Chapter Ten – Unwanted Memories
Her entire body was aching beyond anything it ever had before. If she'd had a guess, running the entire city-planet of Coruscant wouldn't hurt this much. But then again, she also had not just run Coruscant. The only term flashing in her mind for what had been done was 'rape'. The sun was coming slowly over the horizon, but it's magnificence was lost on Kai.
Instead, her thoughts were consumed with the bruises that covered her, the bruises that she was trying to use the Force to heal even now. She walked past her brother as she entered their 'residence', all the while saying nothing to him. She knew that she looked a real mess, but she didn't care. She just wanted to be left alone.
Garik caught her arm, his gaze foggy as intoxication through alcohol seemed to be trying to overpower his mind. But Kai didn't even bother with it; she merely jerked her arm from his reach, the idea of someone touching her a thought she didn't want to process. Her twin's brow furrowed as she back away from him. "Kai, what happened? Kai?"
"Kai?"
She opened her eyes to see a shadowed blue pair looking straight back at her. The last time she'd heard her name, it must've been Tynian speaking. Opposite her, she saw the blonde 18-year-old breathing a sigh of relief. Her eyes were still locked on his and continued as such for a moment more.
Another minute passed, in which time she rolled from her stomach to her side, rubbing a phantom bruise as she went. She stopped moving when Ty decided to. He sat down on the edge of the bed, his bed, and stared down at her. It was only then that she realized she had been asleep in his room. Her mind jumped through the last conscious situations she remembered, at last coming to rest on the holovid of the sims. She must've dozed off while watching one. Logic only said that Ty had moved her from the couch to his bed out of common courteously.
With a start, she realized she still hadn't said anything. But she didn't do anything to change that. Kai just continued on thinking about her memory. At last, the silence was broken by a voice in her head.
Hey, you okay?
Tynian's voice, she knew. Yeah, I'm fine. She also knew she didn't sound very convincing, but oh well. Her suspicions were confirmed when she saw her boyfriend's expression. Offering a sheepish grin, she lowered her gaze from his and stifled a yawn with her hand.
Silence ruled the air once more, both exterior and inside her head as well. Kai watched as Tynian randomly smoothed a spot of blanket that was already impeccably positioned. She opened her mouth to say something, but shut it again, not sure what actually could be said. Before she had much of a chance to think or comprehend anything else, she drifted back into some haze of blackness.
It makes no difference; nothing makes a difference anymore. There's nothing you can do, so why bother trying? You can't do anything. Just pretend this isn't happening, just close you eyes and cut yourself off from everything. This is just a dream, a horrible nightmare. You're going to wake up screaming in a minute, this isn't real. There's nothing you can do but wait for yourself to wake up.
But it certainly wasn't a dream. Ever fiber of reality was making sure it was flashing neon. This wasn't something she was going to wake up from. She was right here, right now, no matter what she tried to force herself into believing. And whatever she wished to be true would never be true again, if it involved this event never happening. And the event itself was not one she ever wanted to remember, not something she wanted to keep for the rest of her life. But it would remain. It would remain, as would the emotions coming with it: the fear, the anger, the self-loathing, the doubt...everything.
Time was something of illusion, because in total Kaizan didn't know how much of it had elapsed in her brief 'abduction', but it seemed like forever and nothing. Shock had, at first, prevented her use of the Force, but by the time it had worn off, or perhaps it was having sense literally punched into her, the threats had been made that if she used the Force, she and those she loved would be dead before they knew what hit them.
And right there, that was something she couldn't live with.
The thoughts and mental images faded, leaving her once again staring at a pair of eyes. She had no idea what her expression was now. This couldn't be happening, not again. The shadow-cast eyes she'd been watching were blue once more; blue and warm, not harsh.
It was at times like these that Kai had to wonder just how much leaked out to her boyfriend. Yes, he was two years older than her, which meant he had had time to use the Force more. But then again, Tynian was not the sort of person who'd just openly barge into another person's thoughts unless it was necessary for the moment...would he? Somehow she didn't think so.
Kai, still on her side, closed her eyes in thought for a moment, not really sure if she wanted to perform the deed. Her memories, glorious things they were, weren't even waiting for her to fall asleep now. They were just showing up when she didn't want them. Not like they'd really asked her opinion about replaying in her head the first time. Thought didn't take too long to perform, so once again she opened her eyes to look around the half-lit room.
Without saying a word, Kai shifted, sitting up and swinging her legs over the side of the bed, now sitting on its edge, facing Tynian. She had to grin at herself mentally, because even in this kind of situation she could still find a small amount of humor in the fact that she was, for once, taller than Ty, even if it was just in sitting on a higher perch. The height illusion was shattered the moment he stood.
Unwittingly, she followed his example, standing up, feet coming into sharp contact with the less-than-warm floor. Kai shrugged off the sensation of 'cold' and walked the few paces around Ty, casting a nonchalant glance around the room, as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.
A pair of hands came to rest on her shoulders, proving her mock-act to be something seen through without any effort whatsoever. The dark-haired girl made no other movement other than to cross her arms to conserve her body's heat, still a bit cold.
Silence stretched inevitably between the two of them, something that wasn't really planned but had instead turned out to be inevitable. Ironic in its own way, but not thought of as such by Kai, considering she was no longer really thinking about anything.
It must've been all of 0400. Garik had been a 'great' sibling and all but set her up to be...well. He'd been the one to point out the passage and suggest to her that she go and see if there was anything down there worth suspicion. She'd tracked his Force presence and found him entering a kriffing cantina. Of all things, really, her twin would've made a wonderful drunk. If she had just not listened to him... If she'd just gone down the other passage... Well, maybe it wouldn't even have mattered.
Kai didn't know anymore. All she knew was that she wanted to leave this wretched planet and go and lose herself in hyperspace. Maybe set a course into a black hole. In the past six or so hours, her life had suddenly lost quite a bit of purpose with a very rude awakening being the source of that sharp connection to the 'real galaxy'. While life might not be entirely fair, sometimes it really seemed like life just enjoyed making examples of a few thousand beings, leaving the rest to hear their stories and thank the stars that the events never happened to them. And, just her luck, her name was chosen from the cards to be one of the lives put through the trash compactor and shredded.
If she took a step back, though, it seemed like it was a bit too perfectly staged, in some ways. Whoever that guy was...Kai shuddered slightly in the night air. Whoever that guy was, he knew a lot more than your average testosterone-led male nerf would about the person he was getting his high off of. Kai frowned slightly, watching her feet as she walked across the black ground. Whoever he was, he had a source. It was almost as if...no. That would be absurd, insane even. Wouldn't it be? Could he really have had specific information about her?
It might've been seconds long, it might've been minutes. But however long it was, Tynian didn't seem to notice her lapse into memory. This was really getting out of hand. Ever since her return from the dreaded mission, Kai had had dreams about her experience on the aforementioned venture. If the memories decided they wanted to continue to play out, by the end of the week she would have seen the entire mission in completion twice. It couldn't go on. Not like this. The only time she hadn't had a dream about Kessel was... Well, back when she'd spent the night with Ty.
Kai glanced silently at the chrono displayed on the wall. 2030. A silent sigh worked its way out of her, meeting the air with minimal disruption to it. Finally Kai decided that something must be said. If they stood like this for the rest of the night, she would probably fall over sleeping soon.
After a brief pause, she asked, "My dad was here, wasn't he?"
There was silence for a moment, before, "Yeah. He came by about half an hour ago." Tynian didn't offer much else, but his tone didn't imply that he wanted to give out no more information. Kai took a few steps forwards the couch and sunk down on one end, her knees drawn up to her chest, turning her head slightly to look at him.
"What did he have to say?"
Ty had followed her to the couch and now sat looking between his hands and her, rather unsuccessfully doing it in an unnoticeable way. "Actually, it was to discuss how I was dealing with this whole aftermath of your mission business." He paused, and then said, "And he wanted to know what I wanted to do about Grandar."
Kai looked over at him, slightly surprised by the topics her father seemed to have brought up. "Why would he want to know about that?"
She received a shrug in reply. "Not quite sure. It was weird, actually. He seemed really ticked off over something when he came, but he sort of seemed to find a peace with himself after one of the things I said." Kai watched Ty's expression silently, wondering slightly what had had her father so annoyed about. And wondering still more what her boyfriend could've said that would clear up said annoyance. Still, she didn't press the subject, merely waited for him to go on, if he wanted.
There was silence for another minute, in which time Kai thought the subject had been dropped. But then Ty suddenly voiced a question. "Did your mother ever go out with Reggie Grandar or something?"