Sorry I left ya'll with such a cliffhanger! But here is the chapter with my apologies for leaving on such a note. My sister got engaged—again, to someone else; long story—and it's only in a month (wow!), so I apologize if updates aren't so frequent for the next little bit. On another note, contrary to popular belief—and several pleading emails to which I must say thanks, and that I feel so loved. :) —this is not the ending chapter of Keep Pretending. I had left some author notes for myself on the bottom of the chapter and forgotten to delete them, one of which mentioned something about the last chapter being the next. I fixed it quickly, because 1) You can't have all my secrets for plot! And 2) The last chapter note had to do with something else. Until you know my writing style, then you won't get the random notes I write in chapters. lol. So, no, this is not the last chapter. Hopefully you're happy about that!
Mai sighed.
In the pit of her stomach lied the funny feeling that what Téa had said, the things she had told her, were right. Why was she right? Mai didn't know what to feel—happy that her problems with Téa were over? Sad that Yugi felt the way he did? Both for the whole situation, that Yugi was hurt, but that she could fix things…
But what if she couldn't?
A spark of paranoia hit her that perhaps she could never be able to trust him, no matter how hard she tried and wanted to. But she wouldn't know until she tried, and she just had to try.
The door to Téa's room opened just as Mai caught a look of sympathy upon her new friends' face. Yugi came in, barely balancing three bowls of ice-cream, one tilted against his chin in an awkward angle.
"Here you go, girls." He greeted cheerfully, completely unaware of the conversation they had just had. Téa stood up and relieved Yugi of the ice-cream bowls, setting them on her large oak desk. She had a curious, somewhat determined look on her face, and after she set the last dish down she looked at Yugi.
"You know, I think I need to get to bed; tomorrow's test is going to be mondo hard and I don't want to be sleepy." She gave a little laugh. "Then all our study time would be wasted. Um, why don't you catch a ride back with Mai?" She looked at Mai casually. "Do you mind? That way I don't have to take him." She rolled her eyes and gave a little chuckle, and Yugi, good-natured soul that he was, smiled along with her. Perhaps Mai would have too, but too many thoughts were running through her head at the moment.
"Yeah, sure." She managed to spit out. She adjusted the strap of her purse on her shoulder, giving a little hint she was leaving, but Yugi spoke with a little concern in his tone.
"You girls don't want you're ice-cream?" He asked as if it was something terribly important. He looked at them both, flicking eyes to Téa, Mai, Téa, Mai.
"I'll eat mine before bed." Téa said casually, in an offhanded way, grabbing hers and sitting on her bed indian style. "And Mai said she wasn't feeling up to ice-cream anyway." She added, relieving Mai of thinking up her own explanation.
She couldn't have thought of one at all; her mind was wheeling in Yugi's presence, knowing that he thought that she didn't like him enough…it was driving her mad, she had to get out of here, fast. He was so close, and this whole time he had thought that—she couldn't bear it, and now they were going to drive in the car together, alone—what would she say? She just needed to get out before she suffocated. Every breath seemed to make her dizzier—
"Ready to go?" Her eyes darted to Yugi's questioning face as he looked at her, his head tilted like those little adorable animals in children's cartoons. She must have nodded, because he said a goodbye to Téa, she thought, and they were walking down the steps, out the door, and down the sidewalk to her car.
In a haze she barely remembered sliding in the key and starting the car. Hazily she remembered driving down the road in dazed silence. Everything seemed to encompass everything else, and she seemed to only notice details, but nothing else. She vaguely glanced at lights and stop signs, but the car seemed to drive itself.
"Mai, turn left here." Yugi said in a strong voice, and before she thought about it, she had turned left instead of the fore planned right. It was when she had realized what had happened that she looked at him, and suddenly the haze was gone, as if his voice had broken a mystical spell.
His eyes held a boldness about them, and she only glanced for split seconds at the road. He stared straight ahead, arms folded with that still same boldness, yet there was a tenderness about him still.
"Turn right, here." He pointed out, his voice confident, yet with a tone like he was guiding a child. She did so, leading her to a near singular road with lush green on either side. He had led her to the park, and at the same time she knew not why and exactly why.
She coasted the car to a stop in the small parking area, and they both got out without a word.
Yugi stuck his arms in his pockets, his jacket collar flapping slightly with the end of summer breeze. She folded her arms and fell into step behind him, her shoes clicking on the sidewalk as he led her on without a word of where they were going.
"You need to talk." He said simply, suggestively, like a tug to get her to converse. She sighed without a word as the sidewalk curved to continue along the lake's banks.
"It would seem," She said after a moment. "that you are the one instead." He shook his head, and, for the first time, really, she noticed how much more confident he was now, standing taller, his shoulders more broad than she remembered.
"No." He said quietly. "No, indeed. You know how I feel—Téa told you—but you need to talk to me about it. As soon as she told you, you felt the need to talk to me…I know you better than you think, Mai. Though, to be honest, you wouldn't like it that way." He shot her a look, and in the dark she couldn't tell if it was a cocked brow that he held in his expression, or a knowing smirk. The tone could have suggested both.
Again she sighed, leaning her head on her own shoulder, the small strands of her hair that blew in the breeze sending a luscious scent that Yugi caught in the wind. The scent of coconut and citrus, a peculiar smell for hair, but he had come to recognize it as her scent. Even in times when she drenched herself in perfume he could still smell the smell coconut and citrus, like a crisp winter night in the tropics.
"I do not know what to say," She said in honesty. "there are a lot of things I am thinking, thousands of thoughts, it seems, but when I try to put anything into words they don't connect into any sentence that would make sense to anyone but me, and that only because I am knowing the thoughts behind them." She spoke with an air of nostalgia, like a woman reminiscing a regret in the past, or telling a story to a group of enthralled listeners.
"Yugi, I—" She was interrupted by his taking a seat on a wooden bench in the shade of a large tree, but he motioned for her to sit next to him and urged her to continue. "I'm sorry if I ever hurt you by not confiding in you." She began. "I honestly thought you'd never notice—actually, I never noticed myself." She sighed in an offhand, frustrated sort of way, pushing her hair back restlessly as she tried to put her words together in order to say what she was feeling.
"Yugi, I like you a lot—I like you so much." She added with deep sincerity, looking at him in the eyes. "But, I…I just have never confided in anyone. I never had anyone to confide in, and once I got older, I was all show and everything; I didn't want to show any weakness to anyone. I was strong, I was a duelist; I could kick anyone's butt. That was my mindset, and I couldn't afford to let anyone know anything otherwise. Confiding in someone was something I saw as weakness, however stupid that may sound. And the more I fell into that thought, the more I became that thought. Without thinking I've grown to just not confide, or talk about anything really personal, or not let anyone know any true side of me that I may not want to show."
"Like, for instance," She continued when he didn't speak. "at the game fair a while ago, we both traded or bought duel monster cards. You showed me yours without a second thought, but before I could even think twice, I pulled mine out of your view. It may seem like a simple thing, but don't you see?" She nearly pleaded.
"I like you Yugi, I have for a long time now, and I would never do anything to hurt you, or to make you dislike me in any way." She swallowed. "You're the closest thing to a best friend, or family, I've had." She said quietly.
"I really want to confide in you, talk to you about anything and everything that bothers me, or makes me happy or sad…and if you're…if you want to…I want to Yugi." She said as a quiet whisper.
"As stupid as it sounds, you have no idea how much I want to."
They sat in silence for several moments, the words sinking in on her just as much as him. She wanted him to speak so badly, yet she was scared of what he might say. Scared that he may drop her because she wasn't worth the trouble, or maybe because she had wasted his time. It was when she couldn't decide between which of the two dangers she would prefer that she spoke next instead.
"I like you, Yugi, and I want to be a good girlfriend who talks and laughs with you, who shares everything with you…I just feel I fall so short of what some other girls could do. I see them every single second of every day—and I want to be like them so much…" Her words drew into silence as she realized she had nothing left to say.
Yugi sighed, but it wasn't frustrated, or upset—in fact it was barely anything besides a release of breath.
"You see the moon, Mai?" He questioned thoughtfully, jerking a mere finger towards it for a second.
"Yeah…it's gorgeous tonight." She commented, a little confused. He nodded at this, still looking at the glorious sphere that shone so luminously across the park.
"The moon gives off light, right?" She nodded, still perplexed, and also a little wary. "It gives off a lot of light, right?" He asked, and to this she nodded again. "But…is the sun brighter?" She nodded yet again, confused further still.
"Let me tell you a story," He began. "about the sun and the moon." He adjusted himself on the bench and gained a contemplative, thoughtful tone and expression, like a scholar pondering the wonders of the galaxy.
"The moon gave off as much light as it could—every night it would try its best. One day, he realized the sun gave off more light, and so he felt he wasn't as important or impressive." She nodded, sensing the relativity of her situation and the story. "So he continued with his job, all the while feeling incompetent. What would you say to that?" He questioned.
"Well, that's just silly." She expressed. He nodded, as if he'd proved a point, a corner of his mouth drawn ponderously.
"So," He continued. "then one day, the moon decided he'd never put off as much light as the sun—but he was still, as you put it, 'gorgeous', he was still appreciated…and he was still…" He lifted her chin with a relaxed fist. "Just as special."