…This fic is getting sillier by the minute.  Can you believe that for awhile I was trying to make something with a plot?  And then it sort of ran away on its own…  So plans for an angsty sequel are erased.  I just don't have the heart to mess up something this light-hearted.

But I do plan to do another (much more serious) Weiss fic with the idea I had…

*sigh*  Sorry this chapter took so long (yet again…).  I had the beginning written quite some time ago… but then hit a wall as to where to go with it.  And then after I finished most of it, I read it and realized there's just something not right with it.  I still can't figure out what it is though… 

Anyway…  Hope this thing is still PG-13.  I never was very good with ratings…

Oh yes, does anyone know the age a person can drink alcohol in Japan?  For this fic, I'm just assuming that it's 21 just like here in the U.S.…

Happy Turkey Day, minna! ^^  Thanks to everyone who reviewed!

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Disclaimer: I don't own Weiss.

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I moaned, burying my face in my hands.  Why me?  It's not fair; whatever deity up there must have some sort of grudge against me…

It's not like I do anything bad is it?  Uh, well, other than the assassin thing.  I mean, I even coach little kids soccer!  For all anyone knows, I could be helping them be the next Pele or Mia Hamm!

Youji suddenly starts laughing for absolutely no sane reason.

Why why why me?!

Omi hiccups.

I sigh miserably.  Of all things, my two idiotic friends had decided to see how many bottles of beer they could down.  Why?  Because they had seemingly 'accomplished' half of their goal.

For some odd reason, they think extracting a compliment from Aya is the halfway point of their plan.  Personally though, I think Aya just ate some toffee or something that screwed up his brain for a bit.

Of course, I do agree that a compliment from Aya is seen every… decade or so.

A bottle is shoved in front of me.  I blink.

Youji slaps me on the back.  "Oi, KenKen, we're celebrating *hic* this for you!"

"Uh, underage," I say lamely.

"I'm underage!" Omi says brightly, downing another gulp.

I twitch.  "Omi, you're supposed to be the sensible one of us!  Why the hell are you, who I might add is only seventeen, getting drunk on the kitchen table when Aya could be walking in at any second?!"

Omi blinked fuzzily.  "It tastes good."

My head thunks against the table.  You know what, I give up.

"M'brain feels sorta fuzzy…" Youji mumbles, staring out into air.

Omi nods.  "Mm."

"I think that's a sign that means 'stop drinking'," I say dryly.

Youji suddenly laughs, slapping the table so hard the bottles of beer on the counter fly up and back down, the contents splashing all over – even in my face.

I cough, spitting out the disgusting stuff.  Beer is something I have zero tolerance for.  The sort of floaty feeling's nice, but the hangover and consequences are never worth it.

Of course, that's stemming from the last time I got wasted, which almost resulted in me singing a drunken serenade for Aya out on public streets at 12 AM dressed in Youji's old Halloween costume from last year, if not for the police who hauled me off on grounds of public indecency.

Needless to say, Aya was not very pleased.

"Ken-kun dun need this… this stuff, 'cause he's, uh, floaty-ish already from that… what Aya did." Omi nods sagely.  Or would've been sagely if not for the cross-eyed look he gained afterward from the action of nodding his already fried brain.

Youji laughs again.  "Me thinks you made your brain go whooshy."

Oh dear god.

"Whooshy."  Omi giggles.  "That's a good word."

I stand.  "You know what.  You two just stay here and get nice and drunk.  I for one am going to bed."

"NO!" Omi grabs my sleeve.  "Ken-kun needs to get drunk!  'Cause… 'Cause… Then we can be happy!"

They're seriously not going to be happy tomorrow morning.

"KenKen doesn't need this stuff." Youji snorts, downing what seems to be his tenth can.  "Aya makes him plenty happy."  He proceeds to shoot the can towards the trash can – missing by approximately five feet.  "Oops."

Oh, Youji will definitely not be happy tomorrow.  He broke Aya's favorite kitty mug.

"But Youji-kun," Omi whines, clearly not knowing he's talking to the oven rather than Youji.  "Ken-kun has to get drunk!"

Youji blinks.  And blinks again.  And again.  "Oh fuck.  He does, doesn't he?"

I begin to back away.  They have a plan.  Or had one, before they got totally wasted.

Youji grins, grabbing a can off the table (and not noticing it was completely empty).  He staggers over, catching Omi by the shoulder to hopefully gain some support.

They both fall to the ground in a giggling heap.

In a very compromising position, I might add.

"Here." Youji holds up the empty can up in the air.  I look sarcastically off to the right at the plant he's offering the can to.

"M' don't think that's Ken-kun," Omi says blandly, lifting Youji's arm up to get a better look.  "He's over there."

You know, Omi, I find it rather insulting that you think I resemble the fridge.

"Oh." Youji looks blearily at the fridge.  "Yeah, that's Ken."

I'm beginning to feel rather miffed.

"Guys," I say carefully, "I really think you should stop and go to sleep or something.  If Aya shows up you'll be in a lot of trouble."

"I don't think it'll be very comfortable on the floor," Youji says dumbly.

"I'm comfortable." Omi snuggles up to Youji.

I groan.

"Speaking of Aya," Youji says thoughtfully, or as thoughtful as his mind can currently manage.  "Where's that ice cube?"

"Yeah," Omi blinks, trying to organize his thoughts.  "Ken-kun was s'posed to get drunk."

"Aya was s'posed to come back."

"And get drunk.  Dun forget that."

"And then fuck Ken on the kitchen floor."

"First of all," I interject, "Aya would never get dru…"  I fade off as the words finally sink in.  "WHAT?!"

Youji grins.  "Me n' chibi geniuses."

"You… you…" I sputter, half-way between anger and utter mortification.

"See," Omi says logically, or at least logically to him, "Now you have to get drunk."

I sink to the ground.  "No.  No fucking way."

"But dun you want Aya to--"

"NO!" I interrupt loudly, waving my arms for extra effect.  "I do not want to have sex with Aya on the kitchen floor!"

Youji laughs.  "Dun deny it KenKen.  You wants it."

No no no… This is just wrong. 

I don't want…

Okay, so maybe I sort of – NO!  I will not become some dirty-minded pervert like Youji!

"KenKen's disagreeable," Youji says.  I snap myself out of my pit of denial to notice with some amusement that he's still lying on the floor with Omi snuggled up next to him.

Omi sniffles and actually begins to cry.  "But Youji-kun, we worked so hard on this plan!"

The old guilt trick won't work on me this time!  This goes against my morality!

…Don't even say it.

"All this wasted!" Omi babbles on, wiping tears away with the back of his hands.

"Omi, I am not going to fall for that," I say bluntly.

Omi pouts.

Youji suddenly brightens.  "Wait, something has to come out of this plan."

"Huh?" Omi blinks fuzzily.

Youji smirks, an almost crazed expression in his eyes.  "Someone has to do some sort of perverted act in here."

At this point, I'm thinking 'oh fuck.'

And then Youji kisses Omi.

I blink.

And blink again.

And promptly get my ass out of there.

The kitchen door slams shut behind me as I careen in whatever direction that will take as far as possible from that place and the… the… the… act being committed in there.

Oh god, images I never wanted to see promptly assaulted my brain.

"Shit!" I fall back, crashing hard into a solid object.

"Hidaka."

I flush, looking up at the perfectly expressionless face of Fujimiya Aya.

"What are you doing?" he asks, his tone barely-suppressed irritation.

"Youji… Omi… They… They… They're… uh… um…"

Aya's eyes narrow.

"Doing… doing… um… stuff!" I finish lamely, my face promptly overheating.

"What.  Are.  They.  Doing?"

My face flushes further.

"Bad stuff in the kitchen," I say vaguely, really not wanting to tell Aya what they were doing.

Aya leans his face very very close to mine.

Uh, what was I thinking about again?

"Hidaka."

"Kitchen," I say dumbly.  Oh shit, I don't think I was supposed to say that.

Aya's walking over to the kitchen.  And he's dragging me with him.  By the wrist.

…So what was I worried about again?

Images hammer my brain.

…Oh yeah, that.

Shit!

Promptly, my heels dig themselves into the ground.  "No!  Aya!  Stop!"

The only response I get is the death-glare-of-doom.

"I'm serious, Aya," I say desperately, struggling to no avail.  "You do not want to see what's going on in there!"

Of course, he completely ignores me and flings the door open. 

My eyes are squeezed shut.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Aya's voice booms.

I whimper.  Oh god, I don't want to see this.

"Oh hey, Aya," Youji says cheerfully.

I whimper more, huddled behind Aya.  Shocking isn't it that he doesn't push me away.

"You okay, Ken-kun?" Omi says, his voice laced with concern. 

I am not okay.  And it's your damn fault too.

"Aw, KenKen, we didn't scare you that badly, did we?"

Of course you did!  I did not want to think of those two doing… doing… that!

I bury my face deeper into Aya's back.

"Ken-kun…"  I feel a hand pat me on the head.  "It was only a joke."

It was not a –

What?

Slowly, I lift my head, blinking. 

"You were joking," I say flatly. 

Omi smiles cheerfully.  "Yup."

He and Youji were standing – fully clothed – next to each other.  A trash bag filled with empty cans was clutched in Youji's hand.

"You were joking," I repeat, an almost hysterical edge creeping into my voice.

Youji shrugs.  "Since our plan fell flat on its face, we figured we could at least get some amusement out of this."

I sink to the floor, laughing.

"Ken-kun." Omi pokes me.  "Are you okay?"

"No," I answer, still unable to stop laughing.

"Oh god, chibi, I think we traumatized him."

Yes, I feel very traumatized right now. 

Youji and Omi merely stand there, looking slightly disturbed by my insane laughter.  Finally, they both give up and start, of course, laughing their asses off.

Aya twitches.

"Oh man, you should have seen the expression on your face, KenKen!"

"…You would've reacted like that too!"

"Chibi might've, but I wouldn't have!"

"Yeah, 'cause you're so perverted, Youji-kun."

"I don't deny it."

"What is going on?" a steely voice cuts in.

Eep.

All three of us simultaneously froze and turned to await our bleak fate.

Aya's eyebrow twitches.  "Do you remember what I said about alcohol?"

"That… That wasn't to have any?" Omi said in a small voice.

Aya glares.

"Hold it!" Youji steps forward, shoving a can in Aya's face.  "Look, it's not alcohol!"

I blanch.

Aya peers at the can.

Omi sweatdrops.

Youji grins.

I snatch a can from the trash bag.  "Youji…"  I look closer.  "What the fuck were you thinking?!"

It's root bear.  It's a can of fucking root beer.

"C'mon, KenKen." Youji rolls his eyes.  "Do you really think chibi and I are stupid enough to get drunk and not be sober enough to truly appreciate the fruit of our efforts?!"

I immediately begin a coughing fit.  "You were going to watch Aya and me do that?!"

Omi flushes.  "NO!"

Even Youji has the grace to look affronted.  "Even I wouldn't do that."

Aya's looking confused – and furious at that fact. 

"Eheheheheheh…" I sweatdrop.  "It's nothing, Aya."

'It better be nothing' is the look Aya is giving me.

I smile nervously.

Aya leaves.  I think he just really doesn't want to know what we were doing.  And since it isn't something directly harmful to Weiss… he'd rather just not waste his time with it.

I sigh in relief.

"Ne, Ken-kun?" Omi finally says, "Are you mad at us?"

"…Yes… And no…"

"…We're sorry…"

No, Omi, not those eyes!  Remind me to kill who the hell made up those puppy eyes.

"Look, guys."  I run my hand through my hair (and unconsciously messing it up even further).  "I really appreciate that you're trying to help.  But as any idiot can tell, you're causing more harm than good."

Omi whimpers.

Youji scowls.

I sweatdrop even further.

"It's really nice of you guys to try," I add hastily, "But… I think this is a mostly hopeless case here."

"No!" Youji grabs me by the shoulders firmly, shaking me back and forth.  "Stop it with the damn pessimistic attitude!  This is you we're talking about – hopelessly stubborn KenKen!  Does not thou love for Aya sustain thy hope?!"

I'm struck speechless.

Omi speaks for me.  "You're scary, Youji-kun."

So very true.

~*~

To be continued…

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Yes, totally pointless chapter.  But not to worry, next chapter I will include something between Aya and Ken! ^-^

*sweatdrops*  This fic is getting dirtier by the chapter.  Ack, I didn't mean for it to become this way…  It just happened, 'cause my little twisted mind kept telling me 'what if this happened?'.