(L-space)

Well, I guess it weren't as obvious as I thought, oh well

Boo: come on Bob this is your part, I've been doing the rest of this story, get off ur lazy ass

Bob: *Yawn* fine, fine, I spose this is my area of expertise, so lets go.  You guys know the deal, I own non of the books used in the creation of this fanfiction.  Oh and this bit is first person, so that clears up that misunderstanding

(Unknown)

I am writing this diary, because I don't want to forget why I am here, why I can not get back, ha, why I never left.

The dwarves were sailing me back to civilization, away from that accursed war, in a few days I'd be home with my family, then all of a sudden there was a large wave which came up the tunnel, the boat shook, throwing me out, a box came over the side hitting me on the head, and I lost all consciousness.

Next thing I recall I was lying in a bed, still beneath the ground, I could see the rock above me, and my neck wouldn't move when I tried to look around, it felt weird, my brain was telling me I was moving my neck,  and yet I wasn't.  I sat up, or rather, didn't, no matter how hard I tried, my body just wouldn't listen.

I lay there for, I don't know how long, eventually my ears started working.

"There, he should have auditory capacity now."

"So he can hear us?"

"That's what I said, mud maid."

The voices were hazy, indistinct; the first one sounded like a wizard, well Ponder Stibbons, any way, and I kept expecting him to… Whiney? The second sounded like an average Morporkian teenage girl, but with a bit of a bite, the kind of the tone Angua uses when Cheri is explaining something complex.  Best not to threaten this one.

"Why couldn't we of brought a hero?"

This was the 'mud maid' again.  Then a new voice entered my ears, an unusually well spoken one, whose mere existence seemed to summon forth a whole range of complexities.

"We only had the one volume."

God help me, a bloody intellectual.

My nose started working, I could tell right away this wasn't Ankh Morpork.  It didn't smell like anywhere I'd been before, everything smelt so… sterile, apart from a slight stench of horses.

"Artemis I don't think that an accident in the tunnels was a good idea.

The intellectual caused my capsize? Probably a wizard.  Oh what I'd give to be able to move my boy and give him a sharp kick in the nadgers [1].  Though for all I know, I could be there right now.

"He needed to have a logical reason for being here.  He needed something, and a mysterious accident is a well known literary device used to transport adventurers to an unknown place."

Bloody hell fire, someone with 'a quest.' 

Yes, I can move my elbow slightly; soon I'll be the one in charge.

Another female voice entered my earshot.

"So your saying you pulled him out of this book?"

She asked, definitely another Angua.

"Yeah, I analysed his personality based on the writings, and downloaded it into a semi-organic mind."

I can't of been the only one who understood this so he explained.

"A body that's part robot, part human, and no Juliet, I haven't been grave robbing, we've been artificially growing body parts for some time now, this is just a larger version, and it's shaped itself to what he thinks he looks like."

"Why isn't his body working well?"

One of the females must be a mind reader.

"Um, well, ah, the robotic parts are taking some time to establish connections with the biological parts.  But the bad news is, I can't bring anyone else out."

"Huh?"

Everybody apart from the smart guys was confused at this point, myself included.  Other the next coming days, I began to get used to a permanent state of confusion.

"It is to complex a procedure, in most books a character is not described anywhere near as much as they need to be to have their personality transcribed.  We had to back up some of the holes in his memories and personality with stuff off a human website called fanfiction net."

"That and Foaly's machine broke down when it finished downloading his brain."

"My machine was perfectly fine, it just um, I can't try it again because I might cause a rip in reality."

Oh those, the wizards at the U U are always causing those.

"What do you mean?"

Asked a woman, I managed to move my neck slightly, she looked like a dwarf.

"Well its like, bringing a life from a different dimension, it could cause a mass flooding of literary personalities!  Walls between dimensions breaking to the ground!!!"

"Calm down Foaly, you're multiple exclaiming."

This guy Foaly was obviously paranoid.  Unfortunately at this point I fell asleep.

(Somewhere underground)

I woke up,

I could move, my body had finished 'connecting' or whatever.

I looked around out of the corners of my eyes; the dwarf was sitting behind a box with a centaur.  When he spoke I knew it was called Foaly.

"The cities locked down, all elves have left the city, and the trolls are at present, in the north west quadrant of the city."

Ah, they had a problem with elves; well it was either them or the trolls.  The Arch-chancellor once told me about elves, "sing to them," he said.  "Those buggers can't sing, so it fascinates them, keep singing and then when they're fully engrossed, kick 'em in the nuts with iron capped boots."

I looked around, Artemis and the girl weren't there.

I quickly jumped up, grabbed a crossbow that was resting on the table, kicked the dwarf away from the desk, and pointed the crossbow at the centaur's eyes.

Well, that's how I planned it would go, instead I:

Lurched of the bed, grabbed at the table near by, but without the presence of a familiar weapon, I tried to quietly pick up the chair, but it was stuck to the floor.  So I wobbled over to the desk, punched Foaly, and kicked the dwarf.

I fell over.

"Wo whe fwuble ah oo?"

My mouth still wasn't working properly.  So I did what any reasonable man would do when confronted with weird technology firing at him.  I passed out.

Bob: and that's the end of that chapter.

Boo: my Artemis Fowl is way better than your Discworld any day.

Me: that's enough, stop fighting.  Now I bet you can't guess who the mystery person is.

Boo:  I know its *gets muffled by Bob* kafwubblefwubble plobplob.

Me: see you next chapter, which non of us is posting until I get more reviews, oh and you readers are going to be trapped here in L-space until you review.

Mwahahahahhahahahahhahahahah

*disappears in a puff of smoke.*