Disclaimer: Um, yeah...see chapter 2 for a witty disclaimer joke. -_-
Sorry 'bout the long delay, 2 weeks I think. Jeez I'm lazy!
In thanks for the nice, long review, Greven eats an entire bag of sugar with Storm. 8_8 (double vision)
= = 3 hrs later = =
Greven can finally see straight and decides to write another chapter.
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Thoughts are in italics
(!Beware! Falling Flashbacks Ahead)
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Chapter 2: Kokiri in Drag
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The outside of Saria's tree house was surrounded by the lovely aroma of stewing vegetables, and occasional bits of pleasant conversation floated out to any Kokiri who happened to be walking by. By all appearances it seemed to be an unexceptional morning, preceding an unexceptional day.
On the inside, though, the most shocking scene was unfolding. Both Link and Mido were sitting cozily at her table, talking and joking with one another, while Saria prepared them some soup for a late morning meal.
Before today, Link would have downright laughed at anyone who even suggested that such a thing was possible between the two old enemies. But here they were, in companionable conversation, as though it was the most natural thing in the world. And what's more disturbing...both of them were wearing dresses. This was definitely NOT an unexceptional morning.
To most, this would seem unrealistic, but the unusual events of that morning had drastically changed the dynamics of the forest village.
= = = = = = = Flashback = = = = = = =
It was early.
How early exactly? Well...none the Kokiri owned clocks, but as any respectable Hylian would tell you, it was 3 o'clock in the morning. This was certainly not a time for people to be up and about, especially in place full of children. But, contrary to rational thought, and in defiance of those jealous images of other children lying in bed, somebody crept through the night.
All because this person had a mission, and the sweet, sweet revenge he would get, would greatly outweigh any amount of lost sleep. He quietly made his way over to the tree house holding Link, tonight's unconscious victim, and once he got there, he shuffled around to the back of it where he could climb up.
He purposely avoided using the ladder, remembering how loud it was when Link tried to use it. He'd been woken up long before Saria's shouting match had even started due to the monstrous noises. It'd sounded like someone was beating a Wolfos with a stick!
Before he scaled the tree, though, the intruder stuffed as much nearby grass and berries into his tunic as he could. He had overheard Link and Saria talking about the cow on Link's pad, and this idea had come to him in the middle of the night, "the perfect wakeup call."
So, once inside, the trespasser set about weeding bits of grass and leaves through Link's hair and clothes, and crushing the berries in his hands and spreading them around on Link's face. He had no idea if cows ate these things, but he sure hoped so!
After everything was complete, the boy poked the cow awake and led it over to Link, just to make sure it got the idea. Link had this coming a looong time ago. Now it's payback time!
Sure enough, the cow started to happily munch away on the grass, not worrying whenever a patch of hair or clothing got caught in the mix as well.
(A/N: So, THAT'S why Link always wears that hat!)
Link stirred when the cow moved on to licking the berries bits off his face.
"Nngh, Navi...just a couple minutes...Zelda won't mind if I sleep i....!!!"
About halfway through the sentence, Link realized that one, Navi's fluttering wasn't wet and slimy, and two, he hadn't even SEEN Navi in three years! And so, he peeked an eye open, and instead saw the looming face of "Bessie" lean down to lick another bit of boysenberry off his chin.
"Eww...this is not the great way to start your morning," grumbled Link. He lifted the hem of his tunic to wipe off his face, and then he noticed that could see through certain parts of his shirt.
"Ahh! Stupid cow! Green clothes does not mean grass! And now what am I supposed to wear. I only used one pair of clothes in Termina! I oughta skin you, and use that instead!"
Meanwhile, the person who had instigated all of this was hiding under the table and desperately trying to control his laughter. The boy wasn't entirely successful, and the various snorting and gagging noises caught Link's attention.
"Mido?! You...you...!!! I'm gonna KILL YOU!!!" shouted a peeved Link as he dove under the table. It wasn't so bad that he had to get a new tunic, but the fact that Mido had done all of this just to get a cheap laugh pushed Link to teach him a lesson. On the other hand, Mido, who was the sole object of Link's anger, quickly decided that it would have been better smarter to skip watching his plan unfold, and then escaped out the door.
Oh no you don't. You're not gettin' away so easily! Link paused only long enough to pick up his Megaton Hammer, and then he raced in pursuit of Mido.
At first, Link was thoroughly angry with his old rival, but the way Mido ran screaming from the tree house, and how his eyes nearly bugged out of his head when he saw Link carrying the Megaton Hammer, Link's mood gradually improving. Sadistic? When it came to Mido.....a resounding yes!
Things only got better for the hero when Mido stumbled over a rock and landed headlong in the muddy ground next to the river. It seemed the goddesses had chosen to smite him today. And what's worse for the Kokiri leader, this also allowed Link to catch up.
"Hehe, you think that was pretty clever, huh, Mido?" Link grinned. "Oh, this hammer is pretty heavy. I dunno how much longer I can hold it up." Link made a show of dropping it down to the side and "accidentally" smashing a tree stump, causing Mido to jump where he was sitting.
Not to be outdone by a little intimidation, Mido countered, "Well what was that all about yesterday?! Acting all lovey-dovey with Saria. I thought it was pretty disgusting really." He added the next part, only letting a little jealousy enter his voice, "You know, she'd go out with me if you weren't here. I don't even know why you bother. You're a Hylian; you're not wanted here, fairy-less!"
Saria caught the last bit of conversation as she walked by, and immediately recognized the age-old argument. She decided she'd better break it up before it came to blows.
"Jeez Mido, you ever thought it might have something to do with...say...your awful personality!" responded Link. "And besides, you know me an' Sar have never been anything more than friends, so don't even mention that!"
By now Saria had reached the edge of the river and stepped between the two of them.
"Both of you stopping this right now!" said peacekeeper Saria. "Why are you both fighting again?"
"Mido put food all over me while I was sleeping, and then had the cow eat it off. Look at my shirt!" He held his tattered tunic up for emphasis.
"Well, Mido? Why are you acting like a jerk to Link already?" asked Saria miffed. There had been more shouting and fighting in the last six hours than there had been in the whole last year, and that wasn't a good thing for the sleepy village.
"It's obvious that I like you Saria, and if Link wasn't constantly butting in, I'm sure you'd go out with me. That's why. I just want him to leave!" If Link every envied Mido something, it was his uncanny ability to say just about anything to a girl and not even consider the possibility of rejection.
"Mido...as Link expertly told you, and as I know I've told you at least a hundred times, he and I are just friends, so that has nothing to do with it. So stop picking on him! And if you want to know why I don't 'go out' with you, the reason is 'cause well...you're always a jerk to him!" scolded Saria. "Now give me that thing 'fore you hurt somebody, Link," she asked extending her hand for the hammer.
"Awww....c'mon, just one swing?" begged Link with puppy dog eyes. "Pweeze??" Hmm...I ought to let Link use that mallet just so we could knock some sense into him! And besides, it IS awfully hard to say no to that face, she mentally giggled.
"Oh alright," concede Saria with feigned seriousness.
"WHAT?! Are you both crazy?! You're gonna let him crush me with that thing!!" panicked Mido, not picking up on the ruse when Link lifted the hammer over his head.
"Hmm...I guess five minutes of sheer terror is a good enough payback for a ruined set of clothes," said Link slowly, as though seriously contemplating it.
Then, Saria shattered the peace she had just built. She quietly started chuckling to herself while glancing at Link's head. Soon enough, though, she was in full blown hysterics, and Mido was smirking victoriously at Link, remembering the other part of his plan.
"Really, Link, did you get a stylist to do that, or did ya just go stick your head in a deku baba?"
"Will someone PLEASE tell me what's going on here?" demanded Link, not nearly as amused as the other two.
"I...hehe...just noticed, ha!" She took a couple of deep breaths to calm herself and then pointed to the water, "Look at your reflection."
Link did as he was told, and his jaw dropped when he saw what he looked like. With shredded clothes and tufts of hair sticking out where other parts were nearly cut down to his scalp, Link essentially looked like he'd just been run over by a modern-day lawn mower.
"Mido..." Link said slowly and dangerously, "you're so dead."
"Um...just don't use the hammer...and try not to kill him, kay?" asked Saria not wanting a fellow Kokiri to get mauled to death.
"I guess a severe beating will just hafta do."
= = = = = = = About 5 minutes later = = = = = = =
Saria dragged both Mido and Link out of the river by their ears, all three of them now soaking wet. Mido had a black eye, a bloody nose, and a cracked lip, and even Link was sporting a new bruise on his cheek.
Both of them, sitting there cold, wet, sore, and altogether miserable, looked like to two kids about to get scolded by their mother, which basically, they were.
"I should've put a stop to this sooner," rued Saria, and then she continued in a more imperial voice, "By my authority as Sage of the Forest, as long as both of you are living here, I want you to promise not to fight with each, and at least TRY to be civil."
Her audience continued to glare sullenly at each other. "Well?"
"Fine, truce," said Link extending his hand.
"Whatever..." Saria quirked an eyebrow, "...I mean yeah, truce."
"Good. Now let's go back to my house so we can get you both dried off and into some new clothes. Oh, and I'll need to get some bandages and ointment for your wounds, I'll just send one of the other children over to the store for that. Hmm, it is kinda early, but I think I could heat up some soup I have left over, and....oh my don't touch your eye Mido you're only going to make it worse, and Link stop pulling at those holes, I'm going to sew that back up for you later," said Saria while fussing over the two of them.
"Yes, MOM..." drawled Mido, sniggering.
"And could you knit me a pair of mittens while you're at it, Grandma Saria," laughed Link.
"Ooh! Ooh! Is Grandma gonna read us a story?!"
"Ow, I have a booboo! Kiss it Auntie Saria!" Link and Mido high-fived each other when they could practically see the steam coming out of her ears.
Saria had no idea what she had just unleashed upon the world.
= = = = = = = End Flahsback = = = = = = =
And that's how, while their own clothes were drying by the fire, the new almost-friends found themselves unashamedly wearing two of Saria's small, green dresses.
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To be continued...
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Sooo...? How was it? 6 pages is really long for me!
Semi-important A/N:
I edit my chapters (I hate bad spelling and grammar) and I sometimes rewrite parts so that the story sounds better, so that's why it takes me a little longer (like a day or so).
I could instead just write down whatever comes to mind, and I could probably fire out a chapter in an hour or two. But many LoZ stories are written this way (dodges knives from angry writers), so I tried to make this exceptional.
If you think it'd be better just to update more quickly and screw the style, or if throughout this entire author's note you've been thinking, "what's this guy talking about? his story already is crap!" well then say so, cuz there's not point in writing what an audience hates (unless the writer absolutely loves writing that way).
Sorry for rambling about myself. "-_-
Ooo! Ooo! There it is \/ Do you see it?! It's the review button! O_O