Kikira-san: I am so random
Hiei: yes you are
Kurama: is that a compliment or an insult?
Kikira-san: ::listening/watching AMVs::
Hiei and Kurama:::sweatdrop::
Hiei: she doesn't own YYH or anything she's just stupid
Kurama: I think she can hear you
Hiei: yes but what made you think I cared?
Kurama: good point
/—/= Yusuke's thoughts
[—] = Hiei's thoughts
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Be"REI-GUN!"-BAM!
Yusuke buried his head under his pillow. He didn't get up but the alarm clock had woken him and now that it had he couldn't fall asleep.
"I hate you!" he said pointing at what used to be his clock laying on the floor. Yawning he got up and walked away from it as it gave off one last pitiful beep.
On his way to the kitchen for whatever leftovers he could find when he heard some sleeping on the couch.
"Welcome back mom!" he said sarcastically walking into the living room to go and tell her that she should have come back earlier or something sarcastic and annoying. That's when he saw it wasn't his mom sleeping on the couch but Hiei.
Our brave noble spirit detective was in tears of happiness, clinging to his pillow in light blue pajamas with white polka dots in tears staring down at a fire demon drooling on his couch. No, Yusuke hadn't lost his mind. He had however lost his lunch (A/N Agh what an awful pun) after the take out food that he, Botan, and Pu had, had for dinner.
"HIEI!" he cried in happiness!
"DOOR!" Hiei yelled jumping up. There was a quiet moment while Yusuke raised an eyebrow and Hiei looked frantically around. "Oh," he said quietly realizing where he was. "WHY'D YOU WAKE ME UP!?!?" Hiei yelled.
"I missed you!" Yusuke said glomping Hiei.
"Once again you just missed my cooking," Hiei responded aggravatedly detaching the detective from him.
"Did you get your presents from the Makai?" Yusuke asked sitting on the couch next to Hiei looking far too happy.
"Yes I got the presents from Makai all but one. I completed the mission. I ate the head off a live chicken and I sang I'm too sexy in the middle of Tokyo. Then I went home and died. By choking on a Christmas snowflake ornament that was possessed and trying to kill me," he muttered vaguely falling back on the bed.
Yusuke blinked. Blink. Blink. He grabbed Hiei's shoulders and shook him. "Snap out of it man! You're delusional!!" Yusuke said shaking Hiei. Hiei's head lolled on his shoulders and he started to hum I'm too sexy. "I'm sorry about this Hiei," he responded slapping Hiei.
"Ow!" Hiei said cradling his face that now had a large red hand print. "BAKA!" he yelled jumping at Yusuke who ran down the hallway to escape his wrath.
"Don't kill me, Hiei!" he yelled running for his dear life. Hiei ran after him with his katana. All of the sudden Hiei stopped yawned and put his katana down.
"I'm hungry. I want my coffee," Hiei said trudging away to the kitchen dragging the katana along behind him like a little kid does with a stuffed animal. Yusuke thought it was kawaii but at the same time a long line was being dug in his floor.
"Mornings are baaddd." Yusuke said slumping on the floor tired after the running.
******************************************************************************
A/N: that wasn't too funny was it? Let's see if we can make getting the Christmas tree better. Hehehehe I think I can.
******************************************************************************
"Sooo did you really sing "I'm too sexy" in the middle of Tokyo?"
"There are some things I would really rather not relive."
"So you did?"
"Hn."
******************************************************************************
"Alright, today we get a tree!" Yusuke said decisively.
"Whom are you talking to?" Hiei asked coming around the corner fixing his scarf.
".............the walls," Yusuke responded. Hiei raised an eyebrow.
"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh! They have ears!!!!" Yusuke said, clamping a mittened hand over Hiei's eyebrows and dragging him toward to the door.
"Do I need to mention that you put your hand over my eyebrow?"
"They speak eyebrow!" Yusuke said his eyes darting around.
"You drank my coffee didn't you?"
"We must hurry! They are calling upon their armies of badly colored napkins to eat us! Run my child run!" Yusuke said shoving Hiei out the door and locking it behind him.
"I hate you," Hiei sighed wrapping his scarf more securely as they entered the windy outdoors.
"Aww no you don't!" Yusuke said poking Hiei in the shoulder to get him moving. "How are we going to do this? I mean we don't have a car or well mom has it. I haven't seen it in a while though. I wouldn't be surprised if it's been stolen or something." Yusuke babbled.
"Ahh stop! You're taking up memory brain cells with your pointless crap! Get it out!!!" Hiei proceeded to run away from Yusuke who proceeded to run after him in an attempt to beat him up for saying his crap was pointless.
Then he lost Hiei.
"Oh shit!" Yusuke said looking around the busy downtown street that he had followed Hiei too. "Kurama's gonna kill me! I lost Hiei!" Yusuke freaked seeing himself diced by a rose whip with a chibi crying Hiei in the background. Then he remembered Atsuko, Kekio, and Yukina. "OH SHIT!" he yelled. He could just picture being killed by a rose whip, a broken sake bottle, while frozen and being slapped to death.
Yusuke tried to track Hiei's ki signature but it was cloaked. "Dammit!" Yusuke cursed along with some other quite colorful words while wondering around looking for Hiei. He spotted an old lady on the corner. "Hey ma'am have you seen my little brother? He's about this tall with black spiky hair he'd be wearing all black," Yusuke proceeded to describe Hiei to the women.
"Would he be yelling curses about someone damn Yuki or Yusska or something? And a Kurma or something?" the woman asked.
"Yes!" Yusuke said ecstatically.
"Nope haven't seen him."
"But...but...how'd you know what he'd be saying?"
"Ask the women on the corner with the crystal ball," the woman said, pointing over at a dark alley. "She told me about him walking around here for some strange reason. She was quite the loon kept yelling about how no one loved her." The woman shook her head and walked away.
....................
"BOTAN!!!!!!" Yusuke yelled running down the alley.
"Yusuke! I'm with a customer!" Botan said sitting at the table. No one was in the chair across from her. She was wearing the outfit she wore when telling Yusuke to be a spirit detective. If you don't remember . . . hell if I know.
"Botan no one's at the table," Yusuke said blinking at nothing.
"YUSUKE! She's very sensitive about the fact she's invisible!" Botan said in a hushed voice.
"Ummmm Botan I don't think anyone's there."
"YUSUKE!!!!!! Now you've hurt her feelings! It's okay dear. He didn't mean it like that."
"Botan it's Hiei! I need help finding him!" Yusuke said, hopping back and forth from one foot to the other in a look of impatience.
"YUSUKE URAMESHI!!! LOOK WHAT YOU DID!!! Now she's leaving! Good job!" Botan said clearly angry.
Yusuke opened his mouth to respond but was stopped when he was slapped. He fell down on the ground backwards and watched as footprints appeared in the snow behind him. "There really was someone there!" Yusuke said amazed.
"Humphf! See! I told you. Now go away! You're bad for business!" Botan said stomping back to her chair behind the crystal ball.
"Botan please?! I can't find Hiei! Kurama will kill me if I lose him! He told me to make sure he spent Christmas here!" Yusuke begged.
"Why should I? You don't love me!" Botan said sniffly.
"Pllease Botan?! I'll do anything!! I don't want to be eaten by a death planet or a death tree!!! Please?!" Yusuke practically begged.
"Fine. There is one thing! For Christmas I want a karoke machine for the Ferry Girl lounge. Our old one broke."
"...............................FINE!" Yusuke yelled. /Note to self: don't go in the ferry girl's lounge/
"Ok! He's downtown on the corner of first and fifth right now. He's heading for the park. Don't you forget!" Botan yelled at Yusuke as he took off in direction of the park. (1)
******************************************************************************
After congratulating himself on losing Yusuke, Hiei went toward the park he always went to. He had the nagging feeling someone was watching him but shook it off as nothing. He was sitting in his favorite tree watching the ningiens throw snow at each other. It was all very calm until a snowball was thrown at him.
Hiei melted the snowball with his fire aura before it even touched him and turned red glaring eyes upon Kuwabara standing below him packed another ball of snow.
Another snowball was thrown at him, and once again he melted it. Now the ningien was going to pay!
With that Kuwabara's pants caught on fire.
******************************************************************************
Yusuke turned the corner around the gate to the park and stopped. It took about twenty seconds for the scene in front of him to register in his mind. Then he fell over laughing and didn't move even when some kid stepped on him.
"HONEY! Don't step on weird men!"
"Sorry mommy!"
Yusuke was basically crying his eyes out. There was so much water on his eyes that his eyelids got frozen to the cement.
So there they were. Kuwabara running around screaming as his pants burned away. (.)
Yusuke was caught between laughing and screaming in horror as his eyelids were stuck to the cement. And Hiei fell out of his tree laughing his ass off. Who knew ningiens could be so entertaining?
******************************************************************************
After a half hour of Hiei mocking them and everyone in the park running away scared of the insane tantei, Hiei finally melted the tears gluing Yusuke to the sidewalk. Kuwabara finally wised up enough to sit down in the snow to put out the fire. Unfortunately he had lost most of the backside of his pants.
"AGH GOD KUWABARA GET SOME PANTS ON!" Yusuke yelled covering his eyes.
"What are you talking about, Dete–OH HOLY SHIT!" Hiei said falling on the ground. He was out cold twitching occasionally and foaming at the mouth.
"LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO HIEI!! ARGH DAMN TURN AROUND OR SOMETHING!" Yusuke yelled.
Kuwabara took the subtle hint and managed to run away streaking most of downtown Tokyo.
******************************************************************************
"Hiei," *nudge*
"Hiei!" *poke*
"HIEI!" *kick*
"OUCH! !@#!#@% %$@#@#!$ @!#%$#@" Hiei said sitting up and glaring at Yusuke.
Then he paled considerably. "Is he still here?" he asked almost anxiously. Yusuke shook his head and bit his lip. It was all too hilarious.
"THANK ENMA! Agh I think I'm traumatized," Hiei said standing up and dusting himself off.
"He's probably arrested about now for streaking," Yusuke said, imagining the picture laughing.
"Let's hope so." Hiei muttered.
******************************************************************************
"Why are we out again?" Yusuke mused aloud.
"Hn."
"Oh right Christmas tree!"
"Hn."
******************************************************************************
"Welcome to Joe's Christmas trees. We have Christmas trees galore. Please feel free to look around, pick out the perfect tree, and then have Joe's friendly and informative staff help you wrap it and put it on your car. Remember at Joe's Christmas trees if we can't find you the perfect Christmas tree then we suck and we will admit it on our knees begging you to come back next year, because at Joe's Christmas trees we aren't above begging," the staff girl said in a cheerily happy voice in a Santa hat. The guy next to her was smoking a cigarette and mouthed "go to hell" at them.
After being throughly disturbed by the salespeople, Hiei and Yusuke wandered around looking for the "perfect" tree.
"How bout that one?" Yusuke said pointing at the tree that looked exactly the same as the other trees.
"I hate seeing trees like this its disgusting." Hiei scowled at the trees.
"I think you've been hanging around Kurama too much."
"Now you've just offended me."
"Aww I am sorry!"
"No, you're not."
"Yes I am."
"No, you're not."
"Am too."
"Are not."
"Am too!"
"ARE NOT!"
"AM TOO DAMMIT!"
"ARE FUCKING NOT!"
"AM TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"ARE NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"AM TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"ARE NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"AM TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
****************** A long time later!!!*******************************************
"ARE NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"AM TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"ARE –hey I like that one!" Hiei said pointing at a tree in the back.
A sudden holy glow came down and lit around the tree and angels could be heard in the background.
"What the hell is that noise and what's with the light?" Yusuke asked. Hiei pointed at the Joe's workers who were waving flashlights around the tree and had their radio playing angel noises.
Insert Hiei and Yusuke sweatdrop.
"So sirs is that going to be your Christmas tree?" the overly happy, probably on drugs, and more than likely thinking about killing you, worker asked.
"Yes we'll take it!" Yusuke said as the cigarette guy sent it through the wrapper machine.
"A good choice sir! Remember sir whenever in need of a Christmas tree think Joe's!" she said holding out her hand.
"How much?" Yusuke asked digging around in his pockets.
"40,000 yens" she said.(2)
"Agh NANI?!" Yusuke yelled.
"We'll pay a 1,000(2)" Hiei said his headband glowing.
"Of course sir! The customer is always right!" she said in a dead zombie voice as Hiei shoved the money into her hand.
"We also left in a car not on foot," Hiei added as he and Yusuke hefted the tree onto their shoulders.
"Right sir!" she said, "Merry Christmas!"
******************************************************************************
"Man, I can't see anything over this stupid tree! Hiei, where are we going?" Yusuke asked.
"Look up ahead and to your right," Hiei said with a badly suppressed laugh. Yusuke growled incoherently but craned his neck over the tree to see Kuwabara running around with four police men chasing him through downtown.
"I can't believe they haven't caught him yet!" Yusuke said giggling. Unfortunately Kuwabara spotted them!
"HIEI YUSUKE HELP ME OUT OVER HERE!" Kuwabara said running toward them.
"AHHHHHHHHH!" they yelled on unison taking off down the street.
"Stupid ningien you'll get us in trouble too! Go away!" Hiei yelled.
"And you're still half naked!" Yusuke yelled angrily. "Shit now the cops are after us too!"
"RUN BAKAS!" Hiei said as they high tailed it to an ally.
"I think we lost the cops," Yusuke whispered. Hiei and Kuwabara nodded. Hiei scooted away from Kuwabara a little bit. "Agh Kuwabara, go call Shizuru your scaring me!"
"She going to hit me though! She's abusive!! I swear you guys I am worried to be in the same house as her!!" Kuwabara said meekly.
"And you call yourself a fighter," Hiei muttered disgustedly. Yusuke just shook his head.
"Get over it! It's either her or jail!!" Yusuke said, flinging a cell phone at Kuwabara.
"Where'd you get that?" Kuwabara asked.
"....Found it."
"What a pathetic excuse!! Why don't you just say you stole it?!" Hiei asked indigently.
"..........I didn't steal it. I was beating up some kid and he chucked it at my forehead and ran. So now it's mine."
"Whatever."
"Oi how do you work this thing?" Kuwabara asked playing with the buttons.
"You'll figure it out," Yusuke said as he and Hiei left Kuwabara in the alley.
"WAIT I FORGOT MY NUMBER!!!......oh look games!" Kuwabara said sitting down playing games. "Why's my ass so cold?" he wondered aloud as he played the game. He soon forgot about his cold butt though. He was winning! At least he thought he was.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LETS GO BACK TO THE APARTMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When Yusuke and Hiei arrived with the Christmas tree on their backs it turned out Atsuko had come home! With a really bad hangover!
"Alright boys move it to the left a little," Atsuko directed from her place on the floor as the two tired to straighten the tree out. "Ok now back back more just a little bit more."
"Geez mom will be going out the window if we go back much more," Yusuke replied spitting out some needles.
"Ok to the right a little, little more, wait that's too far back left," Atsuko said, waving her hands around.
"Just pick a place! My arms are falling asleep!" Yusuke yelled.
"Alright I have it! Hiei move your tree to the left and Yusuke move yours to the right!" Atsuko said with a clap of her hands. Hiei and Yusuke sweatdropped.
"Argh! Hiei just hold it still and I'll get the stand," Yusuke said moving to the closet to retrieve a stand for the tree.
"Yusuke! You shouldn't make poor Hiei do all the work!" Atsuko admonished from where she'd fallen over dizzy. Yusuke just nodded absently as he moved to put the stand on the tree where Hiei was holding it.
"Ok Hiei you can put it down now," Yusuke said moving out of the way. Hiei gently placed the tree on the floor and looked at it. Yusuke moved back to stand next to him and they both stood there starring at it. "It doesn't look too bad."
"If you tilt your head to the right a little bit it looks straight," Hiei said, moving his head to the right. Yusuke and Atsuko did it too.
"Oi you're right. It does!" Yusuke said happily.
"So now all we have to do is get all our guests to move their heads to the right and it'll be fine!" Atsuko said smiling at the two.
"We ought to get some ornaments though. We've still got time before it gets late we could go now?" Yusuke suggested.
"Sounds good to me," Atsuko said standing up surprisingly balanced. "I'll drive. You boys shouldn't wonder around so much."
"Mom you aren't sober!"
"Of course I am Yusuke! No need to worry."
"I'm making coffee!" Yusuke declared exiting into the kitchen.
"Hiei be a dear and get my keys?" Atsuko asked as she tried to put her left shoe on her right foot. Hiei walked over to the coffee table and grabbed the keys. [I could just accidentally lose them] he thought sullenly. [Nah I've lived a long life and Yusuke will probably be brought back and Atsuko is too lucky to die soooo why not?] He nodded at his decision and handed the keys to Atsuko who had the appropriate shoe on the appropriate foot. Yusuke came out of the kitchen with a thermos of coffee which he handed to his mother.
"You don't have sake, do you?" he asked anxiously.
"No stop worrying! Don't be so stiff Yusuke!" Atsuko said, lighting a cigarette.
"Don't smoke! You'll probably give me or Hiei second hand smoke cancer!" Yusuke said stumbling over his words as Atsuko sighed and put out the cigarette.
"My son the worry wart! Let's go already!" she said ambling out the door and down the stairs toward a decrepit old car.
"It's probably not even legal to have that scrap heap on the road," Yusuke muttered grabbing his hat. Hiei remained quiet through the whole exchange, it being a family matter. "Come on Hiei let's get going," Yusuke said sighing.
"Hn," Hiei said following the detective down the steps and to the car and I use the term loosely.
Atsuko pulled open her door and it made creaking noises as she got in the driver's seat. Yusuke opened the backdoor and let Hiei get in first and then got in beside him pulling the door closed.
"I was hoping to wait a while before dying again but to die in another car crash is just kind of tacky don't you think?" he said trying to lighten the mood as he buckled himself in. Then he leaned over and buckled Hiei in who tried to remain indifferent even though he knew how to work a freaking seatbelt! "Hiei why is your arm on fire?"
"No reason."
"ALRIGHT BOYS HERE WE GO!" Atsuko yelled as she turned on the engine it roared and then they skidded out of the apartment parking lot.
Yusuke was praying while Hiei watched sweatdropping. "Thank you for Kekio and all my friends and my wonderful life and may my next life be just as fulfilling and may I be forgiven for all my wrongs. Please forgive me for beating up those kids at school, for all the bills I skivvied for forgetting Kekio's birthday for being mean to my friends, for every time I beat up Kuwabara . . . " the list went on and on until Atsuko hit a sharp turn and Yusuke was thrown into the door and Hiei hit his shoulder.
"You know Koenma told me that when you die he is going to reincarnate you as a squirrel," Hiei said lightly.
"He said what?!" Yusuke said shocked.
"Yep said it was already Enma approved. I'm just going to hell you have to be a squirrel and have rocks thrown at you and be stalked by women squirrels and have you ever seen a squirrel store nuts in its mouth it's really disgusting," Hiei said with a sort of thoughtful look on his face.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I DON'T WANT TO BE A SQUIRREL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kikira-san: hehehehe
Koenma: you know Yusuke that might not be a half bad fate for you
Hiei: I'm so glad I'm going to hell
Kurama: ditto
Yusuke: . you're all so cruel to me
Kikira-san: hehehehe REVIEW!
Yusuke: maybe then I'll feel loved
Hiei, Kurama, Koenma, Kikira-san: doubt it
A/N: sorry about the really lateness of this chapter but finals were murder. I should have the next chapter up soon. This fic probably won't be finished until after Christmas which is a little depressing and I am thinking about writing a sequel. Any ideas you guys have I'd love to here it may help my chapter updates. I hope anyways. Review I write more with reviews otherwise I'll feel unloved like Yusuke! Lol JA!
(1) I know nothing of the streets of wherever they live I think its Tokyo don't know don't care too much. No offense to any one in Tokyo this is just a fic however, not in-depth research. But u could tell me anyways so I could know. I really am bad at this! Lol @.@
(2) I stole that off of a vacation site that told me that 40,000 yen equaled 380 dollars and that 1,000 yen equaled 9.50 dollars. I don't know if its right. Sorry!
Hiei: yes you are
Kurama: is that a compliment or an insult?
Kikira-san: ::listening/watching AMVs::
Hiei and Kurama:::sweatdrop::
Hiei: she doesn't own YYH or anything she's just stupid
Kurama: I think she can hear you
Hiei: yes but what made you think I cared?
Kurama: good point
/—/= Yusuke's thoughts
[—] = Hiei's thoughts
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Be"REI-GUN!"-BAM!
Yusuke buried his head under his pillow. He didn't get up but the alarm clock had woken him and now that it had he couldn't fall asleep.
"I hate you!" he said pointing at what used to be his clock laying on the floor. Yawning he got up and walked away from it as it gave off one last pitiful beep.
On his way to the kitchen for whatever leftovers he could find when he heard some sleeping on the couch.
"Welcome back mom!" he said sarcastically walking into the living room to go and tell her that she should have come back earlier or something sarcastic and annoying. That's when he saw it wasn't his mom sleeping on the couch but Hiei.
Our brave noble spirit detective was in tears of happiness, clinging to his pillow in light blue pajamas with white polka dots in tears staring down at a fire demon drooling on his couch. No, Yusuke hadn't lost his mind. He had however lost his lunch (A/N Agh what an awful pun) after the take out food that he, Botan, and Pu had, had for dinner.
"HIEI!" he cried in happiness!
"DOOR!" Hiei yelled jumping up. There was a quiet moment while Yusuke raised an eyebrow and Hiei looked frantically around. "Oh," he said quietly realizing where he was. "WHY'D YOU WAKE ME UP!?!?" Hiei yelled.
"I missed you!" Yusuke said glomping Hiei.
"Once again you just missed my cooking," Hiei responded aggravatedly detaching the detective from him.
"Did you get your presents from the Makai?" Yusuke asked sitting on the couch next to Hiei looking far too happy.
"Yes I got the presents from Makai all but one. I completed the mission. I ate the head off a live chicken and I sang I'm too sexy in the middle of Tokyo. Then I went home and died. By choking on a Christmas snowflake ornament that was possessed and trying to kill me," he muttered vaguely falling back on the bed.
Yusuke blinked. Blink. Blink. He grabbed Hiei's shoulders and shook him. "Snap out of it man! You're delusional!!" Yusuke said shaking Hiei. Hiei's head lolled on his shoulders and he started to hum I'm too sexy. "I'm sorry about this Hiei," he responded slapping Hiei.
"Ow!" Hiei said cradling his face that now had a large red hand print. "BAKA!" he yelled jumping at Yusuke who ran down the hallway to escape his wrath.
"Don't kill me, Hiei!" he yelled running for his dear life. Hiei ran after him with his katana. All of the sudden Hiei stopped yawned and put his katana down.
"I'm hungry. I want my coffee," Hiei said trudging away to the kitchen dragging the katana along behind him like a little kid does with a stuffed animal. Yusuke thought it was kawaii but at the same time a long line was being dug in his floor.
"Mornings are baaddd." Yusuke said slumping on the floor tired after the running.
******************************************************************************
A/N: that wasn't too funny was it? Let's see if we can make getting the Christmas tree better. Hehehehe I think I can.
******************************************************************************
"Sooo did you really sing "I'm too sexy" in the middle of Tokyo?"
"There are some things I would really rather not relive."
"So you did?"
"Hn."
******************************************************************************
"Alright, today we get a tree!" Yusuke said decisively.
"Whom are you talking to?" Hiei asked coming around the corner fixing his scarf.
".............the walls," Yusuke responded. Hiei raised an eyebrow.
"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh! They have ears!!!!" Yusuke said, clamping a mittened hand over Hiei's eyebrows and dragging him toward to the door.
"Do I need to mention that you put your hand over my eyebrow?"
"They speak eyebrow!" Yusuke said his eyes darting around.
"You drank my coffee didn't you?"
"We must hurry! They are calling upon their armies of badly colored napkins to eat us! Run my child run!" Yusuke said shoving Hiei out the door and locking it behind him.
"I hate you," Hiei sighed wrapping his scarf more securely as they entered the windy outdoors.
"Aww no you don't!" Yusuke said poking Hiei in the shoulder to get him moving. "How are we going to do this? I mean we don't have a car or well mom has it. I haven't seen it in a while though. I wouldn't be surprised if it's been stolen or something." Yusuke babbled.
"Ahh stop! You're taking up memory brain cells with your pointless crap! Get it out!!!" Hiei proceeded to run away from Yusuke who proceeded to run after him in an attempt to beat him up for saying his crap was pointless.
Then he lost Hiei.
"Oh shit!" Yusuke said looking around the busy downtown street that he had followed Hiei too. "Kurama's gonna kill me! I lost Hiei!" Yusuke freaked seeing himself diced by a rose whip with a chibi crying Hiei in the background. Then he remembered Atsuko, Kekio, and Yukina. "OH SHIT!" he yelled. He could just picture being killed by a rose whip, a broken sake bottle, while frozen and being slapped to death.
Yusuke tried to track Hiei's ki signature but it was cloaked. "Dammit!" Yusuke cursed along with some other quite colorful words while wondering around looking for Hiei. He spotted an old lady on the corner. "Hey ma'am have you seen my little brother? He's about this tall with black spiky hair he'd be wearing all black," Yusuke proceeded to describe Hiei to the women.
"Would he be yelling curses about someone damn Yuki or Yusska or something? And a Kurma or something?" the woman asked.
"Yes!" Yusuke said ecstatically.
"Nope haven't seen him."
"But...but...how'd you know what he'd be saying?"
"Ask the women on the corner with the crystal ball," the woman said, pointing over at a dark alley. "She told me about him walking around here for some strange reason. She was quite the loon kept yelling about how no one loved her." The woman shook her head and walked away.
....................
"BOTAN!!!!!!" Yusuke yelled running down the alley.
"Yusuke! I'm with a customer!" Botan said sitting at the table. No one was in the chair across from her. She was wearing the outfit she wore when telling Yusuke to be a spirit detective. If you don't remember . . . hell if I know.
"Botan no one's at the table," Yusuke said blinking at nothing.
"YUSUKE! She's very sensitive about the fact she's invisible!" Botan said in a hushed voice.
"Ummmm Botan I don't think anyone's there."
"YUSUKE!!!!!! Now you've hurt her feelings! It's okay dear. He didn't mean it like that."
"Botan it's Hiei! I need help finding him!" Yusuke said, hopping back and forth from one foot to the other in a look of impatience.
"YUSUKE URAMESHI!!! LOOK WHAT YOU DID!!! Now she's leaving! Good job!" Botan said clearly angry.
Yusuke opened his mouth to respond but was stopped when he was slapped. He fell down on the ground backwards and watched as footprints appeared in the snow behind him. "There really was someone there!" Yusuke said amazed.
"Humphf! See! I told you. Now go away! You're bad for business!" Botan said stomping back to her chair behind the crystal ball.
"Botan please?! I can't find Hiei! Kurama will kill me if I lose him! He told me to make sure he spent Christmas here!" Yusuke begged.
"Why should I? You don't love me!" Botan said sniffly.
"Pllease Botan?! I'll do anything!! I don't want to be eaten by a death planet or a death tree!!! Please?!" Yusuke practically begged.
"Fine. There is one thing! For Christmas I want a karoke machine for the Ferry Girl lounge. Our old one broke."
"...............................FINE!" Yusuke yelled. /Note to self: don't go in the ferry girl's lounge/
"Ok! He's downtown on the corner of first and fifth right now. He's heading for the park. Don't you forget!" Botan yelled at Yusuke as he took off in direction of the park. (1)
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After congratulating himself on losing Yusuke, Hiei went toward the park he always went to. He had the nagging feeling someone was watching him but shook it off as nothing. He was sitting in his favorite tree watching the ningiens throw snow at each other. It was all very calm until a snowball was thrown at him.
Hiei melted the snowball with his fire aura before it even touched him and turned red glaring eyes upon Kuwabara standing below him packed another ball of snow.
Another snowball was thrown at him, and once again he melted it. Now the ningien was going to pay!
With that Kuwabara's pants caught on fire.
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Yusuke turned the corner around the gate to the park and stopped. It took about twenty seconds for the scene in front of him to register in his mind. Then he fell over laughing and didn't move even when some kid stepped on him.
"HONEY! Don't step on weird men!"
"Sorry mommy!"
Yusuke was basically crying his eyes out. There was so much water on his eyes that his eyelids got frozen to the cement.
So there they were. Kuwabara running around screaming as his pants burned away. (.)
Yusuke was caught between laughing and screaming in horror as his eyelids were stuck to the cement. And Hiei fell out of his tree laughing his ass off. Who knew ningiens could be so entertaining?
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After a half hour of Hiei mocking them and everyone in the park running away scared of the insane tantei, Hiei finally melted the tears gluing Yusuke to the sidewalk. Kuwabara finally wised up enough to sit down in the snow to put out the fire. Unfortunately he had lost most of the backside of his pants.
"AGH GOD KUWABARA GET SOME PANTS ON!" Yusuke yelled covering his eyes.
"What are you talking about, Dete–OH HOLY SHIT!" Hiei said falling on the ground. He was out cold twitching occasionally and foaming at the mouth.
"LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO HIEI!! ARGH DAMN TURN AROUND OR SOMETHING!" Yusuke yelled.
Kuwabara took the subtle hint and managed to run away streaking most of downtown Tokyo.
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"Hiei," *nudge*
"Hiei!" *poke*
"HIEI!" *kick*
"OUCH! !@#!#@% %$@#@#!$ @!#%$#@" Hiei said sitting up and glaring at Yusuke.
Then he paled considerably. "Is he still here?" he asked almost anxiously. Yusuke shook his head and bit his lip. It was all too hilarious.
"THANK ENMA! Agh I think I'm traumatized," Hiei said standing up and dusting himself off.
"He's probably arrested about now for streaking," Yusuke said, imagining the picture laughing.
"Let's hope so." Hiei muttered.
******************************************************************************
"Why are we out again?" Yusuke mused aloud.
"Hn."
"Oh right Christmas tree!"
"Hn."
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"Welcome to Joe's Christmas trees. We have Christmas trees galore. Please feel free to look around, pick out the perfect tree, and then have Joe's friendly and informative staff help you wrap it and put it on your car. Remember at Joe's Christmas trees if we can't find you the perfect Christmas tree then we suck and we will admit it on our knees begging you to come back next year, because at Joe's Christmas trees we aren't above begging," the staff girl said in a cheerily happy voice in a Santa hat. The guy next to her was smoking a cigarette and mouthed "go to hell" at them.
After being throughly disturbed by the salespeople, Hiei and Yusuke wandered around looking for the "perfect" tree.
"How bout that one?" Yusuke said pointing at the tree that looked exactly the same as the other trees.
"I hate seeing trees like this its disgusting." Hiei scowled at the trees.
"I think you've been hanging around Kurama too much."
"Now you've just offended me."
"Aww I am sorry!"
"No, you're not."
"Yes I am."
"No, you're not."
"Am too."
"Are not."
"Am too!"
"ARE NOT!"
"AM TOO DAMMIT!"
"ARE FUCKING NOT!"
"AM TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"ARE NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"AM TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"ARE NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"AM TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
****************** A long time later!!!*******************************************
"ARE NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"AM TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"ARE –hey I like that one!" Hiei said pointing at a tree in the back.
A sudden holy glow came down and lit around the tree and angels could be heard in the background.
"What the hell is that noise and what's with the light?" Yusuke asked. Hiei pointed at the Joe's workers who were waving flashlights around the tree and had their radio playing angel noises.
Insert Hiei and Yusuke sweatdrop.
"So sirs is that going to be your Christmas tree?" the overly happy, probably on drugs, and more than likely thinking about killing you, worker asked.
"Yes we'll take it!" Yusuke said as the cigarette guy sent it through the wrapper machine.
"A good choice sir! Remember sir whenever in need of a Christmas tree think Joe's!" she said holding out her hand.
"How much?" Yusuke asked digging around in his pockets.
"40,000 yens" she said.(2)
"Agh NANI?!" Yusuke yelled.
"We'll pay a 1,000(2)" Hiei said his headband glowing.
"Of course sir! The customer is always right!" she said in a dead zombie voice as Hiei shoved the money into her hand.
"We also left in a car not on foot," Hiei added as he and Yusuke hefted the tree onto their shoulders.
"Right sir!" she said, "Merry Christmas!"
******************************************************************************
"Man, I can't see anything over this stupid tree! Hiei, where are we going?" Yusuke asked.
"Look up ahead and to your right," Hiei said with a badly suppressed laugh. Yusuke growled incoherently but craned his neck over the tree to see Kuwabara running around with four police men chasing him through downtown.
"I can't believe they haven't caught him yet!" Yusuke said giggling. Unfortunately Kuwabara spotted them!
"HIEI YUSUKE HELP ME OUT OVER HERE!" Kuwabara said running toward them.
"AHHHHHHHHH!" they yelled on unison taking off down the street.
"Stupid ningien you'll get us in trouble too! Go away!" Hiei yelled.
"And you're still half naked!" Yusuke yelled angrily. "Shit now the cops are after us too!"
"RUN BAKAS!" Hiei said as they high tailed it to an ally.
"I think we lost the cops," Yusuke whispered. Hiei and Kuwabara nodded. Hiei scooted away from Kuwabara a little bit. "Agh Kuwabara, go call Shizuru your scaring me!"
"She going to hit me though! She's abusive!! I swear you guys I am worried to be in the same house as her!!" Kuwabara said meekly.
"And you call yourself a fighter," Hiei muttered disgustedly. Yusuke just shook his head.
"Get over it! It's either her or jail!!" Yusuke said, flinging a cell phone at Kuwabara.
"Where'd you get that?" Kuwabara asked.
"....Found it."
"What a pathetic excuse!! Why don't you just say you stole it?!" Hiei asked indigently.
"..........I didn't steal it. I was beating up some kid and he chucked it at my forehead and ran. So now it's mine."
"Whatever."
"Oi how do you work this thing?" Kuwabara asked playing with the buttons.
"You'll figure it out," Yusuke said as he and Hiei left Kuwabara in the alley.
"WAIT I FORGOT MY NUMBER!!!......oh look games!" Kuwabara said sitting down playing games. "Why's my ass so cold?" he wondered aloud as he played the game. He soon forgot about his cold butt though. He was winning! At least he thought he was.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LETS GO BACK TO THE APARTMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When Yusuke and Hiei arrived with the Christmas tree on their backs it turned out Atsuko had come home! With a really bad hangover!
"Alright boys move it to the left a little," Atsuko directed from her place on the floor as the two tired to straighten the tree out. "Ok now back back more just a little bit more."
"Geez mom will be going out the window if we go back much more," Yusuke replied spitting out some needles.
"Ok to the right a little, little more, wait that's too far back left," Atsuko said, waving her hands around.
"Just pick a place! My arms are falling asleep!" Yusuke yelled.
"Alright I have it! Hiei move your tree to the left and Yusuke move yours to the right!" Atsuko said with a clap of her hands. Hiei and Yusuke sweatdropped.
"Argh! Hiei just hold it still and I'll get the stand," Yusuke said moving to the closet to retrieve a stand for the tree.
"Yusuke! You shouldn't make poor Hiei do all the work!" Atsuko admonished from where she'd fallen over dizzy. Yusuke just nodded absently as he moved to put the stand on the tree where Hiei was holding it.
"Ok Hiei you can put it down now," Yusuke said moving out of the way. Hiei gently placed the tree on the floor and looked at it. Yusuke moved back to stand next to him and they both stood there starring at it. "It doesn't look too bad."
"If you tilt your head to the right a little bit it looks straight," Hiei said, moving his head to the right. Yusuke and Atsuko did it too.
"Oi you're right. It does!" Yusuke said happily.
"So now all we have to do is get all our guests to move their heads to the right and it'll be fine!" Atsuko said smiling at the two.
"We ought to get some ornaments though. We've still got time before it gets late we could go now?" Yusuke suggested.
"Sounds good to me," Atsuko said standing up surprisingly balanced. "I'll drive. You boys shouldn't wonder around so much."
"Mom you aren't sober!"
"Of course I am Yusuke! No need to worry."
"I'm making coffee!" Yusuke declared exiting into the kitchen.
"Hiei be a dear and get my keys?" Atsuko asked as she tried to put her left shoe on her right foot. Hiei walked over to the coffee table and grabbed the keys. [I could just accidentally lose them] he thought sullenly. [Nah I've lived a long life and Yusuke will probably be brought back and Atsuko is too lucky to die soooo why not?] He nodded at his decision and handed the keys to Atsuko who had the appropriate shoe on the appropriate foot. Yusuke came out of the kitchen with a thermos of coffee which he handed to his mother.
"You don't have sake, do you?" he asked anxiously.
"No stop worrying! Don't be so stiff Yusuke!" Atsuko said, lighting a cigarette.
"Don't smoke! You'll probably give me or Hiei second hand smoke cancer!" Yusuke said stumbling over his words as Atsuko sighed and put out the cigarette.
"My son the worry wart! Let's go already!" she said ambling out the door and down the stairs toward a decrepit old car.
"It's probably not even legal to have that scrap heap on the road," Yusuke muttered grabbing his hat. Hiei remained quiet through the whole exchange, it being a family matter. "Come on Hiei let's get going," Yusuke said sighing.
"Hn," Hiei said following the detective down the steps and to the car and I use the term loosely.
Atsuko pulled open her door and it made creaking noises as she got in the driver's seat. Yusuke opened the backdoor and let Hiei get in first and then got in beside him pulling the door closed.
"I was hoping to wait a while before dying again but to die in another car crash is just kind of tacky don't you think?" he said trying to lighten the mood as he buckled himself in. Then he leaned over and buckled Hiei in who tried to remain indifferent even though he knew how to work a freaking seatbelt! "Hiei why is your arm on fire?"
"No reason."
"ALRIGHT BOYS HERE WE GO!" Atsuko yelled as she turned on the engine it roared and then they skidded out of the apartment parking lot.
Yusuke was praying while Hiei watched sweatdropping. "Thank you for Kekio and all my friends and my wonderful life and may my next life be just as fulfilling and may I be forgiven for all my wrongs. Please forgive me for beating up those kids at school, for all the bills I skivvied for forgetting Kekio's birthday for being mean to my friends, for every time I beat up Kuwabara . . . " the list went on and on until Atsuko hit a sharp turn and Yusuke was thrown into the door and Hiei hit his shoulder.
"You know Koenma told me that when you die he is going to reincarnate you as a squirrel," Hiei said lightly.
"He said what?!" Yusuke said shocked.
"Yep said it was already Enma approved. I'm just going to hell you have to be a squirrel and have rocks thrown at you and be stalked by women squirrels and have you ever seen a squirrel store nuts in its mouth it's really disgusting," Hiei said with a sort of thoughtful look on his face.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I DON'T WANT TO BE A SQUIRREL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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Kikira-san: hehehehe
Koenma: you know Yusuke that might not be a half bad fate for you
Hiei: I'm so glad I'm going to hell
Kurama: ditto
Yusuke: . you're all so cruel to me
Kikira-san: hehehehe REVIEW!
Yusuke: maybe then I'll feel loved
Hiei, Kurama, Koenma, Kikira-san: doubt it
A/N: sorry about the really lateness of this chapter but finals were murder. I should have the next chapter up soon. This fic probably won't be finished until after Christmas which is a little depressing and I am thinking about writing a sequel. Any ideas you guys have I'd love to here it may help my chapter updates. I hope anyways. Review I write more with reviews otherwise I'll feel unloved like Yusuke! Lol JA!
(1) I know nothing of the streets of wherever they live I think its Tokyo don't know don't care too much. No offense to any one in Tokyo this is just a fic however, not in-depth research. But u could tell me anyways so I could know. I really am bad at this! Lol @.@
(2) I stole that off of a vacation site that told me that 40,000 yen equaled 380 dollars and that 1,000 yen equaled 9.50 dollars. I don't know if its right. Sorry!