Chapter 15
Kristina froze at the sound of the voice on the other end of the line. Her breath caught in her throat. All of a sudden the weight of what she was actually doing came crashing down on her. How many times did her mother ask her to wait for the answers to questions that plagued her since the age of seven. Guilt washed over her. Drawing a deep breath she began to pull the phone away from her ear to disconnect the call. A voice so soft and full of concern stopped her.
"Kristina? Is that you? It's Cameron, honey. Talk to me."
Drawing her other hand up to help cradle the phone to her ear she quickly swallowed a soft sob that threatened to escape. How could a stranger's voice sound so familiar and so safe? She looked up toward TK for help. She wanted desperately to talk to Cameron, but the sound of her mother's voice still rang in her ears asking her to wait. Her head fell and she reached out to grab hold of TK as she heard the voice once again.
"Kristina, your mother doesn't have to know we've talked. I understand that you're probably feeling a lot of guilt about going behind her back on something this big. That's okay. If you would rather we forget the whole thing we can… I just want to know if you and your mother are okay. I've waited a long time just to hear some word of you both. If you want to, you can destroy the phone after we talk for a few minutes, but please just let me know if you are happy and well."
TK watched Kristina's face and understood what was going on deep inside of her. She was scared… afraid that she was making a mistake… afraid of what her mother would say if she found out… afraid to hope. Pulling his arm from her grasp he put it around her and pulled her closer leaning down slightly to whisper in her ear.
"Just talk to him, K. Say 'hi' or something. He'll take if from there. Trust me, K. This is a good thing. Talk to him."
She looked up into his eyes and breathed a sigh of relief. TK had never let her down. He was her champion, her protector, guide and friend. TK was everything.
"Kristina, please talk to me."
At the sound of the voice on the other end of the line, she smiled.
"Hi, Dr. Lewis."
A lone tear fell from Cameron's eye at the sound of the small quiet voice on the phone.
"Are you okay, Kristina?"
"Yes sir. I'm fine. Are you okay?"
"I am now. Would it be alright if I asked about your mother?"
"Yes sir. She's fine. We're all fine."
Cameron couldn't contain the smile on his face. His world stopped the moment he heard the gentle voice of Alexis' daughter in his ear. He searched for something to say, something to ask… anything to keep her on the phone.
"That's good news, Kristina. I'm glad you decided to call. You have a birthday coming up pretty soon, don't you?"
Kristina looked up in shock at TK.
"I do have a birthday coming. How did you know my birthday?"
"Because I was there when you were born."
Kristina laughed, all of a sudden remembering her talk with her mother about Cameron.
"Oh yeah, I forgot. Mom told me you saved my life. Did I remember to thank you for saving my life in my letter? I didn't really know what to write since I don't really know you, but I have to thank you because if you weren't there then I probably wouldn't be here and then where would my mom be. So, I guess I have to thank you for saving both me and my mom since we couldn't live without each other now."
At the sound of laughter on the other end of the phone Kristina's heart stilled. It was such a beautiful sound to her ears. Deep and happy; like music that started vibrating at the bottom of your feet and rose up until it busted out into the air chasing every sadness into hiding. It made her feel happy and warm and it chased all the butterflies in her tummy away.
"And just where did you get your ability to ramble, Kristina. You wouldn't happen to be borrowing some of your mother's talents, would you?"
And at the sound of Kristina's laughter, Cameron felt his heart swell. He remembered that sound, a sound so beautiful yet heard so little. Kristina inherited her mother's laugh.
"You sound like your mother when you laugh."
The gentleness in his voice was not wasted on Kristina when he talked of her mother. His voice changed a little when he talked about her. She wondered if his words would say something different than his voice.
"No one ever told me I laughed like my mom. I'm glad you told me. I want to be like my mom. Outside of being a mom, she's the best person I know… even better than Alice. Can I… can I ask you a question, Dr. Lewis?
"Call me Cameron, Kristina and you can ask me anything you like."
She took a deep breath and forced the words out quick as she could just in case she lost her nerve.
"You still love my mother, don't you?
Cameron smiled.
"Now how did you know I still loved your mother, Kristina?"
"Your voice told me. It sounds a lot like mom's did when she told me she loves you. You know, all smoopy and lovey dovey like."
Cameron's laughter once again filled her ears and she joined him this time wondering if it would sound the same if it were her mom laughing with him.
"I don't think I've ever been described as smoopy and lovey dovey before, Kristina. It doesn't sound very manly."
"Oh that doesn't matter as long as the love shows through."
Cameron wanted more. Needed more.
"I know I probably shouldn't ask, but if you knew how things were between your mother and I when she left… then I think you might understand why I need to know a little more. May I ask when your mother told you that she loved me?"
"Sure you can. Let's see, I think it was about a year ago… maybe a little longer. It was the last time I asked her about you and the picture she keeps beside her bed. I remember she was crying when I came in to tell her supper was ready and it was that day that I asked her about you the last time. I don't like to see my mom cry. She doesn't deserve to have anything around her that makes her cry. So I don't ask questions anymore. It makes her sad. I was asking her why she left you and she said that if you and her were meant to be together then it would happen some day. But when I reminded her that you didn't know where we were, she just smiled and said 'that's okay, I know where he is.' So see, you're just going to have to take my word for it for now."
A warm rush went through Cameron at Kristina's words. For Alexis to say those words… he could hear the calm… the quiet assurance that filled them. Alexis seemed to be a lot more grounded and more sure of herself than when she left Port Charles. It was enough for now.
"So tell me about you, Kristina. Tell me everything about your school, your home, Alice. Fill me in on the last 12 years of your life."
Kristina laughed and unconsciously preened. Cameron wanted to know about her too, not just her mother.
TK moved from the boulder to sit down in front of her so he could see Kristina's eyes. Looking up he felt his whole body sigh in relief as he witnessed the sparkle in her eyes. He did it. He accomplished what he set out to do. And that was to take away the sadness he brought into her life with his first news of Port Charles, her father and that one article that changed her life. Kristina smiled with every part of her body as she talked to Cameron. He sat there for the next half hour just watching her talk to his friend and knew where his heart was destined to reside. One day soon, he would have to talk to Alexis. He wasn't particularly looking forward to that talk, but he knew in his heart that he and Kristina belonged to each other. They were a part of each other just as the aroma of a rose belonged specifically to a rose. He wanted to spend the rest of his life taking care of her and loving her like a man was supposed to love a woman. He would have to wait at least 4 years before he could talk to Alexis and until then he would keep his secret to himself and do the best he could to excel in college so he could provide a decent home for Kristina. Four years. She would be seventeen then and maybe she would have outgrown him… and yet… maybe not. But, regardless, he would wait and hope that the friendship they enjoyed and depended on would mature for her just as it had for him. Thomas Kale Redmond loved Kristina Davis and no matter how long it took, he would wait for her to return his love. His attention was suddenly drawn back to her conversation.
"You can't do that, Cameron. Can't I just call you on my birthday and you can tell me 'Happy Birthday' then?"
"Well, if that's the way you want it, then that's what I'll do. I'll just wait for your call and wish you the best day in the whole world. Someday maybe you will trust me enough to let me come visit you and your mom, but until then we'll just keep up with each other by phone. How's that, Kristina?"
Kristina frowned a moment and reached out to hold on to the hand that TK offered.
"Do you really understand why I can't tell you where we are yet, Cameron? I just can't take a chance on hurting my mom. Not until I'm really sure nothing can hurt her. I have to protect her like she's protected me all my life. Please say you understand, Cameron."
Cameron's heart dropped. From the tone she used and the words that spilled from her, he was willing to bet that Kristina knew more of her mother's past life than Alexis was aware of. But how? Being secluded as she was, how could she know of her mother's past? Something in the child's voice was warning him to proceed carefully.
"I understand, Kristina. And I'm proud of you for wanting to protect your mother from anything you think may hurt her. But just for arguments sake… what if you try to protect her from something she doesn't need to be protected from or perhaps doesn't want to be protected from. Can you tell me just how much you know about your mom that she is unaware of you knowing? Maybe I can help."
Kristina wasn't about to reveal what she knew of her mother's past to anyone. Not even Cameron. From the things she knew about Port Charles and some of its residents, her mom needed to be protected and the best way to protect someone was to keep their secrets and whatever secrets you happen to come by inside away from anyone who could use it against you.
"Mom doesn't discuss her past with me. She told me that when I got old enough she would answer whatever questions I still wanted answered. I'm going to wait until mom says it's okay to ask."
Cameron gently pushed.
"But you don't really have to wait, do you Kristina? That's why you're protecting her. You already know the answer to a lot of your questions. Are you okay with the answers you learned? And are you sure you have the right answers?"
"I have what I need for now, Dr. Lewis. The rest can wait until mom is ready to talk."
Cameron knew he went too far when Kristina reverted back to his titled name. She was so much like her mother. Afraid she would stop calling, he relented and tried to soothe her troubled heart.
"Kristina, I want you to remember something for me. From the first day I met your mother, I tried my best to protect her from a lot of things that were hurting her. I understand how much you want to protect her now. Please know that I still want to protect her just as much as you do. We always try to protect the people we love the most. If you ever want to talk about the things you know or just need someone to lean on for a while when it gets too tough; you just call me. We'll protect her together; you from your end and me from this end. You're not alone, Kristina. Remember I love you, too."
Kristina knew in her heart that she could trust Cameron, but her heart was a long way away from her head.
"I'll try to remember, Cameron. I wish…", she faltered.
"What do you wish, Kristina? Tell me, little one."
Kristina gasped. 'Little one.' How many times had she heard her mother call her by that nickname? How many times had those words calmed her fears, chased away bad dreams or melted her anger?
"Where did you hear… how did you know… "
"Know what, Kristina… that your mother calls you 'little one'. From the day you were born, she has called you her 'little one'. And her voice goes all soft and full of love when she calls you that name. No one who ever heard her call you 'little one' could ever doubt how much she loves you. If more people had paid attention to how she spoke to you… she would not have felt the need to leave m… Port Charles. Someday I hope to be able to apologize to her for not believing in her as I should have. But, that is for another day. Tell me what you wish, Kristina."
"I wish… I wish that you could come see us. See how much mom did for me… she gave up her life just so I could have mine. It's not fair, Cameron. Mom shouldn't have had to give up anything for me… she should have just been able to add me to her life and keep on going. But, I don't know how to make things right for her. I don't know what to do to give her back a life that I'm not really sure she wants back. I mean she ran away from it… and… and… I'm sorry, I promise I don't want to hurt your feelings… but Cameron she ran away from you too. I just… I… I don't…"
"I know, Kristina. You just don't want her to hurt anymore. I wonder if she knows just how special her daughter is… just how lucky she is that you were born to her instead of some ole' yucky boy."
Kristina's frown faded as she giggled at Cameron's words.
"Yeah, she knows. We both know how lucky we are and you're right all boys are yucky except one."
"One? You know a boy that isn't yucky?"
"Yes sir. He's been my best friend since before I can remember. Tikki has always been right by me taking care of me and making sure I don't mess up too bad and fighting all the bully's that dared to give me a hard time."
"Then I'd say you have a great friend and one that I would love to meet someday. I think I'd like very much to shake the hand of a boy that took extra special care of you."
Looking down at TK, Kristina smiled thinking how wonderful it would be if Cameron knew he had already met her best friend. Seeing TK bring his wrist up and nod toward his watch, Kristina knew it was time to end the call. Nodding her head she looked down at the sand under her feet and dug her toes down underneath its silkiness, sad that she had to let go of Cameron so soon.
"Cameron, Tikki is telling me it's time to hang up now."
Cameron felt his heart fall into the pit of his stomach. He didn't want to let go yet… he didn't want to lose her… didn't want to lose his only connection to Alexis.
"Will you call me again, Kristina? Please?"
"Don't worry, Cameron. I'll call you again. And I'll take care of mom. Maybe next time we'll have enough time for me to tell you some funny stories about mom and Alice. You didn't know my mom was funny, did you?"
Cameron laughed with relief.
"Maybe I have a few stories of my own to tell that would make you laugh. Your mom can be quite funny, even when she's not trying. When will you call, Kristina? If you can tell me, I'll make sure I'm home and no one will disturb us."
He needed something to hold on to… something to look forward to.
"Why don't I call you next week at the same time? We won't be able to talk as long, but at least we can talk for a little while."
"That's fine, Kristina. I'll sit on pins and needles until I hear the phone ring again. How do you like that?"
"Sounds kind of painful. Thank you for talking to me for so long, Cameron. I feel a lot better now that I actually know you a little. You sound very kind and… safe. I think I know why mom still loves you after not seeing you for so long."
Cameron grinned and welcomed the surge of happiness that rushed through his veins. Too long… it had been too long since anything had filled him with this much hope.
"You know something, Kristina?"
"What?"
"You made me really happy today. Happier than I've been in a long time and I want to thank you for that. I think when I lay down tonight I'm going to dream wonderful dreams about you and your mother. Now you be sure to take care of yourself and always remember I'm only a phone call away if you need anything."
"I'll remember, Cameron. And I promise to give mom an extra special secret hug for you tonight. And don't you go doing anything that could get you in trouble. I've got enough on my plate just worrying about mom."
Cameron laughed again at the adorably precocious child Alexis raised. A child he wanted to meet again face to face… a child he wanted to wrap his arms around and hold onto… a child he wanted to unburden of the worry that held her captive… a child that belonged to the woman who still held his heart so firmly in the palm of her hand that even one so young could see it and believe in it.
"Talk to you soon, Kristina."
"Bye, Cameron."
Lowering the phone, Cameron slowly pressed the 'End Call' button and placed the phone against his chest. He immediately felt the heat of the cell phone, where his hand held it tightly, transfer to his skin just above his heart. The warmth of it seemed to travel throughout his body and once again like a million times before, his arms felt the ache of emptiness. He needed her… he needed her in his arms. "Alexis." So softly, yet filled with a wealth of hope. "Soon… Alexis. Very soon. We'll be together." He suddenly chuckled releasing the thought that caused his amusement. "That is if I can convince your daughter that I have nothing but good intentions where her mother is concerned."