I Fall to Pieces

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(Author Notes, Holy Whah!: Well, it's about damn time I wrote something, eh? Too bad it's this short lil' thing. Trust me, sooner or later I WILL update my chaptered shit. Really. Razzin' Frazzin' lazy muses…

Anywho, yeah, ownership, Vinny Mac, not me, damn.)

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Everyone back here is laughing but me, you know.

How many nights have I cried for you? I don't know how many cheery little smiles I've faked… probably too many to count. I mean, it's been about a year, maybe longer, right? Shouldn't I be over you by now? Christ, I mean, you're only the girl I loved better than my life. Just the girl I'd have given up everything for, that's all. No big deal.

But still I lie, watching as you go and do things that I'd never thought I'd ever see you do, saying what you'd never have thought of saying then, being ruthless and cold. You were my angel, my sweet angel… now there's nothing you care about, nothing at all except the Women's title and your own ambition. I try and speak to you and you won't even look my way, like I'm just a little insignificant piece of fluff you amused yourself with once and are now sick of. My heart tears to pieces and you don't notice or could care less.

Remember me? Don't you remember, you said you'd love me until the stars fell, and I said I'd love you 'till the oceans dried? Well, the stars still shine up there, Where's your promised love now? I'll tell you, the oceans still pound to shore, and I still love you. It's slowly killing me, it's like my heart is being ripped to shreds with a rusty spork, but I still love you. Because I remember. I remember the girl you were once. I remember the girl I loved so dearly, the stolen little kisses, defying all the odds just so we could be together…

Damn you, Molly, I'm crying again. I've been crying too long for you, and I can't stop. Like a little puppy, I am. Too loyal. Too devoted. You could say the word and I'd be at your side, you know… I'd help you cheat, even, if it meant you'd smile at me again… 'Cuz I promised that, too. I said it myself, 'I'll always fight for you.' Perhaps you forgot it… oh, why, why do you turn away? Why can't you talk to me at all, spare me a word, spare me even a glance…

They'd laugh, you know. If they knew how I still felt about you. Say 'damn, you really are pathetic' or something like that, and maybe I am. Maybe I am pretty pathetic. But here you are, getting your hair shaved off, and everyone back here is laughing but me. She's getting her just desserts, they say, she deserves exactly what she's getting. Serves her right for being such a bitch. And all I can do is stand and watch chunks of your shiny black hair fall to the floor and remember when it was the prettiest shade of honey-blonde. Pigtails. So cute and pretty. Pigtails undone, blonde my fingers tangled in when I kissed you… My cornsilk blonde, your fingers tangled in when you kissed me… your voice so sweet when you told me you loved me…

…when you told me you loved me…

"Spike?"

I look behind me. Bubba's laughter dies off, fades out, and he frowns softly at me.

"Why are you crying, bro?"

I look up at him, wipe my eyes on the sleeve of my shirt, and smile, fake fake fake, sweet and sunny, fake fake fake, 'cuz that's what I am, right? Sweet, sunny little Spike.

Who was once loved by sweet, sunny little Molly. Who STILL loves sweet, sunny little Molly even though she's gone and only mean, bitchy Molly is left.

"'M not. I'm okay, Bubba. Somethin' in my eyes, is all…"

Just the aching for what we had then, that's all…

"I'll be okay."

…God, I'm such a liar.