Fine Line Between Love and Hate
Chapter Fourteen
Dinner that evening was strained. Ali and Randy knew not to say anything to each other because they'd done enough to each other's emotional stability for one day. Leigh and Randy would start fighting if Ali and Leigh continued their go at it in the kitchen.
"Ali, Randy, please do the dishes," Bob ordered. He figured whatever caused the swing of emotion in the two was because one, if not both, of them were trying to push away from the other. He was going to do what he could to push them back together.
"Yes, Dad," Randy said. He was dreading this task almost as much as he had Christmas Eve, ironically enough because again he didn't think he could control himself. He wanted to hold her and taste her lips again and being totally completely alone in the kitchen with her was going to drive him crazy.
Ali wasn't thrilled with Bob's edict either. She wasn't stupid and could see what Leigh and Bob were trying to do. They wanted them together, a little part of her had to admit that she wanted them to be together also, but right now there were just too many things standing in the way. Things she wasn't that she could survive through if she put he heart on the line again.
"You want to wash?" Randy asked. He wanted to get this over with as soon as she could. He didn't trust himself.
"You wash I'll get the rest of the stuff from the dining room," Ali said exiting the kitchen.
Randy noticed how beautiful she looked even with all the painful emotions on her face. 'Stop,' he told himself. He couldn't keep thinking that way. He would only drive himself crazier.
Ali had to give herself a mental pep talk. Her last intention had been to hurt him, that's why she pushed him away now instead of waiting. She couldn't quite quell the feeling that she should have waited until she was surer if things wouldn't, or couldn't, work out between the two.
A few minutes later Ali walked back into the kitchen. She couldn't take any longer clearing the last few dishes off the table. "You know I'm really interested in you," Randy told her. He didn't care that Ali had just told them she only wanted to be friends. He was going to say what was on his mind, then if she still thought the same why he would respect her wishes. "You fascinate me. I've never really stopped thinking about you."
"Randy I already told you I just want a friend. There is too much going on that one or both of us will only get hurt in the end," Ali told him. She had to stand her ground; she couldn't just give in until she knew what they were going to get into.
"What happened to you Ali? You used to be up for anything and would follow your heart? Now you're almost like a shell of yourself. There was a time when you would have done what your heart told you to do not what all common sense was telling you," Randy told her. He didn't know what to say to her anymore. He wanted the spitfire that he'd seen in her several times back.
"Randy, don't even start with me. People change you should know that better than anyone. As your sister told me you're not the same boy you were in high school, and I agree with her. Now you have to accept that I'm not the same girl. I've changed," Ali told him. Maybe if she argued with him she wouldn't have to admit that he was right.
"People don't just change on their own Ali," Randy said. "Situations change people. Something happened to make you so different. I've seen you be the girl I remembered. What do I have to do piss you off for you to tell me what your hearts telling you?"
"Randy would just stop being you. You don't know how infuriating you can be," Ali told him. "What's wrong with being friends? It was you who told me that you would have to deal with being friends."
"I'm no more infuriating than you are. You always keep everything so guarded. It's almost like you're afraid that if you tell anyone anything they'll betray you somehow," Randy told her. "If you keep doing that your going to find yourself lonely and bitter, and you won't have anyone to blame for it except yourself.
"You know what? You're only proving my point. The more I let you come back in the more you want. What if I'm not ready for anything more than a friendship? What if I want to be sure that I can trust you before we have any sort of relationship?"
Randy was about ready to pull his hair out. This was the young woman he imagined she would be not the woman he was talking to upstairs, and now he didn't know what to say to her. "How can I be proving your point when you haven't let me in on that much of your life?"
"Because you're judging me instead of supporting me like a true friend would. Instead of asking me about what has happened you just assumed that I would be the same person as I was six years ago."
"Every time you've been around me so far you've been very similar to the person I knew. If you don't let me know that you've changed then how the hell am I supposed to know how to react to the change?"
"I gave you a chance to prove that you changed for the better, but I don't get the same treatment. Maybe I was more right than I thought when I said that we wouldn't have a chance."
"Ali I'm not trying to push you away. You're the one who's trying to run away from me. Now you're getting upset with me for calling things like I see them. I've always done that."
"See what I mean. One minute you're telling me that you've changed the next your acting so much like you did in high school."
"Ali whatever happened to you happened. You have to deal with that. I learned in the last six years you don't know what you have till it's gone and with the way you've been acting today I don't know to think. I wanted you so bad; I tried so hard to explain to you then to make up to you before you humiliated me in the cafeteria that day. I felt miserable. I knew I lost the best thing that happened to me. When I saw you on Christmas I saw my chance to get what I wanted. You were the most wonderful person I knew. Now I'm not even sure if I know you."
"You have no idea what happened to me. High school was the best of it. I've been through hell and came back."
"I have no idea because you won't tell me. I've been honest with you and you won't be honest with me. You just keep doing what you can to protect yourself instead of heal the emotional scars that you have."
Ali couldn't help her. She wanted to slap him but she knew that he was right. The tears that had been welling up behind her eyes spilled out. When he saw her crying Randy felt bad that he pushed it that far and wrapped her in another big hug.
Randy was holding her and Ali realized that she liked it. She liked having him hold her, and she had to admit it to at least herself. She knew that a lot of the things he said had been right and that if she didn't let someone in soon then she would never learn to let people in again.
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What's going to happen next? While you're pondering that please review.
Chapter Fourteen
Dinner that evening was strained. Ali and Randy knew not to say anything to each other because they'd done enough to each other's emotional stability for one day. Leigh and Randy would start fighting if Ali and Leigh continued their go at it in the kitchen.
"Ali, Randy, please do the dishes," Bob ordered. He figured whatever caused the swing of emotion in the two was because one, if not both, of them were trying to push away from the other. He was going to do what he could to push them back together.
"Yes, Dad," Randy said. He was dreading this task almost as much as he had Christmas Eve, ironically enough because again he didn't think he could control himself. He wanted to hold her and taste her lips again and being totally completely alone in the kitchen with her was going to drive him crazy.
Ali wasn't thrilled with Bob's edict either. She wasn't stupid and could see what Leigh and Bob were trying to do. They wanted them together, a little part of her had to admit that she wanted them to be together also, but right now there were just too many things standing in the way. Things she wasn't that she could survive through if she put he heart on the line again.
"You want to wash?" Randy asked. He wanted to get this over with as soon as she could. He didn't trust himself.
"You wash I'll get the rest of the stuff from the dining room," Ali said exiting the kitchen.
Randy noticed how beautiful she looked even with all the painful emotions on her face. 'Stop,' he told himself. He couldn't keep thinking that way. He would only drive himself crazier.
Ali had to give herself a mental pep talk. Her last intention had been to hurt him, that's why she pushed him away now instead of waiting. She couldn't quite quell the feeling that she should have waited until she was surer if things wouldn't, or couldn't, work out between the two.
A few minutes later Ali walked back into the kitchen. She couldn't take any longer clearing the last few dishes off the table. "You know I'm really interested in you," Randy told her. He didn't care that Ali had just told them she only wanted to be friends. He was going to say what was on his mind, then if she still thought the same why he would respect her wishes. "You fascinate me. I've never really stopped thinking about you."
"Randy I already told you I just want a friend. There is too much going on that one or both of us will only get hurt in the end," Ali told him. She had to stand her ground; she couldn't just give in until she knew what they were going to get into.
"What happened to you Ali? You used to be up for anything and would follow your heart? Now you're almost like a shell of yourself. There was a time when you would have done what your heart told you to do not what all common sense was telling you," Randy told her. He didn't know what to say to her anymore. He wanted the spitfire that he'd seen in her several times back.
"Randy, don't even start with me. People change you should know that better than anyone. As your sister told me you're not the same boy you were in high school, and I agree with her. Now you have to accept that I'm not the same girl. I've changed," Ali told him. Maybe if she argued with him she wouldn't have to admit that he was right.
"People don't just change on their own Ali," Randy said. "Situations change people. Something happened to make you so different. I've seen you be the girl I remembered. What do I have to do piss you off for you to tell me what your hearts telling you?"
"Randy would just stop being you. You don't know how infuriating you can be," Ali told him. "What's wrong with being friends? It was you who told me that you would have to deal with being friends."
"I'm no more infuriating than you are. You always keep everything so guarded. It's almost like you're afraid that if you tell anyone anything they'll betray you somehow," Randy told her. "If you keep doing that your going to find yourself lonely and bitter, and you won't have anyone to blame for it except yourself.
"You know what? You're only proving my point. The more I let you come back in the more you want. What if I'm not ready for anything more than a friendship? What if I want to be sure that I can trust you before we have any sort of relationship?"
Randy was about ready to pull his hair out. This was the young woman he imagined she would be not the woman he was talking to upstairs, and now he didn't know what to say to her. "How can I be proving your point when you haven't let me in on that much of your life?"
"Because you're judging me instead of supporting me like a true friend would. Instead of asking me about what has happened you just assumed that I would be the same person as I was six years ago."
"Every time you've been around me so far you've been very similar to the person I knew. If you don't let me know that you've changed then how the hell am I supposed to know how to react to the change?"
"I gave you a chance to prove that you changed for the better, but I don't get the same treatment. Maybe I was more right than I thought when I said that we wouldn't have a chance."
"Ali I'm not trying to push you away. You're the one who's trying to run away from me. Now you're getting upset with me for calling things like I see them. I've always done that."
"See what I mean. One minute you're telling me that you've changed the next your acting so much like you did in high school."
"Ali whatever happened to you happened. You have to deal with that. I learned in the last six years you don't know what you have till it's gone and with the way you've been acting today I don't know to think. I wanted you so bad; I tried so hard to explain to you then to make up to you before you humiliated me in the cafeteria that day. I felt miserable. I knew I lost the best thing that happened to me. When I saw you on Christmas I saw my chance to get what I wanted. You were the most wonderful person I knew. Now I'm not even sure if I know you."
"You have no idea what happened to me. High school was the best of it. I've been through hell and came back."
"I have no idea because you won't tell me. I've been honest with you and you won't be honest with me. You just keep doing what you can to protect yourself instead of heal the emotional scars that you have."
Ali couldn't help her. She wanted to slap him but she knew that he was right. The tears that had been welling up behind her eyes spilled out. When he saw her crying Randy felt bad that he pushed it that far and wrapped her in another big hug.
Randy was holding her and Ali realized that she liked it. She liked having him hold her, and she had to admit it to at least herself. She knew that a lot of the things he said had been right and that if she didn't let someone in soon then she would never learn to let people in again.
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What's going to happen next? While you're pondering that please review.