Samantha Spade POV:
Spade Residence
March 5, 2004
6:45 p.m.
It feels like ages since Jack and I spent time together on a Friday night, without his girls. The past several weeks, I've been trying, to no avail, to get in their good graces. It hasn't happened yet, and likely won't for some time.
I knew it would take a while for things to go well, especially since Hannah's appointments with the child psychiatrist haven't been all that helpful. I laughed when I heard that; she's more like me than she realizes.
It wasn't a surprise when Jack dropped by with the girls last Friday. We talked about it, but nothing was set in stone. When he brought the girls by, they scouted my apartment, even more curious than the first time they were inside. Things went smoothly, until Hannah decided to get something to drink and threw a glass to the floor, along with a second, and a third. Her dark laughter sent a chill through my body, and I suggested that Jack should spend the weekends with his girls and I'd have some quality time alone.
He agreed for fear of what Hannah might do next and what harm she could inflict on herself.
We shouldn't have given in, letting Hannah get her way on the matter. She knows she's won, even if it's only for a temporary time. She's trying to drive a stake between us and I'm about ready to give up fighting her.
I love Jack and I always will, but his children want nothing to do with me. I can't keep pretending all will go well, not with what I'm about to find out.
I sit on the side of the bathtub, staring at the pregnancy test and my watch. I can hear each second ticking away and I feel my life doing the same.
"Oh, Jack." I shake my head in dismay, seeing the two lines reveal I'm pregnant.
I should be happy, overzealous with joy—but I'm not.
I'm worried how the girls will react to the knowledge. I can't keep trying to get on their good side, and now with a baby on the way---. I let out a sigh and feel tears welling in my eyes.
"I want this baby," I whisper to myself. I want Jack too, and I'm not sure I can have both right now—not with his girls and their behavior. It might be something they'll outgrow, but what if it's not?
What if Hannah grows jealous and tries to hurt the baby? Would she do that? I wouldn't think so, but if she feels even more anger than she already is experiencing, anything could happen.
"Oh, Jack." I shake my head and toss the pregnancy test into the trashcan. I wash my hands and head into my bedroom.
I have but one choice, and I hope I'm not making the biggest mistake of my life. I love Jack and I want this child. I'm not sure I can do this alone and if I tell him, what then?
I grab my suitcase, tossing in as many clothes as I can. I pocket my FBI badge and leave my cell phone and weapon on the nightstand, with no use for either of those things.
I grab a piece of paper and quickly scribble, "I'm sorry, Jack." I leave the note on the kitchen table for him to see and shut off the lights. I leave my car keys, knowing he'll track me down if I take my vehicle. I grab the $200 cash I got from the ATM machine only hours before and head outside for a cab to the bus station.
******************
Jack Malone POV:
Jack & Samantha Residence
March 5, 2004
10:45 p.m.
The girls are in bed and I lie on the couch. I grab the phone and dial Samantha, wanting to make sure everything's all right—she seemed preoccupied at work.
Her home phone rings four times until the machine picks up.
"Sam, it's me. I wanted to see how you were doing. I'll try your cell phone. Love you." I hang up the phone and quickly dial her cell phone.
Her cell phone rings several times before her voice mail picks up, "Sam, call me when you get this message."
I hang up the phone and flip through the channels, waiting up to hear from her. She probably decided to go out for something to eat, but shouldn't she be home by now? Maybe she stopped by Danny's. She does hang out with him from time to time, although normally he comes over to her place.
"Shit," I groan, frustrated at not being able to get a hold of her. I close my eyes, running my hand through my hair. "I'm sure it's nothing." I try to talk some sense into my head. She probably just turned the ringer off and fell asleep early.
I flip off the television, stand up and head towards the bedroom. I change into a pair of pajamas and slip into the cold, lonely bed.
I hate not having Samantha here with me; this is her home too. I wish I knew what to do to about the girls. Kate's slowly following in Hannah's footsteps, intentionally spilling and breaking things. I'm grateful Hannah hasn't tried anything more dramatic, but it still scares me.
The therapist says it's probably a good idea to take things slow between Sam and myself for the time being—try to incorporate her slowly into our lives. Hannah doesn't want Sam around at all, and I can't blame her. After all, it was Samantha whom I was with when I didn't come home all those nights.
I've suggested that Samantha should talk to Lisa Harris about everything but she laughs it off, telling me there's nothing to talk about. She acts like it doesn't bother her, but late at night when we're in bed, I feel her wet tears on the pillow and I hold her close. She pretends to be sleeping, but I know better. She won't talk about it with me and I worry that we're slowly breaking apart.
I love Samantha, and I want nothing more than to have her in my life. I don't know what to do anymore, though. My children shouldn't rule my life and yet they do. They're my children; how can I not put them first, even before myself?
I shut off the lights and grab the pillow that Sam normally sleeps on. I hold it close against me—since I can't hold her—and smell her wonderful perfume lingering on the pillowcase.
"I love you, Sam. I hope you know that," I whisper into the night air as I close my eyes to sleep.
**************
Monica Reyes POV:
Monica Reyes Residence
March 5, 2004
11:25 p.m.
I hear a rapid knocking against the door. "Just a minute," I call out, pulling on my robe and glancing through the peephole. "Samantha?" I question, remembering her from a case a little over a month ago.
"I'm sorry for coming by so late." She chews on her lips, her hands holding a suitcase.
"Come inside," I say as I open the door and show her in. "What's wrong?" I take her bag from her hands, moving it to rest beside the couch.
"I--" she pauses, giving me a brief, sad smile, "I had to get away. There was nowhere else I could go," she shakes her head. "I'm sorry, I--"
"It's okay," I nod, giving her a refreshing smile. "You want coffee?" I head into the kitchen to put on a pot.
"No." She absently moves her hand to her abdomen and I take note of her behavior.
"Tea?"
"Do you have decaf coffee?" Samantha questions, following me into the kitchen.
"Yeah." I work on making coffee while she sits at the kitchen table.
She jumps up, her heart racing as she glances around. "Did you hear that?"
"I have company in the bedroom," I laugh softly, "but he's asleep."
"Oh God," she runs her hand through her hair, "I'm so embarrassed."
"Don't be," I reassure her.
"I would have gone to John's home in Falls Church, but he wasn't home."
"I know," I nod and she glances down the hall, realizing who my company is.
"Oh." Her eyes tell me she understands and she lets out a soft laugh. "I'm sorry for intruding. I can get a hotel."
"What are you running from?"
"I can't go home," she shakes her head, her eyes staring at her hands. "I want to, but I can't."
"Samantha," I slowly approach her, "you have to tell me what's going on." I take a seat beside her. "Does this have anything to do with Jack and Maria?"
"Yes and no," she lets out a tired sigh. "They're getting a divorce."
"And?" I question.
"He has two girls who hate me."
"It takes time," I offer.
"We've given it almost a month but they won't budge an inch on the issue. Hannah scares me and I think she scares him too," she lets out a breath. "I don't want him to have to choose."
"Choose? Between you and his children?" I clarify.
"Between this baby and his girls," she answers.
I nod my head, understanding why she's so upset.
"Does he know?"
"No," she closes her eyes, shaking her head. "I want him to know, but it's best if he doesn't."
"Why?" I question gently, moving my hands over hers.
"The girls won't accept it, and they don't accept me," she whispers. "It'll only make things worse and I'm not sure I can take it."
"You have to try," I tell her. She gives me a sad, heartbreaking look. "You love him, right?"
"Of course," she answers.
"Then call him, Samantha. Tell him how you're feeling. He's not a mind reader."
I see her lips form upwards. "Yeah," she nods with a sigh. "I'll do that in the morning."
"You can stay the night here if you'd like."
"Thanks," she smiles appreciatively, heading for the couch.
"I have a guest room," I offer. "It's not the greatest, but it'll do for the night."
She grabs her bag and follows me down the hall. "Thanks again, Monica."
I shut the door for her and head quietly into the bedroom to see John on his back, with the light on, and sound asleep. I can't hide the smile on my face at how adorable he looks right now.
*****************
Samantha Spade POV:
Monica Reyes Residence
March 6, 2004
12:45 a.m.
I sit on the edge of the bed, listening to the quiet sounds of the night, waiting for everyone to fall asleep.
When enough time passes, I grab my bag and tiptoe towards the door. I see a pad of paper by the phone and scribble a note.
'I'm sorry but I couldn't do it. Please keep this between us.'
I pick up my bag and quietly exit out her front door. I glance back, hoping she'll keep my secret because it's for the best.
I hail a cab, having no idea where I want to go. "Bus station," I tell the driver, as I lean back and mull things over.
"Ma'am." I feel the car stop and open my eyes.
"I hadn't realized I'd dozed off," I laugh softly, handing the driver some cash before grabbing my bag and heading inside.
I glance around, looking through the different routes, trying to decide what town would best suit me. I could go down to Richmond; I know there's a field office there I could transfer to. I suppose if I don't like Richmond, I could always go someplace else.
I let out a soft sigh, heading towards the only open window to get a bus ticket. I hand over the money, and follow down to where the bus departs.
In no time I'm sitting down on the bus, and I suddenly wish I had my cell phone. I could call Danny when I get there. I know he'd keep my secret and help me out with moving my things down here.
I hope Jack will forgive me, but what other choice do I have? I can't take the chance that he'll tell me it's too soon for us to have this baby. I hope he'll understand when he finds out I'm gone.
Spade Residence
March 5, 2004
6:45 p.m.
It feels like ages since Jack and I spent time together on a Friday night, without his girls. The past several weeks, I've been trying, to no avail, to get in their good graces. It hasn't happened yet, and likely won't for some time.
I knew it would take a while for things to go well, especially since Hannah's appointments with the child psychiatrist haven't been all that helpful. I laughed when I heard that; she's more like me than she realizes.
It wasn't a surprise when Jack dropped by with the girls last Friday. We talked about it, but nothing was set in stone. When he brought the girls by, they scouted my apartment, even more curious than the first time they were inside. Things went smoothly, until Hannah decided to get something to drink and threw a glass to the floor, along with a second, and a third. Her dark laughter sent a chill through my body, and I suggested that Jack should spend the weekends with his girls and I'd have some quality time alone.
He agreed for fear of what Hannah might do next and what harm she could inflict on herself.
We shouldn't have given in, letting Hannah get her way on the matter. She knows she's won, even if it's only for a temporary time. She's trying to drive a stake between us and I'm about ready to give up fighting her.
I love Jack and I always will, but his children want nothing to do with me. I can't keep pretending all will go well, not with what I'm about to find out.
I sit on the side of the bathtub, staring at the pregnancy test and my watch. I can hear each second ticking away and I feel my life doing the same.
"Oh, Jack." I shake my head in dismay, seeing the two lines reveal I'm pregnant.
I should be happy, overzealous with joy—but I'm not.
I'm worried how the girls will react to the knowledge. I can't keep trying to get on their good side, and now with a baby on the way---. I let out a sigh and feel tears welling in my eyes.
"I want this baby," I whisper to myself. I want Jack too, and I'm not sure I can have both right now—not with his girls and their behavior. It might be something they'll outgrow, but what if it's not?
What if Hannah grows jealous and tries to hurt the baby? Would she do that? I wouldn't think so, but if she feels even more anger than she already is experiencing, anything could happen.
"Oh, Jack." I shake my head and toss the pregnancy test into the trashcan. I wash my hands and head into my bedroom.
I have but one choice, and I hope I'm not making the biggest mistake of my life. I love Jack and I want this child. I'm not sure I can do this alone and if I tell him, what then?
I grab my suitcase, tossing in as many clothes as I can. I pocket my FBI badge and leave my cell phone and weapon on the nightstand, with no use for either of those things.
I grab a piece of paper and quickly scribble, "I'm sorry, Jack." I leave the note on the kitchen table for him to see and shut off the lights. I leave my car keys, knowing he'll track me down if I take my vehicle. I grab the $200 cash I got from the ATM machine only hours before and head outside for a cab to the bus station.
******************
Jack Malone POV:
Jack & Samantha Residence
March 5, 2004
10:45 p.m.
The girls are in bed and I lie on the couch. I grab the phone and dial Samantha, wanting to make sure everything's all right—she seemed preoccupied at work.
Her home phone rings four times until the machine picks up.
"Sam, it's me. I wanted to see how you were doing. I'll try your cell phone. Love you." I hang up the phone and quickly dial her cell phone.
Her cell phone rings several times before her voice mail picks up, "Sam, call me when you get this message."
I hang up the phone and flip through the channels, waiting up to hear from her. She probably decided to go out for something to eat, but shouldn't she be home by now? Maybe she stopped by Danny's. She does hang out with him from time to time, although normally he comes over to her place.
"Shit," I groan, frustrated at not being able to get a hold of her. I close my eyes, running my hand through my hair. "I'm sure it's nothing." I try to talk some sense into my head. She probably just turned the ringer off and fell asleep early.
I flip off the television, stand up and head towards the bedroom. I change into a pair of pajamas and slip into the cold, lonely bed.
I hate not having Samantha here with me; this is her home too. I wish I knew what to do to about the girls. Kate's slowly following in Hannah's footsteps, intentionally spilling and breaking things. I'm grateful Hannah hasn't tried anything more dramatic, but it still scares me.
The therapist says it's probably a good idea to take things slow between Sam and myself for the time being—try to incorporate her slowly into our lives. Hannah doesn't want Sam around at all, and I can't blame her. After all, it was Samantha whom I was with when I didn't come home all those nights.
I've suggested that Samantha should talk to Lisa Harris about everything but she laughs it off, telling me there's nothing to talk about. She acts like it doesn't bother her, but late at night when we're in bed, I feel her wet tears on the pillow and I hold her close. She pretends to be sleeping, but I know better. She won't talk about it with me and I worry that we're slowly breaking apart.
I love Samantha, and I want nothing more than to have her in my life. I don't know what to do anymore, though. My children shouldn't rule my life and yet they do. They're my children; how can I not put them first, even before myself?
I shut off the lights and grab the pillow that Sam normally sleeps on. I hold it close against me—since I can't hold her—and smell her wonderful perfume lingering on the pillowcase.
"I love you, Sam. I hope you know that," I whisper into the night air as I close my eyes to sleep.
**************
Monica Reyes POV:
Monica Reyes Residence
March 5, 2004
11:25 p.m.
I hear a rapid knocking against the door. "Just a minute," I call out, pulling on my robe and glancing through the peephole. "Samantha?" I question, remembering her from a case a little over a month ago.
"I'm sorry for coming by so late." She chews on her lips, her hands holding a suitcase.
"Come inside," I say as I open the door and show her in. "What's wrong?" I take her bag from her hands, moving it to rest beside the couch.
"I--" she pauses, giving me a brief, sad smile, "I had to get away. There was nowhere else I could go," she shakes her head. "I'm sorry, I--"
"It's okay," I nod, giving her a refreshing smile. "You want coffee?" I head into the kitchen to put on a pot.
"No." She absently moves her hand to her abdomen and I take note of her behavior.
"Tea?"
"Do you have decaf coffee?" Samantha questions, following me into the kitchen.
"Yeah." I work on making coffee while she sits at the kitchen table.
She jumps up, her heart racing as she glances around. "Did you hear that?"
"I have company in the bedroom," I laugh softly, "but he's asleep."
"Oh God," she runs her hand through her hair, "I'm so embarrassed."
"Don't be," I reassure her.
"I would have gone to John's home in Falls Church, but he wasn't home."
"I know," I nod and she glances down the hall, realizing who my company is.
"Oh." Her eyes tell me she understands and she lets out a soft laugh. "I'm sorry for intruding. I can get a hotel."
"What are you running from?"
"I can't go home," she shakes her head, her eyes staring at her hands. "I want to, but I can't."
"Samantha," I slowly approach her, "you have to tell me what's going on." I take a seat beside her. "Does this have anything to do with Jack and Maria?"
"Yes and no," she lets out a tired sigh. "They're getting a divorce."
"And?" I question.
"He has two girls who hate me."
"It takes time," I offer.
"We've given it almost a month but they won't budge an inch on the issue. Hannah scares me and I think she scares him too," she lets out a breath. "I don't want him to have to choose."
"Choose? Between you and his children?" I clarify.
"Between this baby and his girls," she answers.
I nod my head, understanding why she's so upset.
"Does he know?"
"No," she closes her eyes, shaking her head. "I want him to know, but it's best if he doesn't."
"Why?" I question gently, moving my hands over hers.
"The girls won't accept it, and they don't accept me," she whispers. "It'll only make things worse and I'm not sure I can take it."
"You have to try," I tell her. She gives me a sad, heartbreaking look. "You love him, right?"
"Of course," she answers.
"Then call him, Samantha. Tell him how you're feeling. He's not a mind reader."
I see her lips form upwards. "Yeah," she nods with a sigh. "I'll do that in the morning."
"You can stay the night here if you'd like."
"Thanks," she smiles appreciatively, heading for the couch.
"I have a guest room," I offer. "It's not the greatest, but it'll do for the night."
She grabs her bag and follows me down the hall. "Thanks again, Monica."
I shut the door for her and head quietly into the bedroom to see John on his back, with the light on, and sound asleep. I can't hide the smile on my face at how adorable he looks right now.
*****************
Samantha Spade POV:
Monica Reyes Residence
March 6, 2004
12:45 a.m.
I sit on the edge of the bed, listening to the quiet sounds of the night, waiting for everyone to fall asleep.
When enough time passes, I grab my bag and tiptoe towards the door. I see a pad of paper by the phone and scribble a note.
'I'm sorry but I couldn't do it. Please keep this between us.'
I pick up my bag and quietly exit out her front door. I glance back, hoping she'll keep my secret because it's for the best.
I hail a cab, having no idea where I want to go. "Bus station," I tell the driver, as I lean back and mull things over.
"Ma'am." I feel the car stop and open my eyes.
"I hadn't realized I'd dozed off," I laugh softly, handing the driver some cash before grabbing my bag and heading inside.
I glance around, looking through the different routes, trying to decide what town would best suit me. I could go down to Richmond; I know there's a field office there I could transfer to. I suppose if I don't like Richmond, I could always go someplace else.
I let out a soft sigh, heading towards the only open window to get a bus ticket. I hand over the money, and follow down to where the bus departs.
In no time I'm sitting down on the bus, and I suddenly wish I had my cell phone. I could call Danny when I get there. I know he'd keep my secret and help me out with moving my things down here.
I hope Jack will forgive me, but what other choice do I have? I can't take the chance that he'll tell me it's too soon for us to have this baby. I hope he'll understand when he finds out I'm gone.