~Chapter Nine-I will never say good-bye~
~Out of dream~
Kaoru's eyes opened wide.
She sat up quickly and touched her face.
It was completely covered with tears.
She looked around her.
Yahiko was asleep in the futon across the room.
Voices came from the other room.
The rain still fell.
She was back in the real world.
She didn't wake up from a nightmare…she just lived it.
She wiped the tears away with her hands.
She remember what had happened in her dream.
She put her left hand over her eyes.
The image of Kenshin being pulled away after he had been trying to tell her something….it killed her bit by bit.
"Kaoru? You're awake?" A familiar voice broke the silence.
It was Magumi, looking in from the hallway.
She wore a sympathetic expression.
Kaoru stared into the woman's face.
"Kaoru…..um…..Dr. Genzai has a favor to ask of you. Uh….could you……come with me?" Magumi's voice was weak.
Kaoru breathed out softly, and nodded, getting to her feet, trying to not put too much weight of her left leg.
She followed Magumi into the hallway, and the lady doctor stopped in front of Kenshin's screens.
She asked for Dr. Genzai to come out, and so he did.
Th old man stood with the 2 girls and shut the screens firmly behind him.
Down the hallway, Sanoske, Tae, Tsubome, and Yahiko, whom had gotten up right after Magumi took Kaoru out of the room, stared and listened.
Dr. Genzai stared up at Kaoru.
Her face was pale and her eyes were swollen and red from crying.
"Kaoru….." He began.
Everyone held their breath.
He continued. "…..well……Kenshin……..he……..he's not…….going….to make it."
With those first words said, Kaoru felt like she had been shot with a gun, but no reaction could be seen on her face for some reason.
Dr. Genzai held up the same needle he had explained to her about the day before.
And what it would do……
"There's no use in trying anymore, you see. I know…that it has to be well into 2 weeks before a doctor can make this decision….but….in his situation, it's as if he'd been sick for more then 2 weeks." Dr. Genzai kept talking on.
He stared into Kaoru's blank face, and slowly saw it changing to sorrow.
He decided to lay it on her then. "….I'm….giving you the choice though. Kenshin will most likely live another week or so…….and if you would like for him to be around longer….then by all means, I will let him. But he will be in pain and suffer a long and excruciating death. If you…would like for him to go in what little peace he has left…..you can choose….to give him the needle…….and I will let you be the one……to send him away."
He held out the needle. "It's up to you."
Kaoru didn't know why, but she knew that she didn't want Kenshin to suffer.
At the same time….she didn't want to say "that word" she so dreaded.
What to do?
Fresh tears stung her eyes and blurred her eye-sight until she blinked them away.
Everyone in the dojo was silenced by the shock.
Kaoru lifted her hand out…..it was trembling while she reached…..and took the needle from Dr. Genzai's grasp.
She held it to her chest, and lowered her head so that her eyes were hidden behind her bangs.
She stepped into the room…..and closed the screens behind her.
Everyone outside seemed to fall under a depression.
Yahiko and Tsubome shed tears, and Sanoske had to turn away so that no one would see his torn up expression, while Tae tried to comfort all of them.
Magumi covered her mouth with her hands and sat down on the floor to weep.
And Dr. Genzai went….to get Ayame and Sazume.
Turned out they were already awake, and standing in the other hallway, looking confused.
Dr. Genzai knelt down and picked them up.
"Grandpa. What's going on?" Ayame asked.
Dr. Genzai shook his head, and tried to smile so that the girls wouldn't find out what was happening. "Come on…..let's go have some breakfast. I bet you're both hungry by now."
~With Kaoru~
Her blue eyes met the sleeping form of Kenshin.
She felt so….under-control.
She looked down at the needle in her hands, then set it down on the floor.
She sat down herself, and looked down into Kenshin's face.
He wasn't looking in pain anymore….somehow.
She put her hands on his forehead, and pushed back his bangs.
"K….Kenshin……I…..I know it was you in my dreams last night. It wasn't just that form. That form came, and then left….and then you came. I know it was you. I know it. You…..were trying to tell me something, but you couldn't. I wish I could have known what it was." She spoke to him in a steady voice, but soon her tears made her voice tremble with her body.
She reached down and took his hand into hers.
She pulled it up to her face, and laid it on her cheek.
She closed her eyes, and tried to feel his warmth.
It was there….but by a thread.
She looked back down at him, and pulled the covers off his chest.
She reached down, and brought his limp body into her arms.
She sat and held him for minutes.
She began to rock him.
She closed her eyes and rested her head on top of his.
"I…I don't want you to suffer. Not ever." She whispered.
She looked over at the needle on the floor.
It glinted a bit in the morning light, even though the rain still fell.
She looked away from it, and held him tighter.
She looked at him in her arms.
Like a mother would her child.
She leaned down and kissed his forehead gently.
It was the only thing she could bring herself to do at such a time.
Tears fell down her cheeks, and hit his face.
She reached for the needle slowly, and took good grip in her hands.
She clutched her teeth together, and rolled up Kenshin's kimono sleeve.
Her sobs grew louder as she aimed a spot.
Her hand was shaking tremendously.
Her heart beat faster and faster.
Her soul felt like it would parish.
She lifted the needle slightly….
She held her eyes shut.
As she began to bring it down though, it being inches away from Kenshin's skin….she suddenly couldn't do it.
She threw the needle to the ground, and cried out.
She held Kenshin up to her and cried into his shoulder.
"OH GOD!!!! PLEASE SAVE HIM!!!!! PLEASE OPEN YOUR EYES AND TELL ME YOU CAN HEAR ME!!! THAT YOU'LL BE OKAY AND THAT YOU'LL ALWAYS STAY IN MY LIFE FOREVER!!!! HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KILL THE ONE PERSON I LOVE MORE THEN ANYTHING???!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!! PLEASE!!!!!! WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!! WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She cried, tears streaming from her eyes.
"I WILL NEVER…..NEVER SAY GOOD-BYE!!!!! YOU HAVE TO SWEAR ON IT THAT YOU'LL NEVER SAY GOOD-BYE EITHER!!!! BECAUSE IF YOU DO SAY THAT NOW….IF I HAVE TO….IF I AM FORCED TO……..I'LL JUST….I'LL…..I'LL DIE MYSELF AND I'LL LIVE ABANDONED…COLD…..and….alone……like how it always was….when father and mother died. When everyone I ever loved died or ran away. I have no one else…….I HAVE NO ONE ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Everyone outside the room heard her words.
Kaoru held Kenshin and grieved and sobbed over him, her hiccup cries making it harder to breathe.
After about 20 minutes of weeping…..Kaoru laid Kenshin down in his futon again, and rested his head on his pillow.
She sat and held his hand, still crying, and rocking herself back and forth.
Her whimpers glistened in the air around Kenshin.
Her hand in his, holding tightly on……..and soon she noticed something.
She felt it.
His hand grasped her hand.
She looked down and saw with her own eyes.
"…..Kenshin…." She sniffed.
No response was made. But soon, his hand tightened around hers.
She closed her eyes, then opened them again.
His hand slowly let go of hers after about 10 minutes.
She felt so numb and paralyzed.
She breathed in deeply, trying to stop her hiccupping sobs, and then looked into his face.
"…..like….I said……..I will never say good-bye…………Never."
With these words spoken…she let go of his hand slowly, setting in down to his side.
She took one more look through her watered blue eyes at his face.
"I miss you." She whispered.
She stood up…..and didn't look back.
She opened the screens, and stared out at Magumi…and Sanoske….Yahiko, Tsubome, and Tae.
Dr. Genzai was in the other hallway, listening in, making sure that Ayame and Sazume wouldn't come out of the kitchen.= to find the tragedy un-fold.
Kaoru looked away from everyone after a moment, and held up the needle she had retrieved after throwing it to the ground.
"….I won't let him suffer. He is so strong….and he's had to fight his whole life. He doesn't need to anymore. He deserves to rest……and not have to be in pain. But I….am not as strong as him…..and so……could someone please go get Dr. Genzai?…….and have him…….take the needle from these hands of mine….." She spoke in a quivered voice.
Without anything said, Dr. Genzai stepped into the hallway where everyone was, and walked up to Kaoru.
He nodded up to her, and took the needle gently from her hands.
When the needle was no longer touchable to Kaoru, she brought her hands to her chest, and held them to her heart.
Dr. Genzai looked at all the others, and then walked into the room, closing the screens.
Sanoske lowered his head, and Tae and Tsubome held one another.
Yahiko couldn't take it, and left the hall to go outside.
Magumi looked over at Kaoru.
The girl seemed lost in time.
Paralyzed in the moment.
Finally, Kaoru turned, and began to walk out to the back door.
When she passed Magumi, the doctor reached out and put her hand on Kaoru's shoulder.
After a moment, she let go, and Kaoru continued her walk.
Things got quiet again.
~With Yahiko~
The boy sat outside on the dojo front porch, watching the rain fall softly now.
"…Kenshin…." He murmured in a tattered voice.
He began to wonder how he could go on with his lessons to become as good of swordsman as the rurouni had been….without him around.
Maybe he would quit….but then he didn't want to because he made a promise that he would be as good one day.
His heart began to hurt.
He had looked up to Kenshin for so long.
He admired him in such a high way.
….How he would miss him utterly.
"….I won't…..say good-bye though…." Yahiko whispered.
Those words had just suddenly appeared to him naturally!
He heard the screens to the front door open and someone stepped outside.
"hey…" It was Sanoske.
"…Hey……" Yahiko replied.
Sano sat down beside the boy and said nothing fro a while.
"I…couldn't stay in there. Too depressing. I guess the missy had a good idea to leave too. …I wonder…how the Oniwobon group will take the news……Poor Misao. She'll be mortified." He started to say.
Yahiko nodded.
Nothing else was said ago for a long time.
"…I….I just….." Yahiko's voice was trembling.
Sanoske turned to him with worry.
The boy continued. "….I just can't believe……that…..Kenshin is actually gone! He's gone Sano!! I can't get it to soak in!!….H…he'll never come back!! I'll never see him again!!!! I…I can't see tomorrow anymore!!"
Sanoske closed his eyes.
"….why……did he have to--" Yahiko was suddenly cut off by something!
Sanoske noticed the sharp cut off of his sobbed words, and opened his eyes again.
Yahiko was starting up at the sky in disbelief.
"What is it?" Sano questioned, puzzled.
Yahiko stood up…..and slowly, a smile crept over his lips.
"…..oh my……YEAHH!!!!!!!!!!" He exclaimed.
"What's the big deal?! Why are you so happy all of a sudden!!!?? This is NO time to be cheerful you know!!!" Sanoske angrily snapped.
"No!! No! It's….IT'S JUST LIKE THAT FU YOUNG GUY SAID!!!" The boy stated with laughter in his voice.
In the sky where Yahiko glanced…the clouds began to part…and….the sun began to come through!!! Shining down on the land all around!!
Sanoske stood up too…now interested in why Yahiko was happy.
Yahiko's brown eyes held the tint of the sun's rays in them. "Before I left to come back to the dojo that other day…when I first heard about the bad karma of the storm…..Sir Fu Young added at the very end…..that even though the times would be bad…….the sun would again shine….and things would be okay again. Things would be safe and peaceful for the Meiji!! For us all!!!"
Sanoske stared into the sunlight with Yahiko.
They just stood there……and somehow, Sano began to smile too.
The storms that passed by seemed to sing through the air as the sky cleared up above… "No one has to say good-bye today…"
~^__^ YAY! Finally got some happy in these chapters, huh?? Lol, but what's gonna happen next?????????????????????? ^.~ Read to find out, kay!~
~Smile B~