Chapter 19

"Of course, there is no formula for success, perhaps an unconditionalacceptance of life and what it brings."– Arthur Rubenstein

It has been three weeks since Seifer's presence had graced Balamb. Consider it woman's intuition; because suddenly it seems as if he's missing her too. Of course, there still are days she reminisces about...well, that time when she had that very fleeting moment of bliss. But there's no more of it. It was time she accepted her fate to stay forever service-bound to Garden. She occupied her days with associating more with her younger students. Especially with Ty, who happen to need practice on his training skills and who, most often, consults her advice than any instructor's. Quistis found Ty's company a bit more refreshing than her adult friends and co-instructors. There was a glimmer of innocence in his eyes that she knew she had missed during her childhood. And she knew that deep down, this little boy seems to be the only one who was able to keep her mind off of him. Ty asked questions, hundreds if she could count them all, although sometimes they conversed in a silly manner, she found it all very uplifting. Ty made her feel like a kid again. But other than that, she envied him. He filled her days with nostalgic yearning for an open world such as his. But other than her close attachment with her students, she was still desk- bound for life. Her days may continue to revolve around of ennui and she may be married to a pile of paperwork, even though she was tempted to run and marry the chimney sweep, but at least, her life stayed on a steady course: no nasty surprises and no off-track happenings. Just follow plain routines again and again so as nothing to make – oh what the heck!
Who was she kidding?
She was miserable.
Quistis' isn't going to beat around the bush any longer. She began to hate seeing the pitying faces of her comrades...especially on Squall. For crying out loud, what does he have to feel sorry for her now? It wasn't as if he actually cared about her five years ago, so why would he start now?
You can ask the same thing about Seifer, genius. Her mind barked. Ever since that disturbing afternoon, her conscience had taken the voice of that annoyingly, sensible old man: Laguna's.
Her brain had been her constant nemesis lately, she really could kick herself.
"Instructor!"
Her back stood ramrod-straight and she looked up. "Uh...Hello, Ty...what is it?"
"I think class is over, Ms. Trepe," the boy whispered inconspicuously.
Color flooded her cheeks as she looked on the young, anxious faces around the room. It was time to go, and here she was, holding her students in. Most of them probably have a class the following period. "Oh jeez, I'm sorry guys. You're dismissed. I didn't realize the time." She hastily opened the door in an apologetic method, but her students didn't seem to mind since almost all were in a hurry to get out. "Don't forget to practice for tomorrow," she reminded.
Seeing the last of her students leave, Quistis ambled on to her desk and slumped down in her chair. What she didn't detect was a young boy, looking concerned in the middle of the open doorway.
"Ms. Trepe?"
She looked up. "Ty, don't you have another class?"
He shook his head then cautiously stepped forward and said, "Are you okay, Instructor?"
Quistis was touched by his concern. "Yes, I'm fine."
"Oh," he said a bit dejectedly. "If you say so." Ty looked as if he wanted to say something further, but being inside a classroom must have made him realize his position.
Screw authority, Quistis thought. She can befriend any students she wants. "Ty, what's bothering you?" she asked as she laid a hand on his small shoulder.
"I don't think I'm in any position to say, ma'am," he said, his voice sounding a bit squeaky.
Quistis didn't want to pry if it happened to be some sort of a 'little-club' secret. However, it ate at her that something trivial could be bothering somebody as young as Ty.
"Well..." she drawled out. "If you put it that way, I won't ask any further."
Ty opened his mouth but nothing came. He appeared to be grasping for words but can't seem to find the right ones. Then finally, he managed to say, "It's just that...." He trailed off.
Quistis reached out and surprised him with a quick hug, which is rather unfathomable in a teacher-student relationship. But in the weeks of tutoring him, which, however, filled her days from idleness and thinking about him, she found a special spot for this little boy in her heart. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. But, I recommend that you tell someone at some point, or else this is going to eat you up inside. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
Ty released a small sigh before continuing. "I heard...something."
Her brows furrowed. "What kind of thing?"
"A bad thing...well, at least for me it is."
"I see," her lips formed. "Do you still want to tell me about it?"
He took several seconds before considering his response then slowly nodded. Ty stared at the floor before he revealed his problem. "They said you're going away."
Quistis was surprised. She didn't show it, of course, and remained in her instructor-like-composure. Who ever said she was going away?
"Jamie said he heard it from Tommy, and Tommy heard it from Mimi, and she – "
"Is that what's bothering you?"
He nodded. "I really like you Ms. Trepe. I don't want you to go."
Quistis held his small face between her hands and bore into his eyes and said, "But I'm not going anywhere."
"But what they said-"
"Is not true," she finished.
It took a few moments for Ty to soak it in. He looked at her. The little boy smiled. It was something Quistis began to love seeing, and knowing that she was able to put a smile on his face made her want to smile too. "Is that all?"

He shook his head shyly then said,
"My mom is cooking something special tonight and I want you to come visit."
Quistis' heart was suddenly gripped with warmth and at the same time with regret.
"I'd love to, but I'm afraid I'm attending a meeting with the Headmaster. I'm sorry, but I think I can have lunch with you tomorrow though."
Normally, she would stick to the Instructor's handbook that came upon her hiring, which strictly states, 'thou shall not form an attachment to thy students', but she'd let this one slip since lunch time is something shared by both staff and students.
His face suddenly brightened. "Really?"
"Uh-huh, but promise you won't tell anyone?"
"Promise!"
Then, he gave her a surprisingly quick hug before he ran off.
I wish I had that kind of enthusiasm. She wondered if she had anything close to Ty's zeal for life when she was at that age. Not to mention, if she was as innocent. She could barely remember what she was like at all. Most of her memories were occupied for the Guardian Forces. However, the bits and pieces of her childhood are about the other kids at the orphanage. Most of it is of Seifer's and Squall's. Why is that? She shrugged. It's no use thinking about that now. She needs to think on something else – something that isn't so depressing.
She groaned as she looked at the heap of paper before her. Paperwork is depressing in and of itself.
"Could Instructor number fourteen, please report to Headmaster Cid's office. Number fourteen, to Headmaster's office. Thank you."
That was the unmistakeable P.A. system with its second sentence repeating only the key words of the first. She had gotten used to the it's direct-hit kind of messages but when they began referring to people as numbers, she just couldn't do anything but make a mental grinding of her teeth.
In any case, the only reason that Cid could be calling her is for her report on the 'new recruits', and her ruling decision on the passing crew. Thankfully, she's finished her five-page report just last night. She was given no deadline and left to thinking that it could be anytime. Quistis arranged the necessary papers she needed to present to the Headmaster and put it in her briefcase.
She turned the lights out and left the dark and empty schoolroom and headed for the head-office.


When Quistis reached the Headmaster's office, she wasn't expecting Squall to be there too. What on earth could he say that would be of interest to her? Not that he isn't important but his presence is usually required for strategic attack plans and such but not for possible candidate statuses.
However, she thought deeply, this could get interesting.
Wait a minute, what does the Headmaster needs to say that requires the presence of THE commander? Well, interesting her a-
"Quistis, thank you for coming," Cid said, breaking her thoughts.
"One doesn't seem to have a choice when called by the P.A. system, especially if one is under Garden's employ," she replied. Heck, she didn't want to sound insulting but really, she couldn't help it.
Squall, who was standing within earshot of her, raised an eyebrow and muttered, "Looks like somebody's attitude rubbed off on someone."
"What was that?" she asked a bit too sweetly, trying to cover the annoyance in her voice.
"Nothing," he coughed.
Headmaster Cid was looking back at Quistis, then at Squall. He realized there was more to this than he thought. "Quistis, I apologize for pulling you from your work, and God knows you've got tons of them."
"It's of no consequence."
"But I apologize nonetheless."
She just nodded graciously. What else could she say to an insistent apology?
"However, I think further apologies are in order for what I'm about to say."
Squall. She should've known. Her eyes shot to his direction and tried to pierce him with it. She glared and glared until she thought she could bore a hole through him. However, it irritated her even more that he actually met her glare with a very calm and a "strictly-professional" look.
"Now, now Quistis, hear us out first," Cid said automatically. "Squall and I mean well. However,"
If she hears one more "however" she's just going to explode right then and there, because anything that comes after that word certainly isn't good.
"I have received reports regarding your, uh, recent endeavors."
"My endeavors?" Funny how he had to use that word.
"The reports state that you've harbored a non-candidate and non-SeeD within Garden perimeters, and you of all know that this is forbidden. Not to mention, it was during the Estharian President's visit, and furthermore implicating, the said person was, and is still, restricted to enter this institution."
Quistis didn't say anything to that, she was still furious.
"Instructor," he said with more sympathy. "It states you as an accomplice."
Did he have to sound so condemning? It made her feel like a criminal.
"I wish the circumstances were different, Instructor."
"Yeah...don't we all," she replied shakily.
"You know I can't let this one pass."
"Rules are rules."
"They're not just rules," Cid said. "They're laws."
Squall stepped forward and spoke, "Quistis, I hope you understand where this is leading to."
"I'm beginning to, but please, proceed anyway." God, she didn't have any more energy, no strength left because she'd used them all to fight back the tears that are threatening to reveal themselves.
"The consequences of your actions demand that you be banned from Garden and any of its affiliates," Cid spoke softly. "But, it behooves me that I have to forgo that penalty to one of my best instructors."
She still couldn't speak. It doesn't matter if she's getting a lighter punishment than expulsion; they're still taking away her life's work.
"I'm sorry, Quistis, but I have to remove you from your post."
Oh, God, why did it have to hurt so much? The first time she was relieved of her duty was like a blow to her stomach. But she didn't think she could deal with it the second time. Now, it feels as if somebody had just burned her heart.
"I'll write up a recommendation for you, in case you have plans to look for employment in other Gardens."
"Thank you," she said breathlessly.
"Quistis," It was Squall. "We have your best interest at heart."
And firing her is one of them? Good God, Squall, not this, not now, she thought.
"Squall, could you excuse us for a moment?" Cid requested.
"Of course."
When Squall left the room, Cid approached her. "Quistis?"
She didn't look up, but answered anyway. "Yes, sir?"
"I just want you to know that you're welcome to visit us anytime."
"Thank you, sir."
"You're angry at Squall, aren't you?"
One corner of her mouth tipped sarcastically. "Was I that obvious?"
He chuckled. "Don't be mad at him. Like he said, he does mean well"
"I find that hard to believe."
He held silent for a moment, respecting her distress, but when she didn't respond, he asked, "What do you want in life Quistis?"
"I'm destined to teach. It's my life's work."
"But you don't like it."
"I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't like it."
"But it's not for you."
"You said it yourself, I'm one of your bests."
"I know, and I hate to see you throw your life away forever in servitude to Garden. You're much more than just an instructor," he paused. "I've watched you grow up, Quistis. I had to be your father at times when I only wanted to be your teacher."
Her eyes watered as something squeezed around her heart.
"Did you know why I relieved you of your duties the first time?"
"Because I didn't make the quota of passing students." Having said that, Quistis couldn't hide her look of irritation.
"No, that wasn't it. I would've fired you even if you did anyway," he said. "You have a heart, Quistis. Bigger than any instructor should have. You're closer to your students than any other instructors I've seen. They love being with you, being taught by you. And I know you love them too. The hardest part in being a mercenary is that the attachments involved are usually in the most jeopardy. Do you understand?"
Quistis frowned, "I'm a distraction."
"No," Cid shook his head. "You're right about your destiny as a teacher, however, you're not destined to teach how to kill," he squeezed her hand as if he could sink his meaning into her. "You're destined to teach love."
At that certain moment, she forgot who she was. She forgot who Cid was. She even forgot that she was past whimpering and that she's giving into an all-out cry. All she could think about was how much his words meant to her. Quistis didn't notice that she fell into Cid's open arms.
"There, there, Quisty. You'll be alright," he said.
"You haven't called me that in years."
"You grew up to soon. You even told Matron and me to 'address' you in your given name," he chuckled.
"I don't remember," she sniffled.
Cid held her at arm's length and said, "But I remember. You were always two steps ahead of everyone. Up until now, you never liked being left behind."
Quistis sunk into the nearest chair and massaged her temples in frustration. "But Cid, I am behind. I thought that climbing up the ranks would get me the happiness I sought. I keep waiting for life to happen to me. I worked and I worked but I still keep waiting."
"You're wrong. Look at me."
She lifted her face.
"Quistis, life don't just happen. You happened to it, then life began."
Quistis stared at him for the longest of seconds and realized that she'd never really thought of him as a father until that moment.
With a weak smile, she said, "I hope you don't fire all your employees like this."
"No, you're a special case."
Quistis sniffed one last time. "Well then, I think I should be packing."
"You don't have to leave right away. At least have dinner with us tonight."
She hesitated for moment but found herself nodding anyway.
Quistis, surprisingly, found herself exiting his office with not a heavy heart but with a quiet smile on her face. By the time she reached the outer steps of Balamb Garden a new vision lay ahead of her. Quistis breathed in the sunset, the lapping ocean on the island and a road full of promises. This, she thought, what new beginnings feel like.

Author's Shameful Note:  I know, I know, there is absolutely no excuse for my shameless delay for updates but I'm going to make a pathetic attempt anyway.  First and foremost, I would like to sincerely apologize to those who have been dearly patient (or patiently dear?) with this story.  The past year has been inexorably hectic that I became frustrated and lost sight of my focus, and had nearly forgotten this fic.  However, I'd like to rectify that by returning to write again, and continue this story for those who have been good-naturedly loyal.  I'm grateful and I will try not to disappoint you.  Wish me luck!