Author's Note: A Challenge from Katami, and again, all of Gimli's lines must be read in a ridiculously stereotypical Scottish accent.
Disclaimer: Unfortunately I do not own any of these characters (though I am working on purchasing Dominic Monaghan from New Line), they are the property of New Line, and Warner Bros, respectively.
-------The Challenge-------
Fandom: any
Rating: any
Rules:
- There must be crazed teddy bears and homicidal cheerleaders
- Legolas must FIND the Muffin Man
- A love triangle must develop between Legolas, the Muffin Man, and a
blueberry muffin
- The Easter Bunny must meet an untimely end
- Someone must shout "Holy mother of all frankfurters and fish food. That's HUGE!"
- Little Red Riding Hood must be killed
- Walt Disney must be kidnapped
- There must be a showdown between Nemo (Finding Nemo) and Gollum
-------The Story-------
(Legolas is lying in bed [hey, get your minds out of the gutter! annoying Legolas fangirls...] after happily having stolen Aragorn's pipe from Oliver Wood, so everyone can probably guess what happens next...)
Legolas: (confused, sleepy, and slightly stoned)
What? Where am I? And more importantly, where's Aragorn's pipe?
(suddenly, a man with a gigantic bran muffin on his head appears)
Bran-Muffin-On-Head-Man:
Hello, Legolas. I'm the Muffin Man, but you can call me Tim, and This Is Your Life! (mechanized applause ensues) And now, a word from our sponsor: Cheer Brand Cookies!
Scary Cheerleaders:
Cherries, sugar, apple pie, it's too bad that you must die! Yaaaaay, cookies!! (cheer by A. Smithee)
Tim:
Aaaaaaaaaand were back with self-proclaimed "Elf," Legolas!
Legolas:
But I am an elf.
Tim: (whispering)
Stick with the script, kid.
Legolas: (looking at teleprompter and teddy bears pointing manically to his next line)
Hey, Tim, how about that new book, The Bunny Suicides?
Tim: (holding up a copy)
Yeeeeeeeeees, now you too can own this wonderful book, written by the twisted teddy bears that produce my show!
Legolas: (looking at The Bunny Suicides: Easter Edition)
Aw, look at the cute little Easter Bunny, and the cute little guillotine...wait! That's not cute!! (throws the book away) Hey, I though this show was called This Is MY Life, mine, my own, my Precious!
Tim:
Correct! Now Leggy, don't go Gollum on me-speaking of "going Gollum"...here's a word from our other sponsor: Walt Disney's been kidnapped, and it's up to you to save him in...Super Smash Bros. 3, Rumble in Maushvitz!!!
(Nemo and Gollum appear in an SSB-esque arena and begin the traditional exchange of insults)
Gollum/Smeagol:
Gollum hatessss hobbi-erm, fishessss. No, that's not true, Smeagol loves fishessss-FOR BREAKFAST, MWAHAHAHAHA!! (Gollum/Smeagol, probably Gollum, pulls out a giant frying pan and a loincloth that has "Kiss the Precious" written on it)
Nemo:
Holy mother of all frankfurters and fish food. That's HUGE!
(the two proceed to battle it out WWF-style and, keeping to the WWF theme, Little Red Riding Hood runs in with a chair, trips over her "Riding Hood," falls off a conveniently placed cliff, and dies. We are all sad...well, not really...)
Tim:
Wow, that was INTENSE, and now for commercials-
Legolas:
No, no commercials! Stop cutting to commercials, THIS SHOW IS ABOUT MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Tim:
Oh, right. Who are you again?
Legolas:
Ahhhhhhhhh!
Tim:
Just playing with you, Leggy. Have a muffin. (hands Legolas a blueberry muffin)
Legolas:
Muffin!
Author:
Stupid plot-defying characters.
Tim:
Now this is the moment we've all been waiting for: Let's see if you recognize this voice from your past...
Mysterious Voice: (conveniently, in a Scottish accent)
Ach, Legolas, remember me? We did those 3 movies together, they won 11 Oscars, I played the dwarf.
Legolas:
Uhh...Mini Me?
"Mysterious" Voice:
Ach, you stupid git! It's me, Gimli!!
Legolas:
Ooh, ooh! I know it's-
(commercial break, enter the dancing penguins)
Legolas:
It's Haldir! Remember Haldir; he got killed off in the second movie, he had like 3 lines.
Gimli: (runs up and attempts to assassinate Legolas with his axe, while the audience [consisting mostly of teddy bears] yells "Jerry, Jerry!")
(TV screen goes blank with that annoying bleepy sound for a few minutes)
Tim: (is slightly worse for the wear, and has a giant bite out of his muffin/hat)
Well, glad that's over. Now, Leggy, I must admit that I've fallen madly in live with you in these few short minutes that we've been together, so I'll give you a choice here on For Love or Money!
Legolas:
Hey, I thought this was-
Tim:
Shut up. Your choices are:
a) Chose love, and you an I will be whisked off to a Caribbean resort to become the next San Francisco wedding cake...
OR
b) Chose money, and you will receive $1,000,000 in cash (providing you can get it out of here without being mugged by the teddy bears)!
Legolas, what is your final decision?
Legolas: (holding up the muffin he was given earlier and looking back and forth from muffin to Tim, muffin to Tim, muffin to Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim-Dizzy yet? Good.)
I'm sorry, Tim, but my heart belongs to my muffin. Goodbye, Tim.
(Legolas walks away "Here's lookin' at you, kid"-style)
Tim:
Nooooooooooooooooo, Legolaaaaaaaaaas!!!
(Legolas wakes up)
Legolas:
Whoa, that's the last time I smoke Aragorn's pipe before going to bed. Wait a minute, WHERE'S MY MUFFIN?! Curse you, plot device-utilizing Author!!!
Author:
Same to you, Leggy. Hehe.
Who else will discover the dangerous teddy bear-ridden side-effects of Aragorn's pipe? Will the nasty Author ever let Legolas have his muffin and eat it too? Find out in the next installment of Muffins Anon...
Disclaimer: Unfortunately I do not own any of these characters (though I am working on purchasing Dominic Monaghan from New Line), they are the property of New Line, and Warner Bros, respectively.
-------The Challenge-------
Fandom: any
Rating: any
Rules:
- There must be crazed teddy bears and homicidal cheerleaders
- Legolas must FIND the Muffin Man
- A love triangle must develop between Legolas, the Muffin Man, and a
blueberry muffin
- The Easter Bunny must meet an untimely end
- Someone must shout "Holy mother of all frankfurters and fish food. That's HUGE!"
- Little Red Riding Hood must be killed
- Walt Disney must be kidnapped
- There must be a showdown between Nemo (Finding Nemo) and Gollum
-------The Story-------
(Legolas is lying in bed [hey, get your minds out of the gutter! annoying Legolas fangirls...] after happily having stolen Aragorn's pipe from Oliver Wood, so everyone can probably guess what happens next...)
Legolas: (confused, sleepy, and slightly stoned)
What? Where am I? And more importantly, where's Aragorn's pipe?
(suddenly, a man with a gigantic bran muffin on his head appears)
Bran-Muffin-On-Head-Man:
Hello, Legolas. I'm the Muffin Man, but you can call me Tim, and This Is Your Life! (mechanized applause ensues) And now, a word from our sponsor: Cheer Brand Cookies!
Scary Cheerleaders:
Cherries, sugar, apple pie, it's too bad that you must die! Yaaaaay, cookies!! (cheer by A. Smithee)
Tim:
Aaaaaaaaaand were back with self-proclaimed "Elf," Legolas!
Legolas:
But I am an elf.
Tim: (whispering)
Stick with the script, kid.
Legolas: (looking at teleprompter and teddy bears pointing manically to his next line)
Hey, Tim, how about that new book, The Bunny Suicides?
Tim: (holding up a copy)
Yeeeeeeeeees, now you too can own this wonderful book, written by the twisted teddy bears that produce my show!
Legolas: (looking at The Bunny Suicides: Easter Edition)
Aw, look at the cute little Easter Bunny, and the cute little guillotine...wait! That's not cute!! (throws the book away) Hey, I though this show was called This Is MY Life, mine, my own, my Precious!
Tim:
Correct! Now Leggy, don't go Gollum on me-speaking of "going Gollum"...here's a word from our other sponsor: Walt Disney's been kidnapped, and it's up to you to save him in...Super Smash Bros. 3, Rumble in Maushvitz!!!
(Nemo and Gollum appear in an SSB-esque arena and begin the traditional exchange of insults)
Gollum/Smeagol:
Gollum hatessss hobbi-erm, fishessss. No, that's not true, Smeagol loves fishessss-FOR BREAKFAST, MWAHAHAHAHA!! (Gollum/Smeagol, probably Gollum, pulls out a giant frying pan and a loincloth that has "Kiss the Precious" written on it)
Nemo:
Holy mother of all frankfurters and fish food. That's HUGE!
(the two proceed to battle it out WWF-style and, keeping to the WWF theme, Little Red Riding Hood runs in with a chair, trips over her "Riding Hood," falls off a conveniently placed cliff, and dies. We are all sad...well, not really...)
Tim:
Wow, that was INTENSE, and now for commercials-
Legolas:
No, no commercials! Stop cutting to commercials, THIS SHOW IS ABOUT MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Tim:
Oh, right. Who are you again?
Legolas:
Ahhhhhhhhh!
Tim:
Just playing with you, Leggy. Have a muffin. (hands Legolas a blueberry muffin)
Legolas:
Muffin!
Author:
Stupid plot-defying characters.
Tim:
Now this is the moment we've all been waiting for: Let's see if you recognize this voice from your past...
Mysterious Voice: (conveniently, in a Scottish accent)
Ach, Legolas, remember me? We did those 3 movies together, they won 11 Oscars, I played the dwarf.
Legolas:
Uhh...Mini Me?
"Mysterious" Voice:
Ach, you stupid git! It's me, Gimli!!
Legolas:
Ooh, ooh! I know it's-
(commercial break, enter the dancing penguins)
Legolas:
It's Haldir! Remember Haldir; he got killed off in the second movie, he had like 3 lines.
Gimli: (runs up and attempts to assassinate Legolas with his axe, while the audience [consisting mostly of teddy bears] yells "Jerry, Jerry!")
(TV screen goes blank with that annoying bleepy sound for a few minutes)
Tim: (is slightly worse for the wear, and has a giant bite out of his muffin/hat)
Well, glad that's over. Now, Leggy, I must admit that I've fallen madly in live with you in these few short minutes that we've been together, so I'll give you a choice here on For Love or Money!
Legolas:
Hey, I thought this was-
Tim:
Shut up. Your choices are:
a) Chose love, and you an I will be whisked off to a Caribbean resort to become the next San Francisco wedding cake...
OR
b) Chose money, and you will receive $1,000,000 in cash (providing you can get it out of here without being mugged by the teddy bears)!
Legolas, what is your final decision?
Legolas: (holding up the muffin he was given earlier and looking back and forth from muffin to Tim, muffin to Tim, muffin to Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim, muffin, Tim-Dizzy yet? Good.)
I'm sorry, Tim, but my heart belongs to my muffin. Goodbye, Tim.
(Legolas walks away "Here's lookin' at you, kid"-style)
Tim:
Nooooooooooooooooo, Legolaaaaaaaaaas!!!
(Legolas wakes up)
Legolas:
Whoa, that's the last time I smoke Aragorn's pipe before going to bed. Wait a minute, WHERE'S MY MUFFIN?! Curse you, plot device-utilizing Author!!!
Author:
Same to you, Leggy. Hehe.
Who else will discover the dangerous teddy bear-ridden side-effects of Aragorn's pipe? Will the nasty Author ever let Legolas have his muffin and eat it too? Find out in the next installment of Muffins Anon...