Swishy Fantasies Presents:


Witty Motel, 1313 Nowhere Road: Chapter 2

by: Yours truly


Swishy: Welcome back, all you noble pirates! Now it is time for the....

DISCLAIMER!!!

Swishy: ..., the part of the show where me and Shaadi host the disclaimer!

Shaadi: The people reading this fic are "readers", not "pirates"

Swishy: Quiet, dummy Shaadi, I'm trying to dedicate this disclaimer to all camel-dogs out there.

Shaadi: First you try hyping the disclaimer with fancy fonts, now you try to dedicate your disclaimer to pirates, what's next?

Shaadi: Wait, what did you say?

Swishy: You know Shaadi, you could just be a reflection of my inner, self-criticism of my self, and that you don't really exist?

Shaadi: O.o Stop freaking me out!!"

Swishy: Well, you can stop being so critical all the time and I'll stop freaking you out.

Shaadi: I can't help it, your works always lack so much, and due to the fact that I...

Swishy: Stop it, dummy Shaadi, or I'll use my Millennium Toothpick on you.

Shaadi: *can't help but laugh* A Millennium Toothpick? *to self* What was the Pharaoh thinking when he made that one?

Swishy: Ah, yes, Shaadi, but the Millennium Toothpick is the greatest Millennium item ever!

Shaadi: The greatest Millennium item ever?

Swishy: One of it's talent's is it can read disclaimers. *to Millennium Toothpick* Read disclaimer!

Millennium Toothpick: *reads* Disclaimer: Swishy Fantasies does not own the following: disclaimers, any of the Yu-Gi-Oh! Entities, Egypt, charred pieces of bus, anti-genius ideas, eerie lights, glowing ink, a haunted hotel, etc., or any of the Millennium Items owned by Shaadi, only the really, super-cool Millennium Toothpick(and camel-dogs).

Swishy: And it's smart, too.

Millennium Toothpick: ...

Shaadi: Why did it say "..."? How can it say "..."? Is that possible?

Swishy: That means it's saying nothing, 'cause have you ever heard of a talking toothpick?

Shaadi: Then how could that miniscule shard of wood read a discla--

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*STARTING FANFIC*

As they were all making a mad dash to the hotel, only one person bothered to stop and think "Hold it, why are we running to some abandoned hotel in the middle of nowhere, doesn't it seem a little fishy that there is a hotel in the middle of nowhere?" That would be Meiko's thoughts, but years of being an extra had taught him to never ask questions, the bigger characters would eventually solve it in the end even if it made absolutely no sense. Jounouchi, meanwhile, was running all out, being scared silly of.. er.. I mean was worried for everyone else's safety and trying to prevent them from being struck by *gulp* lightning. It wasn't like he was afraid of it or any thing. I mean, alright, maybe he was a little scared of it, but who could blame him? It was out in the middle of nowhere, nothing around for miles except sagebrush, pieces of charred bus, and one, big hotel. Speaking of that hotel, his "bad feeling" senses were driving him nuts about that hotel. It looked like it'd never pass a safety inspection, much less ever had one done on it. The windows were cracked, a squeaky shudder flapped in the wind, overgrown weeds grew up around it.. Oh, whoops, wrong story. You see, the weird thing about this hotel, besides the dark, gloomy air around the place and the aforementioned weeds, it was in perfect shape. Which really threw Jounouchi's "bad feeling" senses for a loop, he thought it was going to be a decrepit, old building in the middle of nowhere. This place looked all taken care of, the garden looked all nice, the windows all had fresh coats of paint on them. A really great place, despite it being in the middle of a desert. He was going to ask Yugi about it once they stopped running, but right then, he was all out of breath. They finally reached the door. Honda seized the door knob, flung it open, and they all rushed inside. The first thing out of Jounouchi's mouth was "Ok, who's stupid idea was it to come here, anyways?"
"I was about to ask the same thing." said Tea "I mean, an abandoned hotel in the middle of a blank stretch of road, doesn't that just seem weird?"

"Yeah, I mean coming in here's just asking for trouble." pointed out Otogi.
"It sure wasn't my idea." said Jounouchi "I thought it was stupid."
"Not my idea." followed up Honda.

"Nope"

"Not me."

When they turned to look at Meiko, he responded "Don't look at me, I thought all you major characters would figure it out." They all stared at him. He looked nervous "Never mind! I meant 'Nope, not me'"
"Well, it's not as bad as it looks..." said Shana. Every one stared at her. "Er, I mean... uh-oh..."

"You mean we've been following the advice of a twelve year old this whole time?" Jounouchi grumbled "Oh, great."

"Well, now that we're here," said Yugi, trying to change the subject, "What are we going to do now?"

"We accept our destiny!!" shouted Yami Yugi, striking a very noble/dorky pose.

Yugi stared at his Yami. "Yami, are you trying to make me regret I finished the Millennium Puzzle in the first place?"

"What are you talking about, Yugi?"

"Never mind, Yami. Never mind."

"Actually, on the sadder end of the spectrum," said Kaiba, coolly "We really don't have much elsewhere to go, now do we?" He glared at Mokuba. "Why didn't you just stay home where this kind of stuff wouldn't happen to you?"

"This stuff's ten times cooler than staying at school. I like it more. Besides, you'll protect me, won't you Seto?"

Just then, a light flickered on in the lobby, which they were standing in, and the group was able to look around.
"Say, where's everybody else?" asked Jounouchi.

"Who?"

"You know, all those little people who stand around in our class and never seem to say anything. You know those people?"

Jounouchi was right. Their whole class had been reduced to Bakura, Yugi, Jounouchi, Anzu, Honda, Otogi, Meiko (yes, I did single out Meiko), Kaiba, and the two middle schoolers, both of which had not left Kaiba's side, even for a second.

**Meanwhile, at Bakura's house**(And this little thingie here was inserted by Yodel)

"Boy," said Bakura's Mum, "it was a good thing you sent Bakura on the field trip."

Bakura's Pop smiled, then frowned. "Bakura was on a field trip?!?"

She froze, and her eye's grew wide.

"WHAT?!? DIDN'T YOU SEE THE PERMISSION SLIP?!?!?!?!?!"

*sweat droplet* "Well...... no......uh....I.......I hoped he walked to school....."

*sigh* "Oh, well. I hope it isn't too long before he gets back..."

**Meanwhile, back at the ... other place.."**( back to Swishy)

Shana's eyes grew wide. "I know what happened! They were taken by minions of the un-dead to their secret lair to be made into human sacrifices to their cabbage gods!"

"You know, I read something like that on the front of a supermarket tabloid once." said Honda "I always wondered who they got to do their articles..."

"Listen, you," interrupted Jounouchi, "I don't want to have to listen to you whimper and moan about some stupid story about minions and all that junk. So let's just make it clear now, that I'm not going to tolerate some stupid zombie nonsense while we're here..."

Just then, the storm interrupted with a huge flash of lightning, followed by a "*CRACK-BOOOOOM!!*".

"AAAHHH! IT'S UNDEAD MINIONS!" screamed Jonouchi in a very manly way, and then everyone's nerves broke and they all scattered. All except Kaiba, who Mokuba had reflexively hid behind.

"This is pathetic. I'm stuck in here with a bunch of geeks who all believe in ghosts and haunted houses and other fairy tale nonsense. (No, Mokuba, not you. I was referring to the rest of them.)"

"T-that's stupid. I-I don't believe in i-idiotic stuff like that-t..." said Jounouchi from behind the chair.

"I'm not scared, I'm not scared, I'm not scared..." whimpered Shana from behind a curtain.

"I'm only a bit jumpy, 'cause, well,..er... it startled me.." said Meiko coming back from a dash to the window.

"What do you think? Me, afraid?" said Honda, attempting to look tougher than Jounouchi and failed due to the fact of his knocking knees.

"O-ok. I think everyone's a bit shaken up by this storm." said Anzu, deciding to try and take charge of the situation. "The house looks strong enough to take the storm, at least it'll have to do. I don't know of anywhere else we could stay, so we're going to have to stay here."

They took this opportunity to scan the area over. Just then, Yugi noticed a sign on the wall. "Huh? What's that?" he said, motioning to the sign on the wall. Everyone (except Kaiba, because he's a rebel) walked over to the sign. Oh, and Shana stayed put as well.

"What's it say?" asked Jounouchi.

Honda snorted. "Gee, Jounouchi, I thought you were below average, but not that low."

"Ha, ha, very funny. I was asking a rhetorical question."

"Well, someone should read it, 'cause the readers certainly can't see it." said Meiko. They all stared at him. "Never mind! Never mind..." Bakura decided to read it for the sake of variety and his pretty face.

"Welcome, guest. Please be sure to sign in before taking a key. We hope you find you stay restful and relaxing at the Witty Phan Desert King Hotel."

"A hotel?" said Yugi.

"That's what it says on the sign." said Bakura.

"Well a "desert king" it's certainly not." said Otogi. "This doesn't get the five-star rating in my book."

"It's in the middle of nowhere. What do you expect, red carpet?" said Honda.

"It's not a hotel, it's a piece of rotten wood stuck in the ground, for crying out loud!" muttered Kaiba.

"Man, this place's stinks." grumbled Jounouchi.

"Dusty, too." said Anzu, sneezing.

"Again, what do you expect from a place like this? The only reason it's standing it the fact that it's in the middle of nowhere."

"I hope it's not mildewy. I'm allergic to mildew." said Meiko.

"I hope none of the floorboards are rotten." said Yugi, cautiously stepping to the side as one of them creaked under his feet.

"I hope it has a bathroom, 'cause I could really use one right now." said Jounouchi.

"With any luck, it'll be a outhouse." said Honda "And only one of them."

"I don't want to have to use an outhouse, Seto, those places stink." whined Mokuba.

"I don't wanna go in one." said Shana "I make a lousy night patrol."

"That's outhouse, Shana, not guardhouse."

"Oh." And she continued to hide in the curtain.

"I wonder when the last person signed into this old place." said Bakura, starting to open the sign-in book, but Jounouchi nearly slammed it down on his fingers.

"Are you insane? Opening an old book in a hau- huge, old dusty hotel." hissed Jounouchi, glancing over his shoulder to look at Kaiba. "I mean, come on, what's the point?"

"I'm just curious.." said Bakura "It's not that big of a deal, really." He proceeded to open the book.

"No!" whispered Jounouchi frantically, but it was too late. Bakura read the last entry. "That's odd, the last entry was yesterday. And they haven't signed out yet."

"AHHHHH!" screamed Shana from behind the curtains and leaped out from behind them. Everyone jumped.

"What are you doing, you lunatic?" shouted Kaiba. "If you wake anyone, you're dead."

"I know.." said Shana "'Cause if I do, then the zombie men are gonna come down stairs and suck the life juices out of me to strengthen their evil zombie powers! They're gonna lock us in here forever!" She broke down into hysteric whimpering.

There was a long moment of silence. Then, Bakura said "Well, if this hotel is still operational, then maybe we could sign in for a room." Everyone looked at him like he was crazy. "Or...not never mind just asking..."

he said as he retreated from view.

"I don't care if this hotel's still in business or not, I'm not signing in, nor will I pay a single penny to stay in this sorry excuse of a hotel." said Kaiba in a you-don't-deserve-my-presence-kind-of-attitude.

"Of course, money-bags, of course. I don't mind if you want to stay outside. Feel free to. I'm cordially inviting you to leave. Please, please, please, LEAVE!" said Jounouchi "It'll make my life much better."

"Jounouchi," Kaiba mumbled, " You are a camel-dog."

"What's a camel-dog?"

"It's a genetic freak of nature, a mutant beast that's the result of your existence. Because you exist, camel-dogs exist. You are a camel-dog."

"THAT'S IT, I'M NOT TAKING ANOTHER SECOND OF THIS! I'M GONNA--"

"Do what, Jounouchi? Your threats are all bark and no bite. If you want to get this over with, we can." He wielded his briefcase in a threatening manner.

But before Jounouchi could make a comeback, a thin, spindly, ethereal voice cut through like a frozen string. "Look at what we have here, deary me, deary me. Could you keep it down? You're screaming loud enough to wake the dead from their sleep." All at once, a man stepped out of the shadows. He was wearing a purple suit and had his hat over his eyes, making his face indistinguishable.

Shana paused, then started to draw in another breath for a scream, but Anzu covered her mouth. "Stop screaming, will you please? It's getting on my nerves."

"Who are you?" asked Yugi.

"A little someone..." started the man, walking around the counter, "who owns this little hotel, which you all were talking about."

"Oh.. er, sorry, we didn't mean to belittle your hotel, it's just.. looks a little... er..." began Yugi, but Jounouchi interrupted.

"This place's a little dusty, you got a restroom?"

"Jounouchi!" admonished Anzu.

"Er, did I say that out loud? I really didn't mean it, honest."

Anzu sighed, but the man merely chuckled.

"It's quite alright, young man. It's been a while since I've dusted, but it's been quite a while since I've had... your kind of visitors. Being adolescents and all. Well! Let's see, are you here for a room? You must be, since people of your kind wouldn't sleep outside at all, no, indeed not." As he bent over to retrieve a pen, everyone else looked at each other with a "okaay-this-guy's-a-little-weird" look. But as soon as he stood back up, every one snapped back to there normal poses, except for Mokuba, who continued to look at him funny. "You sound familiar. Do I know you?"

"Maybe so, maybe so." said the man with another chuckle. "But, here. Since it is raining, I'll let you stay for free."

"Good." growled Kaiba "Because I would pay to spend the night here if it were the last inhabitable place on earth."

"All quite understandable, this place wasn't built for young people like you, after all, but it'll do, it'll do, just for the night, then you can call a ride out of this "barren wasteland" and be on your way. Here are the keys to your rooms, but, of course, you'll have to sign in here." he said, pulling out another book.

Bakura started to ask why that book instead of the one on the counter, but since the man was being so ...er... call it generous, he decide not to bother, and signed his name on the page. The ink glowed for a brief moment in a flash of lightning, but after the flash, the ink looked normal again. He turned to each one of them and offered it to them. Otogi hesitated.

"If it's for free, then why do we have to sign in?"

"Oh, just for the record keeping, must keep track of all who stay in my hotel. Local mandates, insurance issues. It's alright. You only have to sign here."

Otogi looked reluctant, but decided that one foot was already in the lake, he might as well go in for it.

After signing in, they started to walk up the stairs. By this point, however, Shana was quivering like a pile of hyperactive jello. "I wanna go home, I wanna go home, I wanna go home..." she whispered.

Jounouchi turned around on the stairs in order to face Shana. "Look, I am not going to put up with your blubbering for another minute, so could you just chill?"

"Just up the stairs and to the left. Thank you.." The mysterious receptionist's voice trailed off, leaving them with a moment of silence. After Meiko thought "This is stupid, when are we going to do something?", they eventually started up the stairs again. Once to the top, Jounouchi and Honda began talking about the hotel guy.

"I officially give that guy my "100%, certifibly a loony" award. No hands down."

"So you finally found someone loonier than you, Honda?"

"It's not that, it's someone whose loonier than you, that's saying something."

"You mean you gave me your "100%, certifibly a loony" award?"

"Actually, it went to Kaiba first, but that guy's crazier than Kaiba."

Kaiba, meanwhile, was totally ignoring Honda and Jounouchi, and was instead telling Mokuba to hurry up as Mokuba coaxed Shana up the stairs.

"Come on, Shana, it's not that bad."

"Yes it is!"

"No, it's not!"

"I'm not moving!"

"Fine! See if I care! See if my brother cares if the carnivorous zombies get you!"

Suddenly, Shana was convinced to go up-stairs. She rushed up the stairs, and stayed close to Mokuba.

"Man, Shana, are you a seventh grader or a second grader?"

"I'm smart."

Otogi, on the other hand, was totally oblivious to their conversation, and was paying more attention to "Yugi" talking to "Bakura".

"So, Tombrobber, are you enjoying this place?"

"Doh. I'bb alergic do muld. Nob even de muthiest tombb had muld like dis."

"You know, you sound funny when your nose is stopped-up."

"Shud up, pharoh boy."

"How in the world can you rob tombs if you're alergic to mold?"

"Der ith no mold in Egyptian tombths, you dinny."

"I'm a what?"

"A dinny. Dimbrod! Dimbcompoop! Thaths wad I meand! You doh wad I mean, you dumby pharoh!"

"You shouldn't call me a nimcompoop if I'm the pharoh."

"You dond wan te be pharoh endy more ib I'm goink to call yew a dimcompoop? Find! I'b pharoh!"

"I never said I didn't want to be the pharoh any more, you nimcompoop!"

"Yew shouldn't call de pharoh a dimbcompoop, yew dumby ex-pharoh!"

They were all set up to get into a Shadow Game over Yami-Yugi's position as pharoh when Anzu broke it up by showing them their seperate rooms. Yugi and his Yami were sleeping in room 112 with Jounouchi and Honda. Ootogi, Meiko, and Bakura were stuck with Mr. Tombrobber; Anzu was forced to share a room with Shana, and Kaiba shared a room with Mokuba. They all were so exhausted, they barely had time to say "Good Night." before flopping down. Well, Ootogi wasn't too tired to make sure Bakura's Yami was absolutly asleep (and tied up with sheets) before he went to sleep (A fine line between exaustion and stupidity.) Or, maybe it was stupidity that made them spend the night at that hotel. Or maybe just dumb luck.

*Five minutes later*

"Hey! That guy never showed me where the bathroom was!"

"Shut up and go to sleep, you camel-dog!"

*Silence, followed by snoring, then grumbling.*

Yodel: Weellllll......since Swishy is currently doing her homework, you going to have me for the commentor instead. Lucky you! *smiles and glomps Shaadi* I am oh so much better at doing comments then doing fanfics!

Shaadi:*gasp*

Yodel: You know Shaadi, I am seriously considering making you my fave. Yu Gi Oh character. It would be fun!

Shaadi: NO! *makes face*

Yodel: And because I'm here, we have a special friend here for you today.

Yami Bakura:*Verbs: 1. glares at Yodel 2. glares at readers. 3. eyes Shaadi's millennium items. 4. makes random hissing noises*

Shaadi: *eats green jello while backing off*

Yodel: Such nice verbs....

Shaadi: You lie! They are not nice verbs.

Yami Bakura: Shaadi? I need to borrow some of your blood to paint my fingernails with. Do you have any?*approach*

Shaadi: You're not using it to paint your filthy tombrobber nails, are you? *backs away*

Yami Bakura: No, I need it to live! I am a vampire! *points at spontaneously appearing fangs* See? And I need some to make the review too.

Shaadi: Why can't you use her blood?!?!?

Yami Bakura: Because it's made of plasma and random shards of the Master Emerald.

Shaadi:....

Yodel: I am probably dead. Review or I will come back from the dead as an evil, carnivorous camel-dog, and steal Bakura away so none of you can have his pretty but deranged Yami.

Yami Bakura: !