Jack Malone POV:
Dr. Sterling
March 8, 2004
3:55 p.m.
I wait, with Hannah sitting beside me, and she glances through a magazine, while Kate is sitting at a small table, coloring with markers.
I've already informed the girls that Samantha's back and is having a baby in a few months. Kate seemed genuinely enthusiastic, while Hannah refused to say anything.
"Hannah," Dr. Sterling comes out, waving for us to go inside.
"Kate," I eye her.
"I know," she nods. "Stay in here, don't leave, don't talk to strangers." She blows me a kiss and I walk with Hannah back towards the doctor's office.
"The past few weeks, Maria and I have found it more productive if I speak with Hannah alone." She smiles politely towards me, showing me back to the waiting area while they have their therapy session.
"I knew you'd be back," Kate grins, coming over towards me. "I made this for you." She hands me a picture of a baby that a woman with blonde hair is holding. "This is Samantha with her baby. This is us," she shows me another picture of Maria, the girls, and myself. "Why can't we keep it this way?"
"Come here," I tell her, lifting her into my lap as she glances up at me.
"You know your mother and I weren't happy when we were living together. I loved tucking you in, reading you stories, watching television with you, and playing games, but do you remember all the fighting between your mother and me?" She nods with her big brown eyes. "That wasn't fun, was it?"
"No," she answers softly, her eyes looking downward. "Will you leave us like Samantha left you?"
"No," I answer, "I will always be your father and I will always be in your life," I tell Kate, giving her a hug as she clings to me.
"What about Samantha? Why does she have to live with us?"
"I love her, just like I love you girls. I would hope that you would be respectful and nice to her."
"I am," she answers with a pleading voice. "I wasn't like Hannah."
"No, but you didn't make her feel welcome either."
"I know," she lets out a sigh, "but I don't want a new mommy."
"You'll still have your mom and then you're going to get another one, someday."
"Two moms?" she questions.
"Yes," I nod.
"Are you going to marry Samantha?"
"One day. I hope that you'll accept her when I do?"
"She's going to have my brother or sister?" Kate questions.
"Yes," I nod, "you'll have a half-brother that needs your love and someone to look up to. Can you do that?"
"Yeah," she smiles eagerly. "Does Mommy know yet?" Kate whispers.
"Not yet," I answer with a soft breath. I dread even the thought of telling Maria—maybe because I'm concerned about her reaction. It's not as though she doesn't know about the affair with Samantha, but it finalizes everything, including the divorce.
******************
Samantha Spade POV:
Jack & Samantha Residence
March 8, 2004
5:45 p.m.
I glance towards the clock, knowing Jack will be home any moment. He's planning to drop the girls off at Maria's on his way over.
I let out a breath, remembering that he'll likely be telling her about the pregnancy. I can only venture a guess as to her reaction.
I grab at the blanket over the sofa, tugging it around me before closing my eyes. I let out a soft breath and minutes later hear the door unlock.
I keep my eyes shut and hear his footsteps against the floor. He heads towards the sofa, leans down and draws his fingers through my hair, then kisses my temple.
"Mmm," I feel a smile playing on my lips.
"How'd it go?" I yawn, rolling onto my back to stare up at him. He kneels on the floor and I roll onto my side, giving him room to sit beside me.
"Kate seems to be taking the news pretty well."
"And Hannah?"
"She won't talk to me," Jack answers. "I told Maria about the baby."
"And?" I sit up slowly, curious for more information.
"She thinks we should have used something," he laughs softly.
I roll my eyes. "Are the girls coming over Friday night?"
"I don't know," he answers honestly. "They are supposed to, but if Hannah is really against coming over, I won't force her."
"I can go back to my apart—" Jack silences me with a kiss.
"You're staying here," he eyes me intently. "Besides, I don't see why you need your own place. This is your home too."
"Jack," I sigh and shake my head. "Do you think Van Doren would be so accepting?"
"She probably doesn't even know where you live."
"Martin and Danny do," I point out.
"Do you think they'd tell her?"
"Martin might," I laugh softly, "especially when he finds out I'm pregnant with your son." Jack looks confused. "I think he has a slight crush on me," I answer with a smile.
"Who doesn't?" He kisses me tenderly, his hand running through my hair. "You hungry?"
"Not really."
"I'll make dinner. You need to start thinking about our son." He eyes me and then my stomach.
"I know," I answer with a sigh and a yawn.
"Get some rest. I'll wake you when dinner's ready."
"Thanks," I respond, closing my eyes and feeling Jack press a soft kiss to my forehead before he shifts off the sofa and heads into the kitchen.
Once we've finished dinner and Jack insists on clearing the table, I head into the bathroom for a shower. As far as I can tell, I still smell of vomit and sweat, even though Jack denies it.
"Be careful," he reminds me, as I head towards the bedroom.
"You want to join me?" I tease. "Then you can keep an eye on me," I laugh softly.
"Don't tempt me," he answers, moving towards me for another tasty kiss. "I need to finish up in here, though." He eyes me seriously. "Would a bath be better? More relaxing? You're supposed to take it easy," he reminds me.
I plant a soft kiss on his lips. "I'll be fine in the shower."
I leave the bathroom door cracked, letting him come in if he desires. I run the shower, peel off my clothes and step beneath the warm spray.
I let out a sigh, feeling the water wash away the dirt as I glance down at my abdomen. Two months and I never knew, I shake my head with a sigh. I grab the soap and shampoo and clean myself all over before rinsing and shutting off the water. I wrap a large, fluffy towel around my body, then shut the bathroom door, keeping the warmth contained in the small room.
"Sam?" Jack knocks softly against the door.
"I'll be done in a minute," I answer, drying myself off and slipping into a pair of pajamas. I head into the dimly lit bedroom, seeing Jack beneath the covers.
"Bedtime all ready?" I smile, tossing my dirty clothes into the laundry basket. I flip off the light and then crawl into bed beside Jack.
"We don't have to go to sleep right away," he answers, his breath warm against my neck.
"I'm not exactly in the mood for anything sexual."
"It's okay," he answers with a reassuring nod. "You're supposed to be resting," he reminds me, drawing his arm around my waist as he holds me close.
I let out a soft sigh, rolling onto my side to face him. "What if we don't get through this?"
"What?" he eyes me confused.
"Your girls, the baby." I let out a soft breath of air that teases his lips.
"There are no what-ifs," he answers. "Kate seems to be handling the adjustment well and Hannah will come around."
"And if she doesn't?" I eye him warily.
He's silent, letting his thoughts run through his mind. "Promise me you'll meet with Lisa Harris again?"
"I've been seeing her." He eyes me intently. "I have," I reaffirm.
"Have you been discussing everything about the girls and all this you've kept bottled inside."
"No," I laugh with a soft smile. "It's personal."
"Sam," he rolls his eyes in the darkness trying to mask the humor that's surfacing on his features. "She's a therapist. You're supposed to confide in her."
"It isn't like I know her at all. I'm just supposed to sit down and tell her my life story?" I point out.
"That's what she's there for. No wonder she has to practically pull teeth to get you to come in."
"I'm not that awful," I answer thoughtfully.
"No," he draws his hand along my hips, teasing the soft skin. "You don't make it easy, though, for any of us. You need to tell her what's bothering you, or talk to me."
"I do," I whisper.
"And running away, was what—?"
"Stupid," I wince.
"Yes it was. It was also because you were scared. If you're not going to talk to me about what's bothering you, then you need to talk to someone," he eyes me seriously.
"I know," I whisper. "I called Danny as soon as I left. I confide in him when things get rough."
"Sam," he eyes me sternly.
"Fine," I let out a sigh. "I'll make another appointment with Lisa."
"I'm just looking out for what's in your best interest. I want to make sure you and the baby stay healthy."
"I know," I nod, closing my eyes. "Goodnight, Jack."
I feel his lips on mine for a brief, yet sweet kiss.
"Night, Sam."
***************
Samantha Spade POV:
Lisa Harris' Office
March 9, 2004
5:55 p.m.
I take a seat across from her, letting out a soft yawn as she pulls out a notebook to scribble down information.
"Tired?" she smiles softly and I nod with another yawn.
"Yeah," I laugh, watching as she poises her pen, ready to transcribe our session.
"I was surprised to see you bumped up your appointments."
"Yeah," I nod. "Jack, my superior, thought it would be best if I came in three times a week."
"Is that right?" I glance around her room, with a silent nod. "Do you want to tell me what's bothering you?"
"You get right to the point," I smile, trying to break the tension and ease my mind. The room is quiet for a few moments before I continue on with the conversation. "I've had an exhaustive weekend."
"How so?"
"I was sick—hospitalized."
"Is everything all right?"
"It will be," I nod.
"So, this past weekend. Did anything else happen?"
"I found out I was pregnant and I tried escaping."
"Escaping, how so?" I can tell she's trying to read if I'm suicidal.
"Running away," I answer. "I took off and by doing so, I scared everyone I work with."
"Why did you run?"
"I was afraid."
"Of what?" she presses the issue.
"The father finding out about the baby and him not wanting it."
"So you're in a committed relationship?"
"It wasn't a one-night stand, if that's what you're asking," I retort.
"I'm just curious why you've never spoken of him sooner."
I'm quiet, do I tell her who it is? I can't.
"There isn't much to tell."
"Then why are you so afraid of telling him the news about the baby, that you ran?"
"He's involved, with someone else."
"He's married?" she clarifies.
I nod my head, staring at my hands.
"How does that make you feel?"
"He talks about getting a divorce; they've just about signed the papers," I pause letting out a soft sigh. "It's his children who are making things difficult between us."
"His children?"
"Yes, they're not keen on me being in their family." I run my hand along my abdomen. "And now with this news," I shake my head. "I didn't think I could take it all."
"That's why you need to talk about it," she urges. "Letting it get this far—running away from your problems—doesn't fix things."
"I know," I nod. "Of all the things I did," I let out a sigh. "My job requires us to find missing people, you'd think I would choose another method of escape."
"What do you mean?"
"Nothing," I shake my head with a sigh. "I'm just saying, it's not the first time I've run off and I wonder if it won't be the last."
"You ran away before?"
"When I was sixteen."
"We've never spoken about your childhood. Why did you run away?"
"I hated it there—the small town people, the looks cast your way when they knew what you've done wrong, your mother's disgusted face."
"What happened, Samantha?"
"I left town because I didn't know what else to do. I was sixteen and pregnant. I thought if I ran, no one would ever have to know. The entire town knew about the baby. I never told a soul, but they all just knew."
"What do you mean?"
"They would whisper when I'd walk by and their eyes would stare too long."
"What happened after you ran away?"
"My mother came looking for me. I was planning on having this baby by myself. She talked me out of it. Made me consider other alternatives."
"Like abortion?"
"And adoption. She didn't want me to destroy my future. It didn't matter, I never made it to full term."
"You had a miscarriage?" she clarifies.
I nod with sullen eyes and my voice cracks, "I've never told anyone that."
"It helps to talk about these things—to keep them from spiraling out of control."
I know. I glance towards the window, trying not to let my emotions get to me.
"I told the father," I eye her. "He wasn't upset and one of his children was accepting of the baby."
"The other one?" she questions.
"Hannah, she's the one who's been the major complication. He's sent her to a therapist of her own," I laugh softly. "She's too stubborn, though, to let it help." She eyes me with amusement. "I know," I roll my eyes.
"You've told the father," she repeats. "Have you considered telling the Bureau?"
"I wanted to wait until it was a sure thing."
She nods, "A lot of women choose to wait until after the third month."
"I'm just about two months right now."
"How do you feel about the baby?"
I chew on my lip and a breath slips from my lungs. "I was nervous, afraid, terrified, but now—" I pause, trying to choose the right words. "I'm happy and frightened out of my mind at the same time. I've never been a mother, to two girls or one boy. Now to have all three of those in my life—"
"You're having a boy?" she questions. I nod with a smile.
"The hospital did an ultrasound when I was sick."
"Was everything all right?"
"Yes," I nod. "I'm still supposed to be taking it easy."
"And are you?"
"The father's been helping out."
"How so?"
"Driving me to work, watching over me, cooking for me," I laugh. "I could get used to this kind of lifestyle."
She smiles in response. "How does he feel about the baby?"
"He's excited, especially to know it's a boy." I let out a soft sigh. "I keep thinking it's not for real, though; I'll wake up any moment and it's all a dream."
"Are you concerned you'll lose the baby again?"
"Terrified," I nod. "I can't do anything, though; it's not really in my control."
"Do you accept that?"
"No," I laugh. "I hate being out of control. I hate not having a say on what happens."
"What about when you were with this guy who was married?"
"That was different. I mean—" I pause, letting out a frustrated sigh. "I don't know what I'm saying."
"I think you do," she pushes the issue on.
I shake my head no and let out a soft breath. "I think our time's up." I eye the clock and stand up abruptly. I head for the door, glancing back. "I'll see you on Thursday," I smile politely, shutting the door as fast I can and tearing down the hallway.
Dr. Sterling
March 8, 2004
3:55 p.m.
I wait, with Hannah sitting beside me, and she glances through a magazine, while Kate is sitting at a small table, coloring with markers.
I've already informed the girls that Samantha's back and is having a baby in a few months. Kate seemed genuinely enthusiastic, while Hannah refused to say anything.
"Hannah," Dr. Sterling comes out, waving for us to go inside.
"Kate," I eye her.
"I know," she nods. "Stay in here, don't leave, don't talk to strangers." She blows me a kiss and I walk with Hannah back towards the doctor's office.
"The past few weeks, Maria and I have found it more productive if I speak with Hannah alone." She smiles politely towards me, showing me back to the waiting area while they have their therapy session.
"I knew you'd be back," Kate grins, coming over towards me. "I made this for you." She hands me a picture of a baby that a woman with blonde hair is holding. "This is Samantha with her baby. This is us," she shows me another picture of Maria, the girls, and myself. "Why can't we keep it this way?"
"Come here," I tell her, lifting her into my lap as she glances up at me.
"You know your mother and I weren't happy when we were living together. I loved tucking you in, reading you stories, watching television with you, and playing games, but do you remember all the fighting between your mother and me?" She nods with her big brown eyes. "That wasn't fun, was it?"
"No," she answers softly, her eyes looking downward. "Will you leave us like Samantha left you?"
"No," I answer, "I will always be your father and I will always be in your life," I tell Kate, giving her a hug as she clings to me.
"What about Samantha? Why does she have to live with us?"
"I love her, just like I love you girls. I would hope that you would be respectful and nice to her."
"I am," she answers with a pleading voice. "I wasn't like Hannah."
"No, but you didn't make her feel welcome either."
"I know," she lets out a sigh, "but I don't want a new mommy."
"You'll still have your mom and then you're going to get another one, someday."
"Two moms?" she questions.
"Yes," I nod.
"Are you going to marry Samantha?"
"One day. I hope that you'll accept her when I do?"
"She's going to have my brother or sister?" Kate questions.
"Yes," I nod, "you'll have a half-brother that needs your love and someone to look up to. Can you do that?"
"Yeah," she smiles eagerly. "Does Mommy know yet?" Kate whispers.
"Not yet," I answer with a soft breath. I dread even the thought of telling Maria—maybe because I'm concerned about her reaction. It's not as though she doesn't know about the affair with Samantha, but it finalizes everything, including the divorce.
******************
Samantha Spade POV:
Jack & Samantha Residence
March 8, 2004
5:45 p.m.
I glance towards the clock, knowing Jack will be home any moment. He's planning to drop the girls off at Maria's on his way over.
I let out a breath, remembering that he'll likely be telling her about the pregnancy. I can only venture a guess as to her reaction.
I grab at the blanket over the sofa, tugging it around me before closing my eyes. I let out a soft breath and minutes later hear the door unlock.
I keep my eyes shut and hear his footsteps against the floor. He heads towards the sofa, leans down and draws his fingers through my hair, then kisses my temple.
"Mmm," I feel a smile playing on my lips.
"How'd it go?" I yawn, rolling onto my back to stare up at him. He kneels on the floor and I roll onto my side, giving him room to sit beside me.
"Kate seems to be taking the news pretty well."
"And Hannah?"
"She won't talk to me," Jack answers. "I told Maria about the baby."
"And?" I sit up slowly, curious for more information.
"She thinks we should have used something," he laughs softly.
I roll my eyes. "Are the girls coming over Friday night?"
"I don't know," he answers honestly. "They are supposed to, but if Hannah is really against coming over, I won't force her."
"I can go back to my apart—" Jack silences me with a kiss.
"You're staying here," he eyes me intently. "Besides, I don't see why you need your own place. This is your home too."
"Jack," I sigh and shake my head. "Do you think Van Doren would be so accepting?"
"She probably doesn't even know where you live."
"Martin and Danny do," I point out.
"Do you think they'd tell her?"
"Martin might," I laugh softly, "especially when he finds out I'm pregnant with your son." Jack looks confused. "I think he has a slight crush on me," I answer with a smile.
"Who doesn't?" He kisses me tenderly, his hand running through my hair. "You hungry?"
"Not really."
"I'll make dinner. You need to start thinking about our son." He eyes me and then my stomach.
"I know," I answer with a sigh and a yawn.
"Get some rest. I'll wake you when dinner's ready."
"Thanks," I respond, closing my eyes and feeling Jack press a soft kiss to my forehead before he shifts off the sofa and heads into the kitchen.
Once we've finished dinner and Jack insists on clearing the table, I head into the bathroom for a shower. As far as I can tell, I still smell of vomit and sweat, even though Jack denies it.
"Be careful," he reminds me, as I head towards the bedroom.
"You want to join me?" I tease. "Then you can keep an eye on me," I laugh softly.
"Don't tempt me," he answers, moving towards me for another tasty kiss. "I need to finish up in here, though." He eyes me seriously. "Would a bath be better? More relaxing? You're supposed to take it easy," he reminds me.
I plant a soft kiss on his lips. "I'll be fine in the shower."
I leave the bathroom door cracked, letting him come in if he desires. I run the shower, peel off my clothes and step beneath the warm spray.
I let out a sigh, feeling the water wash away the dirt as I glance down at my abdomen. Two months and I never knew, I shake my head with a sigh. I grab the soap and shampoo and clean myself all over before rinsing and shutting off the water. I wrap a large, fluffy towel around my body, then shut the bathroom door, keeping the warmth contained in the small room.
"Sam?" Jack knocks softly against the door.
"I'll be done in a minute," I answer, drying myself off and slipping into a pair of pajamas. I head into the dimly lit bedroom, seeing Jack beneath the covers.
"Bedtime all ready?" I smile, tossing my dirty clothes into the laundry basket. I flip off the light and then crawl into bed beside Jack.
"We don't have to go to sleep right away," he answers, his breath warm against my neck.
"I'm not exactly in the mood for anything sexual."
"It's okay," he answers with a reassuring nod. "You're supposed to be resting," he reminds me, drawing his arm around my waist as he holds me close.
I let out a soft sigh, rolling onto my side to face him. "What if we don't get through this?"
"What?" he eyes me confused.
"Your girls, the baby." I let out a soft breath of air that teases his lips.
"There are no what-ifs," he answers. "Kate seems to be handling the adjustment well and Hannah will come around."
"And if she doesn't?" I eye him warily.
He's silent, letting his thoughts run through his mind. "Promise me you'll meet with Lisa Harris again?"
"I've been seeing her." He eyes me intently. "I have," I reaffirm.
"Have you been discussing everything about the girls and all this you've kept bottled inside."
"No," I laugh with a soft smile. "It's personal."
"Sam," he rolls his eyes in the darkness trying to mask the humor that's surfacing on his features. "She's a therapist. You're supposed to confide in her."
"It isn't like I know her at all. I'm just supposed to sit down and tell her my life story?" I point out.
"That's what she's there for. No wonder she has to practically pull teeth to get you to come in."
"I'm not that awful," I answer thoughtfully.
"No," he draws his hand along my hips, teasing the soft skin. "You don't make it easy, though, for any of us. You need to tell her what's bothering you, or talk to me."
"I do," I whisper.
"And running away, was what—?"
"Stupid," I wince.
"Yes it was. It was also because you were scared. If you're not going to talk to me about what's bothering you, then you need to talk to someone," he eyes me seriously.
"I know," I whisper. "I called Danny as soon as I left. I confide in him when things get rough."
"Sam," he eyes me sternly.
"Fine," I let out a sigh. "I'll make another appointment with Lisa."
"I'm just looking out for what's in your best interest. I want to make sure you and the baby stay healthy."
"I know," I nod, closing my eyes. "Goodnight, Jack."
I feel his lips on mine for a brief, yet sweet kiss.
"Night, Sam."
***************
Samantha Spade POV:
Lisa Harris' Office
March 9, 2004
5:55 p.m.
I take a seat across from her, letting out a soft yawn as she pulls out a notebook to scribble down information.
"Tired?" she smiles softly and I nod with another yawn.
"Yeah," I laugh, watching as she poises her pen, ready to transcribe our session.
"I was surprised to see you bumped up your appointments."
"Yeah," I nod. "Jack, my superior, thought it would be best if I came in three times a week."
"Is that right?" I glance around her room, with a silent nod. "Do you want to tell me what's bothering you?"
"You get right to the point," I smile, trying to break the tension and ease my mind. The room is quiet for a few moments before I continue on with the conversation. "I've had an exhaustive weekend."
"How so?"
"I was sick—hospitalized."
"Is everything all right?"
"It will be," I nod.
"So, this past weekend. Did anything else happen?"
"I found out I was pregnant and I tried escaping."
"Escaping, how so?" I can tell she's trying to read if I'm suicidal.
"Running away," I answer. "I took off and by doing so, I scared everyone I work with."
"Why did you run?"
"I was afraid."
"Of what?" she presses the issue.
"The father finding out about the baby and him not wanting it."
"So you're in a committed relationship?"
"It wasn't a one-night stand, if that's what you're asking," I retort.
"I'm just curious why you've never spoken of him sooner."
I'm quiet, do I tell her who it is? I can't.
"There isn't much to tell."
"Then why are you so afraid of telling him the news about the baby, that you ran?"
"He's involved, with someone else."
"He's married?" she clarifies.
I nod my head, staring at my hands.
"How does that make you feel?"
"He talks about getting a divorce; they've just about signed the papers," I pause letting out a soft sigh. "It's his children who are making things difficult between us."
"His children?"
"Yes, they're not keen on me being in their family." I run my hand along my abdomen. "And now with this news," I shake my head. "I didn't think I could take it all."
"That's why you need to talk about it," she urges. "Letting it get this far—running away from your problems—doesn't fix things."
"I know," I nod. "Of all the things I did," I let out a sigh. "My job requires us to find missing people, you'd think I would choose another method of escape."
"What do you mean?"
"Nothing," I shake my head with a sigh. "I'm just saying, it's not the first time I've run off and I wonder if it won't be the last."
"You ran away before?"
"When I was sixteen."
"We've never spoken about your childhood. Why did you run away?"
"I hated it there—the small town people, the looks cast your way when they knew what you've done wrong, your mother's disgusted face."
"What happened, Samantha?"
"I left town because I didn't know what else to do. I was sixteen and pregnant. I thought if I ran, no one would ever have to know. The entire town knew about the baby. I never told a soul, but they all just knew."
"What do you mean?"
"They would whisper when I'd walk by and their eyes would stare too long."
"What happened after you ran away?"
"My mother came looking for me. I was planning on having this baby by myself. She talked me out of it. Made me consider other alternatives."
"Like abortion?"
"And adoption. She didn't want me to destroy my future. It didn't matter, I never made it to full term."
"You had a miscarriage?" she clarifies.
I nod with sullen eyes and my voice cracks, "I've never told anyone that."
"It helps to talk about these things—to keep them from spiraling out of control."
I know. I glance towards the window, trying not to let my emotions get to me.
"I told the father," I eye her. "He wasn't upset and one of his children was accepting of the baby."
"The other one?" she questions.
"Hannah, she's the one who's been the major complication. He's sent her to a therapist of her own," I laugh softly. "She's too stubborn, though, to let it help." She eyes me with amusement. "I know," I roll my eyes.
"You've told the father," she repeats. "Have you considered telling the Bureau?"
"I wanted to wait until it was a sure thing."
She nods, "A lot of women choose to wait until after the third month."
"I'm just about two months right now."
"How do you feel about the baby?"
I chew on my lip and a breath slips from my lungs. "I was nervous, afraid, terrified, but now—" I pause, trying to choose the right words. "I'm happy and frightened out of my mind at the same time. I've never been a mother, to two girls or one boy. Now to have all three of those in my life—"
"You're having a boy?" she questions. I nod with a smile.
"The hospital did an ultrasound when I was sick."
"Was everything all right?"
"Yes," I nod. "I'm still supposed to be taking it easy."
"And are you?"
"The father's been helping out."
"How so?"
"Driving me to work, watching over me, cooking for me," I laugh. "I could get used to this kind of lifestyle."
She smiles in response. "How does he feel about the baby?"
"He's excited, especially to know it's a boy." I let out a soft sigh. "I keep thinking it's not for real, though; I'll wake up any moment and it's all a dream."
"Are you concerned you'll lose the baby again?"
"Terrified," I nod. "I can't do anything, though; it's not really in my control."
"Do you accept that?"
"No," I laugh. "I hate being out of control. I hate not having a say on what happens."
"What about when you were with this guy who was married?"
"That was different. I mean—" I pause, letting out a frustrated sigh. "I don't know what I'm saying."
"I think you do," she pushes the issue on.
I shake my head no and let out a soft breath. "I think our time's up." I eye the clock and stand up abruptly. I head for the door, glancing back. "I'll see you on Thursday," I smile politely, shutting the door as fast I can and tearing down the hallway.