Chapter Six-
It's been four nights since she had any sleep besides a few random hours during the day and it was tearing her apart. She had thought to preserve her heart, her sanity, but she felt like all her strength and her breath had been taken from her- that which Gambit had given her, however much she protested. She could barely keep her eyes open but didn't feel like she could sleep, though she needed to. Gambit, Remy, was like fresh air to her- the breath that filled her lungs each night. Without him she was stuck with the stale air that she had to live with all these years, that had barely sustained her; the misery that had been her life.
Was the darkness he brought so bad then, so dark? Or was their world just black and white, good and bad, with no chance to change? She sighed and rolled over, her eyes fluttering with the continuing struggle inside her. "Rogue?" She growled weakly at the door, "Go away Jean." She didn't need another lecture like she got four days ago for skipping school and being with 'the enemy', Gambit. Sensing her still there, she used a good portion of her energy to send her another psychic blow. Rogue never had much patience or tolerance, especially when she was worn like this.
Tired but satisfied, she heard Jean leave uttering a few choice exclamations. Then the professor wheeled in, after being invited of course. "You're not here about me bein' rude to Jean, are you?" Rogue joked weakly, sitting up into a carefree position. The professor shook his head with a smile. "Though that is part of it. I am concerned about you." She rolled her eyes, "Jean and Scott already gave me this speech." Xavier inclined his head, "I heard. But Jean and Scott don't speak for me." The way he said it clearly implied that he meant far more than the speech. Rogue mentally shook herself, looking at him with raised eyebrows. "They have learned a lot these past few years, but they don't know it all. Like about Gambit."
She started to protest and the professor held up a hand, "Like Thomas Merton said, 'When the shoe fits, the foot is forgotten; when the belt fits, the belly is forgotten; When the heart is right, 'for' and 'against' are forgotten.'" She sank back, "I don't love him! The heart isn't right, I mean. He's the enemy, and I'm… untouchable." Xavier smiled, "But psychic bonds are not so easily broken as with words; it doesn't matter what team you're on. And your powers are evolving Rogue, you are evolving, and he's your control. So maybe you're not untouchable… on the astral plane, maybe?" She froze. How…
The professor's eyes bored into hers. "Don't make yourself unhappy over simple words Rogue; don't give up on your heart when you know another way." He turned to leave but at the door he added, "You can stay here instead of going to school today, you need the rest." He wheeled out and she closed her eyes, head tipped back as she groaned. She finally had the freedom, the opportunity, and now she's wide awake. She finally gets the words she wanted to ease her mind, and she's more conflicted than ever. Rogue slid off her bed and went to the bathroom, taking a cold shower and scrubbing her face. Now there was only one thing to do
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Xavier's words and their importance only fully hit her when she got to her spot in the forest. 'How could he know? How could I take such a risk?' Rogue was only half aware that Remy was there too until she felt a comforting hand on her shoulder. Why did he have to be here now? Why did he have to touch her, now when she was weak and vulnerable… She slowly faced him. "What are you doing here?" she demanded, a strange hoarseness in her voice. "Why did you come?" Lightly, very lightly, he trailed the backs of his fingers over her cheek, tracing its curve. "Because I didn't want you to be alone, chére." 'And because Remy don' wanna dream alone no more,' she heard inside her mind.
Rogue wanted to believe what she saw in his eyes but that old protective instinct flared and she turned her head away from his fingers. She didn't want to recognize the meaning to his unspoken words. His hands simply drifted to her arms, settling warmly on them. "You didn't want to be alone, did you?" She hesitated a long while but decided for honesty. "No one wants to be alone," she said quietly. "Even someone like me." "Don' think about it, chére." The pressure of his hands increased, drawing her to him as his arms slid around to enfold her. And she braced herself for his touch, his kiss. "Think about me."
His mouth brushed her forehead, the corner of her eye, and onto her cheek. "Right here." His breath was warm against her lips. "Right now." He rubbed his mouth over them just once and a shock ran through them both that had nothing to do with her powers. "Just me." Compassion. Rogue hadn't known a man's kiss could hold it, that his kiss could hold it. But then, the experiences they shared and remnants of memories she absorbed had been her only guides. "How can this be happening? Did I fall asleep and not know it, is this another dream?" she whispered brokenly, pulling away to look into his extraordinary eyes. "Because I don't think I can stand it if it is."
Gambit grinned slowly, "Dis is no dream, petite, this is real- and this is so much better than any dream. I saw a guy about a girl and that's it, the answer- you and me, what's inside of us… inside of you. No fancy gizmos or magic, just us." What was inside of her, she mused. Could it be a part of her evolution? Or maybe when Apocalypse grabbed her hand to take all those powers out of her, she got a bit of his control. Or perhaps, like Professor X. said, Gambit was her control… He kissed her softly and suddenly it didn't matter where this new ability came from, it just mattered that she had it.
"I thought I'd go crazy when I couldn't have you, when you pushed me away in the only place I could have you. But I had a lot of thinkin' to do." Tears filled her eyes so she closed them, relaxing against him as she murmured his name. "No more dreams, no more waiting, no more doubts." She turned her head to stop his wandering mouth then gasped out, "No more words," before returning his kisses one by one. It became easy, incredibly easy, to think of him and nothing else. He surrounded her, his warmth and strength becoming one and the same. She had needed this desperately, for a long time, and it was finally hers.
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Sorry I have to cut this short, but in the words of a certain white rabbit, 'I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date.' (That just popped into my head for some odd reason.) Anyways... that's all for now. Later, Cajunbelle.