Chapter 2: Regret The wind howled outside of Kaiba mansion. The sound of pouring rain was all that filled
Seto's ears. At first he had been angry at the storm for knocking out his power, but he
knew that cursing at a darkened empty house would do nothing. Seto squatted and put the
lighter to the fireplace. The logs caught fire, and an orange glow filled the room. The fire
provided just enough light to see; dark shadows hovered just outside the fire's glow. Seto
stared at the dancing flames for a moment. How long had it been since he'd last sat by the
fire? Seto then went to the dresser in the living room and found the emergency candles.
He lit them too and placed them on the coffee table and side tables. He lit five in all. He
could feel the eerie atmosphere the lights created. By candlelight the burgundy carpet and
everything in the room seemed more vivid, glowing in it's own aura. Seto sat on the
floor. He did not enjoy being idle, but there was not much he could do seeing as the storm
had forced him from his laptop (what a time to be out of backup batteries). Soon he was
bored so he found a deck of duel cards and began laying out his collection. His mind
wandered. Outside the rain began to turn into snow. Now there was no noise. The silence
weighed on Seto's mind and heart.
'It's too quiet. I wonder how Mokuba is doing? If he were here at least I'd have
someone to talk to. Moto better take good care of him. Sleepover, how ridiculous,'
Random thoughts such as these floated through his mind.
~Tatoeba dokomade modorebaii?Oshiete
Subete wa Itami wo tomonauhodo azayaka~
Memories of the recent past blended with memories of long ago. Painful thoughts and
emotions danced across his heart and mind. Visions of Gozaburo yelling flickered before
his mind's eye. Try as he might to keep the suppressed thoughts from coming, the
maddening silence and flickering flames only added to his depressed mood. It was in this
same house where he had been tortured. Here the painful memories were all too present.
Now he was remembering. Now he was reminiscing in memories he never wanted to
have. He could hear the screams, taste the tears, and see the blood. It was all so long ago
yet, so painful.
~Hontou was Wakeaerumono nantenaikara furikaeranakatta~
The candles were halfway spent. Seto dropped the Mystical Elf card from his hand. A drop of hot wax fell on his arm, pulling him from his revelry. He noticed that absentmindedly he had been gripping one of the candles.
'Kisara would say that the candles provided atmosphere,' he thought.Kisara. The name brought a fresh batch of memories. In the weeks following her sudden.reappearance she and Seto had spent some time together. Things had been going well. Too well, Seto began to worry about getting too involved. He convinced himself that she would never understand who he was or his new life. He became cold and withdrawn toward her. He withdrew into work and spent less and less time with her. He would cancel dates at the last minute. He would promise to meet her and never show. Three months and countless broken promises later, she confronted him and he had simply walked away from her, ending the relationship.
~fall into a light sleep Watashi ni michiru
I don't carry out yakusoku wa yagate
Itsukano Kagayaki suteta
Kaerenai asa no hikari noyou~
Seto climbed onto the couch and stretched. He was tired. Also his eyes hurt from the dim
light. He closed them and slipped into a semi conscious state. Sleep began to wash over
him. He wanted to lose himself to the darkness, to not have to feel or think. He began to
dream of a night, the night he let Kisara go.
~Tsumetai kokoro no soba ni iruyo Kogoete
Tsuzuki wa kobamenaikurai hora asahaka~
*****************Three weeks ago **********
It was a brisk autumn night. Kisara and Seto stood underneath a solid oak in the city park. The silver moon was full.
"Seto, please. I need to know. Are you serious about me?" she asked
Her eyes were anxious and expectant. Seto hesitated. He cared about her, and he knew he did. He wanted to hold her more
then anything right. She had made him feel safe, carefree, and happier than he had been in a long time.
'She'll only hurt you if you give her your heart,' a voice in Seto's mind whispered
Suddenly, he refused to be vulnerable, refused to let her hurt him, refused to admit that he needed her. Before his heart could
stop him, Seto answered
"No,"
Kisara's sapphire eyes shook with despair. In one syllable he had destroyed her happiness, and shattered her heart. She
turned and fled. Her silver hair fluttered behind as she ran. Seto watched her disappear into darkness, his face blank. A gust of
wind blew, and he pulled his jacket closer around himself. Somehow he could not get warm.
**************************************************
~Kitsukazu ni kaketa kanjou hiroi atsumete Yurushi wo motometara~
The crackling of the fire brought Seto back to consciousness. He remembered the brief dream. He remembered the tears on the verge of spilling as she looked at him one last time. He remembered the utter desperation as he watched her run away. Immediately he had regretted it. He had wanted to call out to her to come back, but she was gone. He had hurt her, and he felt guilty.
"I'm sorry," he whispered
She would never hear him, but somehow he had needed to say it. Sighing, he got up and gathered the duel cards he had left on the floor. The Blue Eyes White Dragon glittered in the firelight as Seto picked it up. He added it to the growing stack in his hand. Then he went to the desk and put it in the drawer. As he was closing the drawer something caught his eye.
~fall into a light sleep Hitori no yoru ni
I'm beginning to learn kanashimi no shikumi
Anata no Nukumori kakushi
Afuredeta sonoyami ni obieru~
It was a framed picture of him and Kisara. She had her arms around his neck in a hug. She was laughing and Seto was smiling too. They looked so happy in the picture. He looked at it fondly for a moment. Then he shook his head. She was gone. She was gone because of him, and she wasn't coming back. He put the picture back in the drawer.
~fall into a light sleep Watashi ni michiru
I don't carry out yakusoku wa yagate
Itsukano Kagayaki suteta
Kaerenai asa no hikari noyou~
Again silence filled the house. He remembered how happy he had been with Kisara. Absentmindedly he put his hand over his heart. Suddenly, he felt a cold chill run throughhis body again. Getting up, he added another log to the fire.
'I'm all alone now,' Seto thought
Seto could feel tears well in his eyes at that thought. He looked up, trying to drain them away, refusing to let them fall. Presently his hand wrapped around a small picture on the table. It was the picture of his younger self. In the picture he was smiling. He had been happy when the picture was taken. They had just given out new toys, and Seto had gotten a soccer ball. At the time he thought it was cool. The young boy in the picture looked innocent and genuinely glad. It was a picture of who Seto used to be. A picture of who hehad been before Gozaburo, before he gave up on being happy, before he his hearthad turned to ice, before he had learned misery. Then Seto went to the desk and pulled out the picture of him and Kisara. As he was pulling out the picture he noticed something else in the drawer. It was an old photograph of Gozaburo Kaiba. Apparently Gozaburo had left that in his desk and it had never been found until now. Seto scowled at the picture. Gozaburo hadtaken away the joy Seto possessed, and Kisara had tried to share her joy with him. An empty feeling filled Seto's chest.
"I won't fear pain just because you hurt me so long. I won't let what you did keep me from Kisara," Seto whispered fiercely to the picture.
He threw the picture of Gozaburo into the fire and let it burn. He watched as the picture turned black and fell to ashes. Then he threw water on the fire. The room became colder and darker all at the same instant with the death of the fire. Then Seto began blowing out candles. He got four of them and picked up the fifth one. He carried it to his room. He changed into black silk pajamas and slipped under the covers. Then he blew out the final candle. Now the inky blackness enveloped him. He lay his head down and closed his eyes. Seto shivered and somewhere within him, he wished that he could get warm. Outside, the blizzard stopped.
Half Pain Lyrics Translation:
How far back should I have to go? Tell me.
Everything is so painfully vivid.
The truth is, we couldn't understand each other,
So I left and didn't look back
Fall into a light sleep, it encompasses my very being
I never carry out my promises
So long ago, I threw away my brightness
And like the light from the morning sun, it can never return.
It lies beside this cold heart, frozen
So completely mindless that it persists forever
Numbly, I gather the remnants of my emotions,
And searching for redemption, I...
Fall into a light sleep, on a lonely night
I'm beginning to learn the designs of sorrow
The hiding away of your warm presence
Makes me fear the overflowing darkness
Fall into a light sleep, it encompasses my very being
I never carry out my promises
So long ago, I threw away my brightness
And like the light from the morning sun, it can never return
I don't own Yu-gi-oh
Now you know why I chose this song. The lyrics are so beautiful and so sad. Thank you to www.animelyrics.com for the translation. The song is gorgeous it's called Half Pain, by Bana and it's the ending theme to Witch Hunter Robin. I tried to capture the emotion of the song but, I don't think I did a very good job. I think the song fits Seto though. It makes a great Seto angst songfic anyway. I've got it stuck in my head and I keep listening to it over and over. I most definitely suggest you somehow get this song. Anyway yeah a pretty uneventful chapter but, the next one will be good I hope. Thanks for reading. Any questions, comments, or concerns can be sent to Nkitpanich@msn.com