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||| I Should Have Known |||
by: Kinomoto Touya

Rating: G - General Patronage
Disclaimer: Again...I do not own Card Captor Sakura, they are owned by CLAMP. All rights reserved.
Author's Notes: Ehehehehe...thanks again for the reviews. Glad that at least someone in this world read my stories. About 'Stars'...I already came up with a perfect ending...just wait and see. I am sure you've noticed that my quotes all came from Boys Be. Well...they are nice, my inspiration for my stories ^_^.

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"I'm used to the sound of the clock.
It's like a freezing wind, relentless and chilling.
When I lie in bed, I'm unable to go to sleep.
Out of nowhere, I'll have this feeling.
I want to cry... It is despair...
That feeling of helplessness, of sadness.
The black hole in the depths of my heart.
I heard that it can be defined as loneliness.
It is here."

-Kyoichi, Boys Be...

Chapter Three: The Way to Loneliness

And I thought, everything would be fine.

But no! How I hate myself.

I wonder if ever reverse time. The time wherein Tomoyo was about to give me the tickets. The time when I was so thrilled to death because I could finally see Li Xiao Lang. I want to reverse everything that happened for I want to turn back her present. Because if I didn't accept her present then I shouldn't have met him. My life wouldn't change like this and I wouldn't feel this way.

Whew! I do not know what to say first. My heart is overflowing with feelings. I just want to burst just about right now. I didn't think that I'd feel hardship within me. Look at me, I am twelve...very young and very naive. A normal student. A simple girl with endless dreams.

Yet now...look at me, I am such in a big dilemma.

When Li Xiao Lang placed me in his heart, I felt warm. A familiar feeling then overpowered me. I felt---accepted. It is not that Kaho-oneesan didn't accept me as a part of the family. She loves me like her own sister and like her daughter, if she have one. But the acceptance I felt is different. In fact, it cannot be explained. However, in his presence, infinite happiness.

In television dramas and novels or shoujo romantic mangas I've watched and read, people who portrayed to feel that way said that they feel love. I used to believe in them before but they are just acting and fiction stories cannot be trusted because some authors themselves never felt love as well. I know since people like Yuu Watase, prolific writer and author of romantic mangas like Fushigi Yuugi and Ayashi no Ceres is still single yet her stories were about infinite love that could pass dimensions of time and space.

Or how about CLAMP? They are very good shoujo manga artists, too. But if they are all female, how come they know what 'yaoi' is?

Now that I've thought about it, can real love be just imagined and not felt?

Hahaha...now that is hard.

What is the real thing that happened to me? I am so sorry with lots of 'irrelevant' things happening in my head. I mean that is human.

Well, um...it happens like this. He held me tight behind me then he released me after a while (maybe he is already tired with my back, I could only guess) then stared at my eyes---deeply.

After that he whispered something...I didn't understand what did he said but he placed my hands around his neck and he placed his hand on my hips. And we kind of slow danced under the pale moon hiding behind the night's dark clouds. There is no music, but the soft night spring breeze murmured a beautiful love song only lovers can hear...okay, my imagination is a little wild that moment nevertheless...

God, that was ssssssoooooooo romantic...better than any films the world had ever scene!!!

But...I only thought that it was romantic, in fact it is not! Not! Not! Not!

Behind my ear he softly said, "Xiao Huan, you are here again..."

Simple six worded sentence ruined me---my entire moment, my entire life!!! My heart then felt that it is being pinned by thousands of rusted nails---worst than being crucified.

Everything was like, 'Oh my Lord, I wanted to cry!!!'. Call me stupid or what but I just replied gently, "No, Xiao Huan isn't here. But for sure she is watching you in the most beautiful place beyond human's imagination. You---you will meet her again someday..."

Every word released in my mouth is the truth but that is not what I really wanted to say. It hurts a lot when you want to say something but feel that you cannot possibly say because...um, simply because...

You don't have any reason but you feel it is the wrong thing to do.

Okay, that sucks a bit but that is the only reason to explain this.

Stand in my place and just imagine this scene: Here you are slow-dancing with the man---um...boy you are falling in love with then suddenly in your 'fairy tale' moment, she mentioned a name of a girl and that name isn't yours. Then suddenly you will feel lonely and cold and even helpless despite the fact that the person is still there in your arms. What the heck will you do?

Whoever this Xiao Huan must be truly lucky, having a boy like Li Xiao Lang falling for her, I mean. May she rest in peace in heaven where I guess, even though I never even met her, she belongs.

The door of the school's roof then bursted opened.

"SAKURA-CHAN!" a dread cry I then heard. "I knew I could find you here again. You must--"

It is Kaho-oneesan! She then saw me with Xiao Lang slow dancing and all!

I pushed Xiao Lang away and clarified (blushing, I tried my best to hide my blush though), "No! It is not what you think, Kaho-oneesan! I can explain everything! In full details if you want. I promise I didn't---"

"There is not time to explain---" she snapped.

Mischievously she added, "There is no need to explain Sakura, I've already understood everything."

I really tried my best but my cheeks just went red. Okay, so I've been caught red handed however when I looked at Xiao Lang he seemed to be blushing too. I think, or maybe it is just my short and weird brain wave.

"It's not what you think---" I defended myself but then she cut my explanation short.

"Okay, okay...I am just kidding," she was lying---I could see it in her playful eyes. She continued, "We need to leave Tokyo immediately!"

"WHA-AT?" I stood there in shock.

"Just about everyone is looking for that boy," she gave Xiao Lang a look. "Um...can he speak in Japanese?"

"I can," he simply replied.

"Good," she gave him a sweet smile. "Now let us go. Leave him."

"But what is happening?" I asked. Everything had gotten so wrong.

"We are being wanted by the Tokyo and Hong Kong police," she hurriedly told us. "For 'kidnapping' that boy."

"'Kidnapping?'" Xiao Lang and I chorused. "What kidnapping?"

"Kidnapping Xiao Lang," she replied impatienty.

"But I didn't kidnapped him," I desperately said. "He is the one who took me away..."

"By mistake," he added.

"Of course I know," Kaho said, seemed a little enlightened. "But the news as well as some people exaggerated it. The latest banner headline in NHK news is: 'Hong Kong pop idol, kidnapped by a twelve-year old fan!' For God's sake, I know Sakura couldn't have done it."

So I was just a mistake. And what...I am kidnapping someone at this early age? I felt more terrible than ever but I didn't speak a word.

"Then you must return, Li Xiao Lang," Kaho-oneesan begged in her knees. "Sakura's as well as mine's wouldn't be turned to normal. Please! Explain everything that happened."

"I will," he bowed his head. "I'll explain it in national television if you want." he turned his eyes to me, "I am so sorry, Kinomoto-san for causing you all his trouble."

"Uh..."

What on earth would I say? I mean, what is still there to say?

Suddenly lights, cameras, facts-hungry media people as well as a flock of policemen then all bursted out of the door. We are now found! I do not care how did they do it but we are found!!!

I jerked back, I have never been surrounded by so many people. And especially cameras. Same goes with the policemen. Kaho-oneesan also jerked back. We are both neophytes in everything insane happening now.

in spite of this, Li Xiao Lang walked---proudly and very bravely.

Really, what a man he is.

"Silence," he commanded with a very strong voice. Then everyone followed him; all eyes and ears were also given to him.

"This girl," he placed his arm on my shoulders and gently pulled me in front for all the people (and cameras) to see. "Didn't do anything to me. I took her."

Questions then formed and blasted upon the media people's mouth.

"Why did you took her?"
"Is that true that she is your long lost Japanese girlfriend?"
"Did you do something to her?"
"Did she do something to you?"
"Are you two engaged already?"
"Why, how come?"

...at least those were the questions I have heard. At least a thousand more were then questioned. Ooooooh...this are literally driving me crazy. And engaged? I am only twelve---that is not even legal to have a student's driver license...

So this is the world he is living, struggling in. Before, I dreamt to be a famous sportswoman or maybe a famous writer, but now...

Thanks be to the Lord, I am not born famous. Luckily, I am just some face in the road but at least I am happy. i am free. I can do whatever I want in this world without anyone asking me why.

"It is not what you think," he said. Hearing his voice, the journalists and police then became quiet. What a miracle worker, he is.

"I..." he started with a tone of hesitation. "I have a reason, but...but I do not think I have to tell you about it. I have a personal life you know."

He turned into me, his eyes sparkled with some sort of loneliness. He held my hand and whispered, "Sakura, thank you. You are my only friend in this world and even if we were together for a short period of time, you made me very happy."

Oh, I could hear blood rushing into my ears. This is farewell.

"Now, don't look sad," I fakingly smiled as a big vein in my heart twist. "This is not like the end of everything, Xiao Lang," I reached a paper in my pocket. In that paper, I wrote my poem for him. I am supposing I could at least give him this poem. Of course, who would expect that my night would end up like this.

"Here," I handed him my poem in his left hand then I curled his hand into a fist. "Not much but..."

"Thank you," he smiled, his face broke into a joyous, true smile.

"Master Li...we better be going," an old yet kind-looking man in tuxedo said.

"I better go," Xiao Lang murmured. He look upon the rest of the crowd. "Please, do not disturb and ask her anything."

He walked with the man, as the media, the police and the lights disappeared slowly in the darkness with him. I was left all alone with Kaho-oneesan who held my hand tightly.

I felt so empty. Like a big part of me was taken away. My dream is not over.

Goodbye, Xiao Lang.

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Find Me
Amidst the lights and your glory,
Amidst all everyone who look upon you,
Amidst the happy and the sad story,
Amidst there, you will find me.

I barely exists in you.
You do not even know me,
I, myself do not know you.
But somewhere behind, I exists,
Hoping that you will find me.

In your songs, I am its soul,
In your room, I am its wall.
Is it too much to ask,
While you are at the end of the world,
I am at heaven's start.
Is it too much to ask...
Find me, find me, amidst your heart.

Hi, Li Xiao Lang,

My name is Kinomoto Sakura. I am twelve (and about to be thirteen soon!) and I've been a fan of yours since i first heard your song, 'Summer Day is Raining'. I think you are such a good person inside although I do not really know you personally. Anyway, it is enough for me for you to have read this paper. I am greatly honored.

Bye!
Sakura

I finished reading Sakura's poem and letter for me while the concert heads and my managers are planning for my concert again (according to them, it would be tomorrow, I am not that sure.). Of course, I won't run away from it again, unless there is again a Kinomoto Sakura who would be standing there outside my concert, waiting for me to come...

How I wish, that would really happen.

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Author's Notes: Yippee! I finished a chapter in the middle of my final exams. I am so happy because I find my finals in Trigonometry easy (more or less, the rest of my subjects isn't bad either. I am not sure with Mathematics, though.). This chapter isn't just about Sakura and Xiao Lang but about my random thoughts about love as well. Yeah, I am quite annoying in thoughts, basing above.
Now that you are here, please do review. I really, really love reading your reviews/comments. It can really help me in writing.

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