SOVEREIGN by J CAE
A/N: I've been trying to write this chapter for one frigging month, but I couldn't the lines right. I really hafta upload this before I bore myself to death. A very frustrating thing, I know, and now I understand why J.K. Rowling wanted to chop her hands off or something like that...

CHAPTER THIRTEEN: LOVELESS

Kael sat on his bed, leaning on pillows propped against the wall. Sleep had left him since Vashj's burial--he burnt her remains. That was probably the only way he could ensure no one was to ever misuse his friend again. Now sorrow and pain etched in his brow. He merely lifted his head to acknowledge the presence of a visitor.

Sylvanas walked into his room, her black nightgown rustled quietly at her heels. He might have noticed how unusually pallid her face was and that her eyes were filled with anguish, but he was too hurt in his own grief to care--curse his selfishness.

She closed the door and walked to him, "It still troubles you, doesn't it?"

"I don't know," he sighed. "I kept on asking myself, was there no other way I could have helped Vashj? Did I really have to kill her?"

She sat herself next to him, "You did the best you could for her. You let her choose for herself."

"The best..." he sighed, and then chuckled in bitter sarcasm, "The best indeed! If I were stronger, I could have saved her. I could have killed that damn banshee before it even got to her!"

"Kael, it's all right to feel upset," she faced him, letting him see the sadness mirrored in her eyes. Though she and Vashj never got along too well, the passing of the latter still struck an impact on the former--especially when Vashj heroically sacrificed herself to save Kael's life.

And her death had taught the Dark Lady something about herself.

Between Kael's life and Ner'zhul's death, Sylvanas would choose to lose a friend. She refused to think that of herself at first before that fateful battle in Dalaran. But when the choice came to her, she proved to herself that she could disregard everything else for the sake of revenge. She could have given up trying to kill Ner'zhul and tended to Kael's wounds first. She could have been the one down on her knees, sucking poison out of his wounds and dying in his place. But she had not. Totally consumed by her hatred and bloodlust, she disregarded everything else just to see the lich king dead.

His death...my salvation...

Her heart contracted painfully at the guilt.

"Some things are meant to be no matter how strong we are," she whispered to Kael--perhaps she needed to hear those words as well. "We cannot prevent them from happening. Like the devastation of Quel'thalas, Archimonde's death--even Kil'jaeden himself could not have expected Ner'zhul to turn around and bite him. It is no fault of ours, but we are to try and survive it so that we would learn and grow stronger."

"I can¡¦t believe she's really gone, Sylvanas, forever," he sighed, and shook his head.

"Kael, I..." she blinked back tears of shame that threatened to fall.

And it was then he saw, perhaps for the first time, her remorse.

He folded his arms around her, drawing her closer to himself.

"I'm sorry," she could no longer hold back her emotions, and sobbed onto his shoulder like a child.

Moonlight poured through the window gently down on them, glistening their golden hair and tearful faces. The stars seemed to sing a peaceful serenade, but they would find comfort and strength in each other.

He laid her down on the bed to rest.

His long blond hair cascaded around her like a sparkling curtain, driving back frightful shadows of the night. She closed her eyes as his lips touched hers, gently kissing her tears away. He wanted to give her words of consolation, but there was no need for that.

"Forgive me," she whispered, "I have let you down."

"There is nothing to forgive," he touched her face, gently wiping her tears away with his fingertips. "Why?"

She knew she should not burden him with her troubles--not this night. Not after Vashj and Alanen lost their lives. That could wait. But she had already waited for so long and she grew tired. Ever since she came out of her trance and saw him there waiting for her to wake, she had wanted to tell him everything. But she had not been allowed to. Now, he was there. Should she tell him? Did she deserve his trust after all she had done?

"All those nights when I lay unconscious," she said softly. "You watched over me."

He had wanted to ask her about it too, "Varimathras said you spoke about shades and shadows..."

"Yes, I was imprisoned in another consciousness," she nodded, and suddenly there was a distant, haunted look on her face, "Where dark and terrible demons torture my soul daily. The pain was too great, and I couldn't wake up to free myself. I called out to everyone I know, but none of them could help me. Only you were there in front of me. You couldn't hear my cries, but your being there was enough. The demons could not destroy me, for your light blinded them."

Her words were rather figurative. He wished he could understand better.

Before he could ask, she continued, "I don't know what Kil'jaeden did to me, but there is some kind of evil stirring inside me. I am trying to fight it, but I do not know if I can."

"Oh, you can fight it. You have to fight it," he whispered words she needed to hear. "Tell me how I can help you."

She wanted to tell him the truth. He could not--this battle was hers and hers alone. But she did not, "I know I am losing. Don't you see, Kael? I have eagerly walked into the middle of Kil'jaeden's plot. I am anxious to have my revenge, but in doing so, I know now that I must relinquish my soul." She clenched her fists and said with such passion, "I loath myself! I hate what I have become!"

But her anger quickly subsided as his arms went round her waist. He held her tight.

"No, don't say that," his words were gentle, understanding, and strong--though it had been merely a moment ago when he felt shattered by the death of a good friend. He needed to be strong for her sake. "Sylvanas, I love you. No matter what you might become, I'll accept you as you are. I'll always be here for you. But you have to help yourself. You have to love yourself."

He bent over her and planted tender kisses on her lips, his breath warm and moist on her skin. In the dimmest of the night, another silent teardrop fell, and the stars twinkled.

And she yielded to his fire. Her fingers tangled in his soft blond hair and his scent filled her nostrils. The wild emotions baffled her, reducing her to an adolescent, unsure of herself. There was only one thing she could be certain of, that she needed him. His love was strong, stronger than the dark shadows of the night and the evil that threatened to smother her. His light kept them all at bay, and kept her safe.

It had been so long since she remembered how it was to be alive and be loved.

When the moon began to fade, and the stars burnt out, she lounged in his embraces and she was at home. She never wanted to leave that spot. His gentle hand pushed back the her golden hair that spread out over her smooth white back and caressed her soft pale skin. She knew he would be there watching over her, and she would be safe, and she fell into deep sleep.

And as she drifted off, three words lingered in her mind like a prayer.

"Stay with me."

*~*~*~*

"I never imagined you'd be the one to parley with me."

Sylvanas was greeted by Illidan Stormrage's scornful remark a week after her confrontation with Ner'zhul failed. The mockery was not directed at her, she could tell, but at Kael who should have, by then understood that the undead king cared naught for the Blood Elves. His only interest ever had only been to obtain powerful magic in the world, and if the throne of Quel'dara happened to be within grasp, he did not mind claiming it either.

The sheer irony of fate it was, that there seated at his conference table were two of the greatest warriors that ever existed--Illidan the renegade Demon Hunter, and Sylvanas the former general of Silvermoon--speaking of the terms of peace. If it was not for Kael who insisted on playing the pacifist, this mockery of a peace talk would not even be taking place. The two would simply have solved their conflict on the battlefield. But if it was not for Kael, Sylvanas believed they would not even be in this position at all. Illidan would probably be ruling unchallenged for all she cared.

She did not trust Illidan enough to let Kael come to the conference. She volunteered to represent him, counting on the fact that Illidan knew the depths of her power, but also highly aware that he would take full advantage of her whenever he saw the chance.

"Without a doubt, you are here to demand that I leave the Blood Elves alone," he mocked. "Or why else would I have the honour to receive your presence?"

"Indeed," she replied. "And if you leave the Blood Elves in peace, then I would, in return, see to it that your borders are safe."

"My dear lady, pray do not do me any favours," a sardonic smile flashed on his face. "I honestly do not mind wars, if you know what I am saying."

"You are going to regret this."

He chuckled, "Am I?" His undead eyes stopped on her for a few seconds--eyes that regained their sight with the reincarnation of his broken body, eyes that could see again the wretchedness of the world, "I think I know why you are here at last. Let us not make the mistake of thinking it was your loyalty to your king that brought you upon my doorsteps."

"That would be no business of yours."

"It would be my business, because I think you have use of me." Without warning, he took her hand in his own and calmly examined each long and supple finger.

She gasped and tried to withdraw her hand, but he would not let her, "What are you doing?" She was, in truth, more confused than offended by his bold action.

"Say it," he seemed to take pleasure in her discomfort, "You want me to help you defeat Ner'zhul, isn't it? A pity Alanen died so early, that fool of a human, or he could have been a great help to us."

"Alanen was no fool, mind you," she snapped crossly. "He was a very distressed father. But you won't understand him. You probably never will."

"Do not assume that I am incapable of understanding love, lady," he dropped her hand abruptly. "I have lived longer than you."

"You might have once loved," she rubbed her hand to rid of that sickly feeling he left on her. "But the day you become Undead is the day you can no longer."

"Oh I like being Undead," he gazed at her meaningfully, "At least now I would no longer be dragged under by those weak mortal feelings."

"Probably just helps you accept fate?" it was her turn to gibe him.

But he said nothing. And suddenly, sorrow reflected in his eyes.

"What's the difference whether you accept it or not?" She shrugged, and dropped the subject. "Well, you are right about one thing. I came to ask you something."

"Interesting," he cocked a brow. "How may I help?"

"What really happened to me while I was at Kil'jaeden's citadel?"

"That is your question, huh?" he shook his head. "Why don't you just raise Alanen and ask him? Kil'jaeden trusted him more. He was the one who tortured you while I was kept out the door, remember?"

She confessed, "I remember nothing but pain. When I tried to think back on what happened, it's just...blank." She could not recall what she had been asked of when she was in the chamber, nor how long she spent there. She could barely recognize Kael's face when he rushed into her prison to free her.

"That's distressing," Illidan shrugged. "But you could ask Alanen."

"He is dead."

"Raise him. You didn't by any chance cremate him with my sea witch, did you?"

"Not yet. But I'm not going to raise him."

"Do you want your information or not?"

"I'll content with what you know."

"I've already given you the answer you need," he waved her away as though he had enough with a spoiled child.

"What did Kil'jaeden say to you when he sent you to find me?" she persisted, knowing that the knowledge he held would give him the advantage to manipulate the situation. "I'm prepared to make a bargain with you."

"What kind of bargain?"

Magic was the only thing he was interested in, or so he claimed.

"What did the demonlord say?" she repeated her question, more gently this time.

The answer he gave her was out of her expectation.

"You think you were so smart, making up those great plans, like using Kil'jaeden's name to push his subjects around, and freeing the Blood Elves from his control--in fact I kind of liked the sound of that one. But you know, they would not have worked. If it was not for Ner'zhul, you and your people would still be stuck somewhere in hell. You owe him your freedom."

"I already know that," she snapped bitterly. "What's your point?"

"My point is, it was the Demonlord who chose you in the first place."

"What do you mean, he chose me?" she gripped him by the shoulder, her nervous fingers dug deep into his skin. "Tell me what you know."

"Easy," he removed her hand. "Just keep this in mind. You were not the one looking for the Demonlord. You wouldn't even have thought of his name unless he called out to you. He was the one luring you to him all along."

Sylvanas felt sickened to the core.

"I'm sure he made a point about your telepathic powers--and what he did to you there in the torture chamber, he had done to one other before."

"The lich king," she breathed.

"Precisely," and he closed his mouth, intending to say no more.

"Then what?"

"You had been undead before. You know how it feels. Your body is tireless but cold, and the only way to warm yourself is to keep spilling someone else¡¦s warm blood on your skin. You need to do that, but your conscience screams out at you, telling you that it is wrong." He clutched his fists suddenly, "And it is wrong. You know it, but you cannot stop killing." And the pained lines on his face smoothened. "But when you are no longer bounded to your mortal responsibilities and emotions, you see so much more clearly. You will start to see beyond life and death."

"What has this to do with Kil'jaeden or Ner'zhul?" she thought she sensed his next move.

"Everything," he hissed.

"Illidan, you're not making any sense."

He stood and turned his back, "Your side of the bargain?"

She sighed, "If you make sense out of the mess you just said, I will give you what you desire if it is in my power. More magic? More troops?"

After a long uncomfortable pause, he turned around and reached to touch her face, but withdrew his withering hand midway, "Ner'zhul brought you back to life...I want...to feel life again."

"And if you were alive again, what would you do?" she narrowed her eyes. "Would you continue seeking power? If that is the case, you might as well stay dead. Mortal feelings would only bring you down, you said so yourself. Or would you go back to Ashenvale and look for your lover and then be chained back underground?"

"She was never even my lover," he muttered absent-mindedly and then went very silent.

She stared at her own feet.

She then said matter-of-factly, "You could die if you are alive with no Sunwell, no World Tree to rejuvenate you."

"Yes," he nodded. "But who wants to live forever?"

She whispered, "I do."

*~*~*~*

J NoBo:

Kael: J, you do realize this is an incredibly short chapter, and it ended abruptly, right?

J Cae: Yeah, but I really need to go pack up.

Kael: Where are you going?

J Cae: Back to Canada. School.

Kael: Does that mean you're gonna hafta go back to the slum again?

J Cae: That's my dorm, not a slum.

Kael: Looks just about the same. There are rags and garbage everywhere, everybody's short of cash there, and looks as though they haven't slept for 10,000 years. You've got nasty food there and no telephone lines, leaking pipes and...

J Cae: Shut up, rich kid. If you so pity me why don't you lemme stay in your castle?!

Kael: I don't pity you, so no. But...will you get back to work soon?

J Cae: After I go back and unpacked, clean my room, return my overdue library books, pay my tuition fees, pay my rent and my phone bills...

Kael:...sure.

J Cae: *suddenly starts to cry*

Kael: *scared stiff* What now?

J Cae: I tried, damn it!! I can't write this bloody chapter.

Kael: ...you could come back in week and redo it. Right, EVERYONE?!

J Cae: But at least I liked the first scene between you and Syl.

Kael: ...*mumbles something only audible to J*

J Cae: Why, thank you, Kael!

Kael: You're welcome.

J Cae: *wipes tears* Anyways, I'm thankful that me, you, Syl, Illie and everyone earned 100+ reviews!!

Kael: *bows at the readers, that's you!!* Thank you guys for your support!

J Cae: Means so much to us. I have some good news.

Kael: And I suppose that comes with some bad news.

J Cae: *clears throat* I finished writing the ending and the epilogue. And I love the epilogue!!

Illidan: But I don't. So I'm going to stop her from including it.

J Cae: Come on. You and the *mysterious* girl, you two will be so sweet together.

Illidan: And if I start being real mean to her?

J Cae: Oh, Illie, that's what the gamers and readers love you for ^_^.

Illidan: Until you said that, I was in a fine mood.

J Cae: So you give out the bad news.

Illidan: Right. She hasn't finished writing the parts that come in between now and the ending. MWAHAHAHA.

Extras: BOOOOO!! BOOOOOOOO!!

Troll extras: We wanna kill!

J Cae: Uh-oh...gotta jet.

*~*~*~*

Demongod86: Guess it's really boring if every villain is evil evil. I don't see Ner'zhul as evil. He's just ambitious and incredibly human (though he was an orc) O_o. Ugh, Maiev?! There is always a chance.

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Inaam07: Ooh. What a pity. I read the first part of your fic, I think, before I left for America. Well, it's really fun to put stuff up here actually. Oh btw, thanks for reading Mirror of Remorse. I'm sorry, I removed Dawn Can Wait cuz it's on its way to become an original story. Feel free to email me and I'll be happy to tell you the main events in DCW.

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Ira Poon: So glad you updated your fic. Haha. Yeah, you're right. Ner'zhul tried to break the pact he made between himself and Kil'jaeden when he figured it was not quite what he had in mind. But when it didn't work and he was losing the fight, he opened those portals and tried to escape. Selfish ba*tard. Glad he ended up where he was. He's a very human character, though he's an orc, and I really enjoy writing about him. And probably Syl is gonna become something more than Ner'zhul...

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BlueGuardian7: Thanks for reading. I know, I'm sorry I don't update often. One bad thing about me writing is that I change my mind every 2 minutes, and when that happens, I have to go back to the beginning of the chapter and change everything. I tried to write faster, but it never works...*sigh* ey me.

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Warp da Warp Liger: No, I didn't mean Sargeras corrupted the Nathrezim or the Eredar. He just felt bad about how evil the Eredar were when he was sent to fight them. Here's the quote from the game manual 'Though Sargeras's nearly limitless powers were more than enough to defeat the vile Eredar, he was greatly troubled by the creatures' corruption and all-consuming evil. Unable to fathom such depravity and spite, the great Titan slipped into a brooding depression.' *shrugs* I guess Sargeras was not like 100% evil when he started out. Yeah, I'll remember those things Varimathras summons are called DOOM GUARDS. Thanks anyways.

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San: That mental image is inspired by Rowan's fic. /whisper/ I am indeed part undead. I've started to rot since I was born. That's what my mom use to say anyway. Did someone mention a shade?! That's my best friend, yeah.

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Jackal2332: No problem. Thanks for reading.

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Janshi: Thanks for your review, though I might be a little confused. Yeah, I think I really didn't take too much care about Varimathras's character development. Most of the time he's just like a damned extra but I couldn't come up with something better for him. I like to make fun of him too in private. Cups? Bags? *thinks of stupid nursery rhymes and shudders violently, goes about tearing the head off Mother Goose...* No wait. Nobody's talking about geese. Phew.

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Wolfarine: I don't think I've gotten your first review. Sorry about that. But it happens sometimes on ff.net. Thanks for reading. Syl's threats, heh.