Chapter 10

For the next hour Alexis grilled Gale about what she knew, how she obtained her information and everything surrounding the events of their uninvited guest. When she was satisfied that she knew everything Gale knew, she nodded her head satisfactorily and thanked Gale for her honesty.

"Gale, things are going to change around my house. I'm not about to uproot my daughter right now when she is so firmly entranced in her school activities. She's happy and I don't want that to change. But, I have to start paying more attention to those details that I've let slide… things that could lead someone to us should there be anyone out there still trying to find us. I don't want you in the middle of this, but I need you to know how grateful I am that you protected my daughter with what you did for us. I won't forget it. You've been a good friend to all of us… a real friend and I apologize for not trusting you and being more of a friend to you."

Alexis reached for Gale and pulled her into a tight hug before letting go and meeting her eyes candidly.

"You know that there is so much more that I haven't told you. But, I need you to trust me and try to understand that it's for your protection. You really don't need to know any more than you already do right now. I will not have any harm come to you and TK on our account and I will do whatever I have to in order for us all to remain safe. Should the time ever come when I think something may happen that could reach into your life… I'll take my family and leave the island. Do you understand what I'm telling you, Gale?"

It was Gale whose tears could not be controlled this time. 'They were all such sweet people. How could anyone want to tear them apart?' She understood Alexis more now and again felt ashamed for her insecurities. She reached out hesitantly and took hold of her friend's hand.

"All I understand at this moment is that you are my friend, and friends don't turn their back on each other when the going gets rough. If you don't want me to know anything else, fine. It just means that I will be helping my friend fight whatever is coming with blinders on. I don't have to know anything else. Living next door to you for 9 years has allowed me enough time to get to know all of you well enough that it doesn't matter who comes up that driveway from now on. We stand together and fight as a team. If it gets ugly, we ship the kids and Alice off to stay with Kale for a while until it's all over. But, you need to get it through that head of yours right now Alexis Davis; I don't turn on my friends and I don't leave them to face trouble alone."

Alexis listened to her friend's declaration and slowly shook her head back and forth. As surprised as she was by the magnitude of what Gale was offering, Alexis knew that there was just no way she would ever be able to explain Sonny Corinthos to her.

"It's okay, Alexis. Don't worry. We'll leave it all here for now. If you think there's something I need to know… you'll tell me. Until then, I trust you to know what's best." As she turned to leave she stopped and looked back toward Alexis over her shoulder. "Since what we know of each other seems to be a bit unbalanced at the moment… you might find it interesting to know that TK is not my son. He was stolen from an abusive home to save his life. Like you, this island is also my hide away." With that Gale turned and walked away leaving Alexis staring after her shocked and speechless.

******************

"Alice, is Kristina still visiting with TK?

Alexis sat down at the dining room table to talk to Alice while she prepared dinner.

"Yeah, she'll be back in a few minutes though since I called over to tell her dinner is almost ready."

"Good that means we have a little time to talk before she shows up. We need to start being a little more careful; more alert to the goings on around us, Alice."

Laying the paring knife down, Alice joined Alexis at the table.

"What's going on? Somebody looking for us?"

Alexis pulled the photo she acquired from Gale from the back pocket of her jeans and lay it on the table pushing it slowly toward Alice.

"MR. ASHTON! He FOUND us?"

"No, thanks to Gale's quick thinking. He was here about a year ago on one of the weekends that we were at the 'bay'. Through a lot of verbal choreography on her part, she was able to convince him that we were only here for a year before moving on. He left the same day. But, what we don't know is if Sonny or anyone else was following him or whether we ourselves may have inadvertently left anything unguarded enough for Sonny to be able to find. We haven't been nearly as cautious as we should have been the last few years. I guess I became so comfortable in our own private little world here that worrying about the outside world became less of a priority."

"Yeah, I guess we have kinda got relaxed about everything. Do you think we have any reason to be concerned right now?"

"I don't know, Alice. That's why I'm going to use the radio to call Stephan tonight. It seems he also has some explaining to do. Is it still where we hid it the last time?"

"No, I had to change the hiding place. Kristina found it and started asking questions. I told her it was an old radio that you kept around for sentimental reasons."

"Okay, once she's gone to bed, you can show me where it is and I'll start checking into just what kind of trouble we may have lurking around the corner."

"What if you find Dr. Lewis is still looking? What are you going to do about that?"

Alexis stood abruptly the expression on her face turning to stone.

"There's nothing to do, Alice. It's been 9 years. He's probably forgot all about us by now. Besides, it's best to leave the past where it belongs." Moving toward the door, she escaped by telling Alice she was going to call Kristina home.

Instead of doing as she intended, Alexis found herself moments later sitting on the side of her bed staring at an old worn photo. The faces were a bit marred by time and by hands that had reached for 'them' in the middle of the night so many times it was impossible to number. Countless hours were spent holding on to this one photo as though it were the answer to all her hopes and dreams. One face more faded than the other, proof that it was caressed so much more; caressed by fingers that longed to reach out and touch flesh and bone… arms that ached to hold on to more than just a tattered letter pressed to her breast. She moved quickly to wipe away a stray tear that landed on the heart of the man who still held her heart so many years later. 'Where are you, Cameron? Do you still love me after what I've put you through?'

She sighed heavily and replaced the photo on her nightstand and jumped when she heard her daughter at her door.

"Mom, you okay?"

"Yes, sweetheart. I'm fine."

"But, you're crying."

"It happens, Kristina. Don't you cry sometimes?"

"Well yeah when I get hurt or you don't let me have my way about something."

"And you get over it, don't you?"

"After a while."

"And so will I. So, are you ready for dinner?"

"Yeah, I just have to wash my hands. Alice told me to come get you. She sure is grumpy right now. Did you two fight about something?"

"Now when have you ever heard Alice and I fight about anything, Kristina."

Kristina's face scrunched up as she thought for a minute, then looked back at her mother with an impish grin.

"The last time you two fought was when you left the gas tank empty in her car and Alice ended up walking two miles to find a pay phone to call home because you took her spare cell phone out of the car. She was really mad at you and it was so funny watching her try to hide just how mad she was. Alice hates getting mad."

Alexis laughed remembering that not so little incident. Alice was indeed furious with her and had every reason to be. She needed to run into town on a consulting errand and her car didn't have enough gas so she took Alice's and forgot to fill it up. The poor woman was a mess by the time she finally got home and absolutely refused to cook dinner for them. Alexis stood and began moving toward her daughter.

"Come on, my little one. Let's go get ready for dinner. Maybe we can find something funny to tell Alice so she'll come out of that grumpy mood."

Alexis stopped suddenly as her daughter ran to her and wrapped her arms around her waist.

"Kristina, honey what's wrong?"

"I don't want you to cry anymore, okay?"

Kneeling down, Alexis looked into the face of her beautiful daughter and smiled.

"Do you know how much I love you, Kristina?"

"Yes. They didn't make enough words in the whole world for how much you love me and I love you."

"That's right, sweetheart. I love you so much that it's like the sun chasing the moon. They go round and round and round and never stop chasing each other. And that's what love does inside my heart." Alexis reached up and began tracing circles with her finger over her daughters heart as she continued, " It keeps going round and round and round and never ends. And sometimes that love makes me cry. It's not a bad thing, Kristina. It just helps me to understand that love will always be a part of my life, no matter what happens."

Alexis was well aware that her description of love not only pertained to her daughter, but distancing herself from Port Charles had given her time enough to separate the bad from the good. She could finally separate love from all of her other emotions. Living every day infused with fear and panic kept everything so big it was impossible to see what was real. And when all of the debris was finally cleared away, one thing remained. She found within herself what remained of a love that was destined to belong to Cameron Lewis.

Kristina put her arms around her mother's neck and squeezed real tight and whispered.

"That's what my love does too, mom. We're just alike."

Pulling out of her mother's arms Kristina skipped out the door content that her mother wasn't going to cry again leaving Alexis to stand slowly with a worried frown on her face.

"We are so much alike, my little one. But, you also have a great deal of your father in you as well. I wonder what he would think if he knew that you inherited his temper? And I wonder just how close he has come to finding you? If Ned could find us, then why hasn't Sonny?"

So many questions were churning in her head and she needed answers. Looking back once toward the photo she left on the nightstand, she straightened and refocused her attention on the problem at hand. Raising fingers to her lips she blew a gentle kiss toward the face that still held her dreams in the palm of his hand then followed her daughter.

With dinner finished, Kristina working on a school report and Alice cleaning up the kitchen, Alexis took her place on the swing to wait for Kristina where they would spend their daily quiet time just talking and being with one another. It was a particularly breezy day and that morning she and Alice went around opening all the windows to let the air flow through the house. The smell of salt water and fresh air moving through the house was just too inviting to pass by. Allowing her thoughts to return to how she was going to approach Stephan, Alexis froze as she heard Kristina talking to Alice.

"Alice, who is Cameron?"

Afraid to move for fear of missing anything, Alexis leaned toward the window a little more and stopped the movement of the swing as she listened to the continued conversation.

"Cameron? Where did you hear that name, Kristina?"

"From mom."

"When?"

Kristina looked up at Alice afraid that she was in trouble for something when she heard the timbre of Alice's voice change. She hesitated for a moment and decided it was too important to leave it alone.

"I've heard her say his name a few times. Mostly when she's asleep though. But, I heard her say his name again just before dinner and she was crying. I just wanted to know who he is?"

"So why didn't you ask her?"

Hopping up on to the barstool at the kitchen counter, Kristina rested her chin in her hand.

"Because she won't tell me. She'd probably say something to try and put me off or she would change the subject like she always does when I ask questions that she doesn't want to answer."

"What kind of questions have you been asking? Maybe you're prying into something that's not your business. Big people have things they keep to themselves just like little people do."

"But, don't you think I should know who my father is and why we never take vacations or why I'm not allowed to do certain things my friends do?"

"Looks like you got a lot of questions rolling around up there in that head."

"Yeah, questions that don't get answers. It's just not right, Alice. And I get so messed up when mom tries to get out of answering questions because you know how she feels about lying. Nobody is allowed to lie around here for any reason, so why can't she just tell me."

Alice tossed the dishtowel down and sat down beside Kristina.

"Have you ever thought that your mom may have reasons for why she doesn't tell you certain things?"

"But they're about me, Alice."

"Okay look, princess. Let's try to look at this from your mother's point of view. You know she loves you, right?"

"More than all the words in the world."

"Right. So, if you were in her shoes and thought someone you loved that much could be hurt by something, what would you do?"

Alice watched Kristina's face fall into a look of concentration and waited for the child to process her thoughts against the question on the table.

"Well, if I thought somebody I loved was going to get hurt then I would do everything I could to make sure it didn't happen. So, what you're saying is mom is trying to protect me from my father?"

Outside… Alexis grimaced. 'Easy, Alice. Be careful.' Alexis pleaded as she strained to get closer to the window.

And on the inside… 'She's a bright girl', Alice thought. But, this was a conversation that she didn't want to have with Kristina. She didn't feel it was her place to discuss the things that should be kept between Alexis and Kristina.

"What I'm saying is that I know for a fact that there is going to come a time when you ask your mom one of those questions, you will get the answers you want. But, it will be a time when she thinks you are old enough for the answer and not before then. See, it's not so much that your mother is protecting you as it is the timing is just not right yet for you to know certain things. Don't you think we should respect her enough to leave that decision up to her?"

Alexis breathed with relief.

"Which means I should just ask her when it will be the right time for me to ask who my father is?"

"Sounds like a plan to me. But, I want to ask a favor of you, Kristina. Just between you and me, okay?"

"You know that all you have to do is make me pinky swear and nothing gets out about any of this which is what you have to do with me about everything we just talked about. I don't want mom to cry anymore."

"Fair enough. I'll keep this little talk just between you and me and in return you have to promise me that when you ask your mom that question… you have to take her word on it and let it go. Don't keep harping on her about it. Keeping anything from you is hard enough on her without us making it harder by keeping on nagging her about it. Okay?"

"I don't nag, Alice."

"Kristina." Alice chided.

"Okay, it's a deal."

Alice was about to get up when Kristina suddenly grabbed her arm to keep her from leaving yet.

"Alice?"

"Yeah."

"Mom, didn't grow up a happy kid, did she? I mean not like me."

Alice' eyes misted over at the concern she heard in the child's voice. She drew a deep breath and made the decision to give this child at least one truth.

"No, princess. She didn't. She had a hard time. That's why she's so determined to give you a happy life with everything that little girls need to grow up safe and loved."

"That's why we're here, I guess."

"What do you mean, Kristina?"

"She couldn't find anywhere else that was safe for me to be happy in. Mom moved us here to make sure nothing bad ever happened to me, didn't she?"

Alice wanted out of this conversation bad. It was too much for her. She was caught between a rock and a hard place and it didn't feel good… not one bit. 'Where the hell is Alexis?', she thought to herself.

"Kristina, I know you have questions. They're good questions. Smart questions. But, the answers are just not going to come easy and they're not going to come from me. I'm sorry, sweet pea, but it's just something you're going to have to be patient about. And I know how hard that is for you when you want something. Why don't you just talk to your mom about it tonight while you're on the porch having your special time!

Kristina huffed with irritation once and expelled a succinct, "Fine." Climbing off the barstool she flounced out the front door and fairly threw herself into the swing beside her mother crossing her arms in front of her.

"Having a snit fit, Kristina?" Alexis asked wryly looking down at her daughter saddened by the conversation she just overheard. Kristina wanted answers and Alexis just wasn't ready yet. And she didn't believe Kristina was ready yet either.

"Mom, I just don't understand you and Alice sometimes. You guys share all kinds of secrets, but you won't ever include me."

Alexis unconsciously shook her head back and forth knowing that her daughter was exhibiting another one of her inherited characteristics. Rather than jump right into what she was discussing with Alice, she skirted the subject.

"Why do you do that, Kristina?"

"What?"

"Start something with Alice, but refuse to discuss it with me in the same way you did with her?"

Kristina slanted her head sideways and slid her eyes up toward her mother and mumbled.

"You heard us?"

Alexis lifted her hand and pointed toward the open window with a gentle smile.

"Kind of hard not to, sweetheart."

Kristina straightened up and moved closer to her mother taking hold of her arm and drawing it around her like she had so many times before; her head leaning to rest against her mothers shoulder.

"I'm sorry, mom. Sometimes I just don't know which one of you to talk to. I get scared to talk to you about some things because I don't want you to be sad. And it makes you sad when I talk to you about some things and then I end up crying and then it just feels like I should never ask another question ever about all the things that really bug me. But, then another day comes and I think I'll just bust if I don't find out what I want to about the things that really bug me. It's a mean mean circle, mom. Up down Up down Up down. And in the middle of it all is this thing inside me that I don't understand and it keeps growing and growing and growing till I just know one day I'm going to bust wide open and then where will we all be?"

Kristina felt her mom's laughter before she heard it. Lifting her head she looked up and grinned.

"I'm doing it again… right?"

Alexis nodded vigorously trying desperately to stop her laughter. Her daughter needed to unburden herself and it was not the right time to find her daughter's tendency to ramble amusing.

"I'm sorry, Kristina. I think that's the one thing you acquired from me that you could certainly do without."

"But doesn't it make you feel better when you do it, mom? I mean you just get it all out there and somehow you kind of feel not so trapped inside your head with all the words banging at you."

Alexis stared down at her daughter amazed at her ability to express herself as well as explain something that she could never have explained regarding her own tendency to ramble.

"You know, sweetheart; that's the first time I've been able to understand why I ramble and I am amazed that you can explain it so well. Thank you."

With a look of pride on her face she patted her mom's knee.

"Your welcome, mom. Maybe it just takes a kid sometimes to get right down to the middle of something so it makes sense."

Laughing again Alexis replied, "you're probably right, Kristina."

Shifting just a little she drew Kristina closer and grew serious.

"Okay first… there is absolutely nothing you can't come talk to me about. I thought you already knew that, but even if you didn't I need you to know that I will always be here to listen to anything you have to say. If you're having a problem, we'll work together to figure it out. If we need to, we'll bring Alice in to the mix and ask for her help with whatever the problem is. You know Alice has a way of putting us both in our place when we get a little too big for our britches. So no matter what, Kristina I need you to know that I will always be here to help you, and keep on loving you just as much as I did the moment I laid eyes on you when you were born. Actually that's not exactly true, because I love you more now than I did then… but I'm sure that once you have your own daughter, if you decide to that is, that you'll understand exactly what I mean…"

"Uhmm… mom?"

"Hmmm…"

"There must be an awful lot of words banging around inside your head right now."

The laughter rose up in her and burst forth like a geyser and Alexis reached for her daughter with her other arm and pulled her close in a tight hug thrilling at the laughter she felt inside her small body. Together they laughed uncontrollably until both lost their breath. Finally gaining a bit of control over her laughter, Alexis tweaked her daughter's nose softly.

"Do you know how much I absolutely adore you, angel? You can make me laugh even on the worst days."

"Well I can't help it. Sometimes you just look like you need one of Alice's big belly laughs. I like to lay my head on her tummy when she laughs. It's just like a tiny trampoline and it tickles my ear."

Alexis lost it again. Her daughter was the light of her life and she could never imagine what a day without her would be like. The thought of it and remembering the disturbing news she now possessed sent cold chills through Alexis and the sudden anxious feeling in the pit of her stomach was not lost on the child that sat beside her.

"Mom?"

"It's okay, Kristina. I just had a particularly sad thought walk right through me."

"Is it okay if I ask what it was?"

"Of course, it's okay. I was just thinking that I don't think I could survive if I couldn't see my beautiful daughter's face just once every day or hear her beautiful laughter ringing in my ears."

Kristina looked up at her with surprise.

"Mom, you know I would never leave you. I couldn't. You're all the way inside me. I wouldn't be me without you."

Alexis stilled at her words. They were strange words coming from a ten-year-old. And if Alexis could hazard a guess, she was real close to the root of her daughter's problem.

"Kristina, honey, scoot up here."

Kristina knew what was coming and scrambled up to straddle her mom's lap. Placing their hands on each others cheeks they looked straight into each other's eyes and recited…

"On my honor
I will be true
Until all is right
With me and you
Sealed with a kiss
Just as true

Alexis kissed her daughters cheek and then settled back to hopefully help her release the burdens of her young heart.