Chapter 13

"Alice, where's mom?"

"She's at her desk, Kristina. I think she's working on a consulting project, so she might not want to be disturbed."

"Thanks, Alice."

Kristina didn't care what her mother was working on. She needed to see her; needed to feel the strength of her mother's arms around her. Walking into the living room she looked toward the desk and found her mother bent over writing on a yellow pad. Stopping beside her, Kristina put her hand on her mother's shoulder and leaned against her arm.

"Hi, mom."

When her mother looked up at her with the same love and joy that she grew up every day of her life with Kristina felt her whole body warm. There was nothing in the world more special than her mother's 'Kristina' smile. A smile so special that it was only given to her.

"Hi, sweetheart."

How many nights did she fall asleep with that voice ringing in her ears? So soft and soothing; quiet and full of everything that a child could possibly want. Kristina was close to tears because of what she had done. She loved her mother so much. All she wanted was for her mother to be just as happy as she was.

"I love you, mom."

Alexis put her pen down and turned toward her daughter and pulled her close.

"I love you too, Kristina. So what's up?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing? You know the last time you told me you loved me like this was because you were afraid I was mad at you for something. I'm not mad at you, honey. But, maybe I should ask you if there's something you want to tell me."

Kristina suddenly threw her arms around her mother's neck and squeezed as tight as she could whispering into her ear.

"No, I just wanted to hug you."

Feeling her mother's arms embrace her, Kristina knew for certain she was where she always wanted to be when she found herself in trouble. Nothing else in the world could compare with being inside the comfort of her mother's arms.

"Honey, what's wrong?"

Alexis could feel a small tremble run through her daughter's little body and she was suddenly more than a little concerned. When she didn't get a response, she reached up and tried to pry Kristina's arms from around her neck so she could see her face. At her daughter's strangled cry, she immediately wrapped her arms around her again holding her close as fear rose within her.

"Kristina, you're scaring me. Honey, tell me what's wrong. I can't help unless I know what's going on."

Turning her head to nestle into her mother's neck, Kristina began to slowly find her way back to the feeling of being safe… of knowing that no matter what, she would always be loved and taken care of by her mother.

"There really isn't anything wrong, mom. I was thinking about how it's always you right there when I need something. You kiss me awake every morning and I go to sleep every night the same way. I don't think any kid ever had a mom as great as mine. Why do you love me so much, mom?"

Alexis felt her own tears begin to make their way down her cheeks at the words of her daughter. She knew something was terribly wrong, but also knew from experience that it would be useless to try and force the problem out of her. Kristina needed something else from her in that moment. She stood and lifted the child into her arms groaning with exaggeration at her weight. It would take a bit of time for Alexis to remember the last time Kristina allowed herself to be picked up 'like a baby'.

"You're almost too big for me to pick you up, Kristina. What am I going to do when I can't pick my baby up anymore because she suddenly grew up when I wasn't looking."

Alexis waited for at least a small laugh from the child in her arms and when she only received a tightening of her small arms around her neck, she strengthened her hold on her daughter and walked out onto the veranda to sit down on the swing. Settling them comfortably, Alexis thought a moment before answering Kristina's question.

"Do you know, I never realized I could love anyone as much as I love you until you were born? You were a very special miracle for me. I use to watch other mothers with their little girls in the park and I just couldn't imagine what it would be like to have a daughter of my very own. You see, my work was always so important to me that it just took all of my time. But, everything changed the moment I found out you were coming to share your life with me. I fell in love with you the moment I knew you were real. Everything in my life changed. I simply couldn't believe I was going to be blessed with a beautiful child and when I first saw you in the hospital, I can't begin to tell you what my heart felt like. From that moment on I knew that for the rest of my life I would do whatever I had to for you to have a happy life. So that's what I've tried to do, Kristina. I think it would break my heart if you were to ever doubt how much I love you."

Kristina withdrew her arms from around her mother's neck and placed them on her shoulders. She could see and feel the worry in her mom and wanted to take it away. So, forgetting everything she learned from TK, she set about doing what she could to 'help' her mother just as her mother always helped her.

"That's the one thing I can't doubt, mom. It's just not possible now. Do you know that none of my friends at school talk about their moms and they look at me like I'm weird or something when I do. But, I can't help it. You're inside of me and sometimes it just feels like I'm gonna bust if I don't say something. Like when you were just at your desk. I just wanted to tell you I love you, not because something is wrong, but because something's right. Because it's always been just me and you with Alice on the side. Does that make any sense?"

'Now.' The simple word jumped out at Alexis screaming to be heard. Something happened that somehow shook Kristina's foundation. Looking into her daughter's eyes, Alexis found a new resolve in her child that had not been there before. She also could see that Kristina, in her own way, was simply asking Alexis to agree with her and let everything else go. Alexis smiled at her daughter knowing her words were true, but also knowing that Kristina was doing her best to 'help' settle her mother's worry by sidetracking her so she wouldn't ask any more questions. 'For now, my little one,' Alexis thought... 'I'll leave it alone for now, but we are not finished with this'.

"It makes perfect sense, Kristina. I don't think I could have said it better myself. Now, tell me what you've been up to today. You've been outside my radar range for a while and I was beginning to miss you."

"I was just out with TK for a while. Nothing special! Mom?"

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"Can we just sit here for a while before you have to go back to work?"

"Whatever you want, sweetheart. We'll stay here as long as you want? Today I'm making you an 'honorary' boss. Your every wish is my command." Alexis hesitated a moment before adding, "every wish that is within reason, I might add. I'm simply not going to try playing soccer with you again."

Alexis breathed a sigh of relief at the laughter that burst from her daughter. Whatever it was that was bothering Kristina, it seemed that she was willing to put it aside for a while in favor of just spending some special time with her mother. But, Alexis was not going to let it go. She wanted to know what storm had come into her daughter's life to send her running into the safety of her mother's arms. What Alexis didn't know was that it would be a long time before she found out the secret that her daughter now held. Her heart broke as the thought grew larger until it couldn't be ignored. 'You are too young to begin collecting secrets, my little one.'

From that day on, Alexis noticed a change in Kristina. She became more serious… more focused on the things that would make her a better person. On many occasions, Alexis would turn suddenly and find her daughter watching her, how she handled the every day events of life… even as far as how she chose her words to relay her specific thoughts. Barbie dolls and games of childhood, well worn stuffed animals that found themselves clutched tighter through the pain of first teeth, the challenge of first words, potty training, her first school day and the pettiness of little boys who simply wanted attention were discarded. All the comforts of leaving one stage of life to forge ahead with determination into the next slowly found their way into the back of her closet. All except one… her beloved lamb that she could never remember being without. The questions and concerns regarding her father never came up again. All of which now caused an almost daily conversation between Alexis and Alice. They both knew something unpleasant had happened to Kristina, but neither one of them knew what that something was. Kristina simply walked away from her childhood one day and set about the task of growing up. And in the midst of it all, she became very protective of her mother. At the merest hint of someone upsetting her mother or getting angry with her, Kristina because incensed and launched herself into the middle of the fray. Alexis would have to physically pull her daughter away from the offending person. It was a daily challenge to keep up with the determined and precociously wise Kristina Davis.