Ouch..not living up to my normal standards (
Okay, let me try to explain the story, because you guys are absolutely
right, Harry is being puppeteer along, right now. I'm doing that on
purpose, and I'm betting Rowling is going to do the same. I'm basing that
from personal experience. Harry is going though a healing process right
now, losing Sirius, well that's tough. Emotions are running wild, and he's
confused (which is normal.) He doesn't know what he wants.
If you've ever had a grieving friend you'd understand. They kind of recluse themselves (much like Cho did in OotP) and you find yourself trying to force them out of their misery. Much like what I have Hermione and Ginny doing right now. Or, the other option, you tiptoe around them (what Ron is currently doing.)
Pavarti, sorry I've been misspelling her name (I'm blaming it on spell check, apparently Patril is a real word and Patil isn't, I'm fixing it now) I'm using her character because I think she's a logical choice, she's pushy, bossy, over aggressive (as seen in GoF.) Harry also thinks she's pretty, we know this for a fact. If there is going to be another female presence in Harry's life, I think Pavarti is a safe bet. I want to add another female antagonist to Harry's anxieties because that what happens when your sixteen. Poor Harry, he's got to deal with hormones, and death, not an easy life to lead.
I will always be a Cho fan because she's an underdog, everybody hates her, and I can't figure out why. Reasons I like Cho: 1: She's a real character, she doesn't have any exceptional qualities, and she call fall. (Like what happened with Cedric.) 2: She still has room to grow in the story. (Her character is still evolving and we understand her a bit more with every book.) 3: She has several things in common with our hero (they both love Quidditch and are learning to deal with Death on a very personal level)
You can bash her and me if you'd like, but mark my word, we haven't seen the last of her in the Harry Potter series....I said it at the end of GoF, and I'm saying it again now.
Thanks for all the Reviews, and hopefully my story will get better, I think it will if you keep with it.
Read and Review, Nothing is my own...
************************************************************************
Chapter Twelve: The Harsh Reality of The Boy Who Lived
The darkness finally began to fade and Harry's eyes cracked open to a fuzzy spinning room. He felt so weak, so confused. Barely able to remember the moments leading up to the attack, that's right, the attack. The room slowly came into focus and he could see the familiar settings of the Hogwarts Hospital wing.
"What happened?" Harry asked aloud, unsure if anyone was around to answer him.
"Your awake, here eat this," said the strict voice of Madame Pomfrey as she shoved a piece of chocolate at him.
Harry took the chocolate but didn't eat it, "how did I get here?"
"I swear, sometimes I don't know what is going to happened next to my students. Professor Dumbledore will explain everything when you feeling a bit stronger," she said in a ramble.
Harry shook his head hoping to rid his body of a coldness that seemed to engulf him, "I'm plenty strong enough right now." He tried to ease his body from trembling, but was unsuccessful.
Madame Pomfrey sighed loudly, "eat Potter, you have nothing else to do right now, you're not going anywhere."
Harry took a small nibble off the piece of chocolate Madame Pomfrey had given him and he felt instantly better. The memory of what had happened slowly started to filter it's way back into his mind. He remember the attack on Hogmeade, there must have been at least a hundred Dementors because the city fell into a somber silence.
Harry remembered going though the Shrieking Shack window and in though the tunnel that lead to the Whomping Willow. He remembered turning around and, "CHO!"
"What Mr. Potter," Madame Pomfrey asked just before she disappeared into another room.
"Cho Chang from Ravenclaw was with me, is she okay?" Harry asked still confused.
Madame Pomfrey lowered her head, "Professor Dumbledore should be the one to tell you."
Harry felt his stomach drop at her words, her expression told him she wasn't okay. Why had he brought her with him? He felt his breathing grow heavy as he imagined the worst, what if she had been seriously injured, or worse. What if she had fallen victim to the Dementor's kiss.
"If I'd only cancelled our trip this would have never happened," Harry thought angrily to himself.
He thought back to the last moments he had been with Cho. She seemed to sincerely care about him. She had never judged him even when her boyfriend was cheated out of his fame by Harry. Cho didn't blame him for Cedric's death, or turn against him when the rest of Hogwarts had. She had only shown him friendship and kindness, always willing to give him a second look even when he was harsh to her.
Cho Chang was the closest thing to normality Harry Potter had ever known. He felt absolutely sick with grief and worry. Memories of dancing and smiles remind Harry of the Cho he had once not been able to tear his eyes from. One of her smiles could put his stomach into knots for hours. It was his fault she had been though so much. It was his fault Cedric had died, and now it was his fault if Cho was dead too.
"Harry, I see you are feeling better," Dumbledore said as he appeared and interrupted his thoughts.
Harry tried to greet his head master but couldn't find the words to say, or the questions to ask.
"I imagine your trying to figure out what happened earlier today when you were on your Hogmeade trip," Dumbledore continued.
Harry nodded as he watch the professor take seat next to his bed.
Dumbledore lowered his head, "let me try to explain. You might have noticed the years first Hogmeade trip occurred much earlier than usual."
"I noticed," Harry answered.
"Well, the reason for the trip's rescheduling is the fact that Voldemort has been growing stronger and I feared the students would get suspicious if we cancelled the trip. With the Hogmeade Autumn Festival occurring I thought that it would unlikely for Voldemort to attack, hence I thought it would be the safest opportunity for students to visit," Dumbledore paused, "I regretfully was wrong. The ministry lost all control over the Dementor guards at Azkaban this very day, and all of Voldemort supporters are once again free to reek havoc."
Harry eyes widened as the old man talked. A terrible feeling of fear and numbness coursed though his veins.
" As you probably remember I warned Fudge something like this was likely to happen, but nobody except the Dementors to attack a whole town. They delivered many of their fatal kisses before the situation was controlled. You were absolutely right to run, you must remember that," Dumbledore said forcefully.
"Cho?" Harry asked feeling a bit sick.
Dumbledore shook his head, "Voldemort sent the orders for the Dementors to deliver a kiss to you personally if possible. That is the reason that Hogmeade was attacked while the students were visiting. Knowing you might try to escape he sent Dementors to the grounds of Hogwarts while the professors were out and the defenses were low. Obviously Mr. Pettigrew informed him of the passage though the Shrieking Shack. Four Dementors found you and Miss. Chang coming out of the Whomping Willow." Dumbledore stopped at eyed Harry, "you must not blame yourself."
"Is she okay?" Harry begged.
The old Professor held up his hand to stop Harry from asking, "Professor Snape saw them closing in on you from the castle and rushed to your rescue. You didn't have enough time to cast your Patronus charm and was seized. Miss Chang tried several times to send her own Patronus at the Dementors, but failed. She then tried to attack them physically, and their powers where too great."
Harry felt his eyes welling up with tears, "was she kissed?"
"Professor Snape managed to keep the dementors from delivering their kisses, but the darkness and sorrow the Dementors spread were too much for young Miss Chang. She is at St. Mungo on the closed ward."
"They drove her mad?" Harry asked desperately.
"We don't know if the results are permanent or not, it far to early to say," Dumbledore said sadly."
Harry felt a surge of anger wash over him, how could this happen. Everyone he allowed to get close to him was in danger. Ron, Hermione, Ginny and even some of the members of the DA had been in great danger times because of him. Then there was Cedric, Sirius and his parents, all dead because of who he was. Now Cho, she was in the closed ward, driven to the point of madness because of a stupid prophecy made before he was even born. The world would have been a better place if Harry Potter never existed.
"I am terrible sorry Harry. You must not blame yourself, there was nothing you could have done," Dumbledore repeated.
"It's all my fault, if she hadn't been with me, she'd still be okay," Harry argued.
"But you wouldn't be, her courage stalled the Dementor's long enough to delay their deadly kiss. If she hadn't charged the Dementors who had seized you, Professor Snape would have never reached you in time," Dumbledore explained, "do not dishonor the bravery Miss Chang showed."
"She saved me, and I couldn't save her. I killed Cedric and I might as well have killed her," Harry said hatefully.
Dumbledore shook his head, "I understand you are angry, but you must not give into this hate. It is far to early to seal Miss. Chang's fate. I will arrange for you to visit her at St. Mungo, perhaps it will make you feel better."
Harry looked at Professor Dumbledore in shock, "I guess me having to cling on to Cedric's lifeless body and bring it back made me feel better too. Or watching Sirius face as it twisted in shock before he fell though the veil was good for me," Harry felt his warm tears streaming down his cheeks.
"Try not to dwell on your losses. You were meant for great things," Dumbledore said calmly.
Harry clinched his fist, "LEAVE ME ALONE!"
Dumbledore shook his head, "I'm afraid I can't do that Harry. I know this is a very tough situation you are going though, but remember it isn't our victories that define us, it is our losses. Your ability to feel pain and sorrow make you stronger than your adversary, and only by defeating your him can you ever truly be the boy who lived."
Harry didn't want anymore, he was tired of Dumbledore's pointless words of wisdom.
"I DON'T CARE!! You know what I wished for when Voldemort possessed me? I wished you would have killed me, death is better than this. I'm tired of living this stupid life, every time something good happens it gets ripped away!" Harry said hatefully.
"I understand, I wish there was something I could do to help ease your pain, but there isn't. You need time to grieve, it is only human to need such time," Dumbledore said sadly before turning and leaving. "I should also inform you that Quidditch has been cancelled for the year."
"Wonderful," Harry muttered angrily to himself.
Harry threw his head into his pillow, he made up his mind. If he had to live, he'd do it alone. He couldn't bare to lose anyone else.
The next morning Harry gathered his things and headed for his house common room. Madame Pomfrey told him that Professor Dumbledore had ordered her to refuse any visitors wanting to see him. He was grateful the old professor recognized his desire to be alone. Harry's heart was as cold as ice as he walked though the familiar gold and red room.
"HARRY!!" I've been so worried Hermione said pulling him into a hug.
"Get off!" Harry pushed her, "Stay away from me."
"What's wrong?" she asked a bit taken back.
"What do you need me to say it more plainly? STAY THE BLOODY HELL AWAY FROM ME!" Harry screamed.
Hermione held her breath, speechless.
"Mate? What did those Dementor's do to you?" Ron asked equally shocked.
"I'm not your mate Ron," Harry replied coldly
Ginny placed an sympatric arm around Hermione, "what the hell is your problem Harry?"
Harry glared at her coldly, "I don't want any friends in my life. Just leave me ALONE!" Harry spat.
"Nobodies stopping you, if you want to be alone, just go," Ginny said hatefully.
Harry turned and started to storm away.
"You can't push away Harry. We're already in this too deep," Hermione called after him.
Harry stopped and lowered his head, "everyone close to me ends up dead, or worse, you're better off without me."
He ran up the dormitory stairs feeling like the nothing he believed himself to be. Harry enclosed himself in his four corner post bed, pulling the curtains firmly around him. His green eyes glowed with anger.
"Harry, please talk to me?" Ron begged from outside Harry's dark world.
Harry sighed loudly, "just forget about me Ron, it's for your own good."
"It isn't your fault what happened to Cedric or Sirius. And it isn't your fault what happened to Cho," Ron stated pulling back the curtains and taking a seat next to Harry.
Harry eyed the scars from their last encounter at the Department of Mysteries last year, "and what about everything that has happened to you. Remember what happened to Ginny? Remember what happened to your dad? If you weren't my friend those things would have never have happened," Harry explained.
"You didn't make those things happen Harry. I wouldn't trade our friendship for anything in this world. If I have to face a few extra challenges in my life, I'm willing to risk it," Ron said firmly. "And so is everyone else in my family, well except Percy."
Harry tried to smile but failed, "I'm sorry, I just need to be alone right now."
"Okay, but remember you can't chase us off by being a stupid prat. We're harder to get rid of than that."
If you've ever had a grieving friend you'd understand. They kind of recluse themselves (much like Cho did in OotP) and you find yourself trying to force them out of their misery. Much like what I have Hermione and Ginny doing right now. Or, the other option, you tiptoe around them (what Ron is currently doing.)
Pavarti, sorry I've been misspelling her name (I'm blaming it on spell check, apparently Patril is a real word and Patil isn't, I'm fixing it now) I'm using her character because I think she's a logical choice, she's pushy, bossy, over aggressive (as seen in GoF.) Harry also thinks she's pretty, we know this for a fact. If there is going to be another female presence in Harry's life, I think Pavarti is a safe bet. I want to add another female antagonist to Harry's anxieties because that what happens when your sixteen. Poor Harry, he's got to deal with hormones, and death, not an easy life to lead.
I will always be a Cho fan because she's an underdog, everybody hates her, and I can't figure out why. Reasons I like Cho: 1: She's a real character, she doesn't have any exceptional qualities, and she call fall. (Like what happened with Cedric.) 2: She still has room to grow in the story. (Her character is still evolving and we understand her a bit more with every book.) 3: She has several things in common with our hero (they both love Quidditch and are learning to deal with Death on a very personal level)
You can bash her and me if you'd like, but mark my word, we haven't seen the last of her in the Harry Potter series....I said it at the end of GoF, and I'm saying it again now.
Thanks for all the Reviews, and hopefully my story will get better, I think it will if you keep with it.
Read and Review, Nothing is my own...
************************************************************************
Chapter Twelve: The Harsh Reality of The Boy Who Lived
The darkness finally began to fade and Harry's eyes cracked open to a fuzzy spinning room. He felt so weak, so confused. Barely able to remember the moments leading up to the attack, that's right, the attack. The room slowly came into focus and he could see the familiar settings of the Hogwarts Hospital wing.
"What happened?" Harry asked aloud, unsure if anyone was around to answer him.
"Your awake, here eat this," said the strict voice of Madame Pomfrey as she shoved a piece of chocolate at him.
Harry took the chocolate but didn't eat it, "how did I get here?"
"I swear, sometimes I don't know what is going to happened next to my students. Professor Dumbledore will explain everything when you feeling a bit stronger," she said in a ramble.
Harry shook his head hoping to rid his body of a coldness that seemed to engulf him, "I'm plenty strong enough right now." He tried to ease his body from trembling, but was unsuccessful.
Madame Pomfrey sighed loudly, "eat Potter, you have nothing else to do right now, you're not going anywhere."
Harry took a small nibble off the piece of chocolate Madame Pomfrey had given him and he felt instantly better. The memory of what had happened slowly started to filter it's way back into his mind. He remember the attack on Hogmeade, there must have been at least a hundred Dementors because the city fell into a somber silence.
Harry remembered going though the Shrieking Shack window and in though the tunnel that lead to the Whomping Willow. He remembered turning around and, "CHO!"
"What Mr. Potter," Madame Pomfrey asked just before she disappeared into another room.
"Cho Chang from Ravenclaw was with me, is she okay?" Harry asked still confused.
Madame Pomfrey lowered her head, "Professor Dumbledore should be the one to tell you."
Harry felt his stomach drop at her words, her expression told him she wasn't okay. Why had he brought her with him? He felt his breathing grow heavy as he imagined the worst, what if she had been seriously injured, or worse. What if she had fallen victim to the Dementor's kiss.
"If I'd only cancelled our trip this would have never happened," Harry thought angrily to himself.
He thought back to the last moments he had been with Cho. She seemed to sincerely care about him. She had never judged him even when her boyfriend was cheated out of his fame by Harry. Cho didn't blame him for Cedric's death, or turn against him when the rest of Hogwarts had. She had only shown him friendship and kindness, always willing to give him a second look even when he was harsh to her.
Cho Chang was the closest thing to normality Harry Potter had ever known. He felt absolutely sick with grief and worry. Memories of dancing and smiles remind Harry of the Cho he had once not been able to tear his eyes from. One of her smiles could put his stomach into knots for hours. It was his fault she had been though so much. It was his fault Cedric had died, and now it was his fault if Cho was dead too.
"Harry, I see you are feeling better," Dumbledore said as he appeared and interrupted his thoughts.
Harry tried to greet his head master but couldn't find the words to say, or the questions to ask.
"I imagine your trying to figure out what happened earlier today when you were on your Hogmeade trip," Dumbledore continued.
Harry nodded as he watch the professor take seat next to his bed.
Dumbledore lowered his head, "let me try to explain. You might have noticed the years first Hogmeade trip occurred much earlier than usual."
"I noticed," Harry answered.
"Well, the reason for the trip's rescheduling is the fact that Voldemort has been growing stronger and I feared the students would get suspicious if we cancelled the trip. With the Hogmeade Autumn Festival occurring I thought that it would unlikely for Voldemort to attack, hence I thought it would be the safest opportunity for students to visit," Dumbledore paused, "I regretfully was wrong. The ministry lost all control over the Dementor guards at Azkaban this very day, and all of Voldemort supporters are once again free to reek havoc."
Harry eyes widened as the old man talked. A terrible feeling of fear and numbness coursed though his veins.
" As you probably remember I warned Fudge something like this was likely to happen, but nobody except the Dementors to attack a whole town. They delivered many of their fatal kisses before the situation was controlled. You were absolutely right to run, you must remember that," Dumbledore said forcefully.
"Cho?" Harry asked feeling a bit sick.
Dumbledore shook his head, "Voldemort sent the orders for the Dementors to deliver a kiss to you personally if possible. That is the reason that Hogmeade was attacked while the students were visiting. Knowing you might try to escape he sent Dementors to the grounds of Hogwarts while the professors were out and the defenses were low. Obviously Mr. Pettigrew informed him of the passage though the Shrieking Shack. Four Dementors found you and Miss. Chang coming out of the Whomping Willow." Dumbledore stopped at eyed Harry, "you must not blame yourself."
"Is she okay?" Harry begged.
The old Professor held up his hand to stop Harry from asking, "Professor Snape saw them closing in on you from the castle and rushed to your rescue. You didn't have enough time to cast your Patronus charm and was seized. Miss Chang tried several times to send her own Patronus at the Dementors, but failed. She then tried to attack them physically, and their powers where too great."
Harry felt his eyes welling up with tears, "was she kissed?"
"Professor Snape managed to keep the dementors from delivering their kisses, but the darkness and sorrow the Dementors spread were too much for young Miss Chang. She is at St. Mungo on the closed ward."
"They drove her mad?" Harry asked desperately.
"We don't know if the results are permanent or not, it far to early to say," Dumbledore said sadly."
Harry felt a surge of anger wash over him, how could this happen. Everyone he allowed to get close to him was in danger. Ron, Hermione, Ginny and even some of the members of the DA had been in great danger times because of him. Then there was Cedric, Sirius and his parents, all dead because of who he was. Now Cho, she was in the closed ward, driven to the point of madness because of a stupid prophecy made before he was even born. The world would have been a better place if Harry Potter never existed.
"I am terrible sorry Harry. You must not blame yourself, there was nothing you could have done," Dumbledore repeated.
"It's all my fault, if she hadn't been with me, she'd still be okay," Harry argued.
"But you wouldn't be, her courage stalled the Dementor's long enough to delay their deadly kiss. If she hadn't charged the Dementors who had seized you, Professor Snape would have never reached you in time," Dumbledore explained, "do not dishonor the bravery Miss Chang showed."
"She saved me, and I couldn't save her. I killed Cedric and I might as well have killed her," Harry said hatefully.
Dumbledore shook his head, "I understand you are angry, but you must not give into this hate. It is far to early to seal Miss. Chang's fate. I will arrange for you to visit her at St. Mungo, perhaps it will make you feel better."
Harry looked at Professor Dumbledore in shock, "I guess me having to cling on to Cedric's lifeless body and bring it back made me feel better too. Or watching Sirius face as it twisted in shock before he fell though the veil was good for me," Harry felt his warm tears streaming down his cheeks.
"Try not to dwell on your losses. You were meant for great things," Dumbledore said calmly.
Harry clinched his fist, "LEAVE ME ALONE!"
Dumbledore shook his head, "I'm afraid I can't do that Harry. I know this is a very tough situation you are going though, but remember it isn't our victories that define us, it is our losses. Your ability to feel pain and sorrow make you stronger than your adversary, and only by defeating your him can you ever truly be the boy who lived."
Harry didn't want anymore, he was tired of Dumbledore's pointless words of wisdom.
"I DON'T CARE!! You know what I wished for when Voldemort possessed me? I wished you would have killed me, death is better than this. I'm tired of living this stupid life, every time something good happens it gets ripped away!" Harry said hatefully.
"I understand, I wish there was something I could do to help ease your pain, but there isn't. You need time to grieve, it is only human to need such time," Dumbledore said sadly before turning and leaving. "I should also inform you that Quidditch has been cancelled for the year."
"Wonderful," Harry muttered angrily to himself.
Harry threw his head into his pillow, he made up his mind. If he had to live, he'd do it alone. He couldn't bare to lose anyone else.
The next morning Harry gathered his things and headed for his house common room. Madame Pomfrey told him that Professor Dumbledore had ordered her to refuse any visitors wanting to see him. He was grateful the old professor recognized his desire to be alone. Harry's heart was as cold as ice as he walked though the familiar gold and red room.
"HARRY!!" I've been so worried Hermione said pulling him into a hug.
"Get off!" Harry pushed her, "Stay away from me."
"What's wrong?" she asked a bit taken back.
"What do you need me to say it more plainly? STAY THE BLOODY HELL AWAY FROM ME!" Harry screamed.
Hermione held her breath, speechless.
"Mate? What did those Dementor's do to you?" Ron asked equally shocked.
"I'm not your mate Ron," Harry replied coldly
Ginny placed an sympatric arm around Hermione, "what the hell is your problem Harry?"
Harry glared at her coldly, "I don't want any friends in my life. Just leave me ALONE!" Harry spat.
"Nobodies stopping you, if you want to be alone, just go," Ginny said hatefully.
Harry turned and started to storm away.
"You can't push away Harry. We're already in this too deep," Hermione called after him.
Harry stopped and lowered his head, "everyone close to me ends up dead, or worse, you're better off without me."
He ran up the dormitory stairs feeling like the nothing he believed himself to be. Harry enclosed himself in his four corner post bed, pulling the curtains firmly around him. His green eyes glowed with anger.
"Harry, please talk to me?" Ron begged from outside Harry's dark world.
Harry sighed loudly, "just forget about me Ron, it's for your own good."
"It isn't your fault what happened to Cedric or Sirius. And it isn't your fault what happened to Cho," Ron stated pulling back the curtains and taking a seat next to Harry.
Harry eyed the scars from their last encounter at the Department of Mysteries last year, "and what about everything that has happened to you. Remember what happened to Ginny? Remember what happened to your dad? If you weren't my friend those things would have never have happened," Harry explained.
"You didn't make those things happen Harry. I wouldn't trade our friendship for anything in this world. If I have to face a few extra challenges in my life, I'm willing to risk it," Ron said firmly. "And so is everyone else in my family, well except Percy."
Harry tried to smile but failed, "I'm sorry, I just need to be alone right now."
"Okay, but remember you can't chase us off by being a stupid prat. We're harder to get rid of than that."