugged. Then Laney turned and smiled at Sara. Sara smiled back despite being so worried and feeling so guilty for not telling Laney the truth. Laney put out her arms to hug Sara and Sara accepted guiltily.
"Just forgot about him. Cut him out the scenario. All this means is that you get two fantastic siblings. You don't need him to have us. We love you" Daven told Alaney.
Sara smiled at Alaney too.
"Even though he doesn't want me. I can't believe he'd want to kill me! - his own daughter!" Laney reflected.
"He's a sick man. Truly sick. Just forget about him" Daven commented angrily.
"A lot of things make sense now. How you two used to look so in love with me. Why my mom choose him to blackmail into looking after me. It hurts that he's never really looked at me like he cares about me though. He's just so distant - like I'm a stranger!" Alaney commented tearfully.
"I guess that father/daughter relationship I always dreamed of, when I found my biological father, is out the question!" Alaney joked.
Daven smiled at Alaney, stroked her hair behind her ear and then kissed her forehead.
"Thanks guys. But I, umm, I need some time alone. To think" Laney said getting up.
"You sure?. We could spend some quality time together - even if it's me comforting you. Do you really want to be alone?" Daven asked.
Laney thought to herself.
"I'd love you to come" Laney admitted.
Daven put an arm round her and they walked away.
Catherine had been hiding round the corner eavesdropping for most of the conversation. She hadn't been able to resist not coming down to the hospital for the results. She appeared once Laney and Daven had left.
"I can't believe you've just lied again!" Catherine snapped at Sara.
"I try to help you, Sara but you just carry on lying time and time again!. And to say that he's the father of all people!. Did you see the look on her face?. That's terrible!. Do you realise the effect that's had on Laney?. Lying about him being her father!" Catherine lectured disgusted.
Sara looked at Catherine and was speechless. Instead of saying anything Sara just looked down guiltily and said nothing. Catherine stormed off.
Sara decided she needed to see her mom. So Sara proceeded to make her way to her parent's hotel room. Sara was hoping her father wouldn't be in. Unfortunately, he was the only one in.
"Oh, I was looking for mom. I'll come back later" Sara reacted before turning to leave.
"Wait Sara!. Come in" Boby urged her.
"I've been worried about you. Please come in. I have some things I need to tell you. Some things I need to apologise for." Boby added.
Sara's heart beat fast. Did she just hear what she thought she'd just heard?. She excited that there might even be a possibility it was going to turn over a new leaf. Sara was curious and desperately wanted him to be remorseful, so she agreed to go in.
"How are you?" Boby asked sensitive and with care.
"Why would you care?" Sara snapped back, secretly wanting him to show love.
"I know how hard it was - is! - with Alaney being your daughter. But sometimes, I get the impression that you think I wanted you to get pregnant. That's the last thing I wanted. It's ruined all our lives" Boby tried explaining pleasantly.
Sara didn't really know how to react to this. It was one of the nicest things he'd ever said, but it was still really twisted. So Sara didn't react or say anything.
"I was looking at her sleeping on the couch yesterday and - I did sort of feel something for her!. She is my granddaughter after all, hey?. I was looking at her and I got thinking - she looks a bit like me. She has the nose I gave to you. She has the eyes your mother gave you. She has the chin I gave you. She has the shape of face as your mother gave you. She's beautiful" Boby commented.
Sara couldn't believe her ears. It caught her breath. She just stared at him
Boby sighed.
"I'm not just donating because you and your mother are blackmailing me. I could squash you both like flies. I'm donating because - well - she's family!" Boby admitted.
Sara wanted to believe it but just couldn't trust him. So she challenged him to see how far she could push his limits.
"I thought you didn't care about her?. Are you lying to me?. Do you really expect me to believe you've turned into a normal human being overnight?" Sara commented defensively.
Boby gave a small laugh.
"Let me explain. Who do I love more than anyone else in the world?" Boby asked.
Sara was dying to say it was him but didn't want to in case of backlash. So she just shrugged.
"Come on, you say it all the time" Boby urged her.
"You?" Sara replied unsure.
"Exactly!. So who do I love to see the mirror?" Boby asked.
"You?" Sara laughed in disbelief.
"So when I look at someone and see someone who looks like me looking back then" Boby explained.
"Oh my goodness!. Your joking! Oh my! - In some strange way that actually makes sense!" Sara replied.
"So you love her?" Sara asked excitedly.
"Woah! No!. Slow down!. I love you and your mother only. I just care for Alaney. I want to protect those who look like me?. Right?" Boby explained.
"Your growing on me" Sara commented reluctantly.
"Don't kid yourself, honey. You love me. You can't help but love me truly wurly. Your mother told me" he teased her
Sara suddenly became angry that he knew this.
"I'm human. Get over it" Sara said half angry and half embarrassed.
Boby put an arm round her.
"I think it's really sweet" Boby reassured her nicely.
Sara shrugged his arm off.
"Back to Alaney" Sara instructed him.
"Oh why? - your so preoccupied by that kid!" Boby commented.
"Even if you care about her why risk your own safety for her?. You could die" Sara challenged him.
"You can die from any operation!" Boby casually brushed it off.
"Exactly. That's why people avoid them!. Plus it's painful!" Sara exclaimed.
"I'm not afraid of pain. I'm not a wimpy little girl. I'm not afraid of death. Anyway, you and your mother would put me in jail for life if I didn't give her the kidney - so it's worth risking having a life compared to not" Boby explained.
Boby sighed.
He put an arm round her and she brushed him off immediately.
"Sara, you need me. Your upset about Alaney. I'm here for you. I'm having a caring moment suck it up while it lasts!. Come on, let me comfort you. I want to comfort you through your period of worry about your daughter's health. Come on. Accept this. I'm having a sweet moment - it's rare" Boby proposed nicely.
This speech had more effect on her. Sara looked worried. She didn't want him to think they could have a father and daughter relationship without him changing and repenting but she desperately wanted to accept his offer anyway.
"Come on, I know you want it. Deep down you're dying for us to be father and daughter again - even if just for one afternoon. How could it hurt?. I know you still hate me, so you don't need to worry about that. It's just - I miss you. We used to be pretty close when you were younger" Boby commented.
Sara gave a sneering laugh.
"I just want us to have some father/daughter moments once in a while. We haven't had one in over a two years now. Come on - let me comfort you. I want to be your father" Boby proposed.
Sara softened. Boby tried to put an arm round her. Sara let him. She began crying into his chest. He began stroking her hair.
"There, there baby" Boby soothed her.
"When I saw her hooked up to all those machines!. I just!. It was horrible!. And I couldn't do anything to help her and I just wanted to be able to make everything better!. I didn't just want me to be a match because of you but also because I wanted to be the one. The one to make her all better" Sara sobbed.
"I know. There, there baby. I'll make sure your daughter gets better. I will" Boby soothed her.
Sara got up with a start.
"What do you mean my daughter?!?. I didn't conceive her all by myself!. She's your daughter too!" Sara shouted.
"I'm not Alaney's father, darling" Boby responded.
"What?!?. I'm sorry did I imagine it?" Sara asked sarcastically.
"When it comes to the Alaney situation, darling, it's about whether you choose to be her parent or not. You've chosen to be her parent and I haven't. Like I said - a parent is someone who looks after the child. Biology does not determine parenthood. A biological parent is just sex. It's just the rare occurrence of a random sperm meeting a random egg. It's a coincidence" Boby explained.
Sara just stood staring at him in disbelief.
"Your unbelievable" she muttered.
"Thank you" he responded proudly.
"She's a human. Just like you and just like me. She's just as important as either one of us. Yet all she's ever known is rejection. She doesn't know what it's like to have parents and it's made her life hell. She feels unwanted and it's all our fault. No in fact it's all your fault!" Sara explained.
"She is unwanted!" Boby commented casually.
Sara was in disbelief. He looked at her and could see she was still peeved off.
"What do you want from me, Sara?. What? - shall I leave your mother and marry you?. Yeah is that what you want?. And then me, you and Alaney can all go and moved into a precious little house in suburbia with a picket white fence and live happily ever after!. It will just be glorious!. We'll laugh and play all day together!. It'll be all happiness and sunflowers!. Do you really think that can happen, Sara?!?. Do you!!!!" Boby said sarcastically.
Sara burst out crying.
"Of course not!" Sara sobbed.
"We can't live happily ever after because it's incest!. That child is incest!" Boby reminded her.
"Oh so you finally have realised that!. You should have thought about that 19 bloody years ago!" Sara screamed sobbing.
"I don't care, sweetie. It's just society I'm worried about. Your little policeman friends. I love you darling and they - they just wouldn't understand that!" Boby explained smarmily.
"You didn't do it because you loved me!. You did it because you're sick!" Sara shouted.
"Look listen up, pumpkin. We're never going to be the happy family Alaney wants. She can never know - and neither can anyone who doesn't already. So here's what you're going to do for both our sake's. Your going shut up, you gonna stop blubbering and your going to stop looking at Alaney with those goo goo eyes of yours. Cos believe me honey - if you don't she or everyone else will find out!. And if she only finds out you're her mother - she'll hate you. And if she finds out about both of us - she'll kill herself. On top of that everyone will label you a freak!. Everyone will talk about you behind your back and some people will probably say you deserved it" Boby instructed her.
Sara didn't know what to do. She knew he was right. She just cried and cried.
Boby sighed and had a change of heart.
"This wasn't meant to be what this little session was meant to be about, Sara!. I just wanted us to spend some quality time together. Be friendly and nice. Civil at least. Can we start again?" Boby asked a bit nicer.
"We can never start again. We can never start again until you apologise to everyone and turn over a new leaf. Apologise to me!. Apologise to Marie Poloski!. Apologise to Margery! - and Martha! - and Candace!. Apologise to Josie Fisher!, Ailsa Fisher!. Apologise to Catherine Willows!"
"Who's Catherine Willows?" Boby asked confused
Sara was gob smacked.
"You don't even know who half the people you rape are do you?. Catherine! - my workmate Catherine!"
"Ah!", Boby smiled in recognition, "Oh come on I didn't even get a chance to get physical with her how can she be on the list?".
"Do realise how much you've ruined her life just attempting to get 'physical' with her?" Sara asked annoyed.
Boby shrugged.
Sara continued,
"Apologise to Mom for treating her so bad!. Apologise to Mary Castle!. Apologise to"
"Mary Castle?" Boby asked.
"For goodness sake!. Mary Castle!. My best friend when I was six years old!. The one you molested because she caught you molesting me!. Whose parents never let her see me ever again!. Whose parents removed her from my school because of you?. Whose parents were too ashamed to report it in fear of what their daughter would be labelled as!. Ring any bells?" Sara shouted.
"What's the big hysteria!. It's just sex!. Everyone puts such a big label on it. Chill out!. It's no biggie!"
"It is a biggie!. It is serious!. It's so serious we now have a human life in our hands, Boby!. It's about the heart, it's about emotion - it's about how it feels to have the first opportunity for a normal sexual experience stolen from you!" Sara shouted.
"Oh yeah!. Here we are - it's all coming out now!. I'm so sick of you acting the martyr, Sara. This is all about you so don't pretend you actually give a shit about all those people!" Boby replied.
Sara ran at her father to attack him but he stopped her and threw her down on the couch in her tears.
"You've got to get over me and you, Sara!. It was just one night - there's been another twelve thousand or so in your life so far. It didn't mean much to me and it shouldn't mean anything to you. If Alaney hadn't of come along then it wouldn't have mattered at all. Just get over it. Stop ruining your life by trying to hate me" Boby demanded.
Boby sighed and changed his tone.
"Come on baby! - just one hug. Come and give me a hug" Boby said holding out his arms to hug her.
Sara was now convinced he was mentally ill. He had got to be.
"No!", she responded angrily, "You just don't get it!. It is a big deal!. Even if Alaney hadn't of come along it would have been a big deal. Even if you only raped adult women it would be a big deal!. It's rape!. It's a big deal!" Sara shouted.
Sara calmed down and pleaded with his conscience,
"You ruined my life. I never recovered!. I still have nightmares sometimes. It's been eighteen years and yet that night has never left me. It wasn't just one night. As a child you molested me. Then you stopped because I got fat. Then you tore my self esteem down by telling me I was fat and ugly and had to lose weight. For the first ten years of my life you told me I was one of the most beautiful girls in the world. Then suddenly I was nothing. Do you realise what that did to my self esteem?. My head was so screwed up part of me actually slightly wanted you to molest me so at least I knew I was pretty!. Do you know how screwed up that is?. Then eventually I lost loads of weight by the eating disorder you pushed me into" Sara shouted.
"Now wait a moment I never told you to go doing all that rubbish!" Boby defended himself.
"And you know what?. Even when I lost all that weight. You still criticised me. You still called me ugly and told me no one would fancy me wearing the clothes I liked. You didn't put it sensitively - you used it to get at me!" Sara broke out sobbing.
"And then when I thought things couldn't get any worse you raped me out the blue. I begged you to stop but you wouldn't!. Because the only person you care about is yourself!" Sara shouted.
"My self esteem!. I had - have! - low self esteem about my looks, my behaviour, my everything!. The only thing I ever had self esteem on was the one thing I had results back on - my intelligence. You ruined my life for all those reasons and so many more on which I don't want to give you the satisfaction of mentioning" Sara whined.
"Part of my just died instead after that night. I was never the same happy little girl. You ruined my life!" Sara told her.
Sara had finished and was just anticipating his response. What would it be.
Boby was silent and just stared at her. He finally broke his silence by shrugging.
"Is this meant to mean something?. Am I meant to care?" Bob asked uncaring.
Sara stormed off and over to the door to leave. After opening her heart to him and giving him a chance to say he was sorry he had remained his usual heartless self. She just didn't know whether there was any point in her or her mother waiting around for him to turned over a new leaf and become the person they desired him to be. They'd given him thirty three years already.
But before Sara could leave her father tried to be nice again.
"Wait, wait Sara!. Stop!" he begged.
Sara couldn't help it. Even though he let her down time over time again she couldn't help but turn and hope for a change. She gave him another try.
"Pumpkin" he said as he stroked her cheek.
"What?" she asked hoping and waiting.
"Let's not fight. Let's just agree to disagree" he proposed, as he looked lovingly in her eyes and still had that hand on her cheek.
"It's not that easy!" Sara insisted disappointed in him and pushing him away.
She stormed off but he turned her round back towards him and kissed her on the lips. She was stunned. Suddenly she decided what she wanted to do - she slapped him in anger. Then she tried to storm off again. But he grabbed her wrist and pulled her back. Then he got more aggressive. Before she could realise he had grabbed her face between his hand and was squashing her jaw together tightly. She panicked, she was frightened and he was hurting her jaws. She began to cry softly in fear. She tried to look for a way out. She tried to remember her weapon-less self defence training but her mind was blank. He kissed her again. She was disgusted but too scared to show it. He took his hand off her cheeks and suddenly swung her round so hard that without being able to stop herself she fell on the sofa behind them. He began coming towards her and Sara knew what was going to happen. She was petrified. She couldn't move out of fear. She didn't want it to happen again but she just couldn't physically move herself because she was petrified. Her mind was blank on how to defend herself.
Suddenly before anything could happen Sara remembered why she'd learnt self defence. She didn't want to be a victim anymore. She wanted to be able to fight him off. She didn't want to turn into her mother. She knew that she could do this. She just needed to stay calm and clear her head. It was hard but eventually she calmed her self down and focused clearly on the task in hand. Suddenly all her self defence knowledge came back to her. Knee him in the privates, use your palm to hit him up the nose and finally elbow him in the chest to move him away from you properly. She did that, not remembering if it was exactly that order, but it did the job and it was better than nothing and that was all that mattered.
She got up, leaving him in pain and ran out. Relieved but still terrified see ran the whole way home to her apartment in tears. When she got home she bolted all the doors to stop him coming to get her. 'How was she ever going to face him again now?' she wondered.
All the possible donors sat round waiting for the doctor to tell them the results. Sara was prepared to be called 'the mother'. After all, Sara had only asked relatives to be donors if they had known she was the mother. Sara made sure Catherine didn't come at all, even to wait outside. Sara didn't want Catherine to ever have to see her father again. Sara found herself partly wishing that Boby was a match and part of her was wishing so hard he wasn't. Sara wasn't even sure if he would still donate to Alaney. The doctor finally announced to the eager ears the results,
"We have a match" the doctor told them.
A rush of relief came over Sara, as indeed most of them. Sara just hoped it wasn't Boby.
"In fact we have two matches" the doctor told them.
Even better. 'Yes! Yes!' Sara thought.
"The matches are Alaney's mother, Sara Sidle" the doctor told them.
Sara was over the moon. She didn't need Boby's donor.
"And her grandfather, Robert Sidle" the doctor continued.
Boby was a match. Sara didn't mind though. She had been prepared for him to be. It didn't matter because Sara was a match and that was all that matters.
"However" the doctor began.
Sara heart sank. However was usually bad news. What could it be?. What was wrong?.
"I would strongly recommend that granddad donates rather than mom" the doctor suggested.
"What?!?!?. Why?. No I am!!!" Sara exclaimed at the doctor distressed.
"Miss Sidle. Please. When we did test your suitability we found some minor - not serious but just minor - kidney damage in you yourself. Your health is in no risk at the moment. It's not an issue. It's just your on the borderline. If you gave Laney your healthy kidney then you could be put at risk. As I said your kidney is borderline. We wouldn't recommend risking it when there's a healthy kidney waiting in your father" the doctor explained.
Sara was devastated . Thoughts rushed through her head like a whirlpool. What was going to happen?. What should she do?. Sara could only think of one thing to do now. She ran out on the verge of tears. Libby got up to follow her and then Boby was about to too, but the doctor stopped them.
"I'll go find her, have a private chat and explain it medically. How about you come in a minute, yeah?. She'll need you" the doctor suggested.
The doctor guessed Sara would be outside getting fresh air next to the nearest exit. Indeed that's where he found her. He found her sitting on a bench looking zombified. Floods of tears were running down her face. He went over and sat next to her.
"I'm sorry", he told her, "I just want to make sure your both safe".
"I know. I'm not angry with you. I just wish it didn't have to be this way" Sara responded.
"You want me to explain why it's best you don't donate?" the doctor asked.
Sara shook her head.
"No, I understand. I do. I just wish it wasn't true" Sara replied.
Sara paused.
"Except - is it serious?. I don't have a duplex kidney do I?" Sara asked.
"No. Nothing mildly serious. It's just" the doctor responded.
"The eating disorder. It is isn't it" Sara added.
"Maybe. Probably" the doctor replied.
The doctor noticed Libby standing nearby wanting to come over.
"Your mom's been wanting to speak to you for ages. I better go and leave you guys alone. As long as you're alright" the doctor said getting up.
Sara stopped him though, by putting a hand on his arm.
"Wait doctor!. Thank you. Not just for coming and talking to me. But also. Thank you for not saying anything. You easily could have. Thank you" Sara gestured.
"It's not my place to say" the doctor replied, smiled and left.
Libby came over. As soon as Sara saw her mom approaching she burst into tears again. She was so relieved to have her mother's arms to cry into. As soon as Libby sat down she put her arms round Sara.
"Oh baby girl!" Libby soothed her.
"Everyone's going to guess, Mom!. It's so obvious!" Sara whined.
"No, they won't darling. They won't!. It's good news. At least there's a suitable match. Yeah?" Libby reassured her.
"The chances were good. I had a gut feeling she'd be fine" Sara responded.
"But why can't it be me, mom?. Why?" Sara whined.
"Sara!. Don't reject help from him!. Use him for all he offers you!. He owes you and Laney. He took that kid away from you and ruined your life" Libby told her.
"Oh yeah and you were fighting my corner weren't you, mom?. You were pleading him to let us keep Laney, weren't you mom?" Sara replied sarcastically.
"It wasn't a good idea to keep her. I did what I thought best, Sara. If I made a mistake I'm sorry. But you've got to remember I was only your age when Laney came along!. What would you do?" Libby defended.
Sara didn't answer. She just sat feeling sorry for herself.
"Do you know if he's still willing to donate?" Sara asked after a while.
"He better!. If not, I'll give him a kick up the back side and a blackmailing session! - that will do it!" Libby responded.
"I just wish he would donate out the kindness of his heart!. Like he cared about her!. He's her granddaughter at the very least!" Sara expressed.
Sara turned and looked at her mom and broke into tears. She fell down on her mother's chest sobbing. Libby rubbed Sara's back to comfort her and tears began to quietly run down her cheeks too.
"We all do, sweetie. We all do!" Libby sobbed quietly.
The pair noticed Boby come over.
"We need to talk" Boby told Sara.
Boby hesitated and then said,
"I'm going to donate, you know. So I don't know why you're all getting so upset. Of course, I'm going to donate!. I'm not that blooming stupid!. I know what will happen if I don't" Boby told them.
"She'll die?" Sara asked hopefully.
"I meant to me" Boby replied.
"So will you stop blubbering" Boby said angrily.
"It's not that easy" Sara replied.
"Boby stop being so insensitive!. We've talked about this!. You have to be more sensitive with her" Libby demanded.
"Oh shut up you stupid cow. Look just get lost, Libby!. Sara and I need to talk in private. Donor to donor. It's confidential and it's private!" Boby sneered.
"No, mom! Please stay!. Don't leave me with him" Sara pleaded.
"I'm not going anywhere" Libby insisted.
"Oh please, Sara you're a big girl now!. I'm sure you can sit next to me in the open where it's safe. Now get lost Elizabeth!. It's private" Boby sneered.
Libby looked over to Sara. Sara nodded and Libby left.
"Yeah that's it Elizabeth. Keep walking away! Keep going!" Boby shouted.
"Don't talk to her like that" Sara snapped.
"Oh yeah, what you going to do about it?" Boby asked.
Sara said nothing. She just turned her head in disgust and Boby sat next to her.
For the first few minutes they both sat in an awkward silence. Boby finally broke it,
"I'll give her a kidney on one condition" Boby proposed.
"Oh yeah. Here we go!" Sara responded.
"Once she's better. We give her a huge lump of money and send her abroad so no one finds out" Boby suggested.
"What?!?. No!. No way!. Listen I make the rules now - not you!" Sara informed him.
"You wouldn't go to the police!. You've got just as much to lose as me!" Boby replied confidentially.
"No I don't!" Sara replied.
"Everyone will gossip about you. Your that one with that dad in jail. Everyone will talk about you behind your back and laugh at you. They'll think your the same. If your lucky, they'll just tip toe around you and avoid you because they don't know what to say. Poor little Sara everyone will think. They'll think you're a freak. They'll call you a freak. You don't want all that and you know it!. Your all talk and no action, Sara!. Your never go to the police and you know it!. You don't scare me!" Boby reminded her.
"So if you believe I won't go to the police then why are you having a risky operation for a kid you don't care about?. Either you do care about her or you think I will go to the police" Sara asked sarcastically.
Boby just looked at Sara unimpressed.
"You really need to stop getting so emotional about that kid, Sara. Your not her mother. A mother and father are just sex. Just biology!. A parent is about raising a child. No, you're not her mother - You're just the silly cow who gave birth to her!" Boby informed her.
Sara was unimpressed and internally upset he'd said this. But she tried not to show him how much it upset her.
"I wish I was like you, dad. I wish I didn't care. But I can't help it - I love her even if you don't. Even mom's beginning to act like her grandmother. I just wish you'd act like her granddad. That's all I ask. I'd never have a go at you again. I'd forgive you of all you've ever done to anyone I know. All I want is to see that you can feel some kind of love for her because she's your relative. Just treat her like any other grandfather would" Sara explained.
"That's never going to happen, sweetheart. Get over it!" Boby replied uncaringly.
He got up and walked off leaving Sara to start crying alone again.
Sara's heart was beating heavily, and her palms were sweating, as she and Daven walked over to Alaney in the hospital corridor. Alaney was sitting there anxiously waiting. She stood up as soon as Sara walked towards her.
"Well? Is there a donor?" Alaney exclaimed.
Sara and Daven looked pale and worried.
"Laney sit down, we need to talk" Sara said in a serious tone.
Alaney sat down.
"There isn't is there?!?" Laney asked as she went pale and was on the verge of tears.
"No, there was a suitable donor" Daven replied.
Sara sighed.
"It was your father" Sara told her.
"Oh! Right. Umm. O.k." Laney took it in.
Sara took a deep breath.
"We've decided to you who your father is" Sara told her.
"Really?" Alaney asked excitedly.
"Wow!. Umm, wait a second. Just let me prepare myself" Laney decided.
"Your father has agreed you can know on the condition you don't ever expect a father/daughter relationship with him" Daven explained.
"I don't think your going to like it" Sara told her.
Laney looked really worried.
Laney sighed. She looked on the verge of tears.
"It's Boby isn't it?" Laney asked Sara worriedly.
Sara took a deep breath and nodded.
Alaney was devastated. She began crying, which surprised Sara. Daven sort of understood and put a hand on Laney's back to comfort her.
"Are you o.k.?" Sara asked.
"Of all the people in the world!. It had to be that pig!. He was one of the last people I wanted to be my father! - and it's him!" Laney exclaimed tearfully.
Daven tried to think of something to say to comfort her.
"It's not all bad. The good news is you get us as brother and sister" Daven gestured.
Laney smiled through her tears.
"You two are my top choices for brother and sister!" Laney smiled through the tears.
"And without Boby that wouldn't be" Daven commented.
"Irony is a funny thing!" Alaney laughed tearfully.
Daven got down his knees next Alaney and took her hand.
"You're my sister and I've wanted to say that for so long!. Can I have a hug, sis?" Daven asked.
Laney smiled and they hugged. Then Laney turned and smiled at Sara. Sara smiled back despite being so worried and feeling so guilty for not telling Laney the truth. Laney put out her arms to hug Sara and Sara accepted guiltily.
"Just forgot about him. Cut him out the scenario. All this means is that you get two fantastic siblings. You don't need him to have us. We love you" Daven told Alaney.
Sara smiled at Alaney too.
"Even though he doesn't want me. I can't believe he'd want to kill me! - his own daughter!" Laney reflected.
"He's a sick man. Truly sick. Just forget about him" Daven commented angrily.
"A lot of things make sense now. How you two used to look so in love with me. Why my mom choose him to blackmail into looking after me. It hurts that he's never really looked at me like he cares about me though. He's just so distant - like I'm a stranger!" Alaney commented tearfully.
"I guess that father/daughter relationship I always dreamed of, when I found my biological father, is out the question!" Alaney joked.
Daven smiled at Alaney, stroked her hair behind her ear and then kissed her forehead.
"Thanks guys. But I, umm, I need some time alone. To think" Laney said getting up.
"You sure?. We could spend some quality time together - even if it's me comforting you. Do you really want to be alone?" Daven asked.
Laney thought to herself.
"I'd love you to come" Laney admitted.
Daven put an arm round her and they walked away.
Catherine had been hiding round the corner eavesdropping for most of the conversation. She hadn't been able to resist not coming down to the hospital for the results. She appeared once Laney and Daven had left.
"I can't believe you've just lied again!" Catherine snapped at Sara.
"I try to help you, Sara but you just carry on lying time and time again!. And to say that he's the father of all people!. Did you see the look on her face?. That's terrible!. Do you realise the effect that's had on Laney?. Lying about him being her father!" Catherine lectured disgusted.
Sara looked at Catherine and was speechless. Instead of saying anything Sara just looked down guiltily and said nothing. Catherine stormed off.
Sara decided she needed to see her mom. So Sara proceeded to make her way to her parent's hotel room. Sara was hoping her father wouldn't be in. Unfortunately, he was the only one in.
"Oh, I was looking for mom. I'll come back later" Sara reacted before turning to leave.
"Wait Sara!. Come in" Boby urged her.
"I've been worried about you. Please come in. I have some things I need to tell you. Some things I need to apologise for." Boby added.
Sara's heart beat fast. Did she just hear what she thought she'd just heard?. She excited that there might even be a possibility it was going to turn over a new leaf. Sara was curious and desperately wanted him to be remorseful, so she agreed to go in.
"How are you?" Boby asked sensitive and with care.
"Why would you care?" Sara snapped back, secretly wanting him to show love.
"I know how hard it was - is! - with Alaney being your daughter. But sometimes, I get the impression that you think I wanted you to get pregnant. That's the last thing I wanted. It's ruined all our lives" Boby tried explaining pleasantly.
Sara didn't really know how to react to this. It was one of the nicest things he'd ever said, but it was still really twisted. So Sara didn't react or say anything.
"I was looking at her sleeping on the couch yesterday and - I did sort of feel something for her!. She is my granddaughter after all, hey?. I was looking at her and I got thinking - she looks a bit like me. She has the nose I gave to you. She has the eyes your mother gave you. She has the chin I gave you. She has the shape of face as your mother gave you. She's beautiful" Boby commented.
Sara couldn't believe her ears. It caught her breath. She just stared at him
Boby sighed.
"I'm not just donating because you and your mother are blackmailing me. I could squash you both like flies. I'm donating because - well - she's family!" Boby admitted.
Sara wanted to believe it but just couldn't trust him. So she challenged him to see how far she could push his limits.
"I thought you didn't care about her?. Are you lying to me?. Do you really expect me to believe you've turned into a normal human being overnight?" Sara commented defensively.
Boby gave a small laugh.
"Let me explain. Who do I love more than anyone else in the world?" Boby asked.
Sara was dying to say it was him but didn't want to in case of backlash. So she just shrugged.
"Come on, you say it all the time" Boby urged her.
"You?" Sara replied unsure.
"Exactly!. So who do I love to see the mirror?" Boby asked.
"You?" Sara laughed in disbelief.
"So when I look at someone and see someone who looks like me looking back then" Boby explained.
"Oh my goodness!. Your joking! Oh my! - In some strange way that actually makes sense!" Sara replied.
"So you love her?" Sara asked excitedly.
"Woah! No!. Slow down!. I love you and your mother only. I just care for Alaney. I want to protect those who look like me?. Right?" Boby explained.
"Your growing on me" Sara commented reluctantly.
"Don't kid yourself, honey. You love me. You can't help but love me truly wurly. Your mother told me" he teased her
Sara suddenly became angry that he knew this.
"I'm human. Get over it" Sara said half angry and half embarrassed.
Boby put an arm round her.
"I think it's really sweet" Boby reassured her nicely.
Sara shrugged his arm off.
"Back to Alaney" Sara instructed him.
"Oh why? - your so preoccupied by that kid!" Boby commented.
"Even if you care about her why risk your own safety for her?. You could die" Sara challenged him.
"You can die from any operation!" Boby casually brushed it off.
"Exactly. That's why people avoid them!. Plus it's painful!" Sara exclaimed.
"I'm not afraid of pain. I'm not a wimpy little girl. I'm not afraid of death. Anyway, you and your mother would put me in jail for life if I didn't give her the kidney - so it's worth risking having a life compared to not" Boby explained.
Boby sighed.
He put an arm round her and she brushed him off immediately.
"Sara, you need me. Your upset about Alaney. I'm here for you. I'm having a caring moment suck it up while it lasts!. Come on, let me comfort you. I want to comfort you through your period of worry about your daughter's health. Come on. Accept this. I'm having a sweet moment - it's rare" Boby proposed nicely.
This speech had more effect on her. Sara looked worried. She didn't want him to think they could have a father and daughter relationship without him changing and repenting but she desperately wanted to accept his offer anyway.
"Come on, I know you want it. Deep down you're dying for us to be father and daughter again - even if just for one afternoon. How could it hurt?. I know you still hate me, so you don't need to worry about that. It's just - I miss you. We used to be pretty close when you were younger" Boby commented.
Sara gave a sneering laugh.
"I just want us to have some father/daughter moments once in a while. We haven't had one in over a two years now. Come on - let me comfort you. I want to be your father" Boby proposed.
Sara softened. Boby tried to put an arm round her. Sara let him. She began crying into his chest. He began stroking her hair.
"There, there baby" Boby soothed her.
"When I saw her hooked up to all those machines!. I just!. It was horrible!. And I couldn't do anything to help her and I just wanted to be able to make everything better!. I didn't just want me to be a match because of you but also because I wanted to be the one. The one to make her all better" Sara sobbed.
"I know. There, there baby. I'll make sure your daughter gets better. I will" Boby soothed her.
Sara got up with a start.
"What do you mean my daughter?!?. I didn't conceive her all by myself!. She's your daughter too!" Sara shouted.
"I'm not Alaney's father, darling" Boby responded.
"What?!?. I'm sorry did I imagine it?" Sara asked sarcastically.
"When it comes to the Alaney situation, darling, it's about whether you choose to be her parent or not. You've chosen to be her parent and I haven't. Like I said - a parent is someone who looks after the child. Biology does not determine parenthood. A biological parent is just sex. It's just the rare occurrence of a random sperm meeting a random egg. It's a coincidence" Boby explained.
Sara just stood staring at him in disbelief.
"Your unbelievable" she muttered.
"Thank you" he responded proudly.
"She's a human. Just like you and just like me. She's just as important as either one of us. Yet all she's ever known is rejection. She doesn't know what it's like to have parents and it's made her life hell. She feels unwanted and it's all our fault. No in fact it's all your fault!" Sara explained.
"She is unwanted!" Boby commented casually.
Sara was in disbelief. He looked at her and could see she was still peeved off.
"What do you want from me, Sara?. What? - shall I leave your mother and marry you?. Yeah is that what you want?. And then me, you and Alaney can all go and moved into a precious little house in suburbia with a picket white fence and live happily ever after!. It will just be glorious!. We'll laugh and play all day together!. It'll be all happiness and sunflowers!. Do you really think that can happen, Sara?!?. Do you!!!!" Boby said sarcastically.
Sara burst out crying.
"Of course not!" Sara sobbed.
"We can't live happily ever after because it's incest!. That child is incest!" Boby reminded her.
"Oh so you finally have realised that!. You should have thought about that 19 bloody years ago!" Sara screamed sobbing.
"I don't care, sweetie. It's just society I'm worried about. Your little policeman friends. I love you darling and they - they just wouldn't understand that!" Boby explained smarmily.
"You didn't do it because you loved me!. You did it because you're sick!" Sara shouted.
"Look listen up, pumpkin. We're never going to be the happy family Alaney wants. She can never know - and neither can anyone who doesn't already. So here's what you're going to do for both our sake's. Your going shut up, you gonna stop blubbering and your going to stop looking at Alaney with those goo goo eyes of yours. Cos believe me honey - if you don't she or everyone else will find out!. And if she only finds out you're her mother - she'll hate you. And if she finds out about both of us - she'll kill herself. On top of that everyone will label you a freak!. Everyone will talk about you behind your back and some people will probably say you deserved it" Boby instructed her.
Sara didn't know what to do. She knew he was right. She just cried and cried.
Boby sighed and had a change of heart.
"This wasn't meant to be what this little session was meant to be about, Sara!. I just wanted us to spend some quality time together. Be friendly and nice. Civil at least. Can we start again?" Boby asked a bit nicer.
"We can never start again. We can never start again until you apologise to everyone and turn over a new leaf. Apologise to me!. Apologise to Marie Poloski!. Apologise to Margery! - and Martha! - and Candace!. Apologise to Josie Fisher!, Ailsa Fisher!. Apologise to Catherine Willows!"
"Who's Catherine Willows?" Boby asked confused
Sara was gob smacked.
"You don't even know who half the people you rape are do you?. Catherine! - my workmate Catherine!"
"Ah!", Boby smiled in recognition, "Oh come on I didn't even get a chance to get physical with her how can she be on the list?".
"Do realise how much you've ruined her life just attempting to get 'physical' with her?" Sara asked annoyed.
Boby shrugged.
Sara continued,
"Apologise to Mom for treating her so bad!. Apologise to Mary Castle!. Apologise to"
"Mary Castle?" Boby asked.
"For goodness sake!. Mary Castle!. My best friend when I was six years old!. The one you molested because she caught you molesting me!. Whose parents never let her see me ever again!. Whose parents removed her from my school because of you?. Whose parents were too ashamed to report it in fear of what their daughter would be labelled as!. Ring any bells?" Sara shouted.
"What's the big hysteria!. It's just sex!. Everyone puts such a big label on it. Chill out!. It's no biggie!"
"It is a biggie!. It is serious!. It's so serious we now have a human life in our hands, Boby!. It's about the heart, it's about emotion - it's about how it feels to have the first opportunity for a normal sexual experience stolen from you!" Sara shouted.
"Oh yeah!. Here we are - it's all coming out now!. I'm so sick of you acting the martyr, Sara. This is all about you so don't pretend you actually give a shit about all those people!" Boby replied.
Sara ran at her father to attack him but he stopped her and threw her down on the couch in her tears.
"You've got to get over me and you, Sara!. It was just one night - there's been another twelve thousand or so in your life so far. It didn't mean much to me and it shouldn't mean anything to you. If Alaney hadn't of come along then it wouldn't have mattered at all. Just get over it. Stop ruining your life by trying to hate me" Boby demanded.
Boby sighed and changed his tone.
"Come on baby! - just one hug. Come and give me a hug" Boby said holding out his arms to hug her.
Sara was now convinced he was mentally ill. He had got to be.
"No!", she responded angrily, "You just don't get it!. It is a big deal!. Even if Alaney hadn't of come along it would have been a big deal. Even if you only raped adult women it would be a big deal!. It's rape!. It's a big deal!" Sara shouted.
Sara calmed down and pleaded with his conscience,
"You ruined my life. I never recovered!. I still have nightmares sometimes. It's been eighteen years and yet that night has never left me. It wasn't just one night. As a child you molested me. Then you stopped because I got fat. Then you tore my self esteem down by telling me I was fat and ugly and had to lose weight. For the first ten years of my life you told me I was one of the most beautiful girls in the world. Then suddenly I was nothing. Do you realise what that did to my self esteem?. My head was so screwed up part of me actually slightly wanted you to molest me so at least I knew I was pretty!. Do you know how screwed up that is?. Then eventually I lost loads of weight by the eating disorder you pushed me into" Sara shouted.
"Now wait a moment I never told you to go doing all that rubbish!" Boby defended himself.
"And you know what?. Even when I lost all that weight. You still criticised me. You still called me ugly and told me no one would fancy me wearing the clothes I liked. You didn't put it sensitively - you used it to get at me!" Sara broke out sobbing.
"And then when I thought things couldn't get any worse you raped me out the blue. I begged you to stop but you wouldn't!. Because the only person you care about is yourself!" Sara shouted.
"My self esteem!. I had - have! - low self esteem about my looks, my behaviour, my everything!. The only thing I ever had self esteem on was the one thing I had results back on - my intelligence. You ruined my life for all those reasons and so many more on which I don't want to give you the satisfaction of mentioning" Sara whined.
"Part of my just died instead after that night. I was never the same happy little girl. You ruined my life!" Sara told her.
Sara had finished and was just anticipating his response. What would it be.
Boby was silent and just stared at her. He finally broke his silence by shrugging.
"Is this meant to mean something?. Am I meant to care?" Bob asked uncaring.
Sara stormed off and over to the door to leave. After opening her heart to him and giving him a chance to say he was sorry he had remained his usual heartless self. She just didn't know whether there was any point in her or her mother waiting around for him to turned over a new leaf and become the person they desired him to be. They'd given him thirty three years already.
But before Sara could leave her father tried to be nice again.
"Wait, wait Sara!. Stop!" he begged.
Sara couldn't help it. Even though he let her down time over time again she couldn't help but turn and hope for a change. She gave him another try.
"Pumpkin" he said as he stroked her cheek.
"What?" she asked hoping and waiting.
"Let's not fight. Let's just agree to disagree" he proposed, as he looked lovingly in her eyes and still had that hand on her cheek.
"It's not that easy!" Sara insisted disappointed in him and pushing him away.
She stormed off but he turned her round back towards him and kissed her on the lips. She was stunned. Suddenly she decided what she wanted to do - she slapped him in anger. Then she tried to storm off again. But he grabbed her wrist and pulled her back. Then he got more aggressive. Before she could realise he had grabbed her face between his hand and was squashing her jaw together tightly. She panicked, she was frightened and he was hurting her jaws. She began to cry softly in fear. She tried to look for a way out. She tried to remember her weapon-less self defence training but her mind was blank. He kissed her again. She was disgusted but too scared to show it. He took his hand off her cheeks and suddenly swung her round so hard that without being able to stop herself she fell on the sofa behind them. He began coming towards her and Sara knew what was going to happen. She was petrified. She couldn't move out of fear. She didn't want it to happen again but she just couldn't physically move herself because she was petrified. Her mind was blank on how to defend herself.
Suddenly before anything could happen Sara remembered why she'd learnt self defence. She didn't want to be a victim anymore. She wanted to be able to fight him off. She didn't want to turn into her mother. She knew that she could do this. She just needed to stay calm and clear her head. It was hard but eventually she calmed her self down and focused clearly on the task in hand. Suddenly all her self defence knowledge came back to her. Knee him in the privates, use your palm to hit him up the nose and finally elbow him in the chest to move him away from you properly. She did that, not remembering if it was exactly that order, but it did the job and it was better than nothing and that was all that mattered.
She got up, leaving him in pain and ran out. Relieved but still terrified see ran the whole way home to her apartment in tears. When she got home she bolted all the doors to stop him coming to get her. 'How was she ever going to face him again now?' she wondered.