Fearing Love
Disclaimer: I don't own Sailormoon or characters of Sailormoon. I wish I owned Mamo-chan, but sadly, I don't. So, don't sue! I'm seriously broke right now anyway!
By: Selenity Jade (Jadesama@aol.com)
Chapter Two: It Begins
It all started out quietly at first. Disappearances, murders, robberies, beatings, and mysterious illnesses increased slowly over the next few months, no one the wiser. The hospitals slowly increased their patients and no one suspected. Morgues began to have more bodies than normal, but no one questioned it. People called in sick more often and for longer periods of time, no one put the facts together. Police reports began piling up gradually; the increase in emergency calls never aroused curiosity. No one noticed but one young woman, fresh out of her teens. She watched the news and the papers religiously every morning as she ate her breakfast, taking in the beatings, robberies, and disappearances. But what could one young woman do when she had no evidence? What could one young woman do against an enemy you couldn't fight? Couldn't see?
Usagi sighed as she folded the newspaper and set it beside her empty plate. She rose from the table and entered her room, reemerging after a good hour, showered and dressed in a simple gray business suit. Her hair pulled into a loose bun at the nape of her neck, a few stray tendrils framing her delicate face. She picked up the phone in the kitchen, dialing a number from memory.
"Hello?" a familiar voice answered on the other end.
"Rei? It's Usagi," the young woman said into the receiver, absently playing with the twisted cord.
"Hey, Usagi," the priestess greeted warmly. "What's up?"
"Nothing. I have a meeting with a potential employer this morning but after that I'm free and I was wondering if you have plans for lunch. Say around noon?"
"No plans, Odango Atama. Where do you want to meet?"
"Amudeku?"
"The new restaurant downtown?"
"Yes."
"Sounds fine. Noon?"
"Yes. Thanks, Rei."
"Anytime, Usagi."
~~~
Usagi rubbed her neck tiredly as she sat in the back of the cab. She got the job, as she knew she would, but was feeling a little guilty about going about her life as if nothing was wrong with the world, but her mother had been pushing for it and she wanted her mother off her back.
She blinked as the cab pulled up to Amudeku. She sighed, paid the driver, and exited the car. She entered the large building glancing around to see if her fiery friend had made it there. Spotting Rei after a few moments, she smiled and walked over to her, nodding politely at a waitress on her way.
"Hi, Rei," Usagi greeted as she sat down, opening the menu that was waiting for her.
The dark-haired priestess grinned at her friend. "Usagi, you look very professional."
The blonde laughed. "Scares you?"
Rei nodded earnestly. "No offense, Usa, but it kind of gives me the creeps that you are mature and responsible, and not the ditzy girl we all knew and loved."
"No offense taken, Rei-chan. I was a ditz and a complete klutz. I'm different now and I'm glad."
"Yes, it's a little hard to fight the upcoming apocalypse if you can't even pronounce it." Rei was interrupted by a pretty, dark-haired waitress who came to retrieve their orders and left soon after to get their drinks.
"Yes, that is why I wished to speak with you today, actually. Have you been reading the papers?"
The priestess nodded slowly. "I've been getting this weird evil feeling lately and I can't place it. I've been looking at the newspapers closely to see if I could maybe pinpoint my feelings."
"Notice anything?"
Rei shook her head. "Nothing."
Usagi frowned thoughtfully. "You didn't notice the slow increase in disappearances, murders, beatings, and illnesses?"
Rei gaped at Usagi. Then she too frowned as she thought. "You know, you're right. There has been an increase. That's strange."
"I know. The only thing I can feel is that whatever is happening isn't something the Senshi can fight. It doesn't have a physical body. It's almost as if evil vibes are spreading. You understand?"
Rei thought about it a moment and then grimaced. "That would explain it. How can we stop it though?"
Usagi sighed. "We can't." Just then, the waitress came with their drinks and the two disturbed women sipped them in silence, each mulling over this new bit of information. Each time Usagi thought the information through she could only reach one conclusion: 'we're screwed.'
~~~
Usagi leaned against the rail of her balcony, her hand holding her head up, looking out over the brightly lit city of Tokyo. She had been watching the city for a few hours, just contemplating its fate. She didn't know how to fight pure evil when it didn't even have a corporeal form. She sighed. What could one girl do against an enemy you couldn't see or feel? How was she supposed to overcome this to bring about the future where she reigned as queen? She had thought to use the Crystal, but after a lengthy discussion with Luna, she had come to the very disturbing conclusion that it wouldn't work. The evil couldn't be targeted while it remained outside of a form and she couldn't heal the damage wrought by it, either. Not without getting rid of the evil within the very people themselves. And she couldn't disrupt the balance of good and evil. If only she could find where the evil was leaking from, but it was such a gradual leak that no one could pinpoint a location.
A quiet sound behind her alerted the young woman that she wasn't alone. She tensed and turned around slowly to come face to face with the one person she didn't want to see just now. "What do you want, Tuxedo Kamen-sama?" she asked tiredly, turning around to face the city once more.
He came up beside her, also leaning against the rail, looking out over the city they had protected since they had come into their powers. "Can you feel it?" he inquired, his voice devoid of emotion.
"Yes." She sighed and watched the city silently for a few moments before glancing at him curiously. "What are you doing here?"
He shrugged. "I couldn't sleep with all the tension and 'wrong-ness' going on. I'm attuned with the Earth and it calls to me. Only it doesn't even know why it is doing it."
She slammed her hand on the rail. "Damn it! I should have asked you, I forgot about your powers. Not that it would have done any good if you can't tell me anything, but I should have thought of it!"
He shrugged. "No use beating yourself up over it, Usagi."
Sighing, she leaned out the balcony further. "I suppose you're right. As usual."
They were silent for a few minutes, a comfortable silence and yet not at the same time. Usagi had missed him deeply and being around him like this was soothing and yet not. It was painful and wonderful. She felt whole with his presence there, yet torn knowing that it wasn't the way she wished. They weren't together.
"You've gotten better," he commented sadly.
"Excuse me?"
"You've gotten better at blocking the bond. I can hardly feel you most the time and I can't feel what you feel or think any longer."
She shrugged. "I figured it was for the best. That way you were bothered with my emotions."
He looked at her seriously. "I was never bothered by your emotions, Usagi."
"You would have been."
He glanced at her sharply. "What do you mean?"
"I don't really want to talk about it, Mamoru."
"I want to know why you insist on blocking me so much," he told her.
She turned towards him, her eyes snapping. "Did you really want to feel my soul torn, Mamoru? Did you really want to feel just how much pain I was in?" she demanded angrily.
He looked away from her. "Blocking the bond hurt more than your pain would have," he murmured. "It felt as though I was dying."
"Excuse me," she sneered, "for wanting to keep my pain private!"
"You left me, Usagi," he reminded her.
"No, Mamoru. *You* left me long before *I* made it official." She turned away from him to resume her vigilance over the city.
"I'm sorry, Usako," he whispered, using the beloved name she had so missed and despised at the same time.
She snarled, turned towards him, and slapped him. "Damn you! Don't ever call me that! I am not yours any longer!"
He looked at her, his eyes betraying the agony he felt these past months. "Usako, I never meant to hurt you. I got scared and I tried to push you away."
"Well, that makes it all better than," she said sarcastically.
"No. It doesn't make it better, Usako. I'm trying to make you understand why I did it. So you can stop hating me."
"I never hated you," she said quietly.
He looked down into her cerulean eyes. "You didn't hate me?"
She shook her head and looked away from his intense gaze. "No. I can't hate you, Mamoru. You are my soul."
He reached down and lifted her chin to look at him. "I'm sorry, Usako, for the pain I put you through. I always felt I wasn't good enough for you. I felt you always deserved so much better than me. I am nothing. I have no past, no family, nothing to offer you, I tried to push you away, and yet I tried to keep you at the same time. I was confused and scared, and did the only thing I thought would help."
She ran her finger over his cheek softly and turned away. "I didn't want what you could offer me, Mamoru. I wanted the man I fell in love with. I wanted you, damn it. I wanted the Prince of Earth and the man I grew up to love with all my being. I didn't care about your past or your lack of a family. I was your family. You didn't trust me, Mamoru. Please," she whimpered, "just go."
He watched her back sadly for a few moments, conflict evident in his midnight eyes, before he turned and leapt to the roof, disappearing into the night.
~~~
Usagi stretched sleepily and yawned. She got out of her large comfortable bed slowly, walking towards the bathroom groggily. She emerged a half hour later, clean, wet, and wide-awake. She flipped on the stereo, humming softly along with the rock song that was on, and proceeded to get dressed and fix her hair and make-up.
Just as she was checking over her appearance in the mirror, the phone rang beside her bed. She glanced at the alarm clock, frowning when she saw how early it was. 'Who would be calling me at six in the morning?'
"Hello?" she answered.
"Usako! Did you read the paper yet?" Mamoru's frantic voice came to her.
"No, not yet. Why?" she asked worriedly.
"Get it," he ordered, his voice strained.
She frowned. "Hold on." She walked out to open her front door, retrieving the newspaper that lay there. She started to open it as she walked back to the phone. She dropped to her knees as her gaze fell upon the headline.
"Oh, gods," she whispered in despair.
~~~
AN: *evil grin* I know, evil cliffhanger! Sorry! Well, not REALLY sorry...but still. ^_^
Thanks to Guardian Neptune, ni9htdreame12, IcyButterflyKiss, moonlightrose8o8, Faraday, Veronica, darrien_4_serena, Marni (I recognize your name, you did read it before I'm sure, and it never ended. ^_^; I am this time), kriztel, Silver Moonlight-81, AniJap, and lastly... a sort of 'thank you' to Shadow Cub:
Thank you for the laugh. It completely amazes me the stupidity that abounds the fanfiction community by readers who don't leave email address or screennames and have to think they're better than some of us who actually work on writing our emotions, or improving said writing skills. Sorry to burst your bubble, dingbat, but you're *not* better than I am, since you probably don't even write anything to begin with. And your *two* comments on my fics leave me wondering if you're just a moron reading fics in a fandom you hate. If you hate the Usa/Mamoru pairing, go elsewhere! And two, you *must* be brain damaged to jump to the conclusion YOU did. Before you jump to conclusions about ANY story, get your damned facts straight. The first BIG one being is USAGI LEFT MAMORU IN THIS STORY! HE did not leave her, he was TREATING her badly, she left HIM, and is NOT begging or hoping they'll get back together. She does in fact STATE "It's over, guys" in that first chapter. Meaning SHE is accepting that, and that's that. For shit's sake, grow up, take your pre-teen angst out on someone else, and leave me and mine alone. You want to be a jackass, that's your purgative, but do it constructively, and stop wasting everyone's time with 'flames' that don't even have their FACTS STRAIGHT! I really hate people who feel the need to purposely cut people down so they can feel better about their poor little selves.
And to the rest of you, sorry about that. Of course, I have no email or screen name or anything to respond to this reviewer, and he or she probably won't be back. *shrugs* If you happen to know him or her, point them in this direction so he/she can see what a stupidity it is to use non-constructive flaming. Especially non-constructive flaming that doesn't even make sense with the story.
Lovies!
Disclaimer: I don't own Sailormoon or characters of Sailormoon. I wish I owned Mamo-chan, but sadly, I don't. So, don't sue! I'm seriously broke right now anyway!
By: Selenity Jade (Jadesama@aol.com)
Chapter Two: It Begins
It all started out quietly at first. Disappearances, murders, robberies, beatings, and mysterious illnesses increased slowly over the next few months, no one the wiser. The hospitals slowly increased their patients and no one suspected. Morgues began to have more bodies than normal, but no one questioned it. People called in sick more often and for longer periods of time, no one put the facts together. Police reports began piling up gradually; the increase in emergency calls never aroused curiosity. No one noticed but one young woman, fresh out of her teens. She watched the news and the papers religiously every morning as she ate her breakfast, taking in the beatings, robberies, and disappearances. But what could one young woman do when she had no evidence? What could one young woman do against an enemy you couldn't fight? Couldn't see?
Usagi sighed as she folded the newspaper and set it beside her empty plate. She rose from the table and entered her room, reemerging after a good hour, showered and dressed in a simple gray business suit. Her hair pulled into a loose bun at the nape of her neck, a few stray tendrils framing her delicate face. She picked up the phone in the kitchen, dialing a number from memory.
"Hello?" a familiar voice answered on the other end.
"Rei? It's Usagi," the young woman said into the receiver, absently playing with the twisted cord.
"Hey, Usagi," the priestess greeted warmly. "What's up?"
"Nothing. I have a meeting with a potential employer this morning but after that I'm free and I was wondering if you have plans for lunch. Say around noon?"
"No plans, Odango Atama. Where do you want to meet?"
"Amudeku?"
"The new restaurant downtown?"
"Yes."
"Sounds fine. Noon?"
"Yes. Thanks, Rei."
"Anytime, Usagi."
~~~
Usagi rubbed her neck tiredly as she sat in the back of the cab. She got the job, as she knew she would, but was feeling a little guilty about going about her life as if nothing was wrong with the world, but her mother had been pushing for it and she wanted her mother off her back.
She blinked as the cab pulled up to Amudeku. She sighed, paid the driver, and exited the car. She entered the large building glancing around to see if her fiery friend had made it there. Spotting Rei after a few moments, she smiled and walked over to her, nodding politely at a waitress on her way.
"Hi, Rei," Usagi greeted as she sat down, opening the menu that was waiting for her.
The dark-haired priestess grinned at her friend. "Usagi, you look very professional."
The blonde laughed. "Scares you?"
Rei nodded earnestly. "No offense, Usa, but it kind of gives me the creeps that you are mature and responsible, and not the ditzy girl we all knew and loved."
"No offense taken, Rei-chan. I was a ditz and a complete klutz. I'm different now and I'm glad."
"Yes, it's a little hard to fight the upcoming apocalypse if you can't even pronounce it." Rei was interrupted by a pretty, dark-haired waitress who came to retrieve their orders and left soon after to get their drinks.
"Yes, that is why I wished to speak with you today, actually. Have you been reading the papers?"
The priestess nodded slowly. "I've been getting this weird evil feeling lately and I can't place it. I've been looking at the newspapers closely to see if I could maybe pinpoint my feelings."
"Notice anything?"
Rei shook her head. "Nothing."
Usagi frowned thoughtfully. "You didn't notice the slow increase in disappearances, murders, beatings, and illnesses?"
Rei gaped at Usagi. Then she too frowned as she thought. "You know, you're right. There has been an increase. That's strange."
"I know. The only thing I can feel is that whatever is happening isn't something the Senshi can fight. It doesn't have a physical body. It's almost as if evil vibes are spreading. You understand?"
Rei thought about it a moment and then grimaced. "That would explain it. How can we stop it though?"
Usagi sighed. "We can't." Just then, the waitress came with their drinks and the two disturbed women sipped them in silence, each mulling over this new bit of information. Each time Usagi thought the information through she could only reach one conclusion: 'we're screwed.'
~~~
Usagi leaned against the rail of her balcony, her hand holding her head up, looking out over the brightly lit city of Tokyo. She had been watching the city for a few hours, just contemplating its fate. She didn't know how to fight pure evil when it didn't even have a corporeal form. She sighed. What could one girl do against an enemy you couldn't see or feel? How was she supposed to overcome this to bring about the future where she reigned as queen? She had thought to use the Crystal, but after a lengthy discussion with Luna, she had come to the very disturbing conclusion that it wouldn't work. The evil couldn't be targeted while it remained outside of a form and she couldn't heal the damage wrought by it, either. Not without getting rid of the evil within the very people themselves. And she couldn't disrupt the balance of good and evil. If only she could find where the evil was leaking from, but it was such a gradual leak that no one could pinpoint a location.
A quiet sound behind her alerted the young woman that she wasn't alone. She tensed and turned around slowly to come face to face with the one person she didn't want to see just now. "What do you want, Tuxedo Kamen-sama?" she asked tiredly, turning around to face the city once more.
He came up beside her, also leaning against the rail, looking out over the city they had protected since they had come into their powers. "Can you feel it?" he inquired, his voice devoid of emotion.
"Yes." She sighed and watched the city silently for a few moments before glancing at him curiously. "What are you doing here?"
He shrugged. "I couldn't sleep with all the tension and 'wrong-ness' going on. I'm attuned with the Earth and it calls to me. Only it doesn't even know why it is doing it."
She slammed her hand on the rail. "Damn it! I should have asked you, I forgot about your powers. Not that it would have done any good if you can't tell me anything, but I should have thought of it!"
He shrugged. "No use beating yourself up over it, Usagi."
Sighing, she leaned out the balcony further. "I suppose you're right. As usual."
They were silent for a few minutes, a comfortable silence and yet not at the same time. Usagi had missed him deeply and being around him like this was soothing and yet not. It was painful and wonderful. She felt whole with his presence there, yet torn knowing that it wasn't the way she wished. They weren't together.
"You've gotten better," he commented sadly.
"Excuse me?"
"You've gotten better at blocking the bond. I can hardly feel you most the time and I can't feel what you feel or think any longer."
She shrugged. "I figured it was for the best. That way you were bothered with my emotions."
He looked at her seriously. "I was never bothered by your emotions, Usagi."
"You would have been."
He glanced at her sharply. "What do you mean?"
"I don't really want to talk about it, Mamoru."
"I want to know why you insist on blocking me so much," he told her.
She turned towards him, her eyes snapping. "Did you really want to feel my soul torn, Mamoru? Did you really want to feel just how much pain I was in?" she demanded angrily.
He looked away from her. "Blocking the bond hurt more than your pain would have," he murmured. "It felt as though I was dying."
"Excuse me," she sneered, "for wanting to keep my pain private!"
"You left me, Usagi," he reminded her.
"No, Mamoru. *You* left me long before *I* made it official." She turned away from him to resume her vigilance over the city.
"I'm sorry, Usako," he whispered, using the beloved name she had so missed and despised at the same time.
She snarled, turned towards him, and slapped him. "Damn you! Don't ever call me that! I am not yours any longer!"
He looked at her, his eyes betraying the agony he felt these past months. "Usako, I never meant to hurt you. I got scared and I tried to push you away."
"Well, that makes it all better than," she said sarcastically.
"No. It doesn't make it better, Usako. I'm trying to make you understand why I did it. So you can stop hating me."
"I never hated you," she said quietly.
He looked down into her cerulean eyes. "You didn't hate me?"
She shook her head and looked away from his intense gaze. "No. I can't hate you, Mamoru. You are my soul."
He reached down and lifted her chin to look at him. "I'm sorry, Usako, for the pain I put you through. I always felt I wasn't good enough for you. I felt you always deserved so much better than me. I am nothing. I have no past, no family, nothing to offer you, I tried to push you away, and yet I tried to keep you at the same time. I was confused and scared, and did the only thing I thought would help."
She ran her finger over his cheek softly and turned away. "I didn't want what you could offer me, Mamoru. I wanted the man I fell in love with. I wanted you, damn it. I wanted the Prince of Earth and the man I grew up to love with all my being. I didn't care about your past or your lack of a family. I was your family. You didn't trust me, Mamoru. Please," she whimpered, "just go."
He watched her back sadly for a few moments, conflict evident in his midnight eyes, before he turned and leapt to the roof, disappearing into the night.
~~~
Usagi stretched sleepily and yawned. She got out of her large comfortable bed slowly, walking towards the bathroom groggily. She emerged a half hour later, clean, wet, and wide-awake. She flipped on the stereo, humming softly along with the rock song that was on, and proceeded to get dressed and fix her hair and make-up.
Just as she was checking over her appearance in the mirror, the phone rang beside her bed. She glanced at the alarm clock, frowning when she saw how early it was. 'Who would be calling me at six in the morning?'
"Hello?" she answered.
"Usako! Did you read the paper yet?" Mamoru's frantic voice came to her.
"No, not yet. Why?" she asked worriedly.
"Get it," he ordered, his voice strained.
She frowned. "Hold on." She walked out to open her front door, retrieving the newspaper that lay there. She started to open it as she walked back to the phone. She dropped to her knees as her gaze fell upon the headline.
"Oh, gods," she whispered in despair.
~~~
AN: *evil grin* I know, evil cliffhanger! Sorry! Well, not REALLY sorry...but still. ^_^
Thanks to Guardian Neptune, ni9htdreame12, IcyButterflyKiss, moonlightrose8o8, Faraday, Veronica, darrien_4_serena, Marni (I recognize your name, you did read it before I'm sure, and it never ended. ^_^; I am this time), kriztel, Silver Moonlight-81, AniJap, and lastly... a sort of 'thank you' to Shadow Cub:
Thank you for the laugh. It completely amazes me the stupidity that abounds the fanfiction community by readers who don't leave email address or screennames and have to think they're better than some of us who actually work on writing our emotions, or improving said writing skills. Sorry to burst your bubble, dingbat, but you're *not* better than I am, since you probably don't even write anything to begin with. And your *two* comments on my fics leave me wondering if you're just a moron reading fics in a fandom you hate. If you hate the Usa/Mamoru pairing, go elsewhere! And two, you *must* be brain damaged to jump to the conclusion YOU did. Before you jump to conclusions about ANY story, get your damned facts straight. The first BIG one being is USAGI LEFT MAMORU IN THIS STORY! HE did not leave her, he was TREATING her badly, she left HIM, and is NOT begging or hoping they'll get back together. She does in fact STATE "It's over, guys" in that first chapter. Meaning SHE is accepting that, and that's that. For shit's sake, grow up, take your pre-teen angst out on someone else, and leave me and mine alone. You want to be a jackass, that's your purgative, but do it constructively, and stop wasting everyone's time with 'flames' that don't even have their FACTS STRAIGHT! I really hate people who feel the need to purposely cut people down so they can feel better about their poor little selves.
And to the rest of you, sorry about that. Of course, I have no email or screen name or anything to respond to this reviewer, and he or she probably won't be back. *shrugs* If you happen to know him or her, point them in this direction so he/she can see what a stupidity it is to use non-constructive flaming. Especially non-constructive flaming that doesn't even make sense with the story.
Lovies!